


Salvage

by WhistlingBirds



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: A lot of hair touching, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Big-ol'-softy Kylo Ren, But he's still brutal to others, Cheesy and Fluffy (just how I like it), Cuddling with Kylo, F/M, Fluff, Fluffy Kylo, Good Boy Sweater, Happy Ending, I make up a lot of things about the Star Wars universe, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Mostly Canon Compliant, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Kylo Ren, Romance, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Soft Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, but with a, cute kylo, shameless flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 121,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22662466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhistlingBirds/pseuds/WhistlingBirds
Summary: You fall asleep in a "mystery spot" boutique hotel in Manhattan and wake up in the Supreme Leader's private quarters aboard the Finalizer.You know nothing of him or the First Order.  Why is he so intent on keeping his secrets?A big-ol'-softy-Kylo story.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 542
Kudos: 1084





	1. Arrival

The beds in this place are ridiculous. It's one of those hipster Manhattan boutique hotels whose gimmick is that it'd been a mystery spot from the 1800s. They must have used that as inspiration for these wooden planks they're making you sleep on. A little strange since you hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable you’d been before falling asleep next to your best friend. The very one who'd talked you into staying here.

It's also cold and damp and a little creepy and your best friend must have left all the lights on because it's bright behind your eyelids. You turn onto your side, hips digging into the solid bed and finally, just giving up on sleep, you open your eyes. But instead of the gloomy little Victorian room, it's stark white. The walls, the high ceilings, the floor- everything is white and glossy like plastic. 

It's also freezing and you're on the floor, not a mattress, behind a low, grey couch. You look around as best as you can from this vantage point and see that virtually everything is a shade. No color, except for a red stripe lining one of the walls.

You sit up, the world spinning, and gasp. It echoes around the huge space. There's a man sitting behind a white desk in front of a black painting that takes up the entire wall. He looks about as shocked as you'd sounded, staring as you sneak a peek from behind the couch. You look down, suddenly realizing that you're just in your pajamas. Your exposed legs prickle with goosebumps in the frigid air.

The man appears quickly before you, his long, dark hair feathering pleasantly around his face. He's attractive. You chastise yourself for noticing, but your mind is inexplicably drawn to him and that startles you. His wide brown eyes study your (most likely) horrified expression very carefully. 

You blink stupidly. 

His expression is completely neutral.

"How did you get in here?" He asks, face betraying absolutely nothing, that low voice setting your nerves alight.

You get up on your feet, bare and curling atop the cold floor. Your pulse has never been this quick in your entire life. He's tall, extremely so, and you have to tilt your head back all the way to look at his face. There's a faint scar from above his right brow, slicing diagonally across his right cheek to the side of his throat and beyond. It's silvery and has long since healed.

"Who sent you?" He tries again, taking a step forward and standing so close, you can feel his breath.

"No one," you whisper, trembling and confused. 

The man doesn't say anything and looks into your eyes as if he can see the entirety of your soul, all your fear. But you see something, in the corner of your eye. The black painting behind his desk moves. You lean to the left to get a better look and see something shiny move from the left side towards the center.

Disregarding the man and the apparent danger you're in, you step around him to the painting. And as you get closer, the shining object gets larger and continues to move across the wall. But it's not a wall, it's a window. And outside it's pitch black and there is a vehicle floating across. You're so close that your forehead touches the cool glass. Turning your head to the right, you see the edge of the building you're in. You gasp again, pulling back. 

You're on some type of craft, suspended in the dark, and it extends so far that you can't see the end of it.

When you turn back around, the man has turned to observe you but hasn't moved from the spot behind the couch.

He cocks his head slightly, "Who are you?"

You whisper your name to him, lips quivering at the corners.

"You're with the Resistance," he says and it's most certainly not a question. He's accusing you of something.

"The Resistance?" You ask, taking a few steps towards him. He doesn't move.

"Where is your base?" He presses.

There's a slight tingling in the back of your skull.

"My base?"

"What planet are you from?" He asks, the tingling persisting. You take another few steps closer, drawn to that strange feeling.

"Planet?"

In a fraction of a second, his stoic facade drops and he looks extremely irritated, his eyes narrowing and hands clenching into fists by his side. You don't advance any further.

"Your act of ignorance isn't going to work, girl. Tell me how you got into my quarters," he demands and the weird tingling intensifies. Your brain finally comes to the conclusion that you may be in space. _In space. Is he an alien? Is that what aliens look like? Like us? Are you experiencing first contact? Oh my god- was that expensive hole of a hotel really a mystery spot?_

"Enough," he says and the tingling abruptly stops. For some odd reason, you kind of miss it. He closes the distance left between the two of you. Your neck strains again. 

He gives you the strangest look. You're so concentrated on his expression, that you fail to notice his right hand coming up toward your face. You flinch hard and stumble back, tripping over the side of the couch, but catch yourself before you tumble to the floor. The man's lip threatens to quirk up as if he's hiding his amusement.

You're so freaked out that you're not yet afraid and he's... entertained. You sigh and plop onto the couch, giving up, your arms crossed. There's no way you can handle a situation like this. You're just a regular person. Besides, there's no way this is real.

Regardless, you're a little disappointed by how easily you're surrendering, dream or not. You'd thought you'd be more of a fighter. But you suddenly feel drained and dizzy. You're weak and really tired.

To your surprise, the mystery man takes a seat next to you and you turn your whole body towards him. If you're giving up, you might as well do it completely. You never do things halfway, anyway.

"Where are we?" You ask, feeling that foreign feeling in your head again.

"On the Finalizer." 

"Please don't tell me the Finalizer is a space ship." The tingling intensifies and turns into poking. You shut your eyes, "Ow!"

It stops suddenly. 

He leans in and you lean back, not breaking eye contact.

"Will you let me see something?" He asks and your brow furrows. The low hum of alarm bells start to sound in your head.

"See what?"

"Your mind."

You jump up from the couch and put both hands on the sides of your head, as if that'll stop any telepathic intrusions, "Okay, no. No." There were drugs in that Victorian dinner and you're having psychedelic dreams.

"Is that an 'okay' or is that a 'no?'" The man asks, watching you, eyes gleaming mischievously.

"Is that what you were doing? That tingling in my head?"

"Yes."

You snort, "Well, it hurt. So, no."

He actually smiles then, lips curled, but no teeth, "I thought you missed it when I retreated."

_How did he-? Smug bastard. Why did you miss that feeling?_

"Well, but then it hurt," you get defensive, "so I don't want you to."

"I can make it painless," he says, "I just need to know who you are. That you really don't know how you got here."

There's something in his eyes, a longing, a _hope_ , that makes you want to say "yes."

You sit back down but don’t want to give him an answer right away. Your whole life you've trusted no one. Even blood can stab you in the back, trick you, pretend they love you. 

His gentle gold-flecked eyes study you intensely. You can't just trust him. A crazy person who thinks they can read your mind. _What if this is an illusion? Some hallucination? And you're still at that spooky boutique hotel? What if it was run by serial killers and they use the hotel to lure victims?_ Maybe you're actually restrained somewhere, kept prisoner, and drugged up. You could be in some damp cellar, for all you know, your mind conjuring up some handsome space prince.

"Do you always talk this much in your head?" He asks, disrupting your internal panic attack.

"Excuse me," you tell him, "but I'm freaking out right now." Your eyes widen. "Wait," you point at your forehead, "I thought you weren't in here yet."

"I'm not," he sits back a little, "but I can still pick up your thoughts without digging."

"Digging?"

All he says is, "It will be painless."

Internally, you shrug. Honestly you have nothing to lose. You have nothing but the pajamas you're wearing. For god's sake, you don't even have shoes. And if this man is going to kill you-

"I'm not going to kill you," he interrupts and his face twists into something unreadable. Something like regret or surprise, which confuses you even more.

"Okay," you say, finally, "you can look."

He nods before bringing his right hand up to your temple. His eyes are open and looking down into yours. The tingling starts again, but it stays a pleasant buzz. You don't feel anything like someone shuffling through your thoughts or memories. It just feels a little numb and very relaxing. It goes on for more than a few minutes and he cradles your head with his other hand when you slip back a little.

The tranquil feeling gradually leaves you and you take in a whisper of a breath.

"Where are you from?" The man asks in an entirely different tone than before. He looks as confused as you feel, the first time you see a genuine reaction from him. "How can this be?"

He stands up and runs a hand through his wavy hair, "You have-" he shakes his head, ridding himself of what he'd been about to tell you. Instead he says, "Earth. Only one planet inhabited?" 

You nod, "How many planets are inhabited here?"

"I don't know," he says, "thousands, at least."

"Thousands?" You feel like throwing up, "Do they all look like us?"

He chuckles then, but stops abruptly, as if catching himself doing something wrong, "No. There are many who aren't humanoid."

_Humanoid._

"Listen," the man starts, seriously, "this ship is dangerous."

You're not sure how to respond to that, but you feel dumb because you're not alarmed when you feel you should be. Something inside of you has calmed.

He continues in your silence, "You- if someone finds you." He takes a long pause, "They can't find you. You can't leave this room until we get back to base."

A chill brushes the back of your neck at his words, heart racing. You abruptly stand, survival instincts just now kicking in. You look around for something to use, but everything looks blunt and oddly smooth. There's a massive, open bedroom behind you and several other rooms with their doors closed on the opposite side. You've been shooting a few times, enough to know you're not terrible. _Maybe a knife?_ There's a small kitchenette near you.

"Stop," he commands before your right foot has even lifted off the floor. "You won't be safe anywhere else on this ship."

"Why? How do you know that?" Sweat prickles your forehead, even though you're deeply chilled.

"This is the First Order," he replies. "They're not known to be kind to..." he trails off for a moment, searching for words, "people whose origins cannot be explained."

 _What in the world is the First Order?_ He looks at you with wonder and you know he's heard you, but he doesn't answer the question. And you have a thousand other questions. _How will you get back home? If this is a spaceship, they can surely drop you off, right? But where are you, exactly?_ It can't be the same galaxy as yours. But there's something you suddenly have to know.

"What's your name?" You ask.

He stares at you for a moment before coming back over to you and sitting close as he'd done before.

"Ben," he says, his nostrils flaring subtly.

"Ben," you repeat. "What do you do on this ship, Ben?" 

You don't know what else to do but try and distract yourself now.

His brown eyes glance from one of your eyes to the other and he runs a hand through his hair again, a nervous tick. You like his hair. Ben stills and you remember that he can hear what you're thinking. Never in your life have you had to censor your own thoughts.

"I'm an engineer," Ben says, looking away for a second.

"What's the Finalizer for?" You ask, "Space missions?"

His lip ticks up, amused again, "Yes, space missions. Which brings up a problem."

You look at him, rasing a brow, as if saying, "go on."

"This is an extended mission- dropping by several planets, offering the security of the First Order," his eyes dance over to yours. "We won't be returning to base for two more months. You'll have to stay here until then."

"And you'll keep me safe from..." you gesture your hands to what you assume is the door leading out to the rest of the ship.

"Yes. But you must stay in this room. This is important."

You wonder why it is you believe him. Sure, he can trust that you're not dangerous because he’s seen inside your mind. But you can't look inside his to see if he's a threat or not. Yet, there's something. He says it's dangerous outside, that you have to stay in here for a solid two months (with him, in his room) and it doesn't scare you. Something had changed, but you don't know what it is.

"Okay, I will, but," you pause, "do you promise you're telling me the truth? About this ship? About it being dangerous? That you won't hurt me?"

His word shouldn't mean a thing to you.

"I promise you," Ben says and you nod. There are tears blurring your vision. You're relieved- that anxiety, that panic you'd kept below the surface is bubbling up now. You look away and the tears fall. Yes, his words shouldn't mean anything to you, but they settle heavy in your chest.

Ben stands up, then, and walks through the main living area to the room directly across from the large bedroom.

"You can stay here," he opens the door and you get up, trying to subtly wipe those tears. 

Instead of looking into the room, you look up at Ben, because you've just realized what this man is doing for you. If you're to trust what he's said, he's willing to house you for two months and keep you safe. Maybe even help you get back home.

"Are you sure you're okay with me staying here?" You twirl the hem of your sleep tee between your fingers, very nervous, "I won’t get in your way. You won't even know I'm here."

"Don't worry about it," Ben says and you can't help but smile, teeth and all. 

You don't think you've ever meant the words more when you say, "Thank you." On instinct, you wrap your arms around him and he's stiffer than the floor you'd woken up on. _Okay, so no space hugs_. You let go quickly and he nods once before walking away.

The bedroom isn't as big as the other one, but it's still very spacious. It has an en suite and the entire room looks like it's never been occupied. The walls inside are dark grey with a big bed to match. You turn back around to the opened doorway. There's no door and you try to think back to how Ben had opened it a moment ago. You'd missed it, vision too blurry to make anything out.

Ben's footsteps sound in the distance, so you peek outside, across the living area. He walks over to the bed in the big bedroom and gathers the comforter. When he turns back around, you speedily move out of view.

He appears in a moment and you watch as he spreads the thick blanket over your bed. 

"Won't you be cold?" You ask. There will probably only be sheets on his bed now and it's so, incredibly cold.

"I'll be okay," he says, looking at you for a fraction of a second. It’s looks like he wants to tell you something, almost desperately, but thinks against it.

"If you push this button," Ben says, pointing to a glowing blue button on the frame of the pocket door, "the door will open and close."

You nod, "Thank you, Ben. For everything."

He nods in return, "Goodnight."

You watch him leave and you whisper, "Goodnight,” long after he’s left.

Suddenly, you're exhausted. Not only had you been awoken in the middle of the night, you're on a space ship. In space. In some other galaxy. And some hot space prince has promised to keep you safe from space danger. You're probably going to wake up soon in that damp hotel because this has to have been a dream.

You align the comforter and pull the sheets back to settle in.

"Oh my god," you say quietly to yourself as you slowly melt into the cloud underneath you. _Dream_ s _pace mattresses are awesome._


	2. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blankets, fancy bathrooms, and a new friend.

When you wake up, you feel like there's someone in bed with you and your eyes snap open. They're dry and irritated and you're still cold, even piled underneath the heavy comforter. You're entire body feels like all the moisture has been sucked out of it. You're parched.

You haven't woken up in that dreary hotel, like you'd thought last night- you're still on the ship. In Ben's guest room.

There isn't anyone in the bed with you, _thank the lord_ , but you can't figure out why you'd thought that. The lights are out, but the eerie silver glow coming in from the windows make everything visible in shadow. 

It must be _starlight._ You're in awe.

You sit up, still snuggled up with the blanket and gaze out the window, hoping to see another space craft passing by. You take in a breath, and for some reason, it feels weird. Like it's not air. And then you realize that it's not because _where are they going to get air in the middle of space_?

But it's something else, too. Something warm and rich like a pine forest and fresh like snow. Something dark, but pure and bright. Then you look down to the blanket tucked under your chin and take in a deep breath through your nose. 

It's the comforter. Ben had taken it off his own bed to give to you and it smells like him. _But why did it make you feel like someone else was there?_ It's the most bizarre feeling.

Softly glowing numbers above the nightstand read: 0450. You collapse back into the mattress, hand in your hair. Your thoughts drift to your best friend again. 

_What would she think happened to you when she wakes up in the morning and you're not there? And your parents? Your dog?_

You cover your mouth with both hands and silently sob, your throat constricting and your insides aching. The emotions are so sudden, it startles you. _Will you ever even be able to go back home? What if you're so far away that your home doesn't even exist here?_

Choking on an inhale, you turn away from the stars outside and eventually tire yourself out from crying.

+++

When you wake up again, the lights are on, dimly. Your nose is stuffed up and your throat is terribly sore. The clock reads: 0715, but outside the windows, it looks as it had the night before. 

On the nightstand, though, is a large black tablet.

When you pick it up, the screen lights up. It's lighter than your iPad and the screen looks almost three dimensional, it has so much depth. The screen flashes some kind of red insignia before another screen appears. 

A blue rectangle pops up and it looks like a texting window. It reads, "Left for my shift. Breakfast is on the table."

Your first instinct is to smile at the kindness. But, quickly, your second is to wonder why a stranger is being so nice. You'd been more okay about this situation yesterday, when you'd thought it was all a dream and that you would wake up soon. 

Suddenly, you're freaking out. _What's in the breakfast? Why would he help you?_ Your mind always goes there so fast. You like to think it's because you aren't entirely stupid. But then again, you've fallen asleep (twice) in Ben's room. A room you'd been told not to leave. _Christ. Oh my lord_.

The next breath you take is so deep, it rips at your lungs. 

Then you notice a black bundle at the foot of the bed. You have to stand up to get to it and the chill returns quickly without the blanket to protect you.

It's a black sweater, oversized and quilted for warmth. You take it with you through the archway to the bathroom and when you step in, the lights turn on. You could use a shower, if only to use the steam to re-hydrate your skin.

The en suite is bright white and luxurious. There's an empty walk-in closet and an enormous tub and a glass shower. 

The sink's mirror is lit up and the vanity has several colorful bottles lined up- the only colors in the entire place. 

After taking a towel from a nearby stack, you undress and walk into the shower. But you don't know how to turn it on. After figuring out how to use the little touch pad built into one of the tiles, pleasantly warm water envelopes you. There's shampoo and soap and every other thing you'd need and you almost cry again at how familiar it is.

Afterwards, you do your best to slather on lotion to combat the utter dryness you still feel. It doesn't help much, but it's better than nothing. 

The pajamas you'd arrived in will have to do and you pull on the quilted sweater for a little extra warmth. You doubt you'll ever get used to the seeping cold of space.

+++

It's been ten minutes since you've uncovered the lid to your breakfast tray. You're sitting on the grey couch, staring down at the coffee table. There are several plates and bowls, most holding things you've never seen in your entire life. The bowl of fruit is beautiful and frightening. There are neon pink and green blueberries, translucent blue cubes (that had actually grown into that shape), and slices of a bright purple citrus.

In another bowl, is a steaming crystal clear broth. There is one familiar looking plate with bread placed beside two sausage links and scrambled eggs. A glass of milky blue liquid sits next to what smells like a mug of coffee. Your gaze returns to the sausage and eggs. _What animal is this from? And that pretty, blue milk? Whose milk is that?_

You shrug. You're hungry. After sliding down to the floor, you dig in.

+++

You wonder what you're supposed to occupy your time with when you're stuck in someone's private residence without them. There's, of course, nothing new to see out the windows. And just as you're about to get up off the couch, the front door whooshes open and you nearly shriek.

It opens up to a glossy, black hallway and a shining platinum robot enters with a small cart. It has a rounded head and its body looks to be designed after the average man. Their armored plates are broken up into sections at its joints and their eyes glow white around black pupils.

"Do not be alarmed," they say, voice mechanical and low, "I was informed to tell you that I mean no harm and am only here to clean."

"Oh," you say, still struck dumb, "okay, thank you."

"You are welcome," they say, stepping very close to you, making you freeze. But they reach down to the coffee table to clear away your breakfast tray.

"Thank you," you say again before scurrying back to your bedroom.

You wonder, for a moment, if it's safe that the robot knows you're in here. But, honestly, there's not a thing you can do about it.

You've only just realized that you're one hundred percent helpless here.

Not knowing what else to do, you pick up the tablet to see if you can find their version of the internet or some kind of database where you can find out more about this First Order. 

If you're to be stuck here... you sigh at the thought.

The robot's surprisingly light footsteps can be heard as he cleans around the main room, so you take a quick peek through your open doorway. He's spraying and drying all the surfaces, leaving things as dust-free as they had been before. 

He walks into your room and says, "Please excuse my presence," as he strips the bed and collects the towels you've used the night before from the bathroom. You can't stop your wide-eyed stare from following him.

Having returned again to the couch, you watch curiously as he goes through the other rooms. There's a study and another room that's almost empty, save for a mat in the center. 

The final room, he leaves alone. 

+++

Sitting at the vanity, you look around for something to secure your hair. There's a white rectangular box that hadn't been there before. The robot must have left if for you, but you can't imagine why. 

It also has no clear opening to it and you turn it around in your hands, trying to figure it out. By chance, you slide your finger across the top edge and it pops open like a clamshell.

Inside, there are what you assume to be cosmetics and toiletries. You find some small elastic bands, lip salve, _thank the heavens_ , some futuristic-looking eyeliner, and other makeup.

You've always been one to have a routine. It regulates you, comforts you. And it's only been a day, but you feel like you're losing control of your life.

If you ignore everything else about this place, you can imagine you're sitting at your own table, finishing up your makeup and fixing your hair for the day. So, you dig through the box and try to make youself look like _you_.

But your shoulders slump when you're done. No amount of pretending can get you to stop worrying. 

Your best friend must have woken up by now and she knows you're not there. _Are the police investigating? Will they even find any trace of where you'd gone?_ Your parents will be devastated. _Can they cope with it? Will they survive it?_

You walk away from the mirror, shaking your head, dispelling all those worries you have no control over. Hanging in the walk in closet, you notice, are several sets of clothes. All black. 

There are several pairs of leggings, long sleeve tees, a quilted coat... and a neatly pressed uniform jacket.

You take a pair of leggings and change them out for your shorts. With those and the quilted sweater, you're almost comfortable now. Your hands clasp together with glee when you find some socks, too. There are shoes as well, but you didn't see Ben wearing any, so you leave them.

You pick up the tablet and make your way back to the living area. You nearly have cardiac arrest when you see Ben sitting on the couch. Your head spins with slight vertigo. He really must enjoy freaking you out, if his look of subtle delight means anything. You snort a laugh at your own sad vulnerability.

"Hi, Ben," you say and gesture to yourself. "Thanks for clothes. They're perfect."

He nods as a reply and you notice he's wearing a sweater the same style as the one you're in, but it's not quilted. It's taken you far too long to figure out that he'd given you one of his to wear.

"I just wanted to," Ben gestures outwardly with his hand, "see if you were okay."

_Why does that statement make you sad?_

You clear your throat, "Of course I am." He doesn't look convinced. "I even saw a robot today."

"A robot?"

"Yeah," you plop down next to him, "he said he was here to clean stuff. And he brought me makeup and everything."

"They're called 'droids'" Ben says, amused again.

"Ah, yes, of course," you roll your eyes, the motion making you a little dizzy, "droids." 

You see two trays on the coffee table, "Did you take your lunch break to come check on me?"

"Oh," he looks away to uncover both lids, "my shift ended early today."

Ben looks pretty young, maybe in his mid thirties, but he must be pretty high up in the engineering department. His room is huge, he gets meals delivered, a robot (droid) comes to clean it, and his shifts seem flexible. 

You wonder what he's like at work and what the ship looks like beyond his quarters. _Are there more droids? Are there non-humanoid beings?_ This whole situation leaves you endlessly curious.

"What were those neon blueberries?" You ask and he raises a brow. "You know, those pink and green things? And what were those blue cubes and that purple orange?"

"Purple orange?" Ben repeats. You look down at the new trays and there aren't any repeats of this morning to show him.

"Don't look at me like that," you say, fighting a smile. He's got that glint in his eyes again, like he's laughing, but only on the inside. _How_ _cute._

"Like what?" He asks.

"Like I'm funny."

He snorts and says, "You are funny," before reaching over to grab the tablet in your lap. "Here, look."

Ben touches the lower left corner and several more squares pop up. They look like mini film posters. He clicks on one that looks like a children's movie- colorful and lively.

What you assume to be an e-book opens up. There are illustrations of animals with names in an unfamiliar script. Ben swipes his finger across the screen and the pages flip, revealing fruits, trees, and other basic things.

"What's sad is that I know this book is for babies and I still can't even read what it says underneath those pictures." You chance a look at Ben. _Wait, how do you understand Ben then?_

After a second, he says, "Close your eyes."

You do as he says and feel the edge of his palm press to your temple. It's warm and tingly again and you can't help but smile. His touch leaves you light-headed and your mind floats away for a moment.

"Okay," he says, and releases you. Ben nods to the e-book. When you take the tablet back, you can now decipher the language. _But how?_ You flip back to the beginning. Underneath a drawing of a hulking animal, is the word "bantha."

Your lip trembles, "How?" You laugh, but your eyes are watering. This is the most amazing thing that's ever happened to you and you’d landed on a spaceship only hours ago.

"I just transferred some knowledge to you," Ben begins to eat, obviously trying to avoid the emotions you're showing. You don't try to reign them in; you won't hide them.

"Can everyone do that?"

A pause, "No." He leans closer to you and clicks back to the menu of books and chooses another one, indicating that you should read it. It's a serious-looking history book about the First Order. Exactly what you've been wanting to read. Ben looks a little weary, though.

"Can I ask you something?" You ask and the softest brown eyes latch onto yours. Ben nods for you to go ahead. 

"You looked through my memories." You're absolutely terrified to ask him, but you have to. "Does my Earth exist here?" 

You feel almost delirious, mind hazy and drifting from you.

"I've, uh," he looks away and that's answer enough for you, "looked and found a planet close to where your Earth would be. They're pretty similar in atmosphere."

Your silence prompts him to continue, "It's called Terra I."

_Where your Earth would be._

Your mouth twitches when you try to smile, vision fading around the edges "I guess you're stuck with me then, huh?"

You have the presence of mind to feel your head fall back before you black out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will our cute, little space prince do?


	3. Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guts, blood, and fluff.

You wake up to something cold pricking your inner arm. A droid is taking your blood and you tense up, an icy rush of panic taking over.

"It's okay," Ben says. He's sitting in a chair beside the bed.

The droid, this one covered in shining white armored plates, inserts the vial of your blood into a small device with an illuminated screen. 

"She is severely dehydrated, but otherwise healthy," the droid says, swiping through the information.

Ben dismisses the droid with a wave of his hand.

"You passed out," he says, lips curling at the corners. He's not even trying to hide it now. _What is so amusing about you_?

"You must think I'm the most pathetic person on Earth," you say, annoyed now. Yeah, _Earth,_ your lone inhabited planet that doesn't even exist anymore. Ben abruptly gets up and leaves the room. You sit up. Major vertigo. But you're not dizzy enough to miss the fact that you're in the big bedroom. _Did y_ _ou upset him?_

After a few moments, he returns with a fancy-looking clear container of what looks like water.

"It is water," he replies to your thoughts. "You need to drink this. There's more in the cooler."

After he hands you the container, he sits back down. The water looks unnecessarily pricey. Ben looks pensive. It seems like he's looking at you, but his mind is definitely elsewhere. Somehow, you know he's shuffling through what he'd seen in your mind last night. 

_How could a person store that much information? How much does he know about you?_ Well, enough to trust you alone in his room while he's at work, you guess.

"Drinking water is harder to come by here than where you're from."

"Oh," you say in understanding as you look at the opening of the bottle. There's the outline of an opening at the lip, but pressing the area doesn't do anything. You can feel Ben's curious gaze on you, but he says nothing. 

You think back to that box of makeup in the bathroom and you swipe your finger across the edge of the opening, and it retracts. You refrain from pumping your fist in the air at your (extremely) minor accomplishment. Beaming, you look at Ben, who's shaking his head in good humor.

"How long have you been an engineer on this ship?" you ask between sips.

"Ten years."

"Do you like it?"

He laughs then, a hint of teeth, "Sure. It's not bad." It's cute. He's cute. And you don't know how you know, but he was thinking about something else just then. It's that tingling feeling again. _What is that?_

You try to reach out to it, but the moment you feel something connect in your mind, the feeling rips away from you and disappears. But you want that feeling, though. It's right there and you're still chasing it.

A constant, dull beeping pulls you out of your own mind, "What is that?"

"Huh? Oh," Ben reaches into his pants pocket and retrieves a small, cylindrical device and the beeping gets louder. "I'll just be a second," he gets up and closes the wide bedroom door behind him.

You take that time to look around his room. There aren't very many personal items, and it's pretty minimal. To the left are two open doors, one looks like an enormous bathroom and the other looks like a closet. The bed still doesn't have a comforter on it, so you feel a little bad for taking the only one.

When the doors hiss open, Ben has your tablet and returns to the chair.

"Work emergency," his cheeks are tinted slightly pink and it looks like he's trying hard not to show his irritation.

"Are you okay?" You ask and Ben looks at you for a prolonged moment. He seems to be contemplating his answer.

He nods, "I have to leave for a few hours. There's an issue with a shuttle that's docked on a nearby planet that the First Order is trying to recruit."

That makes you curious, "How many planets has the First Order recruited so far?"

"Hundreds," Ben says as his little communication device beeps again.

"I'll leave you to it," you say, reluctantly getting up so he doesn't have to leave his own bedroom to take another call. 

He nods, "I'll return before dinner.'

+++

Dinner delivery and tray pickup had come and gone and still no Ben. He'd said it was an emergency, so maybe the issue is taking longer than anticipated to fix. 

He's probably fine, but you have this nagging feeling that you can't shake. You have no way of contacting him, though, so you have no choice but to wash up and tuck yourself in.

Your body jolts awake like someone's prodding you. Something's wrong. The feeling is distant, though, a hollow ache in your chest. The clock reads: 0330. 

The lights haven't brightened on their own yet and you don't know how to turn them up, so you stumble out of bed in the near dark and into the living area. Ben's bedroom door is open and the bed doesn't look slept in, aside from how you'd left it earlier.

You press open the study and the bare room with no luck and when you get to the room the droid had avoided, there isn't a blue button. Instead, there's a large square pad. It's biometrically locked. You try anyway and the screen flashes red behind your palm.

Knocking on the door, you call Ben's name softly at first, then louder. You're met with silence.

He's only a little late, you think, trying to distract yourself from suffocating thoughts. Of course, the first place your mind goes is to that movie where some guy keeps a woman locked in a cellar because he's told her that the outside is a dangerous place (when it, most certainly, is not). 

Or that other movie where a woman is kept inside of a facility because she's told the outside is dangerous, but the world has actually been taken over by robots and she’s one of only two humans left. 

_And, come to think of it, there are totally robots here. At least two. And oh my god. Okay. Okay._

It hasn't even been a day. If he doesn't come back in a few hours, you'll venture outside. _Is that smart or stupid?_ You can't even tell the difference anymore.

You end up falling asleep on the couch with your tablet open to the children's book. The lights have brightened all the way when you wake up, so you know it’s been a few hours. 

It's completely silent. You're still alone. 

You change into the quilted coat and thick leggings, your pulse hammering in your chest. The boots seem pretty sturdy and there's a belt with hooks and loops like there should be weapons or tools hanging from them. 

Which brings yourself to your next task. If you're going to venture outside, you'll need something to protect yourself. Nerves are making your palms damp.

Ben's room is void of anything resembling a weapon. And the kitchenette's best defense is a butter knife. It _is_ sharper than the ones you have at home, but still far from ideal. 

You shake your head at yourself as you slide it into the underside of your belt. 

The very last thing you need is the will to actually leave this room. _Do you possess that will?_ The hall had looked dark. And scary. Not to mention, you'd promised Ben you wouldn't leave until the Finalizer had landed back on base. _But what if there is no base and it’s all been a lie?_ He could have charmed you into believing it.

Indecision had never been an issue for you until now.

You fetch your tablet instead of leaving and open up the history book. Maybe it'll help to know what you're walking into. 

It starts with the current regime and goes backwards in time. Needing to calm yourself down, you settle into your seat on the couch and start reading. 

Currently, the year is 34 ABY and the First Order is led by a Supreme Leader named Kylo Ren. _Where are the pictures in this thing?_ All you find is an artist rendering of Kylo Ren's helmet. Very menacing. 

You read that he'd come into position after killing the previous leader. _Right, of course._ Under Kylo Ren's rule, the First Order has made immense progress in recruiting planets for the First Order. But the more you read, it looks like they're just hostile takeovers and in some cases, the populations had been wiped out entirely. If the First Order needs the resources, they'll kill every living being to get it.

So, Ben was right. They wouldn't have sympathy for anyone. _But why did he?_ He was part of this military organization, likely pretty high up, too. _Did fate have you popping up in the room of the only kind person on this ship? Did luck ever favor you that much?_

As you continue, you learn that the regime's foundation is weaponization. The First Order is capable of destroying entire planets in seconds. _How is that even possible?_ Even worse, the Finalizer, the thing you're on, is equip to do so as well. 

That fucking mystery spot hotel transported you onto a killing machine.

It could be entirely possible that Ben truly wants to aid you in getting to safety. _But where is safe here?_ Most planets are under the First Order's rule. And no one can know who you are. Or aren't. Besides, a stranger's generosity can only stretch so far. Even if you survive this, in two months, you'll be on your own.

The front door whooshes open and you look up, expecting the cleaning droid, but it's not. Your tablet falls out of your lap when you stand and back away, further into the room. 

There are two figures standing in the doorway, one covered head-to-toe in white plastic armor (even a helmet) and holding a white rifle to match. The other is a man wearing a uniform like the one hanging in your closet. He looks just as shocked to see you.

_Did Ben send these men to kill you or help you?_

They step inside and you've backed all the way passed Ben's desk, to the huge window.

The unmasked one nudges the other, "The report didn't say he had a whore." 

_Okay..._

"Maybe we can sell her to The Resistance," comes a mechanical-sounding reply. "We could definitely get something out it, Xen."

"Grab her," the uniformed man, Xen, says before turning to you. You run into Ben's bedroom and hear booted footsteps chase you. You run into the closet and press the door shut. 

You're the dumbest person alive. You curse yourself. You've never had to use your instincts in this capacity before and you're finding out now that they're shit.

Not a second later, the door opens and the rifle is pointed directly between your eyes.

"Who needs brains when you're beautiful, right?" Xen mocks with a smirk, "Now, hold out your hands."

You silently decline and the rifle closes in, touching the skin on your forehead. With a sigh, you lift your hands. Xen promptly locks your wrists with white plastic cuffs, connected together with a short chain.

They sit you down on the couch and the armored man still has his gun trained on you. Xen goes over to Ben's locked room and pulls out a rectangular device with several wires hanging from it. Carefully, he places all the wires on one edge of the biometric screen.

"Hurry up," the mechanical voice says, "we're already behind schedule."

Xen stops what he's doing and turns completely to face you and his partner, all arrogant smiles, "Relax, Leo, he'll be distracted until at least tomorrow."

"You think they can keep him on that shit planet for that long?" Leo asks, frustration evident even through the mask. "Hurry. Up."

"If he thinks the girl is there, he'll stay to look for her," Xen says, and to your horror, instead of returning to the lock, he walks over to where you're sitting.

He ignores your best glare.

"Look at you," Xen moves in to touch your face and you sharply avoid it. "So feisty." He grabs your chin, harshly yanking your face up towards him, "Let's just keep her for ourselves. She's just my type." 

The fingers of his other hand stroke your cheek and your entire body freezes. Your face reddens with your growing anger. You’ve never been so disrespected in your entire life.

"We don't have time for this," Leo interrupts, _thank the gods_ , "get the scrolls."

Xen straightens his spine, "We taking her or not?"

Leo moves the muzzle of his rifle to your cheek and forces you to look at him. He studies you for a moment, "Yeah, let's take her."

You are absolutely not going anywhere with these two fools. If it's between these clowns and your space prince, the answer is obvious. But you're no fighter. They're both bigger than you and one has a gun. Damn Ben and his lack of weapons. 

"You like the sound of that, whore?" Xen asks you in a mockery of a sweet tone. "We'll sure as hell treat you better than he does." You’re about to slap that ugly smirk off his face, when you remember you’re cuffed.

You stand up and spit in his face instead, "Fuck you. I'm not a whore and I'm not going anywhere with you." Your shit instincts strike again. You're riding on impulse alone now.

"You-" Xen sputters, his hand raising to strike you. You lift your bound arms to block the hit and he stops in mid-air, "You little bitch." He pulls the link to the cuffs down and smacks your cheek hard with the back of his free hand. 

It stings like nothing you've ever felt before and you crumble to the ground, more from the shock of being hit for the first time than actual pain.

You guess this is it. The situation isn’t going to rectify itself. But if you're going down, one of them is going with you. Feigning more pain, you try to angle your cuffed hands to your belt and wiggle that butter knife free. Sadly, this is all you've got. _Just go for the dick. Go for the dick._

You grab the handle with both hands and strike up, directly into Xen's groin. Miraculously, the knife pierces through his pants, puncturing his upper thigh at an upward angle. He howls and wrenches back, the knife dislodging, still held by a death grip in your hands. Blood spurts like a high-pressured hose. Maybe luck really is on your side for once.

Xen screams and falls back onto the floor, staining it rapidly with red.

"What have you done?!" Leo screams, and you feel a searing hot pain on your left thigh before even registering the high-pitched whine. You scramble behind the couch, holding your leg tight. It's warm. Blood is seeping through your leggings. It looks like a laser has sliced right over you, a good chunk of skin missing about an inch wide across the entire side of your thigh.

You're deafened by that high-pitched sound again, laser fire bouncing off the surface just beside where you're crouched. _Laser guns?_ It seems like Leo’s debating whether to help his friend or kill you first. Leo growls in frustration and the shooting stops. 

In the silence, though, you hear the door whoosh open again. _Good lord._

You hear your name, loud and slightly panicked. It's Ben. He's come back and you're hoping he's here to save you. You feel that warm tingle in the back of your mind again. You reach and you reach and, this time, you're able to grab it and hold on. It's like a loose wire has re-connected. It surrounds you, relaxes you.

"What is this?" Ben demands. "Who are you?"

The door slides shut and you chance a look from behind the arm of the couch. Ben is standing on the other side and Leo is frozen to the spot in front of him.

"Talk," Ben says as he flicks his wrist and Leo's gun drops to the floor. Ben looks regal in his quilted black tunic and wide belt. He looks to the floor. The impostor is bleeding out, lying motionless on the floor near the coffee table.

Another flick and Leo's helmet is yanked off. It clangs to the floor, bouncing in blood and spattering it over the armor covering his feet. He looks older than you'd expected and it looks like he's struggling to take in air.

"I won't,” Leo sucks in a stuttered breath, "tell you. Anything." His eyes look red from the invisible strain he's under. Ben gives him an unimpressed look.

The floor around your feet is covered in your blood and you don't know if it's psychological or not, but you're starting to feel light-headed. Or maybe it's because you'd just killed a man. It hasn't sunken in yet, you're sure. There's definitely another freak-out on the horizon.

Leo's body lifts into the air as Ben raises his hand. The armored man screams like he's being tortured, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Ben closes his eyes in concentration for a few moments. 

Then Leo’s head is snapped around, nearly coming full circle, and you gasp. You pretend like you hadn't heard that sickening crack because you know that sound will echo in your mind for a very long time. 

Leo's body armor crunches as he lands on the floor, directly into the growing puddle of Xen's blood. You peek your head up higher now and catch Ben's eye. He looks furious. Hopefully, not at you. Those fools came in here on their own. Your vision fades around the edges and you don't have the confidence to stand up without blacking out.

"Are you okay?" Ben asks, crouching down beside you, his eyes widening as he sees the blood dripping from your wound. With a wave of his hand, your cuffs fall to the floor. He searches your face for something and he suddenly looks afraid. But you're relieved. You throw your arms around Ben's neck, exhaling a shaky breath. He actually hugs you back, not caring about the blood staining his clothes. 

He smells like pine trees and snow and sun. The comforting scent blankets you while you hang onto him, and that new buzzing connection, for dear life.

Ben's hand slowly comes up to cover your injury and he presses down, putting pressure on it, "This has to get looked at." But it hurts and you don’t want to move.

Ben turns you slightly, one arm underneath your legs, and lifts you easily. You try to stop him from putting you on the couch, "I- it's going to stain."

He snorts. "You're worried about a stain," he says, setting you down carefully.

"I'm delirious with blood loss," you say as drops his belt and takes his tunic off to bunch it up.

"Hold this down tight," he says, pressing the fabric to the side of your exposed thigh. Ben makes his way over to the main door, to a panel on the side. Somehow, he looks even more massive with just the long sleeve undershirt on. 

After a few clicks, he comes back, kneeling on the floor. He seems to be weighing something in his head.

Ultimately, he plucks the tunic off and places his hands inside the rip of your leggings, pulling them apart to tear a larger hole. Blood is steadily oozing out, slower than before but still actively. 

One of his hands covers the entire area, directly touching the gouge. His eyes are closed in concentration and you stare at his fluttering eyelids. _What in the world?_

When he opens his eyes, they're glittering. The pain has faded and you look down. Your skin has mended as if nothing had happened.

Your lip trembles in shock.

The door opens again, interrupting what you didn't know you'd wanted to say. But it's the droid that had taken your blood the other day, carrying a silver box. He sets it down beside you and promptly leaves.

When Ben swipes his finger across its seam, it hisses open, something like dry ice escaping. Inside are five syringes holding a blue liquid. 

"To prevent an infection," he tells you, and without another word, takes one and stabs it into your exposed thigh. You don't even have a chance to make a sound before he plunges it and takes it back out.

"So," he says, sitting back on his haunches, "what was that?" He points behind himself at the two bodies. 

As if you know why those two psychos broke in here.

"I-" you think back to everything that had just happened and it's too much, "I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Ben ❤


	4. Ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tears, feelings, and little notes.

Ben stares at you for a solid minute while you look anywhere but his face.  
  
"You. Don't know," he repeats, lips curling again and twitching like he's trying very hard to stop them. This is so not the time.  
  
"I do know," you say. "I don't know why I said that." You're obviously freaking out.  
  
"Freaking out?" Ben asks. And, _oh yeah_ , you forgot about that thing he can do. Adding to that, he can also kill someone without touching them and heal injuries like a wizard.  
  
"What's a wizard?"  
  
You're caught between a laugh and an indignant huff, "Stop doing that!" You look behind Ben's shoulder, "What are we going to do about the-" you gesture towards the bodies.  
  
"I've called someone to pick them up." _Why are there body pickups on this ship?!_  
  
"Are they dead?" You don't know why you're asking, you already know they are.  
  
Ben nods in the periphery of your vision. You can't stop looking at them on the floor. _You hadn't meant to kill Xen, right?_ Your first impulse when sensing danger had been to stab him, though. _That's not normal, right?_  
  
You ask, “Do you have super secret scrolls?"  
  
That gives him pause, "Is that what they were after?"  
  
You nod, "They tried to get into your locked room to get scrolls."   
  
Ben's not talking to you when he asks, "Why would the Resistance want those?"  
  
"They weren't from the Resistance."   
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"They talked about wanting to sell," your throat tightens, "other things to the Resistance."  
  
"Can I see?" Ben asks, reaching a hand up towards your face and you shake your head almost violently. But his hand keeps moving anyway, cupping your cheek. He's gentle, but your flesh stings and you're scared because you don’t want him in your head right now. But instead of the tingling of him entering your mind, your cheek feels cool and the pain disappears. He's healed where you'd been backhanded.  
  
"Thank you," you breathe out, "and thank you for saving me. For killing him."  
  
Ben's brows knit together for a millisecond, "You're welcome." His nose scrunches up adorably, as if he's never said those words before.  
  
"What's the Resistance?" You ask. "You thought I was with them when I woke up here."  
  
"They are a group opposed to First Order rule."  
  
"Why are they after you?"  
  
"I don't know." He's lying. _How do you know that?_  
  
"Do they have a lot of members?"  
  
"They're quite small," Ben looks confused.  
  
"Then why doesn't the Supreme Leader just get rid of them?"  
  
His brown eyes fill with mirth, "You've been reading."  
  
You nod, "They interrupted, though."  
  
Ben gets up and sits beside you on the couch, "How did you..." he trails off, but you know what he's asking.  
  
"Why don't you have any weapons in here? I thought this was a dangerous place." You don't really want to answer him.  
  
He runs a hand through his hair, bothered by not having control over your avoidance. He's cute when he's frustrated with you. “I don't really need any."  
  
Totally true, you think, he has those wizard powers.  
  
"I didn't see any combat training in your memories," he attempts to continue.  
  
"How do you keep all that data in your brain?"  
  
"Are you always like this?"  
  
"I'm in shock," you turn your newly healed body away from him. "I'm sitting next to dead people. I'm not in the mood for an interrogation."  
  
His hand lands on your shoulder, gently urging you to face him again, "Listen, it's just that- I know Xen. He's a mercenary, not easy to take down."  
  
You do turn, then, "You know him?"  
  
Ben heaves an cute little sigh.  
  
"Okay," you relent, "there’s nothing to say about it. It was just luck, nothing more."  
  
"What don't you want to tell me?" And as soon as that question leaves his mouth, his face twists, "Did he- did he touch you?"  
  
"What? No!"  
  
He's silent, looking over at Xen's body as if Ben could re-animate him just to be the one to kill the guy.  
  
"Ben, no," you poke him in the leg to grab his attention, "it's just that... when you didn't come back last night, I got scared and I thought... Well, this morning, I was going to leave the room to see what was outside. To see if..."  
  
"If I was lying to you," he finishes.  
  
"I looked around for something to protect myself with, but you had _nothing_ ,” you glare at him. “All I found was a butter knife."  
  
"A... butter knife," he throws his head back, then, throat dancing with laughter. You lean away from him, a little frightened by the outburst. "You're telling me you killed Xenieth Coolan with a butter knife?"  
  
Your eyes scan the floor and, spotting it, you point under the coffee table. Ben reaches down to retrieve it and holds it up. It's covered in drying blood.  
  
"It was dumb luck," you insist, "I somehow got his femoral artery or something."  
  
"You're a natural," Ben says, proud.  
  
 _A natural? A natural what? Killer?_ You shiver at the thought.  
  
Ben places a very warm hand on your arm, "Someone will be here in about a minute to clear the bodies. Wait in your room until I come to you."  
  
Right. You're not supposed to exist. _But how will Ben explain the bodies?_  
  
"Don't worry about it," he responds to your thoughts.  
  
+++  
  
While waiting for crime scene clean up to come and go, you notice that the doors are sound-proofed. You can’t hear a thing. _What's Ben's excuse going to be? Would he get into trouble?_ They _did_ break in and attack. _But... is that justifiable here?_ Maybe an organization that cruelly obliterates planets doesn't care about a couple of more dead bodies.  
  
There's a knock on your door and you tell Ben to come in. He stands in the doorway wearing a clean quilted tunic jacket and leather pants. He must have changed because of all your blood. You must look a sight. You feel disgusting, can still feel that creep’s hand on your face. _That little fucking-_  
  
“I thought you said he didn’t touch you,” Ben says and you flinch.  
  
“Don’t do that,” you whisper, unbid tears blurring your vision. "I don’t like that.” The sudden wave of emotion overwhelms you. You’d never had mood swings like this before.  
  
Ben springs forward. "I’m sorry,” he says and he reaches out to cradle the back of your neck. “I didn’t mean to- to-“  
  
“He wasn’t even going to kill me,” you say, tears falling freely. “He wanted to either sell me or keep me. I would have rather died.”  
  
You talk through Ben’s silence, “Why is this happening to me? What have I done wrong?”  
  
"Nothing," he says, gently squeezing your neck. "It'll be okay. I'll keep you safe. I swear it."  
  
His eyes bore into yours, in all seriousness. _But why would he bother worrying over you, though?_ He doesn't even know you. You're no one here. Ben frowns and pulls you towards him until your cheek rests on his chest. The rise and fall of his body calms you as you listen to his heart. 

You want to just stay like this. You don't want to think about anything, about intruders, about the sound of bones snapping and the blood drying on your palms. You want to be empty.  
  
You dissociate from the situation for a while, drifting in between conscious and unconscious. Faintly, you recall Ben steering you into the en suite and turning the shower on for you. He leaves a pile of clothing on the vanity and you stare at them for a while, feeling numb.  
  
Ben is sitting on a chair beside your bed when you finish. The comforter and sheet have been folded back, so all you have to do is slide right in. Never has a stranger shown you such kindness and you're so thankful that tears blur your vision again. You’ve lost everything, you’ve been attacked, you’ve killed someone. _How can you ever get over this?_  
  
"Ben," you say, hair still wet and soaking through the pillowcase, "will you stay until I fall asleep?"  
  
"Yes," he says, resting his elbows on his knees, "sleep."  
  
+++  
  
Your hair is a mess in the morning, after an uneasy slumber. You can only pull it up into a ponytail to get it out of the way.  
  
There’s a covered breakfast tray on the coffee table and, after the insane day you’d had yesterday, some food sounds really comforting. When you lift the lid, you see little scraps of paper tucked under each bowl and plate. 

Your eyes light up when you see the neon blueberries, the blue cubes, and the purple oranges again. You pull the edge of one of the strips, directly underneath the purple oranges, and it reads “ostrum." The handwriting is neat and elegant, the script of a Prince, of someone who had been trained to be proper from a young age.  
  
On another plate are a variety of fruit jellies. You take a bite and smile to yourself, picturing Ben hunched over the coffee table, tearing little slips of paper and labeling your food for you. Fruits are your weakness and the muja fruit and oi-oi jellies are killing you because they're so darned good.  
  
The front door hisses open and the same cleaning droid enters.  
  
"Please do not be alarmed," he says, "I am here to clean."  
  
"Hi," you say, as he pulls in his cart. You’ve seen him plenty of times and you’re really curious about him. You tell him your name. "Can I ask what your name is?"  
  
"Certainly, Miss," he replies, walking over to you as the door closes, "I am JD-5."  
  
You can hear his gears quietly shifting as he turns his head this way and that, studying you.  
  
"May I help with something, Miss?" He asks.  
  
You think for a second before asking, "Do you know how big this ship is?"  
  
"It is 2,915.81 meters, Miss."  
  
You take a moment before estimating that it's longer than nine thousand feet. _Oh my god. Okay._  
  
"How many people are on board?"  
  
He takes a few steps towards the couch you're perched on, "There are approximately 82,000 beings on board."  
  
You feel a little bad for doubting Ben now, for thinking he may have lied about what had been outside your door. _Those damned movies._  
  
"Do you like it here?" You ask him.  
  
He's silent for at least twenty seconds and you're beginning to get scared, "I have never been asked that question before."  
  
"Oh," you say, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." _Did robots get uncomfortable?_  
  
"It is of no consequence, Miss."  
  
You notice that he hadn't actually answered your question, "Can I call you JD?"  
  
"Certainly, Miss," he says. "If you will excuse me, I must get to work."  
  
"Of course," you turn back to your meal as he rummages through some items on his cart. "Thanks, JD."  
  
There's silence like he's stopped moving, "You are welcome, Miss."  
  
+++  
  
Continuing the strange pattern, when you finish up your shower and return to the living room, Ben is there on the couch. You're proud to say you hadn't jumped as much this time.  
  
"Hi, Ben," you smile, joining him on the couch. "How was work?"  
  
"It was," he searches for a word, eyes narrowing on you like a cat, "good."  
  
You laugh, "That doesn't sound very convincing."  
  
"I have this... co-worker," he says and you recognize that tone.  
  
You continue for him, "And you hate this person."  
  
"Yes."  
  
You chuckle, "Do they live to annoy you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What do you hate most about them?"  
  
Ben doesn't even take a second to think, "He constantly undermines my authority. He's an incompetent fool."  
  
You smile at that because his pleasantly low voice makes those words sound less harsh, "Can't you just transfer him or something?"  
  
Ben chuckles, "Unfortunately, no."  
  
"Maybe an accident can befall him or he can be assigned to a," you produce air quotes, " _project_ on a distant planet."  
  
"If I could only," Ben flashes his teeth, his eyes sparkling. _Oh, that smile._   
  
Out of nowhere, Ben produces that silver box from yesterday. It pops open and he takes out the second syringe.  
  
"Ah," you say, "is it that time again?"  
  
He nods and you roll up the sleeve of your (Ben's) sweater. You'd almost had a scuffle with JD about it earlier. He'd wanted to take it to the laundry, but you weren't quite ready to part with it yet.  
  
Ben snorts, "What?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
He gives you an amused look before pushing the needle into the fleshy part of your arm.  
  
"Can you show me on a map where we are?" You ask him after he's done and has discarded the syringe.  
  
"Yes," Ben says, "but you have to eat first. And I saw that you haven't finished your water."  
  
 _Oh, right. The water._  
  
"You're still dehydrated. The ship's atmosphere must be too dry for you," he says and, to your surprise, goes to the refrigerator to retrieve the remaining bottle.  
  
"Can you do the thing again for dinner?"  
  
"What thing?" Ben asks, but you think he knows because he looks a little embarrassed.  
  
"Can you write down the names of all the foods again?" You ask, grabbing the small stack of his notes you'd saved from this morning's tray, "It was really helpful."  
  
"Yeah?" He looks adorably hopeful, like no one's ever been grateful to him for anything before.  
  
You hum in agreement, "Without that, I wouldn't have known how much I love muja jelly." Ben mirrors your smile.  
  
"Okay, then," he says, then retrieves a pen and a pad of paper.  
  
+++  
  
You and Ben are in that room with just the mat in the center. There are control panels along one entire wall and, after Ben presses a few buttons, a projection appears in the center of the room. It lights up blue and it goes from floor to ceiling. It looks like a slice of a tree log and the first ring reads "Outer Rim" while the very center says "Deep Core."  
  
"We're here," Ben says, gesturing with his hand and the map zooms towards you, expanding so you're standing in the middle of the 3D projection. "The Mid Rim," he continues. "Near this planet."  
  
A planet labeled "Naboo" comes into close view. It's hard to tell from the projected image, but the planet looks like there's a lot of water and a lot of green, just like Earth.  
  
"What's Naboo like?" You ask, peering up at Ben, the blue lights casting him in a serene glow.  
  
He looks at you, then, "It's beautiful."  
  
 _How far can you expect this man's kindness to go? Will he just dump you onto the planet nearest the new First Order base?_ You can't even complain if he does; he's been nothing but sweet to you and doesn't owe you a thing. 

You hope that when he does leave you somewhere, though, he chooses a place like Naboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, my. Our little Kylo is so cute 😊
> 
> Thank you so much to every single person who's reading! It makes me very happy and I am beyond grateful!


	5. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Funny droids, a connection, and lots of jelly.

The next several days go by much the same way. Ben always appears in the living room when you're done showering (which you haven't questioned yet). You ask him how his day had gone, he complains about that one co-worker he hates really bad, and you tell him all the new things you've learned from your baby books.

Very slowly, over many dinners, he starts to open up a little. You learn that he has no days off, that he loves blue milk pancakes, and that he absolutely will not accept your offer to somehow pay him back for everything he's doing for you.

Everything that has happened to you still hasn’t sunken in. It’s like your mind is trying to ignore the fact that you’ve disappeared from your entire life. You can never get any of it back and you won’t ever see your family and friends again. But you’re numb to it. There seems to be something blocking the pain from rising to the forefront of your mind.

You also notice that the tingling sensation is now near constant, a barely-there feeling, lightly skimming the surface of your every thought. Ever since you'd successfully made that connection, even when Ben's not near, you feel it. _But if it's there when he's not, what is it?_ It’s like someone’s there, huddling around you, keeping you warm.

"I read that Starkiller Base was destroyed," you tell Ben as you lounge on the couch with him. "Where are we headed after this mission, then?"

"A new base has been under construction for a while now. It'll be done by the end of this mission," he says, sipping on his moof juice, which tastes like orange juice with pineapple mixed in.

"JD told me that Kylo Ren lives on this ship, too," you say and Ben nearly spits his juice out, choking on a sudden inhale. _Were you not supposed to address the Supreme Leader by name?_

"Oh my god," you look around for a napkin, startled by his coughing fit. "Are you okay?" You can't find one, so you settle for scooting closer to him and patting his back.

"I'm-," he sucks in a breath. "I'm fine."

His eyes are watery. He is so not fine. After a few more coughs, he sinks back all the way into the couch. He's staring at the ceiling and taking in slow breaths. 

Your lips are pursed, trying not to laugh. He's so dramatic. Ben suddenly sits upright, squinting at you, "Who's JD?"

"You know," you say, "JD. JD-5."

He gives you the most comically confused look you've ever seen. _How adorable._ "JD-5," Ben says, flatly, "the cleaning droid."

"Yeah!" You exclaim, "He comes in here every other day."

Ben snorts, "Yes, I know. And what do you two talk about?"

"Ship gossip," you reply and Ben's eyes widen. "He's actually really funny."

"He's funny," Ben says without any inflection.

"Yeah," you tell him, "and he likes to tell me about all the other people on this ship. Like, JD also cleans the rooms of some guy named General Hux and JD says he's a 'kriffing rankweed sucker,' whatever that means."

Ben's face opens up completely before he starts laughing, wavy dark hair curling around his face as he moves. The low, soft sound makes you feel warm and you can't help but laugh with him. The people in this universe must be more alluring than on Earth because no sound has ever made you feel this way before.

+++

You’re continuing your First Order history book while Ben goes into his super secret room. He’s only gone in there twice before, but he has stayed for a while each time. Now that you’re alone on the couch, you disappear into your own mind. You’ve been trying this for the last few days, trying to figure out what’s going on in there. There’s been a foreign (but not unwelcome) feeling ever since that _connection_ happened.

It's there. You're always connected, but just barely. You concentrate and reach for it again. You hold on and put pressure on it, like you're tugging the link. That’s all you’ve been able to do so far. Doing anything inside your head mentally strains you and, after a few seconds, you’re entire body is exhausted.

"Stop that," Ben says, suddenly in front of you.

You jump a little, “Huh?"

"Whatever you're doing," he says, "stop it." He doesn't sound angry, though, just irritated.

"What was I doing?" You honestly don't know. You’ve only ever done this while Ben had been at work. _What did he have to do with this?_ “What is that? Do you know what it is?” 

Ben takes his seat beside you.

Your eyes narrow to slits and you cross your arms under your chest, defensive, “Is it you?”

“Well, what is it that you’re trying to do?” Ben asks, pretending to be relaxed.

“I think it _is_ you,” you say, still glaring. "It started when you looked inside my head.” And sometimes you know he’s lying, but don’t know how. It’s all somehow related. That damned _feeling_.

Now it’s Ben’s turn to glare.

“You don’t have to give me that look,” you say. "I never said I didn’t like it.”

That piques his interest, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, but-“ you pause, suddenly timid, “I feel better with it there. Like I’m not alone, you know? And I just want to know what it is.”

“You know when I’m lying?” He leans in closer to you. He seems worried, which makes your hair stand on end at what that could mean.

“I think so,” you look away for a second. "Like, when you said you didn’t know why the Resistance was after you, I knew you were lying. But I didn’t know how. I just did.”

“What you were doing when I interrupted you?” Ben asks. “Do it again.”

“Will you tell me what it is then?”

He lifts a brow, “Maybe.”

That’s definitely not an acceptable answer. _But what are you going to do?_ You roll your eyes, “Fine.”

You close your eyes and relax, finding the connection again easily. You grab it and tug on it, trying to bring it closer to you. It pulls away this time, though, so you yank it back. But you’re weak, so it’s snatched from you and it’s even further away now. 

You’re hit with something cold and it feels like you’re wading through an icy swamp to get back to it. You want to cry, your heart constricts in your chest. _Where is it?_

You’re about to give up when you feel it again, very faint. Your mind lights up as you focus on it. But it’s like you’re trying to get something on the top shelf, on your tip toes and fingers just out of reach. You’re not strong enough. _This is just cruel._ You don’t want to go back to being cold gain.

You jerk back to reality when you feel Ben’s hand on your face, his thumb wiping away a tear. _You were crying?_

“That was you,” Ben says quietly. "But how?”

You shake your head.

He swallows the lump in his throat, “I thought it was-“ he cuts himself off, glancing in the direction of his locked room. “But it’s impossible.”

You put your hand on top of his, pressing his palm harder into your cheek, “Where did it go? What is it?”

“It’s called a Force connection,” he says, “but it only happens between Force users.” His thumb is still moving side to side on your cheek, though your tears have stopped.

“What’s the Force?” But you feel like you know. “Those are your magic wizard powers, right?”

Ben gives you a gentle smile, “It’s part of it, yeah.”

“How can I feel it, then?”

“I don’t know,” he whispers and you go cross-eyed for a moment as he leans in. He touches his forehead to yours. “You confuse me,” he says. “I think... even if I were to know you for a lifetime, I still wouldn’t be able to figure you out.”

You’re not sure if you get what he’s saying, but it sounds affectionate and so sweet.

You whisper back, “Will you give it back to me?” You still don’t understand why you want it so bad, why you miss it. You feel hollowed out in its absence.

He closes his eyes and you follow suit. Nothing happens for a few minutes, your foreheads still pressed together. You can hear his quiet breaths. They're steady and relaxed like he's meditating.

But then you feel it. You don’t have to reach for it this time, it comes to you. It’s closer than it has ever been and you’re shaking with nerves. The connection touches you carefully before thinning out and surrounding you completely. It feels like you’re standing at the mouth of a volcano, it's so hot. You let it wrap around you, eliminating any trace of cold left. You accept it. You need it to be a part of you. 

When you retreat back out of your mind, the first thing you feel is Ben's hand splayed out across the base of your skull. He's holding you close, supporting you. You open your eyes and he huffs a breath out through his nose.

"There you are," he says, voice low and quiet. His brown eyes twinkle, wrinkling at the corners with his small smile.

You grin so wide, your lips tremble. But you’re the one who’s confused now. _How could someone make you feel this way?_ He’s a virtual stranger. You’ve lost everything, the world you’ve known all your life is gone, yet... Yet, you feel a fulfillment that’s more intense than anything you’ve ever experienced. He’s the first person to ever make you feel safe. You’d never thought anyone could.

“I promised I’d keep you safe,” Ben says, “and I will.”

+++

“Why?” You ask. "Why are we doing this?” You and Ben are standing in that one-mat room. Except now, it has several mats lining almost the entire area.

“You need to know how to defend yourself,” Ben says, wearing a distractingly attractive thin, black tee shirt that _clings_ and sweatpants. He’d suggested training you last night and you hadn't thought it would happen so soon. "I can't always be next to you."

You grin, "What do I get for it?” 

Ben looks confused (as usual), “You get to train with me.”

You shoot him a glare. He says that as if he’s some kind of master.

He steps closer, crowding into your space, “What do you want?”

“Mmm,” you put a finger on your chin in mock thought, “I want muja jelly and meiloorun juice.” As if you hadn’t had those things once day for the past few weeks. “But I want a lot of it.”

He actually dares to roll his eyes at you, “Sure. Fine." Ben circles you a few times and you quickly feel self-conscious of these "First Order issue" workout clothes. They're essentially black booty shorts and a fitted tee shirt to match. You can't imagine that this is what the female officers aboard this ship wear to the gym.

"We'll start with a warm up and then I'll teach you some basic self-defense moves. We can move onto hand-to-hand eventually, if you do well," Ben says when he stops in front of you. 

You crane your neck up to look at him, "You'll go easy on me, right?"

He absolutely is _not_ going easy on you. After a "warm up" of an hour on the treadmill (which was conveniently hidden behind a partition towards the back of the room), an hour on the punching bag, and other painful things like squats and sit-ups, you're completely done.

You're starfishing on the floor, out of breath and sweating buckets, while Ben peers down at you. "That was just the warm up," he says, thoroughly entertained by your apparent weakness. "You're in worse shape than I thought."

You pout, "Oh, come on." _How has he only barely broken a sweat?_ "That was a full workout," you protest, "not a warm up."

"Fine," he holds out his hand for you, "we'll start on the actual training tomorrow."

You eye his hand, glaring, "With a shorter warm up?"

"I guess," he jiggles his proffered hand, impatient, "since you can't handle it."

You snort, but sit up to take his hand anyway. You love annoying him. His little reactions are just too cute. He pulls you to your feet and throws you a towel.

+++

After a much needed shower, you make your way back to the couch. You're going to be all kinds of sore tomorrow and you're not looking forward to that.

Ben is already there, his hair wet and just beginning to curl at the ends. And on the table is a large tray and an even larger canister of meiloorun juice. You clap your hands together with delight and run to Ben, launching youself into him with a hug at full speed. A little "oof" escapes his mouth, but you think he's gotten used to your hugging because his body isn’t tensed up.

"Well, I promised, didn't I?" Ben says, as you look at him. He reaches over to uncover the tray. You gasp, seeing six bowls of your favorite jelly.

You go into the kitchenette for a couple of spoons and glasses. You pass Ben a spoon and then a bowl of jelly before pouring the two glasses full of juice. The smile cannot be wiped off of your face. And you can feel contentment wafting off of Ben, too. It's not an emotion you get from him often.

"Did you train in some kind of martial arts?" You ask him.

Ben shuffles through your memories, trying to understand your question. He nods, "Yes, I was trained from a young age."

"Is that a regular thing here?"

"No."

It doesn't seem like he wants to talk about that, so you just nod in acceptance. His gaze doesn't leave yours for a while. It's the look he has when he's debating whether or not to say something.

"Why haven't you asked what's in that room?" Ben points to his secret lair.

You shrug, it's honestly never crossed your mind to ask him. It's his business. "It seemed private."

"But you're curious."

"Well, yeah," you chuckle, "of course I'm curious."

He takes a sip of juice, "You can ask me about it, if you want."

You cock your head, studying him. He seems nervous, the connection between you dimming a bit as he pulls away. "What kind of scrolls was Xen after? They must be important if they're locked up."

"I'm actually not sure," Ben answers, the connection re-emerging fully again. "I found them when I was on a planet called Malastare."

Malastare had been mentioned a few times in your history book. "That's the place with the poison gas, right?"

He nods, continuing, "I was drawn to an ancient stronghold and I found the scrolls there."

"How were you drawn there?" You ask, "The Force?"

"Mmhmm," he says, mid-sip, "but I can't decipher them."

You smile then, "I thought you knew all the languages." Just as you do, ever since he had transferred that knowledge to you. "Mister Know-it-All," you add.

He's feigns offense, hand on his chest. You really want to lean into him, touch him and hold him. Your eyes widen- that thought had come out of nowhere.

Ben clears his throat, "I think it's something ancient. A language that may be long dead."

"You have your guesses, though, right? What do you think the scrolls are for?"

He looks away, suddenly very interested in his jelly. You stifle a smile while you concentrate on the connection you share. You tug on it, bringing it even closer to you.

"Stop that," Ben says.

Closing your eyes, you ignore him and yank on it with more force.

 _"You're such a brat."_ Ben's voice slithers into your mind. You open your eyes with a sharp inhale.

"Do that again," you demand, staring at Ben's mouth to make sure it's closed.

You're about to annoy him by putting pressure on the connection again, but he's looking serious all of a sudden.

"Go wait in your room," he tells you, then gets up and walks towards his lair.

+++

It’s probably about a half hour later that you feel Ben approaching your room. Sensing that you're aware of his presence, he uses the Force to open your door and comes in. But something's not right.

He's severely agitated, on the precipice of rage. The connection is nearly blocked off.

You look from one of his eyes to the other and back again. "What's wrong?" You ask, hand coming up to his cheek on instinct. He burns so hot. "Did something happen?"

Ben doesn't answer, just closes his eyes. You give in now and lean into him, your cheek on his chest. "It's going to be okay," you tell him. He starts to brush his fingers through your hair and it's so relaxing, you nearly fall asleep.

Through the small opening Ben has left in your connection, his emotions spill out in a tornado. You wonder what's happened out there to make him so upset. He's not an inherently happy person, but he's never been angry like this. Maybe it's about Xen and Leo. Or maybe it's about the girl he's looking for.

Ben flinches under your cheek and the connection begins to close off. _No, no, no_. You lean back to look up and Ben's face is blank, void of emotion.

"How do you know about that?" He sounds cold, though he doesn't move away from you.

"When Xen and Leo broke in here," you pause to clear your throat, "they said you were looking for a girl."

He breaks eye contact with you and gently grabs the side of your head to urge you to lean on him again. He grazes his fingers across your scalp and combs through your hair.

"There wasn't a shuttle emergency on that planet, was there?" You ask into the fabric of his sleep shirt.

Ben sighs, "No."

"Are you in danger?"

He let's out a humorless little laugh, "You shouldn't care so much about me."

"Too late for that," you mumble, tucking your face deeper into Ben's shirt. He sighs again, but holds you tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kylo 😘
> 
> Also! Moof juice and Meiloorun juice are real drinks that are available on Batuu at Disneyland. They are both delicious (and so is the Blue Milk!)


	6. Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A feeling, gossip, and food.

“I haven’t even started your training yet,” Ben says, after he’s sat you on the edge of his bed. He's tensely adjusting the strap of a small duffle.

He’s worried that you still don’t know how to defend yourself. But he has to leave to take care of something. The girl. He had told you about Rey, a powerful Force user who’s on the side of the Resistance. That’s all he’s said, so you’re not sure of his plans. You’re a little scared to ask.

“I’ll be okay,” you stand up, feeling a little antsy, and approach him. “We can start training when you get back.”

"I'll just be a few days," Ben says, glancing at you for a second. He has what looks like a long, flowing coat draped over his left forearm. "If something happens-" instead of finishing the thought, he picks up a dull, silver gun lying on top of his dresser. It's the only piece of furniture here that's made of wood (greel wood, Ben had told you). The gun has a faux wooden grip and looks like a revolver with no bullet chamber. There's what appears to be a sight on top of the barrel.

"It's a laser sight, to help your aim," he says. You nod, feeling a little cold at the possibility that you may actually need to use it. Ben holds it out to you, so you take it. It's extremely light, nothing like you'd expected.

You follow him to the front door because you want to see him off. But Ben lingers for a few seconds and you can feel discomfort and anxiety drifting off of him to you. You know he's apprehensive, both to leave you alone and to go on whatever task is ahead of him.

You'll definitely miss him, though. Crowding Ben's personal space, you try to get a read on him. He doesn't step back, just looks down into your eyes, perplexed.

With the gun still in your hands, you reach up and wrap yourself around him. His discomfort and anxiety melts into you, blending in with your own feelings. Ben holds you tight, the point of his chin pressing into your shoulder. 

He's warm, so warm, even through all those layers. Minutes pass in companionable silence before he lets out a breath and his palms start smoothing up and down your back. You're at ease, placid, and you try to project those feelings onto Ben. You don't know how, though. Maybe he'll help you train your mind, too.

You turn your head, so your nose rests in the crook of his neck, "I, um," you say and laugh at your sudden bashfulness. You lean your upper body away from him to get a look at his face. You chew on your lower lip for a second, "I'll miss you."

Flustered, Ben averts his gaze. You hadn't imagined that he'd be so distressed by your words, but it delights you. Although, It feels like he truly doesn't believe you. _But why wouldn't he?_ Taking pity on him, for his puzzlement, you release him.

Ben runs a hand through his hair and you smile up at him. He doesn't have to say it now. He can tell you that he’d missed you when he returns.

He must have heard that thought because he looks slightly annoyed, but then his lip curls slightly on one side.

Ben gestures to the cooler, “There’s water, juice, and more muja jellies in there.” 

That suprises you and you ask with joy, "There are?" He's so sweet, unlike anyone you've ever met.

He nods, "Keep the blaster in your room." With one last look, the front doors open and he's gone.

+++

“He did not,” you tell JD, who has taken a break from cleaning to feed you the latest ship gossip.

“I am being completely truthful, Miss,” he tilts his head this way and that. “Lieutenant Raka was finally caught with Major Zio by his wife.”

“Please tell me someone got slapped.”

“Yes, Miss, yes. It all happened when I was cleaning General Hux’s office. Naturally, I heard the ruckus and saw it all unfold on the bridge.”

You gasp, “The bridge? That sounds important.”

JD nods vigorously, “It is. He was slapped in front of all his superior officers. Then, he and the Major were suspended.”

“Oh my god,” you shake your head. "Wait, was Kylo Ren there?”

“He was there,” JD says, and when he doesn’t elaborate, you eye him suspiciously. He always has something to say about everyone.

“What’s he like?” You ask him, hiding your calculating stare behind your glass of moof juice.

“He is the Supreme Leader,” JD replies, like he’s been specifically told not to speak of Kylo Ren.

"Have you ever talked to him?"

"I have, Miss."

You scoot closer to him, "Is he- scary? Big? Tell me about him."

JD actually twitches then, like he's malfunctioning, "Please, do not make me, Miss."

Your eyes widen in shock and you hold your hands out. "Oh my god, JD, I'm sorry. Are you not allowed to talk about him or something?"

"Yes, Miss."

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you.” You feel a little bad for upsetting JD, so you change the subject. "How long have you known Ben?"

"Ben, Miss?"

Now JD's just messing with you. "Come on, JD," you give him a look, "you know, the tall, broody guy who lives here?"

He let's out the equivalent of a nervous laugh and the sound startles you, "Yes, Miss, of course. I have worked for him for three years." 

"What do you think of him?" If JD has known Ben for that long, he must have some useful insights. 

He looks like he's short-circuiting again.

"I-" JD starts, "well, he-" a beeping sound cuts him off. "Oh, thank the maker," JD says to himself. He looks at his arm and there's a little communication device flashing a red light. 

He turns to you, "If you will excuse me, Miss. General Hux requires my presence."

"Oh, of course," you tell him. "It was nice talking to you, JD."

"Yes, Miss, likewise."

You have the strangest feeling as you watch him retrieve his cart and leave. JD has never been so _nervous_ before. You hope you're not inadvertently getting him into some kind of trouble by talking to him. You enjoy his company and he's your only friend (aside from Ben). And you can't help but think you've ruined something.

+++

Your connection to Ben has been wide open for three days now. You haven't felt anything off since he'd left, so you assume nothing has gone wrong.

You've tried really hard not to disturb the link you share with Ben, in case it disrupts whatever he's doing. But you miss him. _Surely, he won't be mad about that, right?_ Besides, it's the middle of the night and you can't sleep again.

You recline on the couch and close your eyes to relax and focus on the link. It's warm as always, right there, surrounding you. You don't want to pull on it because you know how much that annoys Ben. So you try to gently touch it, running your mind across it. He won’t be able to feel anything this far away, anyway. 

Your thoughts drift to him. How delicately his hand moves when he writes, how cute he looks when his hair is damp and curled from a shower, how pleasant his voice is when he tells you about his day, how-

The connection buzzes around you. _He couldn't have actually felt that, right?_ You're horrified by the possibilty.

 _"Why aren't you sleeping?"_ Ben asks in your head. Your eyes fly open. He hadn't had the chance to try it again since that first time. Your heart is pounding out of your chest. _But how do you reply to someone in your head?_

You settle back in and close your eyes again, trying to calm yourself. _"Do you miss me yet?"_

_"It's only been a few days."_

You chuckle. Well, that's not a "no."

 _“Are you doing okay?”_ You ask.

A pause, then, _“Yes.”_

You nod to yourself, relieved, _“When will you be back?”_

 _“Tomorrow night,”_ Ben says, and you feel something travel through the connection, lulling you to sleep.

+++

You’re glad that when JD returns, nothing seems amiss. He tells you that General Hux’s office had been trashed by some unidentified personnel. JD chuckles while telling you. 

“Since there are too many potential suspects and the security footage has been erased, there is nothing the General can do about it,” JD says with obvious glee, even though the cleanup fell to him.

“You're suspiciously happy about this, JD,” you say with a smile. "Are you sure it wasn’t you?”

“Why, Miss!” He exclaims, mechanical voice filled with mock-hurt. "I would never!”

You laugh then, “All right, sure, sure.” You’re not convinced. “Oh, by the way, do you know how to make blue milk pancakes?”

“Of course, Miss,” he says, “I know how to make everything.” Everyone you know on this ship is a know-it-all.

+++

 _Why is this flour so sticky?_ This mystery powder has covered you up to your elbows, the rest of your black clothes speckled. You’ve finally finished mixing the batter and have set it aside to "rest" for an hour, per JD's suggestion. 

You have to take a shower and (you're ashamed to admit) JD has to help you clean up the kitchen because you've made a mess and the flour is in every crevice available. Not to mention, the whole time, JD had been harassing you about _why_ you'd wanted make these pancakes in the first place. He couldn't "compute" the concept of breakfast-for-dinner. But he's still the best because he brings you three different syrups before he leaves.

You're towel drying your hair when you feel it. Inexplicably, you know Ben is here. 

His back is to you as he unloads whatever is in his duffle onto his desk. He's in the same clothes as when he'd left, so you guess he's only just gotten in.

"Hi, Ben," you say, walking briskly over, trying to subtly get a read on him. He turns to you. The connection is there, but muted, and he has his neutral expression on. _Had things not gone well?_

You chance a smile, but he doesn't return it. Instead he puts his arms slighty out to his sides, palms facing you. Well, that's as much of an "I missed you" as you'll ever get from him. And you'll absolutely take it.

You wrap your arms around him and, _god_ , he smells so good. It's warm like freshly trimmed pine needles, relaxing you like you're home. Ben holds you, one hand moving from your lower back up to your shoulder and down again. You close your eyes and touch the connection. It buzzes and heats up and you melt into him a little more.

After a while, you lean back, "Are you hungry?"

Ben gives you a funny look and doesn't answer you. He's even more quiet than usual today.

It doesn't bother you, though. "I'm going to make some food, if you're interested." And you do hope he's interested because you had wrestled with that powder all afternoon.

"You're going to make food," Ben says, his eyebrows furrowing adorably. He let's out a little laugh, then, "You're such a strange creature."

+++

While Ben is in the shower, you start preparing the pancakes exactly as JD had told you. The stove, which has probably never been used before, is just a slab of glass. You place a silver griddle with a curved handle on top.

The first pancake, like (they say) the first child, is for sure a throwaway. But it's for the best because you have a chance to taste your creation. You pump your fist in the air silently. It's actually good. The second one is okay enough to be on the bottom of the stack. And from the third one on, you're getting those perfect circles.

There are also sausage links and one extremely large egg that you scramble with blue milk, a little butter, and salt. You wonder how JD had snuck all this stuff out of the kitchens for you. You really owe him one.

After you're done plating, you set everything on the coffee table. Now that you're finished, you're nervous. _What if it's not how it's supposed to taste?_

Ben appears then, his hair glossy and damp, slicked back and curled over his ears.

"Um, surprise!" You say, a weak smile on your face.

He looks at you, then to the table, and back again. "Blue milk pancakes?"

You nod, "It's breakfast for dinner."

Ben shuffles through your memories and his lips quirk. "They don't usually make them on the ship, you know," he says while rubbing the back of his neck. "They take too much time and they’re too messy." He looks almost sheepish, like no one has ever cooked for him before.

"I don't know if they're any good," you tell him, sliding to the floor to take your seat. Ben takes his place beside you and you try not to ogle him to see if he likes them.

From the corner of your eye, you can see him drizzling one of the syrups on his stack and cutting a piece. You don't know if you can look.

You feel tingles as Ben quietly says your name. When you turn to look at him, his eyes are twinkling and crinkled at the corners. "These are really good," he tells you, voice low. "Thank you."

There's a weird pressure in your chest and you cannot help the smile that stretches across your face. "You're welcome," you say. "I'm glad you like them."

Still smiling, you look away to get a forkful of eggs.

"You were right, you know," he says around another bite. "I did miss you."

You nearly choke on your eggs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor JD! ❤ He's trying his best!


	7. Dependence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gloves, a book, and the question.

You’re starting to worry now. Yes, you’re pretty sure Ben likes you. Yes, it’s gross how much you like him. _But, what will happen when the Finalizer reaches the First Order’s new base?_ You’ve only known him for a little over a month and he has his own life, plus a busy job. You’re not sure if he’s willing to make a space for you to fit in there. 

_And what will you do?_ You doubt you have any kind of skills needed here. You need a job, a place to live. _Shit_. You have absolutely zero money and your only possessions are what Ben has given you.

Thinking about living in some alien city by yourself really makes you want to throw your breakfast up. You’re nauseated and need to walk around. You’ve been cooped up in Ben’s room, with the same view, for thirty-six days.

At least your first week of training had gone well. Half the time it's physical and the other half is mental. You're getting a little bit better at reading the connection as you spend more time meditating with Ben. In turn, he’s gotten a little more comfortable with you.

All the books on your tablet have been read, so Ben had told you to start on the books in his study. It’s extensive, but the majority of the tablets in here hold texts about galaxy-wide history and politics. _What need would an engineer have for politics?_

His desk in here is messy, unlike the one in the living room. It looks like he'd been in the middle of some large-scale research. There are actual paper texts, too- stacks of books about Malastare.

As you stretch out onto his very large, plush chair, you notice something underneath a sheaf of papers. It's a pair of buttery, black leather gloves that look pretty fancy. You don't think you've ever seen Ben wearing these. _Maybe they're part of his uniform._

You’re about to put them on (you cannot explain why), when Ben clears his throat from the doorway to his study. Dumbly, you stare at him, hand halfway inside one glove and reclining in his chair. You are positive that he’s never looked more smug in his entire life. 

“Going to claim those as yours, too?” He asks, eyebrows raised and eyeing your sweater. The one he _gave_ you, thank you very much.

You narrow your eyes at him, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, Princess,” Ben mocks, “did I need a reason to be in my quarters?”

Your mouth opens on a gasp, a little shocked by his brattiness. “You haven’t even been gone an hour.”

He doesn’t move a muscle, but you suddenly feel an intense tingling in your mind before it turns into a painful poke. “Ow!” You try to fight back and yank on the connection, but you’re no match for him.

After a minute, Ben lets up on annoying you and appears at your side, hovering his large frame over you, “You miss me that much?”

“Shut up!” You fling the gloves at him. Irritatingly, he catches both of them in one hand. _Him and his damn reflexes_. But then, your eyes light up, “Wait, did you actually get a day off?”

“Depends,” Ben says, perching on the edge of the desk so your legs are touching.

You laugh then, “On what?” You tilt your head this way and that, trying to feel what he’s thinking. The connection has muted a little bit.

“On if you’re,” he pauses to run a hand through his hair, “happy about it or not.” His playfulness has completely vanished. He looks so sincere. 

Of course you’re happy about it. _How could he possibly think otherwise?_ His wide, brown eyes study you as you peer up at him.

You grin, but also feel a bit sad. Even with the connection, his access to your mind, he’s still not sure how you feel about him. “I’m really happy about it.“

Ben lifts his hand to your cheek, “Are you happy here?” The _with me_ is implied. “You’re stuck in here all day, alone. You only have my word and nothing else. How could you be happy?”

You trace your fingertips across his hand. “Ben,” you say, “if you haven’t noticed, I really like you.”

He says nothing, so you continue.

“If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t,” you tell him. “While it’s true that I didn’t meet you under ideal circumstances,” you can feel your face redden a little, the embarrassment of your confession catching up to you, “I’m very happy. With you.” You may as well go all out, “I like spending time with you. I like talking to you. I like it all.”

And as an afterthought, you add, “And please don’t think I’m weird for not being sad about what I’ve lost of my life before this. I just don’t feel it.”

That must have been the wrong thing to say, though, because his hand slips away and he crosses the room in a heartbeat. You’re so flustered, you can't move.

Ben is pacing the room, rubbing the back of his neck and looking agitated. You finally find your feet and walk over to him.

“You trust me,” he says and it’s not a question, but you feel like you need to answer.

“Yes,” you step in front of him, so he stops moving, “I do.”

“I-“ his eyes dance around the room before landing on you, “There are so many things I should tell you.”

“Like what?”

“Like... why you don’t feel sad.”

You furrow your brow, “What do you mean?”

Ben grabs your shoulders gently and gathers you in his arms, turning your cheek into his chest. You’re a little on edge. He’s holding the side of your head to him, so you can’t turn and look at his face. “I didn’t want you to be sad about what you left behind. I put a glamour over it,” he says, “without your knowledge.”

“You- you made it so I wouldn’t be sad?” It makes sense now, how you could think about your family and friends and your life and not fall into a deep depression. There have been so many times aboard the Finalizer, when you’ve recalled memories- of course there had been. But you’d felt _joy_ when remembering those times, just like you would have if you’d never left your normal life.

“Yes.”

“Is there a way for me to go back to my universe?” You ask him, staring at the wall.

“Not that I know of.”

You try to lean back to look up at Ben. At first, he doesn’t relent, but relaxes his hold on you at your persistence.

“I can undo it,” he says. "I meant for it to- I mean, I never meant for it-“

“No,” you interrupt, “keep it there.”

He gives you a strange look.

“I can never go back, right? Then, I don’t want to feel sad about it. I want to remember my life without the tears,” you say. “But I don’t want you to do that again without asking me, okay?”

Ben nods. "I'm sorry," he says, eyes never leaving yours. 

You rest your cheek back onto him. You're not completely sure how you feel about the violation. Even though he did it to help you, he shouldn't have messed with your mind. But you don't think you could've ever picked your life back up without it. Life here is just so _confusing_. But you are sure about one thing.

“My statement still stands,” you smile to yourself. "I’m happy. And I really like you.”

Ben runs his fingers through your hair, “I really like you, too.”

+++

Ben's one day off, of course, starts with a little work. He needs to send correspondence to this and that person, so he's typing away on his tablet beside you on the couch.

You'd taken a book on Malastare and have barely gotten through the first few pages before Ben's head hits your shoulder. He must have been exhausted. You only just realize that you've never actually seen him sleep before.

You glance over at him, his face serene. He looks beautiful like this. You smooth a finger across his cheek, smiling as his eyelashes flutter with the contact. You're so far gone for him. _Shouldn't that scare you more?_

An odd sensation comes over you then, calling your attention back to the book in your lap. You follow your gut and flip through it, almost to the back of the book, where there are a series of faded illustrations.

The one you end up pausing on depicts the native Dugs gathered in an ancient stone building. One of them is holding up two batons and they're all looking at a bright light in the center of the room.

You go to the next page. This illustration shows the Dugs looking elated at a fellow Dug who's appeared in place of the light.

You flip back and forth, trying to understand. You're not sure what you're looking at, so you read the text that precede the images.

It's about how royals in ancient times would prepare for death. You skim through it: The death ceremony, the scripts, the cube, the nest, the timeline, the extraction. _The extraction?_ You read on: a voyage, sensitive force, miscalculations, interdimensional-

 _Interdimentional_.

Your brain begins to process what you're looking at as you go back to the beginning and read every word.

After an ancient Dug royal would die, their death ceremony would entail using the scripts (you're pretty sure those are Ben's scrolls) to extract the royal from an earlier point in their timeline, just before death. In essence, one could live for an eternity, if their lifespan would allow it. You see why someone would want to get their hands on those scripts.

But the process is extremely delicate. A "sensitive force" must be used and if something is misaligned during the process, instead of time extraction, the result could be interdimensional extraction. 

Your heart stutters in your chest. _What had Ben been doing prior to your arrival?_

 _"What's wrong?"_ Ben asks through the connection. When you look at him, he's sitting up again, watching you. You feel bad for waking him.

You turn away from him before lowering yourself to pillow your head on Ben's lap. His hands fly up, awkwardly hovering above your face and it makes you giggle. You grab one of his hands and intertwine your fingers, resting both under your chin. 

You try to push your affection for him though the link, then give him some time to figure out if it's okay or not for you to be this close. You don't want to make him uncomfortable.

Your gaze lingers on Ben, his chin tipped up and staring into middle distance. The hand still hovering, slowly moves in your periphery and settles on your head. He combs your hair out slowly, fanning it across his lap.

When he finally looks down at you, you give him your best smile. In return, he only looks puzzled, like he's thinking _do people actually do this kind of thing?_ It's so cute; you can't get enough.

When you say, "I think I found something," his hand pauses for a second before moving again. "Were you doing anything with the scrolls before I popped up here?"

"Yes."

You try to sit up, but he keeps you in place with a hand on your forehead. You roll your eyes. "I was reading that book that was on your desk. I think those scrolls are what the Dugs call ‘scripts’ and they were for,” you search for the best words, “time extraction."

"What?" Ben asks, and you've never heard surprise in his voice like that before. You hold his hand tight while you tell him about the death ceremony because you know what conclusion he'll soon reach.

"Fuck," Ben sighs, his head dropping forward onto his chest, "it's my fault you’re here.”

You reach up and card your fingers through his soft hair. "Do you regret it?" You ask, your fingers trailing down the side of his face, down his throat. 

Ben catches your hand and holds it to his chest, "No." It's like the connection gets warmer and brighter with his touch.

You grin, "Okay, then." Biting your lip, you laugh to yourself. You'd lied earlier- you don't just like Ben, you feel something else, something _more_.

+++

Over dinner, Ben tells you that he'd been using the Force to help decipher the scrolls the night you'd woken up in his room. He'd felt a fragment of the Force leave him, but he couldn’t follow it.

"I think it somehow transferred to you," he says, taking in a spoonful of bantha stew.

"So you were thinking about me."

“Must have been,” Ben chuckles. “And I think that's why we're able to share a connection."

You have to ask, "Do you share one with anyone else?" 

"Why?" Ben's self-satisfied look is back, "You jealous?"

You roll your eyes. _Cocky bastard_. But you think, _yes_ , you'd probably be jealous.

You steer the conversation, "Does that mean I have Force powers, too?"

"Maybe."

"What aren't you telling me?" You eye Ben suspiciously.

He looks you dead in the eyes, "You're cute when you're jealous."

You make an undignified sound. You’d fling your spoonful of jelly at his smug face if it wasn’t so darned good.

+++

“What are you talking about?” You ask JD as you chuckle, nervously. You’re both sitting at the mini dinette near the big window. He’d brought you some super fancy tea that’s reserved for superior officers. You take a sip, savoring the sweet, floral flavor and avoiding JD’s questions.

“In the past, I was trained as a nurse droid. I can sense your emotions by the tone of your voice,” he says. “You are content with _Ben_ , are you not?”

“I- yes. JD, what-“

“How much do you really know about him, Miss?” JD’s tone sounds a little dangerous, “Has he told you about himself?”

You think about that. Ben knows every single thing about you, but you only know the bare minimum about him, only what he wants you to know. It hadn’t bothered you, though. Some people just take a little longer to open up.

Instead of answering, you tell JD, “He’s keeping me safe. He’s protecting me.”

“Yes, Miss, but who will protect you from him?”

A shiver runs down your spine as he says that. “JD, You’re freaking me out,” you whisper. You take in a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself.

“You are one of very few that I am able to call ‘friend,’” he says. “I will not lose that.”

“Are you saying Ben’s dangerous?” You ask, and you have to let go of your tea cup because your hands are trembling. To even think that Ben may have been lying to you this entire time is so incredibly horrifying.

“Miss, I must not speak of it,” JD says, legs clanging against the leg of the table as he gets up in a hurry.

“But-“ He can’t just say something like that, then leave.

He sets a little disk onto the dinette before hurrying out of the room, leaving you alone and afraid.

You immediately slide to the floor and sit cross-legged. Closing your eyes, you concentrate on your breathing and nothing else. The meditation allows you a moment of repose, but when you stand up and see the disk JD had left you, you feel queasy.

You've seen Ben using these on his holopad. And you’re terrified of what could be on it. 

+++

You hide the disk in your room because you're not sure you want to see what's on it.

The entire time you're showering, you fret over it. It all comes down to one question: Do you truly trust Ben?

You use what Ben has taught you about shielding your thoughts. But as soon as you enter the living room, Ben's face turns somber. "What's wrong?" He asks, getting up and making his way over to you.

You don't have it in you to lie to him, and not just because he'll know. You're scared to find out what's on that disk and you scared to tell Ben about it. "What will happen to me when we get back to the base?" You ask him, voice barely audible.

Ben holds the sides of your throat with both hands, thumbs brushing your jaw. "I'll take care of it,” he says. "Trust me.”

And you do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who's reading! 😊 And every comment and kudos really make my day! 
> 
> 🖤
> 
> Oh, Kylo. It may be time to tell the truth.


	8. Morality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth, fear, and sneaky droids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little angst ahead ☹

You're staring at Ben, who's doing something at his desk. Ever since you'd told him about the scripts, he's been hard at work. But there's something else, too. There's a determination in his eyes that's always there now.

He's been gone a few times over the last two weeks. You think he may have a lead on Rey. But you're pretty sure he would've told you if he had.

You focus on the feeling that surrounds you and lightly brush over the tendrils pairing you and Ben. In response, the connection hugs you closer. Ben's still typing away on his datapad, but his mind is with you. A feeling of fondness and devotion flows from his mind to yours; you know you're cherished.

 _But how can you feel so deeply for someone you've just met? For someone you hardly know?_ You've fallen for Ben, _hard_ , and you're scared because you know nothing will ever change that fact. You've never felt this level of affection for anyone before.

But you do want to know more about him. He's so private. The only facts you've gotten from him so far are that he's an only child, his only living relative is his mom, and his birthplace is a planet called Chandrila.

 _"What else did you want to know about me?"_ Ben asks through the link.

You scrutinize him from your seat on the couch. _"Whatever you want to tell me."_

He looks up from his work, then, _"You make me want to tell you everything."_

_"Then tell me."_

_"Soon, I'll have to."_

That sounds so grave, but the feeling you get isn't ominous, it's heartbreaking. Your chest feels crushed and you realize it's Ben's emotions bleeding into yours. _But what doesn't he want to tell you?_

Your heart constricts painfully and you're not sure what to do or what you need. Ben is still watching you from behind his desk, face blank. Without breaking eye contact, you walk to over to him. You tug on his arm for him to get up. The desperate need for a hug is overwhelming and you're not sure whose emotions they are.

Ben won't budge. He's staring up at you and you're suddenly on the brink of tears. The connection has never been this raw before. _But why does Ben feel this way?_

He turns his chair to face you and takes both of your hands in one of his. Tenderly, he pulls them forward, his other hand guiding your waist to follow. You give him a questioning look. He's still expressionless, but his sadness, his fear takes you over completely.

You nudge the outside of Ben's thighs with your knees as you settle in his lap. He brings your head onto his shoulder and smooths his hand up and down your back. His sweater is clutched tightly in your fist and you cry Ben's tears until you fall asleep.

+++

You wake up late the next morning in Ben's bed. The other side of the bed doesn't look slept in and he's not here. You'd only woken up because the front door had opened to let JD in.

He has been exceedingly worried since you’d told him you weren't going to look at the display disk. On the days he comes in to clean, he arrives much earlier than usual and leaves as late as he's allowed.

JD is standing at the foot of Ben's bed, stock-still, when you sit up to greet him. If he were a person, the look on his face would be one of acute panic.

“Miss, I- I would not recommend this-,” JD says, arms gesturing wildly, “this situation.”

“Oh, no, JD,” you stammer, “this is not-“ _what it looks like._ You grimace. _Good lord, who’d have thought you’d ever need to use_ that _sitcom line?_

“Oh, Miss! I should have done more,” he laments.

He’s so dramatic. “JD, I’m fine,” you tell him.

“How I wish I could tell you, Miss. But I have been re-programmed to not speak of it or question it. Just as I have been sworn to secrecy regarding your presence. If I even think of going against these protocols, my memory will be deleted.”

Your eyes widen, “Please don’t tell me. I’d never forgive myself if your memory was erased because of me.”

“I am sorry, Miss.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, JD,” you say. “Besides, I feel like I’m going to find out soon, anyway. Whatever it is, we’ll still be friends, right?”

JD looks crestfallen, but says, “Of course we will, Miss.”

+++

When you see Ben that night, waiting for you on the couch as usual, he's looking at you very curiously. He's gauging your reaction after last night and his expression is guarded.

You beam at him. _Why do you miss him so much when he's gone?_ You've never _missed_ someone like this.

"Hi, Ben," you say, crossing the living room but suddenly feeling a little unsure. _Did he have a change of heart about you? Is that what last night was about?_ So you don't sit down next to him. You want to figure out what's going on. You've never been so frustrated, yet so infatuated, in your entire life.

"Stop studying me and get up," you tell him, a little more tersely than you'd intended.

His eyes widen a fraction but he stands up. 

"Hug me," you say. He obeys. _Sweet Lord. How is it that there's no better feeling than this?_ It should be impossible for someone to smell so good, to make you feel so warm.

Ben slowly begins to relax, his mental shields dropping bit by bit. You sense his fear.

You take a deep breath, "I don't know what's going on, but I'm here, no matter what."

Ben shakes his head, but doesn't say anything. You desperately want to help him, but don't know how.

+++

When you see Ben again the next night, he's hovering by the front door. You give him a minute before approaching.

Unexpectedly, he says, “I’ve been lying to you.” And the link between you is suddenly free of barriers. You feel buried by it, an enormous ache in your chest.

Ben places his hand on the base of your skull. “I’m sorry,” he says and, through the bare connection, you _know_ he means it.

“About what?” You can barely get the words out, feeling suffocated by several strong emotions. 

“I’m not an engineer.” _Truth_.

The anxiety you feel at that moment is substantial. “Then who...” you can’t get yourself to finish your thought.

“I never wanted to tell you who I was.” _Truth_.

Ben’s mouth is turned down at the corners, regret and fear spilling directly into your mind.

“I’m Kylo Ren.” _Truth_.

And with his confession, a swarm of memories drown you. You see Ben, so filled with rage, fury, bitterness, destroying everything in his path. He kills anyone who crosses him and doesn't feel an ounce of guilt. Until he does. He stands before his father, takes off his helmet, and ignites his lightsaber. The pain that Ben feels smothers you and you claw at your throat to get air into your lungs.

You’re on the floor, on your hands and knees, tears pooling at your throat, soaking your sweater. Ben kneels beside you, his hands hovering, not knowing what to do.

You look up and his eyes are glassy. “Why did you lie to me?” You ask him.

He wipes at your cheeks, “You were so beautiful. The way you looked at me... I- I’d never met anyone who wasn’t afraid of me.” _Truth_. His eyes close, tears sliding down his face. “And when I looked into your mind, I felt it. Your Light. And something of mine: the Force.” _Truth_.

“What else did you lie to me about?” You’re entire body is shaking now, afraid of what he’ll say. You’re terrified because no matter what he says, you know your feelings for him won’t ever change. Nothing can stop it now.

“Nothing. I swear it. Absolutely nothing else.” _Truth_. His eyes silently plead with you when he opens them, “I wish we could go back. I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late,” you tell him and he misunderstands. The emotion that wafts over to you from Ben is so intense, you double over and begin to dry heave. But you catch onto one of his hands and try to continue, “Because I’ve already fallen for you. I've never felt this way about anyone. I- I know it’s selfish, but... I don’t care what you’ve done.”

Ben makes a frustrated noise, “But how could you not care? I’ve done some of the worst things imaginable.”

“Because that’s not who you are to me. You’re Ben. My Ben.” _But, fuck, is he even “Ben?”_

“Yes,” he says, “Ben is my birth name.”

You just nod, still stunned by everything. Your sweet Ben... _how could he be the evil Supreme Leader?_ You had been right, though. Nothing could change the way you feel about him. _Is there something wrong with you?_ Though you’d seen his memories and read about all the things he’d done, you can’t see him that way. 

Maybe it’s because he’s only ever been kind to you. He had saved you, protected you, shared his mind with you. 

“Never lie to me again,” you say and Ben takes hold of you then, so desperately.

“I swear it,” he says. “I’ll never lie to you.” _Truth_.

+++

You'd fallen asleep on the couch, in Ben's arms. When you wake up, he's looking curiously at you. In his mind, he's still confused by you. You should have rejected him. He's wondering why you're still here, why you're still letting him touch you.

 _"You're still Ben."_ You trace a finger across the scar, from his brow down to where it disappears beneath the collar of his shirt. You're suddenly recalling a memory that isn't yours. Rey gave him that scar. She'd sliced him with a lightsaber.

You don't know how to sift through someone's mind yet, so you're getting Ben's memories in abrupt flashes. They leave you light-headed.

"I'm scared of all the things you'll see about me," he whispers, touching his forehead to yours.

"It won't change anything," you say. And you mean it.

Ben's communicator beeps. He sighs and reluctantly separates from you. He retrieves it from his desk and actually answers it in front of you.

"What," he demands into the little device.

"Supreme Leader," comes a slightly whining voice, "the meeting has already been rescheduled twice." The connection into Ben's mind allows you to identify the caller: Hux, the "co-worker" Ben hates so much.

"And you'll reschedule it a third time," Ben says, and his voice sounds different like this. It's without emotion, without the adoration he has when talking to you.

"If you think those Corellians will still agree to build those-"

"Enough," Ben interrupts, and his harsh tone surprises you. "Have them wait for me."

"For how lo-"

Ben disconnects the communicator and tosses it back onto his desk.

"Well, that was rude," you say, smiling when Ben plops back onto the couch with a huff.

"Try dealing with him every single day," Ben glowers. You want to run your fingers through his hair. _Why do you find his petulant behavior so cute?_

He raises a brow at you, "You're the only person in this entire galaxy who thinks I'm _cute_." 

You snort, "Good."

Ben smirks, _"Jealous?"_

You hold your eyeroll for as long as possible before Ben grabs your hand and hauls you up.

"Come on," he says, leading you towards his secret lair. Your footsteps slow down, but he urges you forward.

He places his palm on the biometric scanner and the door whooshes open. As opposed to the rest of Ben's quarters, the floor and walls in here are black. 

In the center of the room is a plush, leather chair and a pedestal with a helmet ( _his grandfather's_ ) on it. Another helmet ( _his own_ ) rests in a pit ( _of ashes_ ). You’re dizzy, trying to process all the new information that's being supplied to you.

Along one entire wall is an arsenal. _So, he did have weapons_. And he left you with just a butter knife, _the brat_. Ben chuckles somewhere behind you.

He's standing inside of a small closet. He's already changed into thicker pants and is tucking them into leather boots. Then, you watch him put on a quilted tunic jacket and a wide belt. A cowl is next, then he attaches a flowing cape to his shoulders. 

When he walks back out to you, cape billowing behind him, he looks like a King. His cheeks redden imperceptibly at your gawking. He picks his helmet up and shakes it a few times, so it's free of ashes.

Ben holds his helmet out to you. Pride radiates off of him as you take it in your hands. Reflective silver bars outline a visor and red paint traces cracks throughout the rest of it. It doesn't look as menacing now that you know it's Ben's.

When you lift the mask, Ben lowers himself so you can set it over his head. When it's settled, he pushes something underneath its opening and you hear the sound of vacuuming air.

"I'll only be a few hours," Ben says and your eyes widen, hearing his modulated voice for the first time. Its commanding and devoid of timbre.

You nod and look up at him. Somehow, he seems even bigger like this. You press your palm to the side of his mask and he leans into the touch. You’re relieved that, even like this, you still only see Ben. His hand comes up and covers yours entirely. He’s wearing _the_ gloves. Every inch of him is covered and you wonder how many people (besides you) have seen the Supreme Leader without his helmet.

“Very few,” he replies, clutching onto your hand like he doesn’t want to leave. You can feel his doubts like they’re your own.

“Don’t worry,” you take his hand and lead him to the front door, “I won’t change my mind about you while you’re gone.” You beam up at his helmet before leaning into him, your arms finding space beneath his cape. After a second, he lets a breath out and envelops you. The way he hugs you is like nothing else; it’s all encompassing.

Ben delicately swipes his gloved thumb across your cheekbone before the door opens and his cape follows him into the hallway.

+++

"You don't hate me, do you?" You ask JD, who's diligently cleaning the kitchenette. 

He straightens his back to eye you, sitting at Ben's desk, "Of course not, Miss. I could never hate you."

"But you think I'm terrible."

JD's doing that thing where he stays absolutely still and stares at you. "I never said such a thing," he says, walking over to you.

"But now you know I know."

He sighs, a sound you've never heard from him before, and places a metallic hand on your shoulder. "I did not wish for you to be in danger," JD says. 

You place your hand on top of his, "Well, I have you to keep me safe, don't I?"

"You do, Miss. You do," JD begins to walk back to his task, but he turns his head back to you a fraction. "Did you know that Lieutenant Raka is at it again?"

"So soon?" You ask, grinning, "Who's the poor fool this time?"

"Well-" JD cuts himself off and cocks his head from side to side, as if he hears something. Just then, the front door slides open and Ben enters, still covered completely from head to toe. JD looks like he's being held at gunpoint. 

As soon as the door closes, you rush over to Ben and leap into his arms. He catches you swiftly and his body doesn't even budge. _"My strong Supreme Leader."_ You wink at him and he lets out a strange sound through his helmet. He pointedly eyes JD before letting you back onto your feet. Ben's cape licks at your ankles as he turns to go into his study.

Your favorite droid inquisitively observes you for several minutes before returning to his tasks. You've never seen JD finish his work so fast in your life, desperate to leave. _Is everyone this afraid of Ben?_ JD gives you a "Goodbye, Miss" before fleeing and you can't help your frown. He hadn't even finished his fresh gossip about that creep, Raka.

The door to the study whooshes open as you go to knock, your fist hanging in mid-air. You're about to ask if Ben had gotten another day off, when you feel the clear irritation coming from him. His helmet and gloves rest atop his desk and his head is tipped back all the way, nose pointing at the ceiling.

You attempt to send a soothing feeling through the connection as you approach him. "What's wrong?" you ask, perching on the edge of his desk, legs dangling in the space in front of him.

He faces you, curled hair falling and framing his face beautifully, "My Knights have brought something to my attention."

"Your Knights..." and as soon as those words leave your mouth, you know them: _Beck, LK, Zaid, Caylon, Miles, Sol_. You press your fingers to your temples; it's nauseating when you're supplied with Ben's memories like that. He removes your hands and replaces them with his own. Your eyes flutter shut as he saturates your mind with something that feels so good, it can't possibly be real.

"Apparently," Ben says, and you open your eyes, brain still foggy with bliss, "Captain Elihu has gotten his hands on something that could complicate my position as Supreme Leader." That sounds serious.

"Like what?" You ask, holding out your hand and waiting for Ben to take it. He accepts it and tangles your fingers together, creating a luminous spark behind your eyelids with the contact.

"Beck overheard Elihu and Hux talking about some display disk with information on it from a former Resistance officer."

Your confusion only lasts a second before you’re slapped with _knowledge_. _Resistance leader, General Leia Organa: Ben's mom. His uncle: Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. His dad: Han Solo, legendary pilot for the Rebel Alliance_. You have to fight to take in a breath after that one. 

_Good, god. The Resistance? But Ben..._

"Do you hate me yet?" He asks, squeezing your hand.

"Of course not," you say with certainty. "And I won't, so stop asking." It looks like he doesn't believe you (as usual), even though your mind is open to him. You're about to say something about it, but he starts talking again.

"Elihu was going to hand over the disk to Hux," Ben says, a little frown forming, "but neither of them have it now. It's missing."

"Is Hux trying to overthrow you?"

"I don't know yet," he says, growing more concerned.

"What's on the disk?"

He looks gloomy, "Supposedly, everything."

Your eyebrows hit your hairline for a second, as you remember something. Ben doesn't even have a chance to object when you hop off his desk and rush to your room. _Oh, but what if you get your bestie in trouble with this?_

You put your best shields up and then enter the study again, the disk that JD had given you placed behind your back. Ben's narrowed eyes follow you as you return to your spot in front of him.

"Promise me you won't look into my mind before I finish telling you something," you demand. "And you have to promise you won't be mad."

He snickers, "And why would I promise that?"

You shrug, "Fine, if you don't want to know, then..." You move to jump back off the desk when Ben's hands grab your thighs to keep you there. You won't compromise, "Promise me or I won't tell you."

"I can just take the information from you," he tells you, his voice lower now.

You glare, "No, you won't."

Sighing, he lets go of you and leans back in his chair, "No, I won't."

The staring contest lasts for a few minutes before Ben rolls his eyes. "Fine," he says, "I promise."

"Okay, well," you say, producing the disk, "let's see what's on here first." Since you'd never chosen to look at it.

Ben looks stunned, his eyes darting from the disk to you. You know he really wants to look inside your mind, but he just takes the disk and places it on his holopad. If your suspicions are correct, this is what Ben's been worried about. _But how did JD get his hands on this? So sneaky._

A bust of Ben (with helmet) appears in a glowing blue projection. Alongside the image, are paragraphs of information. Every single thing about him- his real name, his parents, his Jedi training... _everything_.

"Okay," you start, "so, you know JD, right?" And Ben opens his mouth and shakes his head in disbelief as you tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben finally tells the truth 😥  
> He didn't want to lie anymore, the big softy.


	9. Reclamation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lightsaber, a bad memory, and the favor.

"Can I play with your lightsaber?" You ask, standing at the foot of Ben's bed. You probably could have phrased that better. But it's the middle of the night and you can't sleep again because every time you close your eyes, Ben's memories flood in.

You've been annoying Ben with questions all day and night for a couple of days now. But if he's annoyed, he doesn't show it. The Supreme Leader's such a softy. 

He leans up on an elbow, his wavy hair charmingly disheveled. "It's three in the morning," he says.

"Would I be able to find a kyber crystal, too?"

Ben plops back onto his pillow and lifts up the corner of his comforter and sheet. The invitation is obvious, but you just stand there. "My arm is getting tired," he says.

You walk around the bed and get a knee on the mattress. Then, slowly lift your other knee. He calls your name in warning, so you quickly lie down on your side and claim the unoccupied pillow. He gently drops the covers over you.

Ben surprises you by turning his head and smiling, lines framing his mouth, "Do you enjoy bothering me?"

You nod, laughing. He turns completely onto his side then, and hooks his arm around your waist to bring you closer. You fit perfectly to him, face tucked underneath his jaw. His body is sleep warm and that deep pine scent surrounds you.

"Kyber crystals are found across the galaxy," Ben says as you relax in his hold. You smooth your hand down the back of his sleep shirt. “The Force will guide you to the crystals and the one that is attuned to you, will call out for you.”

“Does that mean there’s a crystal out there that’ll sing to me?”

“Maybe.”

“You said that I have a fragment of your Force, right?” You ask, “Are you able to take it from me?”

He’s quiet for a long time, then says, “I can.”

“Why’d you let me keep it?”

Ben takes in a deep breath, as if preparing himself. “That day, I was going to take it from you,” he says, and you immediately know which day he’s talking about. “I started extracting it from you, but as our connection faded, I realized that I already couldn’t be without it.”

“Oh?”

“Mmhmm. So I put it back and...”

"And?" You laugh, “Freaked out a little bit?”

He snorts, “I did, a little bit." After a pause, he admits, "I was going to say that, instead, I made the connection stronger."

“I felt it,” you tell him. _How alarming is it that you never want to be without it, either?_

“If you- if there was, umm-“ he stops himself and doesn't continue.

You don't need to lean back and look at his face to know what he's feeling. His anxiety and discomfort is rolling off of him in waves. Instead, you reach for him through the connection, the bond he's chosen to share with you. You try your best to let him feel how much you adore him. Ben hugs you tighter and buries his face into your hair.

He speaks to you through the link instead, _“If there was a way for you to stay with me, would you?”_

“Yes,” you say aloud.

_“You really shouldn’t want that.”_

_So dramatic. He’s the one who asked._ “Why not?”

Ben sighs, “I won’t ever be... good.”

“You’re already good, though,” you tell him, softly tracing lines across his back. “You’re good to me.”

He doesn’t say anything but you can feel him run his mind, his every thought, along your connection.

+++

There’s a week left until the Finalizer will arrive at the new base. JD brought some extra special cookies for you today. They're like triple fudge times ten and melt in your mouth. 

"How'd you get that disk on Ben anyway?" You ask him. 

"Oh, Miss, it was actually very easy," JD says, smug. "After I heard the Captain and General talking about the display disk, I knew that was what I needed, since I was unable to tell you myself." He makes a hand gesture, like he's shooing away a fly, "Captain Elihu is very easy to pickpocket."

You throw your head back and laugh. JD did that for you. He risked his life to help you. "Well, you really helped Ben by doing that, you know."

He doesn't seem to know how to respond to that. "I am not sure I am happy to hear that."

You give him a look, "I know, JD." After a pause, you say, "I know you're not supposed to know anything about me, but Ben saved me. He- there's another side to him."

"I had not believed it until I saw you interact with him," JD brings his hand up to his chin. "It is an anomaly."

You have to agree with him. "JD?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Where will you go after the crew moves into the new base?" You ask him, taking another cookie.

"I do not know, Miss," he says, and you detect some worry in his tone. "They will place me wherever I am needed."

Well, _you_ need him. Luckily for you, you know a guy.

+++

"Having fun?" Ben asks, very entertained.

You're standing in the center of all the mats, wielding Ben's lightsaber. The blade is so incredibly hot, you're sweating just holding it. You whip it around a few times to hear the humming sound it makes and pretend you're looking really cool in battle.

Out of nowhere, Ben moves a metal training sphere towards you and you hit it with a surprised squeak. Sheer luck. But then the sphere starts spitting out little lasers and a few hit you in the shoulder. You yelp and jump back. "Ow! Those sting!"

Ben is chortling somewhere behind you. You run to him, hiding behind his back. The metal sphere is looking for you, still spewing out the tiny lasers. It finds you, so you duck down quickly. The little beams land on Ben's back and he jerks forward, tripping over the edge of a mat and landing on the floor in front of you. 

You howl with laughter as you turn off the lightsaber and the sphere powers down. Ben's brown eyes glisten mischievously before he lifts a hand and another sphere zooms towards you. You yelp in surprise and hold your free hand out, shit instincts kicking in again.

But the sphere and its mini missiles freeze in front of your palm. Your hand starts shaking, confusion and fear clouding your mind. You don't know why you're so afraid. The sphere starts to vibrate as your fingers quiver from exertion. You just want to disconnect from it, to stop it. 

Aiming to sever your mental hold on it, you squeeze your eyes shut and focus. But you don't know what to do. You're petrified by this unfamiliar feeling. You can hear Ben calling your name over the rushing sound in your ears. _Why won't it stop?_

It feels like something is being plucked from your abdomen. You fall forward onto your hands and knees, exhausted, as fragments of metal shower the space around you.

Ben is kneeling beside you, eyes full of concern. But you know he's not apprehensive of what you'd just done, he's worried about your reaction to it.

"It's all right," he says, taking your arm and placing it around his neck before scooping you up.

"I just exploded that thing," you whisper into the side of his throat.

“You’re becoming more in tune with the Force. You don’t have to be scared of it," he tells you, carrying you to his room.

Your panic dissipates somewhat with Ben's words, "Will you teach me how to control it?"

"Yes."

He sets you down on top of the covers and you look up at him, "Does that mean I could be as powerful as you one day?"

"Of course," Ben says, walking around the bed and settling in next to you. He props himself up on his elbow and sweeps a loose strand of hair away from your forehead.

You turn your head to face him. He looks relaxed, his forehead smooth, his beautiful hair falling over one cheek. _Why should you be so concerned if Ben's not?_ "Is it okay to be scared?" You ask.

Ben nods, "I was scared, too." He's remembering something that makes him grimace.

Reaching up, you touch your fingers to his temple. Your stomach lurches. Through Ben's eyes, you can see his uncle with the most determined look on his face, his eyes hard and hateful. His green lightsaber ready to strike Ben as he'd slept. And the fear you feel at that moment is so violent, you abruptly break contact and haul yourself over the edge of the bed before emptying your stomach. You vomit and gag until you collapse onto the floor.

The next thing you remember is Ben supporting your head in his lap and wiping your mouth with a warm, damp cloth. 

"I'm sorry," he says, "I didn't mean for you to see that."

"Why?" You ask him, eyes unfocused, "How could he do that?"

Ben shushes you, "It's okay."

You shake your head but it makes you dizzy. _Why does it tear you up inside to see him in such pain?_ You're too weak to move now, mentally and physically drained. 

"Sleep," he says. And you do.

+++

You wake up with Ben draped all over you. He's like a furnace, always burning so hot, but you snuggle closer. It's always cold on this ship, but never near Ben.

It's weird knowing so much about another person like this. "You're awake," you say. You just know he is; you can feel it.

He chuckles, low, "You sleep a lot."

"Excuse me, I sleep a normal amount," you tell him. "Why? How long do Supreme Leaders sleep?"

He doesn't answer for so long that you try to disentangle yourself from him. He won’t let you, though, and your bond has been muted. But you can be patient; you can wait.

Just when you think he may have fallen back asleep, he says, "This is the first time I've actually slept in years."

"It- what?" 

"I usually can’t sleep,” Ben says. “I have these... dreams, visions... memories."

“And they keep you up?” Anguish strikes your heart.

"But last night, I _slept_.”

You grin, "Do I keep your bad dreams away?"

You feel him nod, "Yes, sweetheart, you do."

+++

“Why do you fight your Light side?” You ask Ben over dinner. You’ve seen into his mind and have seen how much he struggles with it. There is so much Light in him, so much heart.

He abruptly stops eating, “It makes me weak.” But it just sounds like something he’s used to saying, there's not much emotion behind it. No anger, no desperation.

“No,” you tell him, “you’d never be weak, no matter which side you were on.”

“I made the choice to join the Dark side.”

You don’t know what to say to that; you don’t think that’s true.

He eyes you, face suddenly void of emotion, “You don’t agree.”

“No,” you say, and your own eyes widen at your quick answer. “I’ve seen inside your mind, Ben. You had no other choice.”

Ben closes his eyes, resigned, a slow breath leaving his nose. “There was always this... voice in my head. Snoke,” he says, a little pained. “It was my destiny to serve him.”

“He had no right,” you say, fuming. Snoke had manipulated Ben to the Dark side. “He- he _forced_ you.” You think about how Snoke had used Ben to solidify his power as Supreme Leader, how he’d whisper in Ben’s ear to turn him so far he’d have nothing else. Snoke had made sure that Ben would have no one to go back to. He’d made sure Ben would always be alone. 

Ben gently places a hand on your shoulder and you look up at him. You'd been trembling. He scoots closer to you, gathering you under his arm, placing your cheek onto his chest. “Snoke is gone,” Ben says. “Don’t think about him.”

“He wanted you to be alone forever,” you say.

A humorless laugh leaves his lips, “Not entirely.”

You lean back to look at him, “What do you mean?”

Ben gives you a strange look as he averts his gaze, which makes you raise a brow. You’re not sure what you’d missed. He senses this and opens up part of his mind that had been blocked from you.

It's his memories of Rey. They share an incredibly deep connection. You watch as Ben and Rey fight side by side, as one, to kill Snoke. They can reach each other on opposite sides of the galaxy. They can physically _touch_ each other with just a thought. You take in a gasping breath as you retreat.

“I have a Force bond with Rey," Ben tells you.

“I- oh,” you say, “oh, you-.” You’re still trying to process what you’d just seen.

Ben, unexpectedly, starts laughing. You cross your arms over your chest, guarded, as you roll your eyes before shooting him a glare.

He relents, laughter dying down, and holds his hand out to you. Ben waits patiently while you stew a little bit, still giving him a look. You huff, but take his hand anyway.

He continues, smoothing the back of your hand with his thumb, “Snoke created the bond. He wanted us to serve him together.” After a pause, he says, “Rey and I are two sides of the same coin.”

You nod slowly, “Is that why you want to find her? To be... together?”

“It’s best if we’re on the same side,” Ben says. His wording catches your attention. _The same side._ “We can restore balance in the universe.”

He tangles his fingers with yours in the midst of your silence. _Are you in the way?_ Though it pains you, you'd never stand between two people like that. After a moment, you nod in reluctant acceptance. “Okay,” you say, “so you and Rey...” 

Ben calls your name softly, a tiny smile forming on his lips. "My bond with Rey is... familial," he says, grinning fully now, amused as he feels your relief. "It's different than ours."

You yank your hand out of his. "Everything I feel is funny to you," you say, suddenly very irritated. Ben's mouth is open, startled. Sensing your displeasure with him, he pushes his affection for you through the bond. You ignore it; you’re done with his teasing.

"I'm sorry," Ben says with a nervous smile, “I- I don’t really know how to... do this.” He gestures with his hands in the small space between the two of you. 

_Oh_. You don’t know if by “this" he means the mind sharing, the daily dinners, or just actually talking to someone. But Snoke had taken away the chance for Ben to share anything with anyone.

“And you’re just-“ he runs his fingers through his curled hair, “you’re just so fucking cute when you’re jealous.”

“I’m not-,” you insist, your face heating up, “jealous.” You're _not. Jerk_.

“Don’t forget, sweetheart,” Ben tells you, voice low, “I can feel you.”

“You’re extremely annoying,” you tell him. “Do you know that?”

“I know,” he chuckles, “but you still like me, don’t you?” He taps a finger on the back of your hand and flashes his teeth.

 _How dare he try to be cute right now?_ But you're weak for him, for those little lines that frame his smiling mouth. 

You snort, “Yes, of course I still like you.” You have a sudden urge and you give into it. You brush your fingers through his soft, dark hair. The ends curl around your fingertips as you twirl the strands.

You think that’s the end of it, but then Ben says, wistfully, “No one’s ever said that and meant it before.”

There’s a pang in your chest as you run your fingers through his hair again. But Ben, the weirdo, is smiling. Your brows knit together in confusion.

“Keep going,” he says, nudging your hand that has stilled in his hair. So you nod and continue combing through his wavy hair as you tuck your face into the crook of his neck. Ben holds you tight to him and lets out a breath. Through the connection, you feel his relief.

+++

When you wake up the next morning, you flop onto your side to see Ben with his back to the headboard, typing away on his datapad. You pillow your head onto his thigh and close your eyes to fall back asleep. He’s so damned _comfortable_.

You rub your cheek a little bit into Ben’s sweatpants and he chuckles quietly above you. You’re so at ease like this. You wonder if he’s like this with anyone else. But you stop yourself because _your insufferable Supreme Leader_ will accuse you of being jealous again. _You’re just curious, okay?_

You think about Ben’s Knights. They’re probably closer to him than anyone else. _Are they best friends? Do they hang out?_ In his mind, they’re hidden from you.

You trace shapes onto the fabric covering his knee, "How come I can't see what your Knights look like, even in your mind?"

"I've blocked it from you."

"Why?"

"Your mind may be more open if you're overly familiar with them," he says. "If they sense that you know about them, what they look like..." He trails off, but you understand. They'll know about the bond you share with Ben and that could be dangerous for both of you. “I trust them to a degree. Never completely.”

He pauses for few moments before asking, "Do you still- I mean, have you changed your mind about it?"

You know he's talking about you wanting to be with him. You turn your head to look up at him. "I did not change my mind," you say with a little grin on your face. 

"Good," Ben says, "because I've found a way. If it's acceptable to you."

You sit up, then, as your heart drops into your stomach. The new base is less than a week away and you'd known Ben would figure something out. But you're nervous, now that it’s time. _What if you aren't capable of it?_

"Of course it's acceptable," you say (unconvincingly) and he laughs that cute little laugh.

"You don't even know what it is."

_"If I'm with you, it doesn’t matter what it is._

Ben's face glows pink and he looks away. _Adorable_. "I was owed a favor," he begins, "by General Morgan of Terra I."

You know that planet. Ben had mentioned that it was the closest to your Earth.

He continues, "Everything is in place. All you have to do is agree." Ben hands you his datapad and you see a file on yourself, "You were adopted by John Morgan in 10 ABY. After the academy, you worked on a First Order base as a linguist on Terra I until reaching the rank of Lieutenant. For the last two years, you've been stationed on Vardos, helping to oversee the process of rebuilding the planet."

You're just watching Ben's mouth move, at this point. This is the most he's said at one time since you've know him. _It can't really work like this, can it?_

"Of course it can," Ben says, self-satisfied. "No one will question it."

Your mouth hangs open. Someone will know you'd never gone to the academy. Someone will know you aren't the General's daughter. And everyone will know that you're abso-fucking-lutely _not_ a Lieutenant. _Oh my lord._ Your stomach aches just thinking about it. You'd never be able to pull it off.

"You will." Ben is determined to make you believe it. "You’re strong and smart. Besides,” he leans forward, “I am the Supreme Leader. No one will challenge my word."

And _fuck_ if that's not the most attractive thing you've ever heard in your entire life.

"You will report directly to me," he tells you. "I will make sure of it."

You let out a shaky breath, "Must have been one hell of a favor dad owed you."

Ben closes his eyes and grunts, "It was."

You wonder if you're worth it, "You won't regret cashing it in for me?"

He immediately locks eyes with you, "Never."

"Then, I accept."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please just let me indulge in my unrealistic Lieutenant fantasies ☺️
> 
> A HUGE thank you to everyone reading, giving kudos, and commenting. I am grateful for every single one of you! It truly means a lot! ❤️


	10. Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A skirt, interruptions, and a surprise.

You and Ben are sitting cross-legged, facing each other, in the training room. He’s helping to put up shields in your mind. And when you say he’s helping, you actually mean that you’re just sitting there while he does all the work.

“My Knights are powerful Force users,” he tells you, eyes closed and holding both of your hands in his. “They will be able to penetrate your mind easily without my shields.” You watch him, his dark eyelashes fluttering as he talks to you. Then, his mouth turns into an adorable little frown, “You’re supposed to be concentrating.”

“It tickles, though,” you say.

Ben opens his eyes to give you a look, but it only makes you smile. _Why is he so cute?_

“Wouldn’t they know you put up those shields, then? I thought we weren’t supposed to know each other.” You smooth his thumbs with your own, tracing a few of the many scars he has.

“That’s why this will take a few days, at least,” he tells you. “I have to mask your Force sensitivity as well.”

“Do we have the same Force signature?” 

He brings your hands up and brushes his lips over your knuckles. “Yes,” he says, breath warm on your hands, and the intimate gesture makes you weak. Through the connection, you feel fondness so deep-seated, it melts your insides.

Your face heats up and you almost whine when he releases your hands.

“We have to continue with our regular lessons now,” Ben says. “Try to follow and retrieve what I’m thinking about.”

You close your eyes and touch Ben’s mind through the bond. But he’s not letting you in, so you have to push through. His walls are thicker than he usually makes them. It’s like trying to walk behind a jet taking off, but you worm your way in. 

“Good,” he says, “but this one will be a little difficult.”

You’re following Ben's electric blue light, but it’s too fast this time. It zips in and out of your grasp. Sweat beads onto your forehead as you concentrate on the remnants of a trail. After a few dead ends, you see the light again, but only for a second before it fizzles out. 

Ben always tells you that strong emotions are essential, when calling upon the Force, to help you focus your powers. So you think about Ben- about how warm he feels when he’s lying next to you. You think of what his voice sounds like when he calls your name.

The trail begins to emerge, stronger and more solid as you think of him. You think of how he holds you, how he runs his fingers through your hair, how his brown eyes glimmer with joy when he laughs.

You follow the clear pathway to the blue light that’s waiting for you at the end. When you touch it, a memory bursts open in your mind. _What's your feared Supreme Leader hiding all the way back here?_

It's Ben's memory of the day you’d surprised him with blue milk pancakes for the first time. He sees you as you’ve never seen yourself before- like you’re the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. But like you couldn’t possibly feel anything but hatred for him. You must be pretending to like him to betray him later. 

Yet you smile at him, your mind so open with affection. _When was the last time someone cooked a meal for him? When was the last time someone hugged him? Smiled at him? Treated him like anything but the killer he is?_ You’ll hate him when he tells you the truth.

Your heart hurts as you retreat from the memory. _That's how he felt?_ Swallowing the lump in your throat, you lean forward and lower your body to rest your head on his lap. You don't say anything; you know he can feel just how sad you are.

As you stare at his upside-down face, Ben's hands come to settle around the back of your head, his thumbs stroking your jawline.

"I could never hate you," you tell him. "You know that, don't you?"

He looks down at you, bewilderment clear in his eyes and in his thoughts.

You wrap your fingers around his wrists. He has that confused puppy look going on. It makes you smile, "You're adorable, you know that?" 

Ben snorts, clearly not believing you. But that just makes your smile broaden. No one's ever made you smile this much. 

"You're like a big teddy bear," you tease him. You think of a pink teddy bear and try to send the image to Ben's mind. It must have worked because he chuckles.

"I've had people killed for saying less," he tells you, his eyes vibrant.

You laugh heartily, "Well, then I guess I'm lucky you like me so much, right?"

"Right," Ben says, grinning.

+++

"I thought you would find that humorous," JD says as you're pounding your fists on the dinette, cackling.

His eyes are sparkling when you look back up at him. “Okay, okay," you sniff. “So, you're saying that Raka _peed_ his pants when one of Ben’s Knights Force choked him.”

“Yes, Miss,” JD says, very amused. “It appears that the Lieutenant made unwanted advances to the Knight’s significant other.”

“Oh my god,” you say, blinking back unshed tears. “You’d think that Raka would give up his sleazy ways after things like this happen to him.”

“He is... resilient.”

You bark out a laugh. JD probably means “shameless,” but he’s too nice to say it. As your laughter dies down, though, you know you can’t stall any longer.

You hesitate, “JD?"

“Yes, Miss?”

You tap your fingers on the table. “I’m going to be working at the First Order base,” you say and JD’s shiny platinum face, impossibly, seems to pale. You’d known he wouldn’t be happy about this.

"It is," JD shifts his eyes left and right, "unsafe."

You twirl your fingers around the hem of your sweater, "I know."

"You are not like the others, Miss,” JD says, forlorn. “You are special.”

“JD...” you say, touched by his worry for you.

“Will the Supreme Leader continue to watch over you?”

“Yes.”

JD’s face hardens, “He had better.”

+++

You've been staring at these glittering, gold tights for a good ten minutes. When you turn them, in a certain light, they become transparent. 

You're trying on the Lieutenant's uniform that Ben has acquired for you. The top is a structured, collared tunic jacket with... _Why are there pen holders on this thing?_ Aside from that, it looks pretty standard and has a wide belt with a rectangular silver buckle. 

The thing that's getting to you right now is the very short skirt. And the shimmering tights. Once on, though, the tights become completely transparent on your legs. You pinch the fabric, and where it's not touching your skin, it sparkles gold.

You pull on the skirt and fasten the suspenders. _But that can't be right..._ It hits your upper thigh and has a small slit on the right side. When you top everything off with the winged hat and knee high boots, you look like a flight attendant from the 60s.

You walk out into the living room and Ben looks up from where he’s seated behind his desk.

"Umm, how do I look?" You ask him. The connection abruptly dampens; you can't get a clear read on him.

"Like a Lieutenant," Ben says, gaze returning to his work. _That's definitely not the answer you were expecting._ But you sense impishness. He pointedly does not look at you, even as you approach his desk with narrowed eyes.

You slither into the tight space he's left between himself and the desk, knocking into his knees, disrupting his "work."

"Have I put everything on right?" You ask, trying to get his attention.

"Yes," he says, grunting as you sit on the edge of his desk there.

"Why are there so many pen holders?"

He finally looks up at you, then, "They're for access cylinders. You'll need them to get into certain areas of the base."

"And these stockings?"

Ben looks at them only briefly, "They're blaster-proof." _What_. One of his hands delicately lands on your knee, his eyes still on yours. "And they're climate-controlled," he says, carefully grazing his fingers up your thigh. Your breath hitches as his hand comes to a stop at the hem of your skirt. Through the haze of your mind, you notice that you can't feel the warmth of his hands through the tights. You're sure there were other ways for his point to come across. _Sneaky Supreme Leader._

He smiles deviously as he stands up to crowd you into his desk. _What has gotten into him? Maybe he has a thing for the uniform?_

"No," he says, lowering his head to yours, "I have a thing for _you_ in that uniform." 

_Well, well, well. How delightful._

You open your mouth to retort, when his communicator beeps. His irritation is clear even without the bond.

He grabs it from somewhere on the desk and demands, "What?"

"Tell your hounds to lay off, _Supreme Leader._ " It's Hux again. _Impeccable timing._ You can see why Ben hates him so much now.

"My Knights are doing their job. I suggest you get back to yours instead of whining."

"Well, they've laid waste to two of the interrogation rooms. I will not have-"

Ben cuts off the call. His connection to you opens back up, your little game of flirting now over. Anger floats to the forefront of his mind and his hands clench into fists. He's standing so still, staring out into nowhere. You hop off the desk and lean into him, pressing into his warmth. His body relaxes immediately.

Slowly, you brush your fingertips down the outside of his arms, giving him a chance to back away if he doesn't like it. But he's motionless, so you continue until your hands meet his. You caress his clamped fingers a few times before they unfurl enough for you to slip your fingers through.

You try to intensify your feelings of calm to send through the connection. And in response, an overwhelming feeling of _affection, devotion, wonderment, allegiance, enchantmen_ t occupies every last space of your mind. It's euphoria like you've never felt before.

Ben nudges his nose into the side of your throat, hot air steadily leaving his parted lips. You stand there like that for minutes upon minutes, your forehead pressed into his chest, just reveling in his warmth. His lips brush over your flesh for a millisecond as he straightens up, leaving you with goosebumps. 

Keeping one of your hands linked, you lead him to his lair. It seems he's needed back at work and he needs his cute little outfit on for it. Ben unlocks the door and you drop him off at his closet before you go to fetch his helmet.

He emerges not five minutes later, while you're still dusting off some residual ashes. You bite your lower lip. _Why does he have be so attractive?_ His hair feathers lovingly around his face, slightly brown when contrasted against black. When you give him a smile, he easily gives you one back. And it’s such a staggering feeling. Before you can stop yourself, your thumb finds its way to his lower lip, tracing the curved shape as if to memorize his smile.

Ben catches your wrist and presses his lips to the pad of your finger before bringing your hand to the center of his chest.

“You’re mine, aren’t you?” He asks, eyes bright. Your heart skips a beat, but you don’t need time to think about your answer.

“Yes,” you tell him, “of course I am.”

+++

The scripts are open on Ben’s messy desk in the study. You’ve been staring at these strange runes for over three hours because a few of them (out of thousands) look so darned _familiar_. 

But after looking for any more similarities, you’ve found none. So, you copy those characters onto a scrap piece of paper, and next to them, write corresponding similar characters you know to be Mandalorian. 

You feel Ben’s presence long before you hear the front doors whoosh open. He makes a beeline to his study and leans in the doorway as you look up. He’s completely covered, his arms crossed over his chest. You narrow your eyes when you get the strangest feeling wafting over from him through the bond. Then your eyes quickly widen in surprise; it feels an awful lot like _possession_.

You smirk. _Naughty Supreme Leader._

His cape flicks like a whip behind him as he approaches on silent feet. When he gets to the desk, he unlatches his helmet and sets it down to face you. The gloves follow, his eyes trained on yours.

“What have you been up to?” He asks, bending over the tabletop, pressing his body to yours. You lean your head into his upper arm.

“I don’t think it’s anything,” you say, pointing to your scrap paper. “But I found a few characters that look like Mandalorian. Are there any languages that share a root?”

He traces your copied characters with a finger and his brows knit together. Ben suddenly freezes, realization setting in. “Mandalorian," he repeats. "Shit.”

“What?”

“This is- this is-,” Ben runs a hand through his hair. “Concordia. There was a time that Mandalore’s warriors were in exile. Then the Sith-” He stands up to his full height, eyes darting around the room. “This language is an amalgamation of Mando’a and Sith.”

You’re trying to follow, but don’t understand. So you close your eyes and and focus on Ben’s thoughts. It’s a swarm in there, but you’re able to catch some things. _Darth Maul. Death Watch. Shadow Collective. Darth Sidious._

An ice cold chill runs down your spine. _Darth Sidious?_ A ghostly whisper wiggles its way into your mind like a parasite. You squeeze your eyes shut and try to get away from it, but it latches onto you. A paralyzing feeling washes over you like poison. You’re being chased, held down, suffocated. It's the most terrifying thing you've ever felt.

Ben is suddenly there, holding your face in his hands, repeating, “No, no.” You’re entire body is shaking, hands fisting the fabric covering his chest. “Follow me, sweetheart,” Ben says. “Come to me."

He rubs his thumbs across your cheeks as you tremble, "Just be with me. Don't think about anything else. Just me."

You focus only on him, his voice, and Ben slowly pulls you away and leaves those terrifying whispers behind. They gradually fade into nothing and all you can hear now is Ben’s shaky breaths.

“Who was that?” You ask him. But you know.

He closes his eyes, touching his forehead to yours, “Sidious. Palpatine. He was my grandfather’s master.”

 _But he was dead. What did he have to do with anything?_ And that voice, those whispers. Almost as if he’d been _here_.

You wrap your arms around his neck, just holding him and breathing him in. If Ben has to deal with such haunting things every second of every day... It must be agony.

The way he suffers, how he's tormented by his own mind- it kills you. But he doesn't say anything. He just cradles the back of your head and keeps you close.

+++

It’s the last night you get to spend with Ben on the Finalizer. You’re scared to leave the safety of his room and go out into the world. There are so many things that could go wrong. _How could you possibly pull this off?_

And then there’s the whole Ben's grandpa's master thing. You shiver at the thought.

"You're worrying again," Ben says beside you on the couch, smoothing your furrowed brow with his finger. You grin despite your fears. 

"I don't want to mess up."

He leans in closer, "You won't."

You can't help but believe him. _How does he do that?_

"I have something for you," Ben says.

"Oh?" You're pretty sure your smile is devilish.

He nods, "Close your eyes and hold out your hands."

You do as you're told. You're totally living your rom-com dreams right now. Something warm falls into your palm.

"Okay," Ben says and you open your eyes on a gasp. A kyber crystal, about an inch and a half long, sits in your palm. The pointed end is clear and gradually fogs up to appear white at the flattened edge. There's a wire wrapped around the top, looped and attached to a thin silver chain.

"It's beskar," Ben says. “It'll never break."

A surprised breath escapes him as you leap into his arms. "Thank you," you whisper, voice a little shaky. You're probably squeezing him painfully tight. 

You sit back on your haunches and look down at the crystal. You can't imagine why Ben would be giving you something so precious. But through your connection, you feel his contentment.

"This is the best thing anyone's ever given me," you say. Ben looks wonderfully sheepish, his eyes brilliant. "Will you put it on me?"

He nods and you place the necklace into his hand before you turn around. When he holds it across the front of your neck, you hold up your hair. As the kyber settles a little below the base of your throat, it spreads its warmth through your entire body.

"It called out to me on Ilum," Ben tells you, placing his hand on top of the crystal and resting his chin over your shoulder. As his fingers come into contact with your skin, you feel like you're burning up. It's how you'd felt when Ben had strengthened the connection between the two of you.

"This kyber crystal will help you focus on your powers and make our bond stronger," Ben explains. "If that's what you want."

"Yes," you say, "that's what I want." Absolutely no one can stop the smile pulling across your face. You've never been happier.

When you turn around to look at him, he’s smiling, too. "Oh," Ben says, "another thing." His smile turns a little wicked as he gestures for you to follow him as he gets up.

In the training room, there are pieces of white armor scattered across the mats. Ben holds up a black body suit and hands it to you. Realization hits you and your eyes widen as far as they'll go.

"No!" You say, laughing. "No way!" You're practically jumping up and down as you take the bodysuit from him.

"Yes way," he says, with the most adorable expression on his face. "You'll be part of my Stormtrooper escort to the base."

You squeal with glee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry... this whole story is 100% self-indulgent, but this chapter was 110% 😂😅
> 
> Also, is Hux a master cockblocker or what? 😭


	11. Inception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new life, a new job, and a new problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two days in the life of our girl and her Supreme Leader 🖤

This Stormtrooper armor is so clunky and uncomfortable. Not to mention, you feel like you're suffocating in this helmet. _How does Ben wear that thing all day?_

 _“Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”_ Ben asks in your head. You turn to glare at him, but remember that your face is covered. His helmet is cocked to the side and you just know he’s smirking under there. You’re waiting by the elevator and you can’t stop looking around. It’s the first time you’ve been outside of Ben’s room and you’re safe to act a little excited since no one hangs out near the Supreme Leader’s quarters.

Sadly, though, there isn’t anything but shiny black walls and a few panels here and there. Ben blends right in.

 _“D’you know I have a thing for you in that cape and helmet?”_ You ask and a lovable little cough of discomfort escapes his modulator. _So darned cute_. It reminds you of the vocoder on your helmet that you haven’t tried out yet.

You intentionally make your voice lower, “Supreme Leader.” You joyfully gasp at the unfamiliar sound. Amusement dances along your bond. 

You really wish Ben wasn't wearing his mask right now. He's probably smiling, his hair falling _just so_ over one side of his forehead. Luckily for you, there are other ways of getting what you want now. You close your eyes and focus on the power that flows through you.

Lifting your fingers toward Ben, you concentrate your energy as he’s been teaching you. The Force sails from you to Ben and you direct it to comb through his hair again and again. You smile when a relaxed sigh leaves his helmet.

But something prickles in your mind. To your surprise, you _feel_ the elevator approaching. It quickly sobers you and anxiety settles into the pit of your stomach.

 _“Your senses are improving,"_ Ben says as the elevator doors whoosh open and you both get on. You try to calm yourself and put on your best Stormtrooper act, but you can’t shake your nerves. This is it. The start of your new life. 

You wiggle your hands out by your sides, trying to expel the buzzing in your veins. After you take in a couple of deep breaths, you feel Ben blanket you with _peace_ and an inexplicable heaviness leaves you.

You glance up at him, all jitters gone now. His mask is facing forward, but his mind is with you.

When the elevator doors open, five more ‘Troopers and two Captains are waiting to join the escort at the busy ground floor. You try not to get distracted by everything, but it’s overly-crowded with thousands of people. ‘Troopers march in sections, officers mill about, and loud chatter whirls around you. It feels like you can hear every single voice, every loud boot step.

Inhaling deeply, you do as Ben had told you- blaster at the ready and helmet facing forward. Falling into step, you march behind the Supreme Leader together.

Fear spills off of the Stormtroopers and the Captains in Ben’s presence. It's so thick, so palpable, it makes your head pound. It coils around you and squeezes down on your chest like a snake. You've never been so overwhelmed by _people_ before.

It's different with Ben. He usually keeps his emotions locked tight and tries not to let them consume you. The connection is always open, but often times he pulls back because he feels so guilty when his sorrow leaves you heartbroken. 

You let out a slow, controlled breath while you march. A thin wall appears as you focus your energy on blocking them out. It helps a little, but leaves an intense ache behind. Their fear still threatens to suffocate you.

 _Is that all Ben feels from anyone?_ Apprehension, unease, hatred. You can't imagine living like that. Despite the pain in your head, you gather every last bit of strength you have left to push affection through to him. 

In response, you hear your Supreme Leader chuckle in your mind, _“Peculiar creature.”_

+++

The new base is here on the planet, Csilla. It’s covered in ice and hits sub zero temperatures all year around. You’ve never lived in a cold place before, so Ben had given you an extra set of those sparkly tights and a matching sparkly top to go under your bodysuit. 

It’s almost blinding outside because the sky is the same foggy white as the snow that’s covering every inch of the planet. You wish you could take in a deep breath when you see all the beautiful pine trees surrounding the enormous entrance to the new base. 

You suppose the new base is like Ben's palace. _He rules the entire galaxy, so he's technically the King, right?_ A really handsome and powerful King. A _soft_ King. One who always makes sure you have all your favorite foods, who reads to you because you love his voice, and who looks at you _that way_ with his glittering brown eyes. _But who are you, exactly, in this fairy tale?_ A familiar tingle touches your mind.

 _"Don't get distracted, sweetheart,"_ Ben says, and your face heats up. _He didn't hear all that, did he?_

His chuckle echoes in your mind. _Arrogant jerk._

+++

You’re surprised when you get inside the base because it looks almost exactly like the Finalizer with its shining black floors and walls. After the escort makes their way through the hangar, Ben dismisses all of you with a wave of his hand. You march away alongside the others, your stomach twisting with worry.

But like a familiar song, Ben's voice coasts into your thoughts, _"Come find me."_ His playful tone makes your heart flutter.

Once you reach the main lobby, the group disperses and you walk steadily to the elevators at the opposite end as Ben had instructed the night before. To your relief, no one even gives you a second glance. 

On your way, though, something shiny catches your eye. It's an open door and inside is a massive room that's filled with spare droid parts. A room of rainbows, of parts piled up so high they’re nearly touching the ceiling. It's so colorful, so beautiful, you're lost in your reverie until a Stormtrooper bumps your shoulder. 

"What do they do with those?" You ask the 'Trooper, who’s carting more parts into the room.

"They go to the incinerator," he says quickly and disappears into the narrow pathway. You frown because you think of JD. _If anything happened to him, would he end up here?_ You shudder at the thought.

+++

Once you reach 5F, you can feel Ben very clearly, so you follow his signature all the way to the end of a long corridor. Your space Prince awaits you in front of a lone elevator.

 _"Won't they see us going up together?"_ You ask him.

 _"I've disabled the cameras."_ _Sneaky Supreme Leader_.

The elevator opens up and you both step in, _"Do I get to stay near you?"_

_"Yes."_

You smile behind your helmet, your headache fading little by little. You follow Ben out of the elevator, down an isolated wing, and try to suppress the dread of having to stay without him.

 _"Well, I found you,_ " you say. _"So, what do I get?"_

He laughs exuberantly and it sounds hilarious through the modulator. "Me," he says, and that fluttering in your heart turns into a flame.

Ben stops in front of a door that has a little golden plaque.

 _"These are your quarters,"_ Ben says through the link, _"but you'll be staying with me."_

 _Oh?_ Well, no complaints here, but you don't want to give in so easily. _"Who says?”_

Ben crowds you into the wall beside the door, his gloved hand on the side of your throat. His touch is soft and light as he runs his thumb over your covered flesh. You close your eyes under your mask, completely at ease.

"I say," Ben says, the vocoder on his helmet making his answer sound demanding. But in his mind are lingering doubts. He wonders if you're having second thoughts about this, about _him_. That hadn't been your intention; you'd just wanted to tease him a little.

You place your palm on his chest, _"Okay, my Prince."_ A warm tingle simmers along the bond and your kyber crystal grows hot.

Ben is suddenly back on the move and your armor clinks together as you jog to catch up.

He leads you to the very end of the wing. As you both approach, an enormous door slides open, revealing a palatial suite. Your mouth hangs open and you run across the open living room, dropping your rifle carelessly on a sectional, to look out the floor-to-ceiling panoramic window. 

You take the helmet off to get a better look and you finally feel like you can breathe properly. Outside is what Christmas looks like on a postcard. The pine forest stretches out for miles and you look back at Ben, who's probably been watching you the entire time.

You bet if you stepped out into that forest, it would smell exactly like he does. 

He takes his helmet off and places it on the kitchen counter before making his way over to you.

"It's beautiful here," you say. "I love the snow."

Ben brushes away the stray hairs that have matted onto your forehead from the helmet. You can feel relief coming from him now that you’re safely in his room. He takes your arm and begins removing the plates of armor, setting them on the dining table by the window. Even with his gloves on, he's so gentle. 

When you're down to your bodysuit, he guides you along the window that extends all the way around a hallway and through to a colossal master bedroom. It's a room truly fit for a King. And, unlike every other surface on the base, the floors in here are pine wood. There are thick blankets piled atop the bed and fur-lined loungers. Everything is cozy and warm and perfect.

You watch as Ben goes to stand in front of the window, his cape draping lovingly around his broad shoulders. He turns his face to you, feeling your stare. And the white light illuminates his profile beautifully, giving him an ethereal glow. You feel his Light and he shines with it.

+++

Inside the massive closet, you find your clothes folded neatly inside a dresser. And in addition to those are a multitude of other clothes (all black), more than you’ll ever need. _When did Ben prepare all this for you?_

Two of your Lieutenant's uniforms hang beside Ben's spare tunics and capes.

A sudden rush of dread comes over you. You're really about to do this. You can't mess this up. But then you see your little box on top of the dresser (the one you'd asked Ben to take for you) and your focus shifts.

Ben must have sensed your anxiety because he appears behind you. His arms snake around your waist to rest on your stomach and he just holds you there for a long while, his chin resting on your shoulder.

"What's in there?" He asks, a few moments later.

You let out a little laugh through your nose. "Something very important," you say, reaching for it. It's a lacquered, wooden box with a tiny gold latch on the front. It had always been on Ben's desk, empty. And when you'd asked him for a place to keep _something_ , he'd given it to you.

His arms are still holding you tight as you flick the latch open. Inside, you'd kept all the little scraps of paper graced with Ben's beautiful handwriting. It had begun with just the names of foods, but then he'd leave you little notes, and sometimes sketches.

You'd kept your favorite ones at the top: a piece of parchment with your name written in Latin script, a sketch of a vulptex, and the very first note you'd found on your meal tray.

Ben's silent for a long time before he touches the connection. Your mouth opens on a whisper of a gasp as you clutch onto Ben's hand. 

_Pure nirvana_. That's the only way to describe how Ben is feeling right now. Your head lolls to the side, face tucked into Ben's hair.

You're still trying to fight the fog of ecstasy when your Supreme Leader clears his throat and breaks the comfortable silence. "I've saved my best surprise for last," he says and the loving tone of his voice makes your heart soar.

He takes the box from you and returns it to the dresser. Then, covers your eyes with one of his hands and guides you out of the closet. You sense that you're walking back out to the living room before he stops. There's a familiar feeling prickling in your mind. You know it very well.

Ben uncovers your eyes and, when you open them, you don't know what to do for a few seconds. 

"JD!" You scream, running to your bestie and bouncing on the balls of your feet as you hug him.

His arms awkwardly come up to pat you a few times on the back, but he says, "Oh, how I have missed you."

You glance back at Ben for a moment before turning back to JD. “I missed you, too,” you tell him. “You're really here."

"The Supreme Leader has graciously requested my services."

You're on the verge of happy tears. You can do this. With your two favorite people with you, you can do anything.

+++

You're supposed to be meeting with General Hux, of all people, this morning. It's your first day on the job and Hux is to introduce you to your duties.

You've seen him in Ben's memories, so his appearance isn't a surprise. He does seem less incompetent and whiny in person, though Ben had told you that he no longer has any significant responsibilities. He is a General in name only now. He holds no real power and Ben doesn't trust him _at all_. 

His bright red hair is perfectly coiffed and he's donning a similar uniform as you. Except he gets pants and doesn't have any access cylinders.

"Ah," Hux says, hands behind his back, "Lieutenant Morgan." He gives you a very obvious once-over.

"Yes, General," you fake your best smile. “It's a pleasure to meet you."

He nods, "Yes, likewise. Your record is very impressive." _Oh my god. It is?_ Continuing, Hux says, "I can assure you I understand the appeal of working up the ranks, but I do not envy you."

You're baffled, and it must have shown on your face because Hux explains, "You're the lowest ranking officer to report directly to the _Supreme Leader_." He sneers when speaking Ben's title and you bristle at that. And you know what else he’s insinuating with that statement.

But you don’t react; you're not even supposed to know Ben. You laugh lazily, "I'm a professional, General, I'm sure I can handle it."

Hux snickers as he leads you down the hallway of 5F, "Yes, I'm sure you can, Lieutenant." He stops in front of large double doors. They open slowly with a pneumatic hiss and two fellow Lieutenants exit as you're about to enter.

"Kian," Hux greets, nodding to one, then the other, "Raka." _Oh my god. Raka?_ You instinctively look down to his crotch. _Dry for now._

"General," Raka says, but is eyeing you. He has short, golden hair underneath his winged hat and dark green eyes. Raka doesn't look creepy and pathetic, but you know better. "And Lieutenant...?" He asks, offering his hand.

"Morgan," you tell him, taking it. But instead of shaking your hand, he rubs his thumb across the inside of your wrist. You have to do everything in your power not to wrench your hand away in disgust.

"Morgan," he repeats as you politely pull your hand away. His eyes linger on your skirt.

"Well," Hux interrupts, stepping in front of you, "we have work to do and so do you."

You take in a few calming breaths as you step inside the massive circular room. Opposite the doors is a large window. The view is of the base, beautifully peaceful as snow silently falls. Computer panels line the walls and there are a handful of people already at work.

"Though you already know," Hux says, leading you to the entire left half of the room, "this is the Communications Center. You are to monitor all correspondence from planets and stations deemed 'compliant' and oversee these officers."

He places a delicate hand on the back of a chair, "I would recommend only reporting to the Supreme Leader if a problem arises. Best to stay away."

"Yes, General," you say. _If only he knew how smushy the boss actually was._ "Thank you."

+++

You’re actually feeling really good on your first day. Last night, Ben had helped fortify your mental shields so you’re not bombarded with everyone’s emotions. 

You’d been so at ease that you'd forgotten to worry about your lunch break. Even in another universe, on another planet, the age old " _Whose table do I sit at?"_ still lingers. But the people in the Communications Center with you are pretty great and an Officer, Levins, asks you to join her and the rest of your team. 

She’s about your age and you can see the two of you becoming fast friends. Her shoulder length hair, as bright and red as Hux’s, flicks to one side as she turns to lead you to the mess hall.

The first thing you notice is that the food is completely different than what you'd had on the Finalizer. And you only just realize that it's because you'd been eating _Supreme Leader_ food, not _Officer_ food. 

You're searching through Ben's memories to help you identify some of the foods, but the rattling of another tray startles you out of your thoughts. You look up and see Raka, his lunch set down directly across from yours.

 _Oh, boy._ It seems you’re his new target. The other Officers give each other knowing looks.

"Morgan," Raka greets, taking an uninvited seat. He takes a bite of unfamiliar stew. Anger very suddenly bubbles up to the surface.

"Lieutenant," you say, curtly, before turning your attention to Levins. 

But Raka intercepts, "So, Morgan, you seen the view from the observatory deck yet?" 

You're about to tell him off, when you see Lieutenant Kian set his tray down next to Raka's. _What now?_

"She's not interested in you," Kian tells him as he sits down and removes his hat. He runs his fingers through his curled brown hair, "Are you, darling?"

“Don't call me that,” you snap. Your knuckles turn white as your fingernails dig into your palm.

Raka speaks up, then, "I can take you. Tonight."

There's a "fuck you" on the tip of your tongue, but you swallow it down. You breathe in deeply, then out, before standing up. You're suddenly about to explode.

"If you'll excuse me," you say, collar feeling too tight. You’re surprised by your very quick agitation and anger. You have to reign it in, so you turn to your crew, "See you guys after lunch, okay?"

"Yes, Lieutenant," they say before you return your full tray to the disposal unit.

You're having honest-to-god separation anxiety right now. Nothing is familiar here and you just need a minute. Interacting with so many new space people is stressing you out. _And_ you're essentially an imposter. If you're found out, you’ll be killed.

In the corridor outside the mess hall, you close your eyes and try to meditate. But all you can think about right now is Ben. 

You should probably be worried about how dependent you are on him. 

"If you're playing hard to get, it's working." It's Raka again. _Jesus fucking christ._

You open your eyes, your fists clenched by your sides, “I have a strict ‘no fraternization’ rule.” You snort because of what a ridiculous lie that is.

“On whose order?” He asks, arms crossed and leaning on his side against the wall, very close to you. One more word from him and you’re ready to watch his face cave in.

“Mine, you-“ 

Raka’s suddenly wide-eyed stare interrupts you. He's now standing up straight, looking somewhere behind you, and the busy hallway has become dead silent.

You turn around to see all the officers halting their movements and parting to the sides. Letting out a breath, you relax as you feel Ben closing in. He walks through the hall, strides long and powerful, and everyone stares. The scene fills you with pride, a pleasant shiver running through you.

Out of curiosity, you gently access Raka’s mind and you feel his absolute fear as Ben stops in front of him. Raka’s about to pee himself again and the anticipation excites you.

But after a moment of his helmet staring directly into Raka’s soul, Ben turns to you. “Lieutenant," he says, voice deep and staticky, "The update on your report." _Huh?_ Oh _. Oh._

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” you say, trying not to smile.

“With me,” Ben says, his cape whipping behind him as he turns around. You don’t even spare Raka another glance as you follow Ben at an appropriate distance. He’s just fueled the rumor mill. Your Supreme Leader is so adorably _obvious_.

A thought crosses your mind as the two of you walk down the crowded corridor. You know it’s so, so wrong and you really, really shouldn’t think this way. But seeing the fear on everyone’s averted gazes, the looks of awe, and their small gasps of terror just make Ben that much more attractive.

 _“You really shouldn’t be thinking that,"_ he says, but his tone is teasing.

 _“Did you miss me?”_ You ask, ignoring his comment.

_“I saw you this morning.”_

One of Ben’s specialties is not giving you direct answers. _“I missed you, though.”_

_“I know.”_

You huff. _He couldn’t have known that._

_“Why do you think I came to you?”_

Ben slows his pace near a conference room and the doors open before you even get there. Once inside, you see a large, slate grey table with two covered trays. You look up at Ben, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Why _did_ you come to me?” You ask, slipping your arms into the opening of his cape and inhaling his scent.

“You seemed... distressed,” his modulated voice says. His hands trace up your back, "Why didn’t you eat?”

“I-“ you rub your cheek into his quilted jacket, “I wasn’t hungry.”

He tips his head back and you hear the hiss of air escaping Ben’s helmet as he takes it off. He reaches over to set it on the table and, when you look up at him, he seems irritated. But he gently smoothes your cheek with his gloved thumb. You reach for his mind- he’s thinking about Raka’s proximity to you earlier. You smirk. _J_ _ealous Supreme Leader._

"You must be careful here," Ben says, and he sounds so worried that the smirk falls right off your face. “Call for me if anyone bothers you.”

"I will," you say, but pause to place your hand on top of his. "Kylo," you say and can't help grinning as that name leaves your lips for the first time. "Thank you for all of this. I- if I-" Your throat closes up a little. There's no way you could possibly put what you're feeling into words.

Instead, you touch the connection, opening up your mind and letting your every emotion wrap around it. Ben opens his mind at the same time- something he's never done before.

It feels like you're being held underwater for a second before you feel Ben tilt your head back and hold you close. You feel both of your Force energies twist together, a bright blue light binding your consciences. Your kyber crystal begins to vibrate against your flesh. You feel very pleasantly intoxicated, deliriously happy.

You come back to yourself, looking up into Ben’s glistening eyes. Something had just happened. You don’t know what it is, but you’ve never felt so content in your entire life. In this moment, his eyes hold so much emotion, so much passion. He blinks it away.

There’s a spike of anxiety before Ben asks, “If I were to do something- something wrong, reckless, dangerous... would you still stand by me?” 

“Yes,” you reply, “always.” You don’t know what he’s thinking about and it doesn’t matter. You’ll be on his side, no matter what.

Ben doesn’t say anything, just bows his head forward and nudges the point of his nose to yours. The sensation you get at that moment could only be described as love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love those classic Star Wars lines! 🖤
> 
> And a very big 😘THANK YOU🥰 to everyone who's reading, leaving kudos, and writing those sweet comments! ❤


	12. Vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment, the incident, and the punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: sexual harassment and attempted sexual assault
> 
> If you'd like to skip that part, please stop reading after the first break and pick back up after the second break. A quick summary will be included in the end notes. 🖤

You'd never tell Ben, but Hux is actually not that bad. Of all the times you’ve met with him, he had been pretty decent. Just then, Ben looks up from his datapad and observes you from behind his desk in the study. You're sitting on a lounger on the other side of the room and you panic a little. _He didn't hear that, right?_

"Hear what?" Ben asks. _Hurry, think about something else. Oh, wait, not that._ Why on Earth your mind decides to betray you at this moment is a mystery. The first thing that pops into your mind is Ben wearing his distracting training clothes. This morning, he'd been in _just_ the sweatpants because it was "too hot." _Like, come on, now. He knew what he was doing._

He looks decidedly smug.

"Shut up!" You yell across the room. _Ugh_. He's sitting in a regal chair with his back to the panoramic window and he glows against the gloomy, winter light that's shining through. _Attractive jerk._

"I didn't say anything, sweetheart," Ben says, turning his attention back to his datapad.

You huff and roll your eyes. Lucky for you, you know the perfect new ability to use to annoy him. You hold your hand out and take a few deep breaths, trying to center your mind on your target. An invisible energy leaves you as you focus on Ben's tablet. He's just begun teaching you how to move objects with the Force. Your energy forms a link between you and the datapad. 

It leaves his hands and you feel a little giddy because you know he could have easily wrenched it from your unseen hold, but he lets it go. It floats over to you slowly. You're breathing hard and nearly sweating from the exertion. Once it lands in your lap, you collapse, falling back onto the lounger. Your head is pounding.

Ben can stop blaster bolts and you're getting a headache from moving a datapad across a room.

When you open your eyes, Ben is standing there majestically, gazing down at you. "You're learning quickly," he says, taking the tablet from your lap and setting it aside.

"My head hurts," you whisper, your eyeballs straining a little bit.

He crouches down by your head, "Let me see." You turn your head to look at him as he lowers his hand to the side of your face. You watch him as he uses his powers to alleviate the strain on your mind.

All pain having left you, you’re able to sit up now to be at eye level with Ben. The kyber crystal around your neck suddenly grows warmer, so you wrap your fingers around it. Ben runs his hand through your hair and trails it down your back, to your hip.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says, leaning in closer. “You’re so fucking perfect.” Your face is very hot. The connection between the two of you feels transparent in that moment, like you're seeing into Ben with absolutely no walls.

It's monumental. 

_Affection, contentment, desire, devotion_ blankets you. You're protected and safe and will never, ever be alone. You wonder if he's ever been this open with anyone else before, if he's ever given anyone a part of himself like this.

"Just you," Ben says, "my sweetheart."

Your heart is fit to burst. You know what you feel for him. You _know_. But you’re a coward and you’re too scared to say it. _What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if he only feels attached to you because of the Force connection?_

Ben brings his hands up, his fingers meeting at the base of your skull and his thumbs skimming your cheeks. His eyes fall to your mouth before looking into your eyes. You take in a breath, then Ben gets closer, closer, until his lips press to yours and your eyes slip shut. He's so soft, so careful, so loving as he holds you there. It's chaste, _so chast_ e, but it makes you desperate to stay like this forever. You clutch onto the front of his sweater, every nerve in your body electrified.

Ben huffs a little breath through his nose before parting from you. And the smile he has on his face sets your heart on fire. 

+++

Your first few weeks of work had come and gone and every single one of those days, Raka had shown up outside the doors to the Communications Center for your lunch break. Then he’d gone on to harass you throughout your meal.

You'd been _this close_ to casually telling Ben about it.

You can't always hide behind Ben's cape, though. So you’ve been subtly asking around about the Lieutenant. It seems he hates Hux because of some academy drama and won’t be seen together if Raka can help it. 

And that’s what brings you to the small cafeteria on 5F for higher ranking officers. You only make the grade to get in because you report to Ben. It’s almost empty because most of the senior officers take their meals in their own quarters (or wherever they’re stuck working). But you’ve been told that Hux eats here on a strict schedule, everyday, for lunch. And where Hux is, Raka will not be.

The cafeteria reminds you of one of those rotating restaurants, with windows along the entire curved wall. The snow is peacefully falling outside and this is the perfect place to watch it in silence. Spotting Hux at one of the tables by the window, you feel secure.

You settle in a few tables away from him and let out a breath. Finally, a relaxing lunch. The food in here is a lot better, too, so you actually eat most of it. You’re all smiles as you put away your tray. You fill your travel canister with meiloorun juice and head for the exit. 

But as you’re leaving, two Majors walk in through the entrance across the room, immaturely elbowing each other and laughing. They pick up their trays of food and walk straight for Hux. You get a bad feeling. 

Although Hux is insufferable (you’ve seen his despicable behavior in Ben’s memories), the man is just trying to have a meal in peace, like you had been. And he’s saved you from Raka more than once (for reasons unknown).

The two men sit down across from Hux and their voices echo around the quiet room. You stand there, obscured behind a curved wall.

“ _Armitage_ ,” one of them sneers, “who'd you have to fuck to get in here?"

The other one speaks, “Like he can do anything with that tiny dick."

There's laughter. "Let's see it." 

_Whoo, boy_.

Hux's savior has arrived... and unfortunately, it's you. You take your juice and pick up an abandoned datapad before making your way to the table.

In an overly serious voice, you say, "General Hux." All three men turn to you. "Ah, excuse me, Majors," you politely nod to both of them, setting your canister and datapad on the table.

"Lieutenant...?" The blond one asks, eyeing you suspiciously. 

"Morgan, sir." His brown eyes light up as he looks you up and down. 

"Lieutenant Morgan," he says, "to what do I owe the pleasure?" His hand traces the floating hem of your skirt and you stifle a shocked gasp as his finger dips into the slit. _What. The. Fuck._ This universe is filled with creeps.

"I'd like to confer with General Hux regarding a communications issue," you say, _damn shit instincts._ You have no idea what you're talking about.

"Is that so?" He stands up, and so does his friend behind him. He's not very tall, but he has a muscled frame and you feel claustrophobic as he steps closer.

"Yes, Major."

"Aren't you a pretty thing," he says, his breath swampy on your face. _Good god, this can't be happening._ His fingers slowly lift up your skirt and you bite back a gasp. _Fuck. What the fuck._ You're completely taken aback with shock and anger. Naively, this kind of situation had never crossed your mind. 

But you have to collect yourself. You try to contain your anger as Ben had taught you. Instead, calling upon the Force. Your throat closes up in fear; you don’t know if you can do it. 

To your surprise, _rage_ rapidly overtakes you, it eradicates everything else. Your fists clench tightly to your sides as you imagine the Major with his head bashed into the corner of the table. You see his mangled body on the floor, blood and teeth and tissue scattered around him. You see a vibroblade lodged into the underside of his chin, piercing though one if his eye sockets.

It scares you how much you _want_ that, how much you _need_ that.

"You know it's not good for little girls to interrupt," the Major continues saying as that rage builds. His hand grips your thigh hard and you flinch as he unholsters his blaster with his free hand. You don't think you have much time. _He's going to kill you._ You take in a deep, shaky breath. 

_Use that fury. Concentrate your ire, your hatred._ You reach out to his blaster, still pointed to the ground. Your invisible tendrils latch on to his gun, slightly turning it in his hand to get the correct angle. Sweat beads across your forehead and your fingers quake.

As the hand gripping your thigh begins moving even higher, now touching the edge of your underwear, you release your mental hold and the blaster goes off.

And with that, all your rage leaves you.

"Fuck!" He screams. "Shit! Fuck!" The Major hops on one foot, the other bleeding all over the floor. His friend is trying to take an arm to support him.

You step away and take a deep breath. _Holy fucking shit._ You look down and your boots are wet with blood. But appearing calm is your priority. You cannot look weak here.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Okay_. You stand up straight. _Just pretend for a minute._

"Looks like you need to get that checked out," you tell him. The look he gives you is like death itself. Your heart feels like it's trying to leap out of your chest.

His friend drags him away and his cursing grows more and more distant. You're surprised your legs haven't given out.

You feebly take the seat the Major had been in previously.

"You all right, Lieutenant?" Hux asks you, looking perplexed.

You nod, eyes unfocused. 

_"What's wrong?"_ Ben's voice booms in your mind. And you jolt at the anger you feel across the connection. You can't answer him. You don't have it in you.

"Surely, that's not the first time that's happened to you," Hux says and it's then that you realize Ben hadn't been exaggerating when he'd kept you sequestered in his quarters aboard the Finalizer. You had underestimated the dangers of this place. Raka had been harmless compared to this.

"No, General," you try to smile, but your lip trembles, "of course not." You reach for your canister, but your hand is shaking so badly that you give up.

"I really should have killed Major Kayne when I had the chance," Hux says, reminiscing about something. You can't help but agree with him.

Your attention is caught by a sudden concentration of the Force, an intensely powerful energy. Hux looks weary, then, his eyes flicking to the exit of the cafeteria.

You look behind you and see where that energy had been coming from. It's Beck, one of Ben's Knights, walking closer to you and carrying a huge scythe in his right hand.

Beck's modulated voice says, "The Supreme Leader requests your presence." You don't know why but you're looking for his eyes, yet all you see are silver slats over the viewfinder. You just want some comfort, some reassurance (that you obviously won't be getting from Hux).

You nod, then turn to Hux, "If you'll excuse me, General." He acknowledges and you stand up, abandoning your canister. You don't have the strength to carry it with you.

As Beck leads you down the empty halls, you feel him trying to read your mind. Hopefully, Ben's shields are fully functioning because you don't want Beck to be able to see anything.

The door to Ben's conference room opens. 

"I've brought her, Master," Beck says and leaves immediately, the door sliding shut behind him.

The rage radiating off of Ben is so intense that you feel suffocated by it. You're scared and you're _freaking out_. Some guy just _touched_ you. And that was _normal_. 

_If you hadn't shot him, what would have happened?_

Ben removes his helmet and the moment you see his face, your barely brave facade deflates completely. Your vision blurs, fat tears falling so fast, they roll off your cheekbones and onto your uniform. You wrap your arms around yourself, nearly convulsing because you're shivering so much.

Ben appears in front of you, gently peeling your arms away from yourself and placing them around his waist. He forces your head to his chest and let's you cry and cry. You don't think you can ever stop. Nothing like this has ever happened to you before. You don't know if you have what it takes to be here.

"I need to see," Ben says. And you shake your head. You don't want him to see it.

His thumb rests below your cheek, wet with tears. "Please," he says, desperate like he never is. His downturned eyes plead with you. 

You nod and he enters your mind. 

He suddenly wrenches away from you with a snarl, pounding his fists onto the conference table. It sounds like an avalanche when it cracks down the middle.

You gasp and he turns his attention back to you. He sees the shock on your face. "I'm sorry," Ben says, gathering you back into his arms. "I'm sorry. I should have been there." He turns you both so his back is to the entrance.

The doors whoosh open and you feel Beck enter.

"Bring me Major Kayne," Ben demands.

"Yes, Master."

+++

Through the bond, Ben helps you calm your mind as much as he can. He’s still standing with you, his body shielding you from the door. When Beck returns, you stiffen.

“I’ve brought him, Master,” he says, then promptly leaves.

You’re surprised that Ben leaves his helmet off. He places a kiss to your hair before turning around. You look, too, and there Kayne stands, still not able to put pressure on his injured foot. His boot isn’t fastened all the way and it looks like Beck had dragged him here mid-treatment. 

Kayne, who a moment ago was staring daggers at you, appears to be fixed in place by terror. You can see his eyes quivering from here. _Serves him right, little piece of shit._

“Major,” Ben says, and even without he modulator, he sounds terrifying, “tell me what happened.”

Kayne looks from Ben to you, a daunting realization settling on his face. “Supreme Leader,” Kayne stammers, “there’s- it seems there was a misunderstanding.”

Ben takes a step closer to him and raises a hand.

“No!” Kayne screams as Ben shuffles through his mind. Kayne is gripping his blond hair, his eyes tightly shut, as he mewls in pain. 

“No,” Ben says, “try again.” His voice sounds even, But you can sense Ben’s fury and resentment at what he’s just seen.

Kayne’s body sways and he looks for something to steady himself, “I- sir, I didn’t-“

Ben flicks his wrist and Kayne falls to his knees onto the floor, grabbing his midsection, as he coughs up blood.

"Try again," Ben says, twisting his hand and Kayne yelps, falling to his elbows. Another scream rips from the Major's throat.

"Please," Kayne struggles to say, blood staining his entire face, "Sir." He pounds his fists into the hard floor as he spits out more blood. He sounds like a dying animal.

Ben let's up on him and Kayne's chin hits the floor as his body gives out. 

"Apologize to the Lieutenant," Ben says, turning around to stand beside you.

Kayne still has the gall to look at you with disgust, when he spits out, "I'm sorry." He immediately begins to wheeze and claws at his throat. He's struggling so hard that his blunt nails pierce through skin, leaving bloody gashes all across his neck.

When Ben releases him, Kayne tries again, unprompted, "I'm very.” He pauses, unable to get a breath in, “Sorry. Lieutenant."

Just then, Beck returns. If he’s surprised by Ben's unmasked state, he doesn't show it. Ben had told you that the two of them had trained together years ago, before Ben had even been a Knight. But Beck doesn't see Ben without the helmet often anymore.

"Take Kayne Below," Ben says, emotionless, "to Room Five."

Kayne's eyes go wide, "No. No, no, please, sir." He fights off Beck's hold for only a second before his hands are cuffed with the Force. "Supreme Leader, please. I- I did what you said. I-" 

With a wave of Ben's hand, Kayne's mouth seals shut. Muffled screaming is heard before the doors quickly close behind them.

Ben grabs his helmet and stands in front of you, “Will you come with me?”

You nod and he looks at you one last time before his face disappears behind his helmet.

+++

Unlike your first walk together down 5F, you're not following him. Ben is walking tightly beside you, his cape fluttering at your shoulder. The few officers traversing through the halls stare intently at you, trying to figure out what they're seeing.

 _"Where are we going?"_ You ask Ben through the bond.

_"Our room."_

" _But my shift-_ "

_"I'll take care of it."_

You and Ben take the elevator to your floor and, still in a daze, you make it to Ben's room. A shower would probably do you some good. Outside the window, you see the snow delicately floating down from the sky. But you can't find peace in it right now. You feel detached. 

You choke on a breath as Ben touches you. He's placing his cape around your shoulders.

"Sorry," you tell him, gathering the opening of it together to close around your neck. Ben reaches over from behind you, his hands fastening it at your throat. His cape is warm and smells like him. It makes your throat pinch.

“Please don’t apologize,” he says, holding you close to him with an arm across your chest. After a moment, he lets go of you and you feel him kneel beside you to unfasten your bloodied boots.

As Ben helps free your feet, your chest feels funny. It's something you've never felt before. You think that even calling it "love" is too light a word. And it's both frightening and the most tremendously wonderful feeling you've ever had. 

"Ben?" Unexpectedly, you feel frantic, "Ben."

After taking off both of your boots, he stands in front of you, hulking frame blocking out the foggy light from the window. His brow is furrowed, concern obvious. 

"Thank you," you tell Ben, so incredibly overwhelmed with _him_. You've never needed someone like this before. _Does he need you, too?_

"Yes," he says, "I need you." Through the connection, you can sense that he wants to touch you, but isn't sure if it's welcome right now.

You reach for one of his hands and tug his glove off. Very carefully, Ben runs his fingers across the back of your hand, up along the outside of your uniform's sleeve, to your shoulder, to the exposed skin on your throat.

_How many times were you warned that it wasn’t safe? Were you that cocky? Were you that stupid?_

“No,” Ben says, closing his eyes for a second and letting out a pained breath. “Don’t think that.”

“But-“

“It’s not your fault,” he says.

Your throat feels tight. “Ben.”

“It’s going to be okay,” he says, embracing you. He removes your winged hat and tosses it on the couch so he can comb his fingers through your hair. You let out a reassured breath, knowing that his touch still relaxes you just as it always has. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary for those who skipped: Our girl, while trying to help General Hux get out of being bullied, is sexually harassed by one of the bullies, Major Kayne. He inappropriately touches her and pulls a blaster on her. Our girl uses the Force to direct the blaster hit to Kayne’s own foot, saving her from further harassment or assault. Unfortunately, it's normalized in this universe and she's very, very shaken up. Ben senses her distress and calls out to her, but she doesn't answer. One of his Knights, Beck, comes to pick her up per Ben's request.
> 
> +++
> 
> And finally, a kiss! 😌


	13. Remainder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath, fresh gossip, and a very important favor

Ben had tucked you in early yesterday before reluctantly leaving to take care of something. You'd woken up a few times from smothering dreams- ones you couldn't remember, but had made you feel trapped. 

Now you're drifting, gradually waking from an anguished sleep. It's still dark and when you try to stretch, you feel a warm weight around your throat and high up on your thigh. You feel crushed, your heart stalls, you're cold. You thrash, desperate to get away, and your leg gets caught on the sheets as you tumble onto the rug framing the bed.

You look up. Sitting up in bed, hair askew, is Ben. It's only Ben, not some predator, not some nasty Major. Your hands come together over your nose and mouth in disbelief. You’re nearly hyperventilating. It's just Ben. _What is wrong with you?_

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." You're shaking your head, wrapping the sheet around yourself.

Ben slides across the bed and kneels in front of you. His eyes look so sad as he shushes you. 

You throw your arms around him and nestle your face into the side of his throat, crawling into his lap. "I don't want to be scared, Ben." Especially not of him. You _know_ he'd never do anything to hurt you, but your mind isn't catching up.

Ben consoles you, his hands grazing up and down your back. "Can I make it better?" He asks. "I can put a glamour over it."

You lean back a little bit to look at Ben. _But wouldn't that be cheating?_ You're so weak, you need someone to mask your anxieties because you can't handle them.

"No," Ben says, touching his nose to yours. "You're strong."

"I'm not." You feel his frustration with you through the bond.

He tilts his face a little bit and presses the gentlest of kisses to your parted lips. You search his eyes and they're so earnest, looking at you like you're something precious. _Love_ flows to you through your connection.

It makes you smile, something you haven't done since yesterday.

"There it is," Ben says, rubbing his nose up and down your own.

You don’t want to live in fear. This place, this universe, is just too different. _Is needing help so bad?_ Jumping out of your skin when Ben touches you is the absolute worst feeling. You don’t ever want that to happen again. 

But you can't just cover up every single thing that scares you. You need to process things yourself. You won't let some piece of shit make you feel weak.

“Will you do something else for me?” You ask him. “I- I want to train more. Everyday. I want to learn how to use a blaster. I want more combat training. I want to- I want...”

“Okay,” Ben says, “okay. Anything you want.”

He untangles the sheet from you and stands up. You wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you back to bed. He carefully sets you down before slipping in beside you. After placing a kiss to your forehead, he pulls you close so every part of you is touching him.

As he pulls the covers back over both of you, you're already drifting, and you soon fall into a dream-filled sleep.

You dream of training, of shooting practice, of walking beside Ben with your blaster holstered on your hip. Then you see a planet of sand, a planet of forests, and a planet you know well: Naboo.

+++

With a smile, you wake up to Ben’s thumb tracing invisible lines on your cheek. He’s so snuggly and big and warm. You want to wake up like this every single day for the rest of your life.

“That far gone for me?” He asks, fingers lightly tapping your cheeks.

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.” But you beam at him. You raise your finger to follow the outline of his lower lip as it curves upwards. There’s nothing in this universe that could top Ben’s smile.

+++

"You're avoiding the subject," you say to JD, who's sitting across from you at the dining table.

"To what are you referring?" He asks, eyes blinking innocently.

"You've never been excited about these _holodramas_ before," you say. He's not telling you something, but you can't use the Force to read a droid. Besides, you wouldn't do that to him.

"Well, since I am now housed on the senior officer's level, I have access to many more things."

 _Oh_. "What else do you love doing?" You ask. JD had told you before that he has no hobbies, so this is all new.

"Well, Miss, I have found that I like to build things."

"Really?" You smile, "Is there anything you're not good at?"

JD taps his metal fingers on the table, "Not that I know of."

You laugh, but then you realize that JD has successfully dodged the main subject again. _Trickster_.

He senses your change in demeanor and looks away to avoid your calculating stare. _What secrets could your crafty best friend be keeping from you?_

“Come on, JD, what is it?”

“Miss, I-“

“You said we were friends.” You feel a little bad for guilting him like this.

“But, Miss,” he pleads with you, “I do not think you would be pleased to hear it.”

“You love gossip, though.”

“Yes, but not when it pertains to you.”

Well, now you have to know. “Please, JD?” There’s definitely some trash going around about you since Kayne. Your communications crew hasn’t been treating you any different for the last few days, but you’ve been getting _looks_ from people you don’t know.

“Well,” JD takes a moment to release a put-upon sigh, “the word is that the Supreme Leader has used his influence to... acquire you.”

“Acqui-“ you burst out laughing, “oh my god.” You haven't laughed this hard in a really long time. You’re clutching your stomach and have to wipe away a stray tear. “Do they really think he’d do that?”

“I believe they do not think anyone could possibly love him,” JD says and all the humor from the situation gets sucked out of you. Your heart constricts, aching for Ben. If only they’d known what he’d gone through, how he’d been manipulated into joining the Dark Side. If only they could know how much pain he feels when he thinks of his parents.

But a selfish part of you doesn’t want them to know. You want to be the only one he shares that with. _Good god_. You make a face at yourself. _When did you get so possessive?_

+++

“I was yelled at today,” Ben says as the two of you eat dinner at the table in front of the window. The sun is about to set and there’s a snow flurry that is speckling the pine trees white.

You almost drop your spoon when you process what Ben has just said. “You- what?”

His eyes are filled with mirth as he nods.

“By who?” You ask, genuinely wondering who on Scilla has such a death wish.

“JD.”

“JD?!” You exclaim, arms flailing uselessly at your sides. You need to get to him right now.

“He wanted to make sure I knew how stupid I was to not have you guarded around the base,” Ben says. He takes a sip of juice while your mouth hangs open. “He also told me that if anything were to happen to you, he’d find a way to kill me.”

You gasp. _Jesus fucking christ_. You have to retrieve what’s left of JD. _Is his head is still intact? Would you be able to rebuild him? What about his central wiring harness and- and-_

Ben laughs quietly as he watches your internal struggle. “Relax,” he says, “JD’s fine.”

You give him a look, attitude clear on your face. “JD’s fine,” you repeat, skeptical. _How did that sneaky bestie of yours even find out about what happened?_

“Yes,” Ben insists. 

While you know he’s telling the truth, you’re not sure how that could be. _Ben?_ Your _Ben? Allowing someone to talk to him that way?_

A blush rises to Ben’s cheeks and he tries to distract you by gesturing with his hands. “Well, you- he’s your friend, so...” he trails off and you suck your lips between your teeth, trying your best not to smile. Ben looks very charmingly bashful. Honestly, you’ve never seen anything more attractive in your entire life. 

You send affection through the bond and Ben smiles, shy, as he looks away from you. That little grin makes you want try something else, something _more_ , so you close your eyes. You take in a meditative breath and fixate on something you could never put into words: the absolute rapture you feel for him in the deepest depths of your heart. 

You crack an eye open to see if it’s worked. Ben’s staring at you, his shining eyes downturned at the corners and his lips curled up. It’s like he’s looking directly into your very soul, the place he’s imprinted on. He’s confused by you again and it delights you. _Have you not been obvious enough?_

Ben looks away again and clears his throat. He hides another tiny little grin behind his glass as he takes a sip. “I have to take a trip to Tatooine next week,” he says, changing the subject. And you let him because you know it’s hard for him to be so open with you. _Sweet space Prince._

“The desert planet?” You ask, collecting clear broth onto your spoon.

Ben nods, “Your first ‘field trip.’”

Your spoon halts on the way to your mouth, “What? I get to come?”

“Of course,” he says, “I wouldn’t leave without my very best linguist.”

You abandon your spoon to clap your hands together, but then remember something. “What about my post?”

Ben chuckles, “Hux has volunteered.”

You’re waiting for the joke. “What.”

“I was as surprised as you are. I guess he felt guilty about what happened with Kayne.”

That name makes anger rise within you. You’re glad that Ben hadn’t glamoured it. You feel satisfaction in the hatred you have for Kayne. It fuels you. You really hope he’s suffering somewhere. 

“Hux has tamed a bit, hasn’t he?” You ask. The General has seemed pretty resigned compared to what you’ve seen through Ben, unless Hux is pulling some kind of long con. But he knows he’s no match for Ben now.

He nudges your foot underneath the table to get your attention, but you’re still wearing your glitter tights, so it feels a little weird.

“Who else is coming?” You ask, running your toes up and down his ankles.

His eyes widen a fraction as he slowly sets his spoon down. _Why do you suddenly feel like you’re going to be in trouble?_

But he sounds calm when he says, “Beck and LK.” _Hmmm_. So, it’s just going to be the two of you, plus two of Ben’s Knights. Your Supreme Leader is inappropriately using his status to take you on a little trip, it seems. _What is he plotting?_

You run your toes a little higher on his calf and watch his eyes narrow on you. Out of nowhere, a tingling sensation tickles across the bottom of both of your feet and you break out into a fit of giggles. You stomp your feet on the floor to try to alleviate the itch. 

It’s no use, though. Ben’s being a big jerk and not letting up. He watches you with amusement until you’re out of breath and the tickling dies down.

“You can’t do that!” You yell at him, panting.

“I’ve told you already. I am the Supreme Leader,” he says, using his ruler-of-the-Galaxy voice. “I do what I want.”

 _Oh, boy._ These stockings are doing nothing to control the heat prickling your entire body.

+++

While Ben is out taking care of a favor you’d requested of him, you’re looking through your closet. It’s the day before your first field trip and you’re trying to pack, but don't find anything that could be worn in the desert. You'd forgotten about that one little detail. You shrug and grab your favorite sweater to change into.

"I've already packed your bags," Ben says from the doorway. _My, my. Dialogue straight from a cheesy rom-com. Just how you like it._

"Oh?" You ask and notice that he's not wearing his boots or helmet, but he is still wearing the cape. _Damn him._

He merely nods. He's been a bit secretive about this mission.

"You still haven't told me what I need to do on Tatooine," you say, draping the sweater over your shoulder to free your hands so you can slide them beneath his cape. You don't weasel your way into his mind because you can feel the mischief emanating from him. It makes you curious. _What's your sneaky Supreme Leader up to now?_

"Oh, you know," Ben says, smoothing his hands across your back, "interpreting, talking to the locals." You have to stifle a laugh. He doesn’t need you; he holds the exact same amount of linguistic knowledge as you. He's in a playful mood and you relish in it.

"Yes, Supreme Leader," you say sweetly. You can feel him smirking into your hair. You've found that he _likes_ when you call him that. _Or do you think he'd prefer "Master?"_

Ben's hands stop in place and his body goes taut for a second. _Aha!_ It's your turn to smirk now. 

_"Little brat,"_ he says in your head. You snicker into his chest and squeeze him tighter. 

+++

Ben's command shuttle looks like a cute little bird. It's parked in the docking bay with its wings up.

You’re making your way over, when you hear JD calling your name. When you turn around, he’s crossing the hangar, gesturing wildly with his arms.

“JD,” you say, hands on your hips, “you’re supposed to be resting, for once.”

“Yes, Miss, but...” he pauses and regards you for a moment. “It is _wonderful_.”

You grin, ecstatic from his reaction. You’d asked Ben to allow JD access to that magical Rainbow Room of spare droid parts and your favorite Supreme Leader had set it all up yesterday. _Softy_.

“I’m so happy that you like it,” you tell him, “and if you need other specific parts, you can use the holopad I left in your room. They’ll be delivered to you.”

“I-“ JD tilts his head from side to side. “Thank you, Miss.” He looks into your eyes and opens his arms. He shuffles his feet forward, close to you, and curls his arms around your shoulders. You’re struggling to keep it together, tears stinging your eyes. He’s _hugging_ you.

“You’re welcome, JD,” you say, hugging him back. He looks a little shy when he pulls away from you. "Oh," you add, "I also loaded that holopad with all the latest episodes of that holodrama."

He looks absolutely delighted and it warms your soul. “Oh my, Miss, I nearly forgot,” JD says, holding out his hand and opening it. There’s a little metal pod resting on his palm. 

“I made this for you, for your first mission.” He sounds so proud of you. “It is a first aid pod- my creation. If you are to be injured, press this button,” he gestures to the top, “and the mini droid will release bacta and close up any wounds.”

Your mouth is open, so pleasantly surprised. “JD,” you say, voice quiet, “thank you.”

“You are very welcome, Miss.” JD bids you goodbye and leaves you with the biggest smile on your face. Of course the magnet on the pod attaches perfectly to your belt, right beside your blaster. JD really is the best.

As you walk up the ramp, you sense Ben inside the shuttle. He's standing in the cockpit, grandly, looking out the viewport. His helmet is pointed down to the control panel there. You don't sense anyone else aboard yet, so it's probably safe to approach. 

"Hi, Kylo," you say as you sidle up to him. He's typing something into one of the panel’s screens. Without a word, Ben maneuvers you so you're directly in front of him, head tucked under his chin. He barricades his arms around you and continues typing.

But then you feel Beck's presence along with an unfamiliar one, likely LK. You try to duck under Ben’s arms to separate from him. Heavy, booted footsteps can be heard on the ramp, but Ben doesn’t let you go. It sounds like the two Knights stop just beyond the doorway.

“Master,” their altered voices say in unison before marching away.

So much for keeping you and him a secret. Ever since Kayne, Ben has made it a point to be seen with you.

You lightly touch his gloved right hand and it halts for half a second before continuing to type. You ask, “Can I stay here and watch you fly?” After finding out that Ben is an expert pilot, like his dad, you’d really wanted to see it.

“Yes,” he says, moving his helmet so the bottom of it now rests on your shoulder. You turn your head and kiss where his cheek would be. A garbled sound escapes his modulator.

You squeak when he wraps an arm very tight around your waist and says low, in warning, “Sweetheart.” He presses some buttons and the shuttle’s engines come to life, roaring below your feet. You clutch onto the arm securing you as Ben pulls a lever and the craft pulls off the ground. It glides across the hangar and out of the opening. It flies up and up into the darkness of space.

It’s a familiar sight outside- what you’d seen out the window for your entire stay on the Finalizer. _Ben piloting the ship with one hand shouldn’t be this hot, right?_ It’s only about ten minutes before Ben inputs some numbers on the panel, then lets go of the controls. The ship lurches forward and you both stand there for a few moments, looking at the flashing, bright lights passing over the viewport.

Hyperspace feels so much more intense than it had looked in Ben’s mind. It’s mesmerizing. You stare until your eyes strain.

“Want to see the rest of the shuttle?” Ben asks, his voice low and fuzzy.

“Yes!” You don’t hide your excitement. You still can’t believe you’re _traveling through space_. Sure, you’d been on the Finalizer, but it had moved slowly. This is completely different. You can feel the shuttle rumble, like it’s alive.

Ben walks beside you, hand on your lower back, guiding you out of the cockpit. To the left, a door slides open. It's a large bedroom and on the floor, near the foot of the bed, are two duffle bags. 

You have a feeling of which one's yours. When you plop onto the floor and unzip it, you’re shocked to see a pile of linen clothes in ivory and lavender. You look up, catching Ben watching you, “Does this mean I get to see you in other colors, too?”

He nods at the other bag. You open his duffle and he’s packed a baby blue robe. Underneath, you find a loosely woven bandana and tinted eyewear.

“We’ll need to wear those,” Ben says.

“Because of the sand?”

He nods before walking over to a wardrobe in the corner of the room. He pulls out one of his sleep shirts and places it on the bed for you.

He hasn't taken his helmet off and you sense that he's more guarded because his Knights are here. You're not sure where he's looking, but he's thinking about you. He's thinking about how happy you'd been to see him last night. He'd been late and you'd told him that you'd missed him because you always do. _Why is he thinking about that?_

"You should get some rest. It'll be a while," Ben says, holding his hand out to you. You take it and he hoists you up.

You look up at him, "What about you?"

His gloved hand covers your cheek, "I'll be just outside." 

You nod, but there's something bothering you. Ben turns to leave but you grab his hand. "Wait," you tell him.

He looks at you, his helmet cocked to one side. You're not sure how to classify this _feeling_ you're having right now. You're uneasy. But that can't be right because you feel relaxed, protected, _safe_.

That's when you realize that the unease is coming from Ben. _Why?_ But you've seen inside his mind so you think you know. There hasn't really been anyone in his life he _had._ Someone who cares for him, someone who loves him and wants to be with him. Someone who'd miss him when he isn't there.

You squeeze his hand, "I'm here, no matter what. You know that, right?"

Ben doesn't move or acknowledge what you'd said.

"Please tell me you know that, Kylo." Your brow furrows. You really want to see his face right now.

Ben takes his hand away from you and your stomach drops. But he's just taking his glove off. "I know," he says, huddling close to you, his bare hand gripping the back of your neck. "I know," he repeats, "I just don't know _why_."

There's a twinge in your heart.

"Why?" You say, rubbing the exposed skin on his wrist. "Because you're sweet, Kylo, and you're thoughtful. And," you try to hold back your smile, "you make me happy."

His helmet observes you for a moment. "You make me happy, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Kylo! 🥺
> 
> A very big THANK YOU to every reader, kudos-giver, and commenter! 🖤 It really means a lot!


	14. Luminescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Landspeeders, shiny things, and silence.

When you wake up, you find two canisters of water and a covered bowl of soup on the nightstand.

 _“You have to finish all of it,”_ Ben says, sensing that you’re awake.

A little smile creeps onto your face. _“Yes, Supreme Leader.”_

You’re enjoying your breakfast in bed when Ben enters the room, his cape majestically trailing behind him. He removes his helmet and gloves and places them on a lounger.

“Look,” you say, pointing to the almost empty canisters and beaming, “almost done.”

He snorts as he walks to you, unlatching his cape and taking off the cowl. “Very good, sweetheart.”

But then, Ben's eyes lock onto yours with such intensity, it makes you pause your eating. His eyes slowly rake over your form. You're wearing just his sleep shirt and that feeling of _possession_ floods your bond. Suddenly, you’re hot all over, your kyber crystal heating up with you.

You watch him intently as he takes off his belt and quilted jacket before placing one of the duffle bags at the foot of the bed. When you see the lavender robe, you realize he’s setting your clothes out for you. You smile behind your spoon as you take the last bite.

After setting your bowl aside, you get out of bed to join him.

“Change into these,” he says, gesturing to your pile as he retrieves the other duffle. While he’s gathering his own clothes, you sneak up behind him and wiggle your arms underneath his to wrap around his waist. When your cheek presses tightly to the back of his undershirt, he halts his movements.

“You’re so sweet, Kylo,” you say. “Thank you.”

He clears his throat and you can just picture his embarrassed little blush. “We’ll be arriving on Geonosis soon,” he says. “Did you want to see the landing?”

“Yes,” you say, cheek still smashed into him.

He chuckles, “You can’t stay like that forever.”

You only laugh in response because _yes, you damn well can._

+++

Ben is tying his cowled outer robe closed on top of his beige tunic. It’s baby blue and makes him look so soft and cuddly. The tiny gold flecks in his eyes glint lovingly under the bright lights of the shuttle. You can feel that Ben's mind is at ease and it makes your heart flutter.

“We don't have all day, Princess," Ben says as he closes his belt over his robe and holsters a blaster and a flashlight. "When you're done admiring me, you should get changed." You scowl as he turns around to put canisters of water into his bag. _Arrogant ass._

You keep the sparkly tights on since it’s supposed to be dry and hot on both Geonosis and Tatooine. The shorts and tunic are nice change from your heavy First Order uniform and there’s even a cute harness belt to match. Ben returns to attach a blaster and a vibroblade to it, then you place JD’s mini droid next to them with honor.

Ben fetches a bandana and stands behind you as he covers your nose and mouth with it. It has a small vent in front and completely encases your jaw. The glasses are next- a thinned out piece of curved transparisteel that’s been tinted, so you can only see out one way. 

“Okay, my turn,” you tell him, voice a little muffled, as you pick up the other bandana. He dutifully turns around and you reach up to fasten it as best as you can over his soft curls. When he snaps the glasses closed around his head, he turns around. _Fuck_. He looks like a superhero. 

He raises a brow, "Superhero?"

"Oh, umm," you look away, but Ben catches your chin and turns your face back to him. The most peculiar feeling travels from him to you. _Wonderment. Curiosity._ Even though you can’t see his eyes, you lose yourself in his stare.

"Tell me," he says quietly, then slides his hand up your cheek, engulfing the entire side of your face. 

"Well," you say, as you think of him, “it’s someone who's brave and strong. Someone powerful. Someone who can save the world."

Ben leans forward, bends down so his forehead rest against yours, glasses clinking together. "You're the only on who sees me that way."

"Because you let me see you," you tell him. Very suddenly, an intoxicating feeling comes over you, airy and pleasant. You clutch onto Ben’s robe, satisfaction seeping so deeply throughout your entire body that you lose your balance.

"What else?" He asks, moving his hand to cradle your skull.

You smile, still lost in that pleasurable feeling, “There's always a girl. Every superhero needs a girl."

"Oh?" He chuckles, quickly placing a covered kiss to your forehead. "And?"

"And- and there's always a weapon." Which reminds you... "Where's your lightsaber?" You ask, not seeing it anywhere.

Ben lifts up his robe and tunic and you look down into the small space between you to see a low belt with a holster attached to it. His lightsaber is hanging from his thigh. You have to bite your lip to stifle a gasp as your hand, absentmindedly, reaches for it. It's as if he goes out of his way to tease you.

"Oh, yeah?" Ben smirks, letting his clothing fall back into place. _Ugh_. You roll your eyes. _Insufferable_. He chuckles and the sound is so captivating that you forget you'd even been annoyed.

"Come on," he says and reaches behind you. Now he’s holding up some canvas boots. Your Supreme Leader crouches down and you realize that he wants to help you into them. _Sweet lord._ He laces them up and then tends to his own.

"Are we going undercover?” You ask.

He’s stuffing his duffle bag with more water and lets out a small laugh, “Yes.”

“I’m probably a terrible spy,” you say, smiling underneath the bandana. He zips up the bag and throws it over his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” Ben says, catching you off guard as he takes your hand in his and leads you to the door.

+++

As the shuttle comes into the planet's atmosphere, Ben takes over the controls. He seats you in the co-pilot's chair beside him so you can look out the viewport. Your Supreme Leader turns his head, his glasses tilted towards you as if saying, “You watching me?” _Damn, that’s adorable_.

As you see the environment slowly come into view, you’re awestruck. It's a mountainous desert and everything is tinged red, the color of terra cotta. In the midst of mountains, rock spires have formed so high they're probably hundreds of feet tall.

Ben lands the shuttle behind a little silo built into the rocky ground. Now that you've parked, the air looks thick outside, almost visibly red.

You feel Beck and LK approach and when you turn around, they're both wearing tan robes and face coverings. Beck’s straight, dark brown hair falls just under his jaw and he’s bulky, even without his padded Knight’s armor. On the other hand, LK is slight and has curled jet black hair that reaches his shoulders. You can’t stop staring at his pale skin, where it's exposed; it’s perfect like marble and glows under the ship's light.

"Master," Beck says, and his voice is still low without the modulator, but so gentle. "Everything is ready."

+++

Inside the silo is a landspeeder and a few speeder bikes. And you'd totally feel like a spy if it wasn't for your handler (Ben) hovering over you like you'd fall over hopping into the passenger seat. But then your boot slips on the narrow side step and you make the most pathetic sound as Ben catches you.

You swear you hear Beck chuckling. You huff and shoot him a glare behind your glasses. _Great_. Another person who’s amused by you.

After a slightly scary hundred and twenty mile per hour landspeeder trip and a short ride in a discreet shuttle, the four of you land in a very busy Mos Eisley ship yard. Most of the beings are dressed similarly, with many wearing face coverings, so you feel safe blending in. Unlike Geonosis, it's sunny and clear here and it's filled with life.

Beck and LK split off from you as you follow Ben into an adjacent ship yard. His fingers are intertwined with yours as you walk through the crowds and you almost forget you're not home. It's like you're on a little desert date, dressed like a bandit with your Prince and heart flitting with joy.

+++

Ben is driving an old landspeeder beyond the dune sea and you’re taking in the sights, now that you've adjusted a little. After the bustle of the city center, the barren desert seems so quiet and peaceful. You turn your attention back to Ben. His hair is flying back, gorgeously whipping around in the wind.

 _“You mean a lot to me,”_ you say, shamelessly staring at him. _“Do you know that, my sweet space Prince?”_ You've learned that, even with your bond, Ben needs to hear you say things. Even if they're insanely cheesy things. You love seeing that little bit of pink color his cheeks. _Is it so wrong to find joy in that?_

Ben keeps his face straight ahead but you know he’s smiling brilliantly under that bandana. _“Yes, I know.”_ Your chuckle is eaten up by the sound of the speeder.

Shortly, a crumbling building comes into view, surrounded by a long since abandoned marketplace. The speeder comes to a stop in front of the massive stone structure and you and Ben hop out. Anxiety wafts over to you as Ben takes off his bandana and eyewear while coming to stand in front of you.

“I need your help with something,” he says, relieving you of your face coverings. “It’s... important.” He tosses them into the speeder. Through the bond, you feel how nervous he is.

You nod, “Of course, anything.”

He takes your hand and leads you into the building. If this was under any other circumstance, you’d be terrified of walking into this dark, decrepit place. But Ben’s here and you know you’re safe with him. 

It’s absolutely empty inside, just gouged stone walls and staircases remaining. The slivers of sunlight shining though the small square windows lining the walls cast ominous shadows across the open space.

Once at the far end, Ben clicks on the flashlight as you walk with him down a very steep spiral staircase. It’s pitch black down here and you can hear the wind whistling like ghosts through the tight crevices. You clutch Ben’s hand tighter.

When you reach the bottom, the ground is all sand with a stepping stone path. Eerily, as you and Ben step onto the first stone, sconces light up along the walls. And in the center is a lone pedestal, in complete Indiana Jones fashion, holding nothing.

“I want to use the scripts,” Ben says, walking backwards with both of your hands in his until you’re in front of the pedestal. You can’t hide your shock, but you nod anyway. “I need a rune cube, but I can only do it with your help,” he takes in a breath. “Will you?”

“Yes,” you say and a very rare image of Ben’s dad flits across his mind. He's never allowed you to see any details about his family. Realization dawns on you. It breaks your heart to see his internal struggle with Dark and Light. But you’ll have his back, no matter what he decides.

You slide your feet forward so your booted toes are touching, then place both of your hands on his chest. Ben presses his big hands on top of yours as you gaze up into his honeyed eyes. They’re full of love, of Light.

“Be with me,” Ben says, his face glowing beautifully in the warm firelight. You close your eyes and run your thoughts against his, opening up your mind completely. As you immerse yourself into the bond, your kyber crystal vibrates against you. It lives now as a part of you, a reflection of Ben’s feelings for you.

Ben wraps himself around the bond- every single space in your mind filled with him. You see snow, smell fresh pine, and feel a warm blanket around you.

For the first time, you let your love for Ben come to the surface. You’d been too scared to show it before, but if it helps him get his dad back, you’ll happily do it. You know the moment Ben feels it because he mirrors your feelings with his own.

Your eyes open on a gasp, overwhelmed by the strength of your connection to Ben, of his love for you. 

Something shiny catches your eye and you turn to see a tiny chrome cube floating above the pedestal. You laugh in disbelief. _You and Ben did that?_

He plucks the rune cube with his thumb and forefinger; it looks like a shiny die, except with small inscriptions instead of numbers. The smile on his face is one of relief. He pockets the cube and presses your foreheads together.

“We did it,” Ben says, awe clear in his voice. “I wasn’t su-“

You shriek as blaster fire bounces off your thigh. Immediately, Ben shoves you behind him as he reflects several bolts with the Force. At the same time, he unholsters his blaster and begins firing. 

When you take a peak, there are at least twenty people gathered at the base of the stairway, firing at you. They’re closing in. You shut your eyes to gather yourself as you grab your blaster. You haven't had a chance to train with it yet, but you'll do what you have to.

The shooters are wearing gas masks and layers of beige robes. As you raise your blaster, you see one of them throwing several little metal balls that land by Ben's feet. Before you can even kick them away, they explode and an immense, invisible force throws you back. You land hard, rolling several feet in the sand, your back tender and head throbbing.

You spit out the sand that’s gotten into your mouth and brush the granules from your eyelids. _Ben_. _“Ben!”_ You panic when you can’t feel him. When you look up, you see Ben slashing through the mob of people. 

The way he moves, handles his lightsaber, looks like an artfully choreographed dance. The red laser grumbles and whines as it crisscrosses through the air. You're enthralled. Ben's hair flies wildly as he spins around and cuts two men clean in half at the torso.

His free hand skillfully deflects every blaster hit as the mob’s numbers dwindle. They're all dead in minutes.

Your Prince (barely even out of breath) is sauntering back over to you, a cut on his forehead dripping blood over his brow.

You gasp, meeting him halfway and holding his face between your palms. He tries to wave you off, but you’re not having it. “You’re hurt,” you whisper, retrieving the mini pod JD had made for you. “Close your eyes.”

Ben tries to resist again, but you shoot him a glare and he rolls his eyes. With your fingers, you wipe away blood that’s about to touch his eye. You press the button on the pod and hold it to the gash. Bacta sprays out from the opening and you watch in wonder as a laser light slowly mends the wound. 

_JD needs to totally patent this thing._ When it’s done, your handsome Supreme Leader looks as good as new. But you can't _feel_ him.

 _“Ben?”_ You try, but it’s silent. And you know the connection is still there, but it’s like you don’t have access to it. It’s not blocked, but you just can’t find an opening. 

"They hit us with Force dampeners," Ben says. "They'll wear off soon.” But you hate it already.

"Who were they?" You ask, still shaken up from the gun fire. "How did they know who you were? Why did they use the dampeners?"

"I don't know," he says, "but they must have known about the scripts and the rune cubes. They're very difficult to find."

"How did you know where to find one?"

“I got a hold of some ancient Mandalorian manuscripts,” he says, "thanks to your discovery. I didn’t know if they were just lore or not.” He runs his fingers through his hair, “I guess they were real.” Ben’s hair falls back into place perfectly. You want to braid it, you want to brush it, you want to curl it around your fingers.

You realize that you've never truly interacted with Ben without the bond present. He's in the middle of talking, but you're not listening anymore. You’re distracted by how handsome he is, the way his deep voice soothes you, how his dark hair softly curls every which way. You press your body into him as close as you can and his mouth stops moving. 

Gazing up, you cradle his face in your hands. On tip toes, your lips can barely reach, but you manage to kiss his cheek. Then you place another kiss closer to his mouth, then closer, and closer. He lowers his head for you and you smile into his lips as you finally reach your destination. He takes over then, kissing you longer and longer until you’re out of breath.

It's so, so sweet. You pull back and look into his eyes. It's like his irises are dusted with gold, so beautiful and precious. It seems he's forgotten what he'd been talking about because he just smiles at you, those pretty little lines framing his mouth. You rake your fingers down Ben's scalp and his eyes close in pleasure. You do it again, then continue to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck as you tuck yourself into his chest.

His hand slides into the slit of your robe, then underneath your tunic, to rest on the flesh at the small of your back. Ben’s hand is searing hot on your skin as he brings you even tighter to him. A bright blue light flashes behind your eyelids just before your mind floats away with his.

You forget that you're standing in the middle of corpses in an abandoned dungeon. Because you feel Ben pull closer to you, to your Light, as you merge into one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any guesses who Beck and LK are? ☺️
> 
> 💖
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who's here reading my self-indulgent "Cuddling with Kylo" story! 😘


	15. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Knight, the marketplace, and familiarity.

You awaken curled up in Ben's lap, your head resting on his shoulder, as he sits in one of the loungers in the little shuttle. He's holding you close with one hand, while the other holds a datapad. Once the adrenaline of the dungeon gun fight had worn off, you'd promptly fallen asleep in the landspeeder.

The first thing you do is panic, though, because you still can’t access the connection. Ben isn't with you. _What if it’s gone? What if you can never feel him again? What if-_

“Hey, hey,” Ben says, holding you tight to his chest. “What’s wrong?” His bandana and glasses are back on, so his voice is slightly muted.

You don’t want to sound so childish, but you can’t help it. "Nothing,” you pout, choking on sudden emotion. _Why is it that you feel so lonely?_

Ben puts the datapad down and tilts your head back so he can look at you.

You ask him, “What if it’s gone? Our bond?” Never in your life had you imagined actually _wanting_ someone to be this close to you.

“Is it that important to you?” He asks, like he’s dealing with a petulant toddler.

“Yes!”

He has the nerve to chuckle, so full of himself. He nods, “Of course it is, sweetheart.”

“Kylo,” you warn, glaring.

“I’m just teasing,” Ben says, leaning forward to bump his nose into yours. “It’s just taking some time to come back to you. Our bond is still there, it's still strong.”

You nod, tracing your fingers across the back of his hand- the one that’s holding you close. It feels like something has been taken from you, like a big part of you is hollow.

"Does it really mean that much to you?" He asks, serious now. “Our connection?"

"Yes." You go cross-eyed searching his covered eyes, “You won’t take it away, will you?”

"I won’t.” He runs his thumb back and forth over your lower lip, "I promise."

+++

Ben's dampener has worn off already, so he offers to take you into the marketplace. Which is perfect because there's still plenty of daylight and you desperately need to stretch your limbs. You’re excited to see what people shop for on other planets, in other universes.

Ben’s datapad beeps and he picks it up, brow furrowed. You can only see his forehead, but you know something’s troubling him.

“Is there something going on?” 

He switches his tablet out for your face coverings, then steps behind you and says, “Maybe.”

Ben lets out a little “oh” as you spin around to face him, your bandana hanging from his fingers. You place your hands on his chest, “Are you not safe?”

His head tilts down and you know he’s seriously thinking about it, which really freaks you out.

“There’s a mole,” Ben says instead of answering.

You lean back, stomach clenching, “What?”

“I think I know who it is,” he says. “They’re spying for the Resistance.”

“Who is it?”

“I’ll tell you when I’m sure,” he says and gestures with his hand for you to turn back around.

Unexpectedly, though, the emotions that fill your bond are calm and steady. And Ben hasn’t closed it off like he usually would. You brush your fingers through the shorter hairs that fall over his forehead. “How come you’re not mad?”

He places the bandana over your mouth and blindly ties it behind your head. Ben contemplates for another moment, then says, “I’m not sure.”

It does make you wonder, though. _A mole? Who would be stupid enough to spy right under Ben’s nose?_ That means your Supreme Leader is definitely in danger (well, more so than usual, anyway). And there’s no one you trust to protect him. That only leaves you to guard him, but _lord_ are you weak compared to everyone else in this universe. You’ll just have to train harder, develop your powers, so you can keep him safe.

Ben balances your glasses on top of your nose, then snaps the back closed. He snakes an arm around your waist and, as he pulls you tight to him, the sweetest sensation comes over you. It’s as if you’re lying in the middle of the forest, skin warming comfortably under the Summer sun.

“You’re going to keep me safe?” He asks you, and even though you can’t see it, you _know_ he’s smiling. And it’s one of those big ones you love so much. You feel flushed all over, securely tucked into your Supreme Leader’s chest.

“Yes,” you insist, “I’m going to watch over you. I’m going to make sure that stupid mole doesn’t touch you.”

Ben tips his head back, laughing, and it reverberates within you, filling you with joy. “I feel very protected, then,” he says adoringly, nuzzling his covered nose into your neck. “My little Knight.”

The fabric tickles so you scrunch up your face. “Where _are_ your Knights?” 

"They've earned a little break," he says.

"Oh," Ben's answers always make you more curious. "Where do they go?"

"They get..." he hesitates, uncomfortable, "frustrated. I don't ask for specifics."

 _Oh_. You giggle immaturely. 

His datapad beeps again just as the hatch opens and you jerk closer to Ben on instinct. You look over to see Beck walking onto the shuttle and he nods after you give him a little wave.

Still holding you very tight, Ben reaches for his tablet and he stares at the screen intensely. _Uh oh._ It looks like you'll have to take a raincheck on the marketplace. He looks down at you, then to his datapad, then to Beck.

“It’s okay,” you say quietly, “we’ll go next time.”

He reaches into his robe pocket and takes out a suede pouch that jingles as he hands it to his Knight.

“Beck will take you,” Ben says, surprising you. "I’ll catch up.”

You wish you had access to the connection right now. _Is it more bad news?_

 _“Everything is fine, sweetheart,”_ Ben says. _“Stay with Beck. Stay in the marketplace.”_

You nod and look at Ben one last time before turning around and following Beck down the ramp. One of his steps equal two of yours, so you’re struggling to keep up because of all the sand beneath your feet. But once he notices, he slows down.

“Hi," you say, telling him your name.

He angles his face to you, “Beck."

A gust of dry wind howls through the entrance to the still crowded marketplace and it brings with it the most peculiar sound, like a lion's roar. The back of your mind tingles with unease.

"What was that?" You ask Beck. For some reason, the sound makes your heart flutter with anxiety.

He places a hand on his blaster as he looks around, "I don't hear anything."

 _Have you finally lost it?_ After all these months stranded in another universe, your brain must finally be rejecting your illogical new life. You chuckle to yourself and Beck tilts his head in confusion, his hair flicking with the arid breeze. But you hear the faint roar again, whispering to you between the stone buildings. Those soft rumblings latch onto your mind and burrow deep.

"Can I go explore?" You ask, distracted, jittery.

"No," Beck says, but you're already walking through a narrow alleyway, then another. An almost recognizable feeling washes over you. It’s something so familiar. It’s at the forefront of your mind, but you’re not able to focus on it. “I am to guard you.”

You briskly walk between a few more buildings and Beck mutters something behind his bandana, closely following you. As you head towards a shadowed corridor, you hear the wind howling again, but closer now. You feel frantic, _desperate_.

"Lieutenant," Beck says, "I am to-" He huffs, calling out your name, "Slow down. I am to guard you."

"You are," you say, following that sound, frenzied. You deliberately walk as fast as you can, but Beck's much bigger than you and he’s right by your side. Every other thought is murky, but your target is clear.

He huffs again, frustrated, "Doll, stop, will you?"

You do stop then, "Are you sure you don’t hear that?"

Beck holds his arm out, trying to keep you from going any further, “The Supreme Leader is going to kill me if he knows we left the marketplace.”

“I know you think I’m crazy, but I think someone’s calling me,” you say, pins and needles pricking your entire body. The whispers call out to you again. Your heart leaps, then plummets into your stomach. “He’s close.”

“He?” Beck asks as you rush off again.

He nearly bumps into you when you stop abruptly in front of a disintegrating stone building. You’re sure this is the right one, but the door looks rusted shut. The pull is even stronger now. After grabbing your blaster, you point it to the locked latch on the door.

Beck’s hand comes down over yours, “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He lowers your blaster, “What has gotten into you?”

You honestly don’t know. The desperation chokes you, claws at your throat, with the need to go in.

“Can we just check inside?” You ask, bouncing on your feet, “I won’t say anything.”

Beck’s glasses stare into yours and he lets out a defeated breath, like he knows you’ll go in with or without him. _Yes!_ “Fine, but we’re just looking, then leaving.”

“Thank you,” you tell him as he uses the Force to open the door. It creaks open slowly, heavily, and it’s dark inside. There are only broken walls in here, sectioning the room off, but you hear the clinking of chains further in.

“We should leave,” Beck says as he backs up, but you can’t leave it like this. You’re nearly there.

Beck stage whispers your name while you walk through the empty hallway, all the way down to the last room. It’s pitch black back here save for a tiny window high up on the wall. You don’t see anything at first and that makes your heart stutter and nearly stop.

But then you hear a growl, “No!”

Your head turns sharply to the left and you stumble backwards, your skull colliding into stone. There’s an extremely large _being_ chained to the wall. His arms are cuffed high to the ceiling, spread open and stretched painfully. He’s covered head to toe in long brown fur and, at the sight of him, your heart aches with remorse. He’s so familiar, but you don’t know _how_.

“Stay away from me!” He roars, yanking on his bindings. Your nose tingles with impending tears.

“I won’t hurt you, I swear,” you say and he snarls at you. “I want to help you. Who did this to you? How did you call me?”

He tilts his head, clearly confused. Beck joins you, then, and sucks in a shocked breath.

“We’re leaving,” Beck says. “Now.”

“But-“ You’re cut off as a group of people, like the ones who’d ambushed you and Ben in the dungeon, enter. They start howling and screeching, blasting down the open hallway. Beck fights them off and you feel guilty for not helping him, but you’re preoccupied with _need_.

“How do I get these chains off of you?” You ask the prisoner, hands shaking with too much trapped energy.

“You can’t,” he says, now sounding defeated.

You stab your vibroblade into the cuff’s lock and when that does nothing, you grab your blaster. He grunts, but doesn’t try to stop you. It’s no use, though, the lasers just bounce right off those chains and you squeak, jumping away to avoid being hit. You want to crawl out of your skin. He means something to you. Seeing him like this _hurts_ you.

The sound of distant blaster fire and shouting distracts you, but you need to focus on your strength. And fast. You hold your kyber crystal tight, you think of Ben, you concentrate on that _desperation_ , the intense familiarity. Your body begins to tremble, trying to fight through the blockage in your mind.

You lift your hand, trying to expel your tendrils of the Force to the locks on those chains. You don't know why you're doing it, you just know that you have to.

Sweat drips down the back of your neck and your head is pounding painfully. You squeeze your eyes shut as your teeth clatter together with the exertion. When you can’t hold on anymore, you release your hold and your legs immediately give out. Your knees land, hard, onto the dirty concrete.

Blood drips down from your nostrils and you're dizzy and nauseated. Foggy black shadows eat the edges of your vision before you tip over onto your side, leaving you vulnerable. But then furry arms lift you off the floor and the prisoner’s massive body barrels through the stone building, one arm smacking away the remaining shooters while carrying you. 

Once you’re out the front door, he bolts with you still in his arms. You start to panic as you look around, but realize he's taking you to the marketplace. He sets you down on a crate between two busy stalls and looks you over.

"Are you all right?" He asks, his big blue eyes shiny and kind. You just want to rest. You want to crawl into his comfortable lap and fall sleep.

"Yes, are you?“

“I will be,” he says. But then you notice a large bleeding wound on his wrist, buried beneath fur. You retrieve your first aid pod and press the button when you bring it to the gash. It sprays bacta and the laser starts its work, slower this time since the wound looks to be wide and pretty deep.

Your heart feels full when it’s all healed up, completely satisfied. He studies you for a moment before patting you on the head. Though you’re exhausted, it makes you smile like you’re reliving a happy memory. “Thank you," he says and he rushes off, towering over everything as he wades through the throngs of people.

Beck appears by your side then, out of breath. “Thanks for the help back there,” he says, sarcasm evident in his tone. You never would have guessed Ben’s Knights would be _funny_. You feel immense relief, the antsy feeling now gone.

“Like I would have been useful,” you snort, but then you turn to him, seriously. “Beck,” you pause, a little embarrassed at how reckless you’d just been, “thank you. I can’t explain why, but I needed to do that.” It had been the first time you’d ever been so _impulsive_.

“You cannot tell the Supreme Leader,” Beck says, eyeing you behind his glasses like he knows something. “He'll kill us both.”

+++

You’re left to wonder who that very big prisoner had been as you and Beck wander around the marketplace. It’s been a while and you're still waiting for Ben to show up. In the meantime, you’re both sipping a sweet, floral drink through a very narrow straw that fits through a hole in your bandana’s vent. Beck looks hilarious, though, because the canister looks so small in his hand.

Most everything is unfamiliar to you and you’re getting dirty looks from the vendors because you keep touching everything. Fabrics in every color and texture, glowing jewels, strange-looking blue noodles. Well you hadn’t touched the noodles, but you would have if the vendor (a very large _fly_ ) hadn’t glared you away.

There are a lot of different species here, many of them nothing like humans, and you’re grateful for the tinted glasses because you can’t help your rude staring.

As your fingers learn the curve of an elaborately decorated blade hilt, your thoughts drift to Ben. He’d probably wanted some time alone to deal with all the stuff going on. He also has the rune cube now. _Does that mean he can just make his dad reappear? Extract him from just before it all happened?_ You know Ben’s biggest regret in life had been killing his dad. _But what about all the repercussions of bringing him back?_

There's so much your sweet space Prince has to worry about. You can't re-access the bond yet, but you know Ben and his Knights are linked through the Force. Beck will know if something’s wrong.

“Is the Supreme Leader okay?” You ask as you notice something shiny hanging from a neighboring stand. It looks like a pair of dice connected to a chain, but instead of dots, it has other symbols engraved on each face. The indentations and grooves feel like a fond memory between your fingers.

“He’s fine,” Beck says, with clear amusement. You roll your eyes. _What? You're not allowed to be worried?_ Just then, a sliver of bright blue light flashes behind your eyelids. _Ben_. The connection is starting to reappear.

You clap your hands together, a giddy smile on your covered face. Beck stares, curiously, in your direction.

"Should we go back?" You ask. The suns have now moved behind the buildings and Ben had wanted to leave before sunset.

Beck nods and sticks close to you as you head for the exit, but before your feet cross the threshold to the marketplace, an intense energy calls out to you.

You turn, looking back through the vendors and all the people. At the very opposite end stands a woman. And you'd think it would be impossible to see her clearly because of how far she is. But it's as if she's standing right in front of you.

She has braided, greying hair and an unmistakable air of royalty. It feels like she's trying to tell you something, but you can't hear it. And you're taken aback because there are tears rolling down your cheeks, soaking the fabric of your bandana. You have to fight the instinct to run to her. She's more than familiar and you feel profound regret deep in your heart.

"Doll," Beck says, touching your elbow.

You look away for a second and she's gone. You're bereft. Beck stands with you, patiently, as you cry. Your emotions are all over the place, unidentifiable, like they don't belong to you. Then you realize... _of course._ It's because they don’t.

+++

When you and Beck get back to the shuttle, LK is sitting on a lounger and you can't see Ben, but you can sense him. He appears from the short corridor and holds a hand out to you. His shielded eyes glance at your dirt-covered knees.

Through your slowly re-emerging connection, you can feel a torrent of disquietude. You take his hand, anyway, and he walks you into the cockpit. As soon as he sits you down, he removes your bandana. You'd done the best you could to wipe the blood away, but you _know_ he knows.

 _"Don't read my thoughts yet."_ You tell him, hoping the dampeners have worn off enough for you to talk through the bond.

He removes your glasses and he can't stop the sharp intake of breath. You don't know what you look like, but your eyes are probably swollen and bloodshot, your makeup smudged.

 _"Are you hurt?"_ Ben asks, his voice not angry, but _wary._

You shake your head.

He holds your face in his hands, rubbing your cheeks, _"What happened?"_

 _"Someone needed help,"_ you tell him. _"I had to go to him."_

_"Him?"_

You nod. _"Ben? Please don't yell at Beck for this. He tried to stop me."_

_"He was supposed to be guarding you."_

You grab his wrists, then, silently pleading with him. You know what Ben is capable of and if something were to happen to Beck because of you, you'd never forgive yourself. You've never been so reckless before. _What's happening to you?_

 _"It seems you're becoming more like me,"_ Ben says, and he does not seem happy about it.

+++

"What if I don't want to tell you what happened?" You ask Ben as you both sit back against the headboard.

The four of you had arrived back on Geonosis and transferred to the command shuttle with no further conversations.

Ben covers your hand with his much larger one and it prompts you to look at him. You flip your hand over and he laces his fingers with yours. A swarm of butterflies fill your stomach.

"It's up to you," he says. "I won't ever force you."

Your sweet Supreme Leader looks upon you with such fondness, those big brown eyes vulnerable and exposed. He says you're becoming more like him. If what you'd felt earlier (that madness, that agony) is what Ben feels all the time... you don't know how he contains it. You'd felt wild, _unhinged_. 

Your sudden change in behavior over the last months make sense now. The quick anger, the rapidly bubbling emotions- they're Ben's traits.

_But does that mean he's becoming more like you?_

Maybe so because after a long period of silence, Ben is the one who opens up. _"My mom was there."_

Your throat closes up as it suddenly clicks. You picture the woman you'd encountered, someone you had longed to see. _No, someone_ Ben _had longed to see_.

He looks astonished, "You saw her."

You try to talk through the tightness in your throat, "She called me."

"She must have sensed your Force signature," he takes your hand and pulls you towards him, gently maneuvering you onto his lap. “ _My_ Force signature." 

You situate yourself on his thighs and glance up. Tears don’t fall, but his eyes are glossy. His hands come to rest on your waist as you place your finger just above his right brow, at the top of his scar. 

The pad of your finger traces the slightly raised line down over Ben’s brow bone. He closes his eyes as you trail over his eyelid, then down his cheek, his throat, his collarbone. You love that scar. Because it’s a part of him and you love every single thing about him.

After resting your cheek on his shoulder, you snuggle into him as close as you can. He enters your mind, then. Not to fish through your memories, but to just be with you. _"I find myself being drawn to the Light,"_ Ben says while caressing your back. _“And I don't want to fight it."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure y'all have a little inkling of who Beck is by now 😉 Both "Beck" and "LK" (Bucky and Loki- I wasn't very creative with the name changes 😂) are my two absolute favorites, my Marvel babies 🖤 
> 
> Also, Chewie is my number one always and forever 💖


	16. Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family things, secret things, and fluffy things.

The next morning, back at the base, you’re elbow deep in batter when _thank the gods_ JD enters. Ben is still sleeping so you don’t have anyone who can help you.

"Miss!" JD scolds you. He'd probably just cleaned this whole room yesterday. The entire countertop is now sticky and there’s batter dripping onto the floor.

You put on your best puppy dog eyes, "Sorry, JD." You point with your head to the canister beside the mixing bowl, "Can you add more blue milk, please?"

He pours the milk while you stir it into the batter with a mixing spoon that's been stuck to your hand for the last ten minutes.

"You're a genius," you tell him, "did you know that?"

JD looks at you, unblinking, "Anyone can pour milk, Miss."

"No," you laugh, "I mean the mini first aid pod."

“Oh,” he says, “I was rather hoping you would not need it.”

“We’re all okay,” you tell him. “You should patent that. Every single person in the galaxy would be better off having one on their belts.”

“You flatter me, Miss,” JD says. He looks proud and he should be. You wonder if there’s any way for you to make that happen. Your bestie deserves the recognition. 

“Oh,” he says, “I almost forgot why I came here in the first place.” JD places a small, blue octahedron on a clean area of the kitchen counter.

"What is that?" You ask, mesmerized by its glow.

"It is a memory crystal, Miss," JD tells you. "I found it while in the," he produces air quotes, mimicking you and you delight in it, " _Rainbow Room_. You are the only one I trust on this base. If it is of some importance, I do not wish for it to end up in the wrong hands."

"JD," you say, an exaggerated pout on your face. You’re touched. JD has done so much for you- he's looked out for you, _risked his life for you_. Leaving you to wonder what you've ever done to deserve such a great friend. You pause before asking, "Is this for my eyes only? Or can Ben be in on this, too?"

"I think it best the Supreme Leader know as well," he answers quickly because, of course, he'd known you'd ask that. "I believe, now, that he will do anything to protect you. And I find solace in that."

You feel your face redden a little bit. "Thanks, JD," you say, "Ben and I will look at the crystal together, then."

"Very well, Miss," he says, and if droids could smile, that's the expression he'd be giving you right now. "See you at dinner?"

You grin, "Absolutely."

+++

JD leaves without knowing why you’d been up extra early this morning to make blue milk pancakes. Ben had finally told you about the prisoner from Tatooine. He didn’t want to tell you right away, but as soon as you’d returned to the base last night, you'd felt the longing and aching in Ben's heart.

Your sweet Supreme Leader had opened that hidden part of his mind to you, where he keeps his memories of his family. _Uncle Chewie_ Ben would call his dad’s best friend, while trailing behind him as a child. Only Chewie could hold him up that high in the air, only Chewie would cradle a napping Ben in his big arms like that, and only Chewie would let Ben braid his hair as they’d laugh and laugh. He’d taught Ben how to use his bowcaster and how to (secretly) pilot the Millenium Falcon. The day Ben had left for the Jedi temple, his Uncle Chewie had been sadder than even his own parents.

You’d had to disconnect from Ben’s mind then, because you couldn’t control your sobbing. The tightness in your chest was misery like you’d never felt before. He’s so strong, your Supreme Leader. He has to live with such _pain_. You don’t know how he does it. You’d held him close to you throughout the entire night, brushing his hair with your fingers, and soothing him through the bond. 

As you place the last pancake on top of the stack, Ben appears from the hallway that leads to the bedroom. White morning light from the window halos around him, creating a celestial masterpiece. His eyes are still sleepy and he rubs them adorably as he comes to you. 

It makes you smile as you say, “Good morning.”

Ben’s brown eyes light up when he finally realizes what you’re doing. It makes you all fuzzy inside as he presses his lips to your forehead and mumbles, “Good morning.” He holds you there for a pleasantly long time and you sigh in relief, feeling his relaxed mind.

It still amazes you that you’re able to ease his torment, that you’re able to help him sleep. He’s told you that he hasn’t trusted anyone since his uncle. Once he’d left the Jedi temple, he'd promised himself he'd never let anyone get close again.

 _"Until you,"_ he says, separating from you to check out all the goodies you've prepared.

You're probably smiling like an idiot.

“How early did you have to wake up to make me these?” He asks, picking up the plates of pancakes and sausages, then walking them over to the dining table. You join him with empty plates and silverware and he makes another trip for blue milk and oi-oi syrup. You’ve never been this domestic with anyone before.

“I just felt like doing something nice for you,” you grin as he excitedly pours syrup all over several pancakes. Watching him eat so happily just _does thing_ s to you.

He takes a bite and smiles around his mouthful. It makes you giggle. “Oh?” Ben asks, “And why is that?”

“You know,” you say, shooing the rest of your answer away with your hand. You _do_ know. But you haven’t told him yet. It’s both so natural and unnatural to feel this way so soon. You really want to tell him- it’s always on the tip of your tongue. But you’re scared.

Ben reaches across the table and his hand lands atop yours, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

You let out a little laugh through your nose. The feared ruler of the galaxy is looking at you like you’re the most valued thing in the universe. “Absolutely nothing is wrong, my Supreme Leader.”

He looks relieved, knowing it’s the truth, “But you’re not telling me something.”

You nod, grinning, and flip your hand over so your palms are touching. His long fingers carefully brush down your opened hand and back up.

“You have the most beautiful smile,” Ben says. “You don’t smile like that for anyone else, do you?”

“Why?” You laugh, “Jealous?”

His chair scrapes the floor as he abruptly stands and leans his tall frame over the table, hair falling forward and tickling your cheeks. You tilt your chin up, faces very close now. 

“Yes,” Ben breathes, touching his nose to yours. He tilts his head a little and you can feel a huff of breath before his mouth slants over yours. A blue spark lights up behind your eyelids, pleasure simmering just below the surface of your skin. You chase his lips as he pulls away and sits back down. _Ugh. Your Supreme Leader, the ultimate tease._

Ben chuckles, resuming his breakfast. “Don’t forget,” he says, eyes dark, “you’re mine.”

A pleasant shiver passes through you. As if you could ever forget _that_.

+++

The sea of officers part for you as you walk beside Ben, blaster on your hip and datapad in hand. You’re trying awfully hard not to smile. _Why is it that you relish in their fear?_

_“You’re being naughty, sweetheart,”_ Ben says in your head, but you can’t help it. The whispering, the cowering, and the unmistakable looks of jealousy make you feel like a Queen.

 _“Is that so?”_ Ben asks. _“My little Queen.”_

Your eyes widen and a blush travels its way up to your cheeks. _Damn him_. His amusement is very evident though the connection and you could just picture the little smirk that's hiding underneath his helmet.

He stops for a few seconds at the door to the Communications Center, watching you walk in. You don’t turn to look, but you feel Beck’s presence and it stays there, near the door. Realization dawns on you. _Oh my god._ He’s your new _babysitter_. You deflate a little bit because it’s definitely your fault. _What if he hates you now?_

A yawn fights it’s way out. You’re a little tired from the trip and the lack of sleep last night. It reminds you that you hadn’t had the chance to replace your canister, so no caf this morning. _Fucking Kayne._

“Hey, Levins,” you greet. She’s the only other person here this early.

“Lieutenant,” she smiles, “how was your business trip?”

“It was good,” you say, then raise a brow. “How was the General?”

Levins looks around the empty room, and barks a laugh, “I think the gang's going to be late today. You know, trying to recover."

"Whoo," you breathe out, "that bad?"

"Uhh- we... missed you," Levins says, instead of answering.

You laugh, settling in your chair. Well, it’s completely all right because you'd already started checking correspondences this morning and there aren’t many left.

"Please let them know they've earned today off," you tell her, "and you, too. I think I can manage on my own today."

Levins looks outright shocked. "I- _thank you_ , Lieutenant," she says, "but I'll gladly put in my shift today."

You give her a sly smile and she looks away, avoiding your (presumably) very wolfish expression. "I definitely think Jake will show today," you say.

"I don't- I'm not sure what you mean." Levins turns her chair completely away and you have to stifle a chuckle.

"He usually stops in right before lunch, doesn't he?" You ask, enjoying the squirming. Ben is really such a bad influence on you. You'd never liked teasing people like this before.

There’s silence, so you continue, "I can play wingman for you."

Levins turns her chair back around to face you, embarrassed but very interested, "Wingman?"

Your eyes light up, "Yeah! It's a person who helps a friend get together with someone."

She doesn't say anything, but her mind is screaming, "Yes!"

"Just leave it to me, Levins."

+++

After a successful lunchtime wingman mission, you’re humming to yourself as you walk down the curved corridor that leads to Ben’s conference room. You’d successfully snuck away from Beck, who’d been distracted by some brave, flirty Officers in the cafeteria. You have a bit of time before you have to get back to the Communications Center and it’s the perfect opportunity to spy on Ben in action. Since seeing him fight off that dungeon mob, you’ve been _very_ intrigued. There’s a side of him that you're itching to see.

You only know how Ben behaves around you. _And if everyone is so deathly afraid of him, there must be a reason, right?_ It should be wrong, this exhilarating feeling you get when imagining all the different reasons why Ben is so feared. Unsurprisingly, you find it all kinds of attractive.

As you get closer to him, though, you feel distress through your bond. A spike of fear shoots down your spine. _Is he in trouble? Could it be the mole?_

But the conference room is empty. It’s so quiet in here and the only movement is the silent blizzard raging outside the window. Anger simmers through the connection and it worries you because you don’t know what it means. Your hand grips the back of Ben’s chair as you focus on finding him. A tendril reaches out for him; he’s somewhere close.

You rush out to follow the invisible trail and it leads you further down this wing, past several vacant meeting rooms and engineering stations. There are absolutely no people hanging out in this section. And when you reach a dead end, you peek around the corner to see a door open to a dark, polished warehouse. There’s a crowd of people gathered in the center, blocking whatever is going on. _What would Ben be doing in there?_

But as soon as that thought crosses your mind, you hear him, his modulated voice harsh. You go on tip toes, but the doorway is too narrow and there are too many uniformed people in the way to see anything.

“You never cease to disappoint me with your incompetence,” Ben says, his icy voice echoing around the massive room. It sends pleasant tingles through you. “I should kill every single one of you.”

As lightly and quietly as you can, you walk in and stand behind the tallest person you find. You hope Ben’s distracted enough to not feel your poorly-concealed presence. Standing on an elevated platform in the very center of the room is your Supreme Leader, glorious and imposing. You can only see from his shoulders up, his helmet sharp and angry underneath the bright lights shining down from the high ceiling. 

When you glance around the room, you notice that it’s void of any decorations or furnishings. There are only shining black walls and floors and nothing else.

“But you will not all die today. Because your failures are the failures of your superiors.” Ben walks across the platform, his helmet scanning the group below him. “Thus, they are my failures.”

Power radiates off of him and when you let down your shields a little, the _terror_ saturating the space around you makes your gut clench so hard, you almost throw up. You have to close your mind before you empty your stomach all over the pants of whoever’s in front of you. 

“You have your Majors to thank for leading you astray and disgracing the First Order," he stops, center stage. "For disrespecting me."

Ben holds one gloved hand out and the room is so soundless, your ears begin to ring. The fingers of the man in front of you quiver beneath the hem of his sleeves.

You suppress a yelp as a very large man casts a shadow beside you. But it's just Beck. He's looking down at you, his slatted mask (very likely) hiding a stern look. His chest is heaving as if he'd run through the base to find you. The atmosphere in the room suddenly changes and when you look up, two Majors are levitating slightly above the crowd.

Beck taps your foot with his scythe and jerks his head towards the door, but you shake your head. The room is humming with Ben's power and you don't want to leave. All the fear, the dread, the _shock_ around you makes your insides feel all funny.

Both Majors begin clawing at their throats as they convulse and spit out blood. Their eyeballs bulge like they're straining to escape their skulls. No one in the crowd moves, even though a lot of them had probably just been spattered with fluids. Beck moves the blade of his scythe in front of your face, blocking your view. There’s a surge of power so potent, it consumes you and lights you up with fearlessness. Not a second later, you hear a sickening crack, then heavy thuds.

The people start to move, then, filing out of the room silently. And when Beck moves his scythe away, you see Ben standing there, kingly and beautiful. There's an enormous chair in the middle of the platform, black like the rest of the room and draped in quilted velvet. A _throne_.

Your Supreme Leader's helmet swiftly locks onto you, surprise evident through the bond. It quickly turns to panic. Ben's emotions are all jumbled and you can't get a clear read on him. But you know what you're feeling. _Pride. Wonder. Desire._

Ben must have dismissed Beck because it's just the two of you now. You take assured steps across the floor, now wet with blood. The Majors' heads are in pieces, scattered everywhere, and you do your best to step around them. The sight doesn't bother you and you don't quite understand it.

When you get to the foot of the few steps leading to the platform, you pause to look up at Ben. No doubt, he knows what you're feeling, but there's so much insecurity flowing through your connection. He lets out his hand and you take it. It's only three steps, but it's a world above everything else.

You place one of your hands over his heart and it pounds fast and strong. _"What is this place?"_ You ask him as his leather-clad hand gently presses into yours. The hand that's just obliterated two people. The hand that had left an entire crowd shaking and terrified.

_"The Throne Room."_

_"How come you've never shown it to me?"_

Ben angles his helmet away from you, then says, _"I never wanted you to see me like that."_

You turn his mask back to face you. _"Like what?"_

_"Evil."_

_"No. No."_ You shake your head and hold his helmet between your hands. _"You're not evil. Don't say that."_

_"Look around you, sweetheart."_

And you do look- the two headless corpses lie in a quickly growing pool of blood, barely visible against the black floor. Brain matter, tissue, skull fragments litter the surrounding area. But you’re blind to everything other than Ben as you think about what he’d just looked like, proudly displaying his abilities and exhibiting his dominance.

When you look back up to him, you have to put effort into swallowing because your throat has gotten so tight. Not out of fear or disgust, no, but out of excitement, _hunger_. Your feelings for Ben are absolute and nothing he does could ever scare you. The way he sees himself... you could never comprehend that.

 _"You did what you had to do as Supreme Leader,"_ you say. _"You're not evil, you're a good ruler."_

Suddenly, Ben immerses himself into your mind, almost frenetic, and you gasp at the intrusion. It's cold and tingly as he searches for something. He’s not seamless like he usually is as he shuffles through your thoughts. But he must have found whatever he'd been looking for because you're immediately inundated with euphoria so profound, your head spins and you have to grab Ben’s shoulders to stay standing.

He steadies you, clutches onto your hips so tight, you come back to yourself. 

_"You're not disappointed?"_ Ben asks.

You smile, _"Of course not."_

 _Relief_ blankets you as Ben guides you a few steps back until your legs touch the throne. He pushes you down onto it, then falls to his knees before you. His helmet leans heavily onto your knee as he whispers your name with adulation.

You smooth your hands over the sides of his mask as if he'd not been wearing it. It's surreal, sitting here in this empty room, two bodies slowly growing cold below you. But you're not afraid or disappointed like Ben had expected you to be. You're exhilarated, honored. His considerable power had been unmistakable in its greatness. And you'd felt invincible as his Force energy had trickled through the bond.

Ben slides a gloved hand up your boot, “ _I thought you’d hate me."_

 _“I already told you,_ ” you smile down at him (though he isn’t looking at you), _“I could never hate you.”_

You continue to pet his helmet, saying, _“And don't pretend like you don't know how I felt about seeing you like that."_

He lifts his head from your knee and looks up, staring at you for a long while. _“Naughty little Queen.”_

+++

Beck is probably very annoyed with you, but with his helmet on, you can’t tell. After your shift ends, he follows you onto the elevator on F5 and stands his scythe upright. The curved blade rests its arc ptotectively over your head.

“Beck?”

He turns his slatted helmet towards you. He still looks on alert as he has been all day.

You smile, sheepishly, “So, how mad are you?”

He considers you for a few seconds. “I’m here to keep you safe, you know,” he says and that fills you with guilt. You’ve been doing a pretty good job of making him look bad.

“Sorry, Beck.”

“Oh,” he says, like he hadn't been expecting you to say that, “it’s... it’s fine.”

“Did Kylo yell at you about Tatooine?”

Beck’s shoulders relax slightly then, as a little chuckle filters through his modulator. “Surprisingly, no.”

You laugh, too, “So, you babysitting me isn’t punishment?”

“No,” Beck says as the elevator opens and he gestures for you to step out. “He told me about Kayne.”

You’re not sure what to say other than, “Oh.”

He walks beside you down the long corridor. “Nothing like that is ever happening again.”

You look at the side of his helmet, “Thanks, Beck.”

 _But is it fair that you get such special treatment?_ The many officers of the First Order have to endure harassment and abuse every single day. Something happens to you and you get the Supreme’s Leader’s _right hand_ to guard you.

“You must think I’m pathetic,” you say and Beck stops in his tracks, holding his scythe in front of you.

“I don’t,” he says, adamantly.

“But-“

“Listen,” he interrupts, “I don’t know who you are. But I saw what you did on Tatooine.”

Your mouth opens in surprise, but no words come out. _Does Beck know?_

“You’re clever and skillful,” he says, then takes a moment as if he’s debating on whether or not to say what’s next. Oddly, you feel his delight before he says, “You have something with the Supreme Leader.”

“I- no, I-“ you cannot, for the life of you, find any words.

Beck tilts his helmet at you as if to say _come, on, I’m not a complete idiot_. “I’ve known the Supreme Leader for a long time,” he says. “He’s never been this... “ he lets the sentence hang as his helmet stares at you, “balanced.”

A very sudden sadness overtakes you. Ben is seen as “unbalanced,” unhinged, crazy. But he’s gentle and kind and so, so sweet. He’s conflicted with his emotions, his past, _everything_. He’s turned himself into the leader that everyone expects him to be, regardless of what he really wants. No one gets that. They just see the bad guy.

“See? That right there,” he says and you look up at him, confused. “ _That_. That feeling you have for him. _Understanding_."

_Oh._

He moves his scythe away and nudges your leg with its handle, wanting you to continue walking. “Only someone strong can understand him,” he says.

You smile wide, your worry that Beck hates you, allayed.

 _How can this be one of the formidable Knights of Ren?_ You briefly wonder if Beck had been the one to make Raka pee his pants.

“No, that was Caylon,” he says and it makes you chuckle.

“I missed out,” you say as the two of you reach the end of the hallway.

The door to your room slides open. “Goodnight, Beck,” you tell him, peering up into the little spaces between the slats of his mask.

Beck nods, "'Night, Doll."

His presence remains on the other side of your room door until you’ve finished taking off your boots. Surprisingly, Ben beat you home from work, for once. You sense him in the study, so you walk across the living room, then peek into the open door. He's in that sweater you love so much and you can't help but to gaze at him lovingly.

But your sweet Prince is studying the scripts again and that always makes you feel a multitude of emotions. Now that he knows how to decipher the texts and has the rune cube, it means he’s that much closer to getting his dad back. But that comes with so many complications.

 _What of the First Order? His position as Supreme Leader? The galaxy he rules? The Resistance?_

You sidle over to him and give his cheek a lingering kiss.

Ben turns to look at you, a tiny smile on his face, like he's trying to hold back a big one. "I think you missed," he says, pointing to his mouth. You burst out laughing, tipping your head back. _Who knew your Supreme Leader was so cheesy?_

He fakes looking affronted, "'Cheesy?' I am not-" You shut him up with a proper kiss this time and he melts right into it. Without breaking contact, Ben turns his chair a little and pulls you sideways onto his lap. His hand glides up your thigh, underneath your skirt, higher and higher.

Needing to breathe, you reluctantly break apart. Ben always has this smile on his face when you're here like this- like he holds the entire universe in his hands. You can't help but smile back until your lips quiver. 

"Oh," Ben says, eyes swirling with mischief, "I have something for you." He leans over to the corner of his desk and picks up a wide, black leather belt. In the center is a very large, oval gemstone. It's red like his lightsaber and sparkly and it's like nothing you've ever seen before. 

You gaze at him, a questioning look on your face. But Ben just nods. You take it from him and when the light catches the gem, orange reflects from the facets in the center. You hold it up and see that the belt has another leather loop hanging at the hip- a holster for your blaster.

"I-" you pause. You don't even know what to say and have to swallow the lump in your throat. You trace the edges of the stone with a finger and it seems to light up from the inside. It looks valuable, precious. No one’s ever treated you like this before.

Ben stops your movements with his hand. When you look up, his brown eyes are twinkling. 

All he says is, "It's called the Heart of Fire." He brings your hand up to his face and brushes his lips across your knuckles. 

That feeling is bubbling up again and you squeeze your eyes shut to contain it.

 _"What is it, sweetheart?"_ Ben asks, still holding your fingers to his mouth.

When you open your eyes, though, he's looking at you devilishly. Like he _knows_. _Insufferable Supreme Leader. Stupid know-it-all._ He laughs heartily, your body shaking with his.

Miffed, you take your hand back and make to move off Ben's lap. But he's too fast and grips your hips tight so you can't leave. You make a noise of protest, which makes him laugh again.

"Okay, okay," he says, a lazy smile remaining on his face, "you're just so fucking cute." 

That makes you snort. You don't think it's possible for someone to make you feel this way. Ben relaxes you without even trying, he annoys you and you _like_ it, anything he says is the most beautiful thing you've ever heard.

You look from one of his eyes to the other, looking back and forth for something. But you're sure you've already found what you're looking for. 

You say, "I love you." And he gives you that tiny smile again.

"I know," Ben says and you smack him in the chest while giving him the dirtiest look you can muster. He flashes his teeth, pressing your hand into his chest with his own before you can hit him again. As you feel his pulse hammer beneath your fingers, your kyber crystal begins to vibrate.

"Ben," you warn, glaring. But he looks so adorable and those loving little lines frame his grinning mouth and he’s so striking that you can’t bring yourself to be mad.

"I just mean that," he takes in a breath, "I know because the rune cube wouldn’t have appeared if we didn't love each other." A slight nervousness flows through the bond.

_Which means...?_

"I love you, too," Ben says and your kyber crystal nearly burns your flesh underneath your uniform. You worry your lower lip between your teeth, mouth suddenly very dry.

"How much?" You ask and Ben chuckles.

He looks at you, gaze never wavering, "More than anything in the universe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself with THE classic Star Wars line ☺️❤
> 
> A very, very big THANK YOU to everyone who's still with me and reading this cuddly story!


	17. Existence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, fluff, and more fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse my continued fluff ☺️

You wake up to the most pleasant feeling. When you slowly blink your eyes open and focus, you realize that you'd pillowed your head onto Ben's thigh at some point. He's sitting with his back against the headboard, a book in hand and his other hand curled around your throat. It’s still strange, knowing what Ben’s doing without being able to see it.

Outside, large snowflakes float through the foggy air, untouched and unsullied. You don't want to get up, you just want to stay like this. _Work can wait, right?_ Ben's thumb moves back and forth at the nape of your neck and it makes you want to purr. _Damned work._ At least Raka had finally given up.

Being seen with Ben on more than one occasion has fueled _those_ rumors into overdrive. You’re sure everyone on this entire base knows you only as _his_. Somehow, even word of Major Kayne being punished Below (for something to do with you) had gotten out. Ship gossip is like a superbug; it only takes one person to infect the rest. 

Aside from your Communications crew and the very few friends you’d already made, people make it their life’s mission to stay away from you. It’s not the same, but you can feel a tiny bit of the alienation Ben must always be feeling. Curiously, you don’t mind it.

"Ben?"

"Yes, sweetheart." There’s a smile in his tone that softens you.

“How do you deal with all those pesky rumors?” You ask.

Ben chuckles, low, “Why? What have you heard about me?”

“Oh, you know,” you tell him, tickling your fingers across his knee, “just that you love me.”

He laughs heartily, “I don’t think those are rumors, my little Queen.”

You bite your lip and try to get your very rapidly beating heart to slow down. Everything he says makes your insides flutter. _Charming jerk_. You’re glad he can’t see your face, though you’re pretty sure the cocky bastard _knows_.

In any case, you forgive him because he’s soothing you with his hands as he always does, and it’s relaxing you back to sleep.

But then you remember something. “How do you read a memory crystal?" You ask and his thumb stops moving. You twist your upper body, so you're looking up at him. “What is it?”

“They’re very rare,” he says, a little concerned. “Where have you come across one?”

“JD found one in the Rainbow Room. He left it with me because we’re the only ones he trusts.”

“A memory crystal can only be read with a holocron,” he says, “and only by Force users.” A memory of Ben's flashes into your mind. He's at the Jedi temple, a holocron in hand. It's an intricate, gold-framed Hoberman sphere. 

But, all at once, another memory pushes through of Ben, a little older. He's holding another holocron, this time a glass pyramid in his gloved palm. You retreat out of Ben's mind.

If it can only be viewed by Force users, there must be very sensitive information on it. Maybe it had been stored inside of a droid for safekeeping and it had, unfortunately, ended up in the Rainbow Room. 

You sit up, then, and Ben grins as he smooths down your sleep-mussed hair with both hands.

“Do you have a holocron?” You ask him as his hands move down to the sides of your face, just holding you there. It makes you giggle. It makes you adore him even more, seeing the way his eyes gleam for you. _How could someone look at you like that?_

Ben smirks, no doubt, having heard what you’d been thinking. “I do have a holocron,” he says. “Do you want to see what’s on the crystal?”

You nod, “But can we stay in bed until work?”

“Yes,” Ben says, “bring the crystal and meet back here.”

You hop off the bed and make your way to the closet. The memory crystal is exactly where you’d left it in your dresser, resting carefully on top of your Earth pajamas. And when you get back to the bed, Ben is sitting as he had before, a little pyramid between his fingers. You slide in next to him and hand him the crystal.

“The memory crystals at the temple contained valuable teachings of the Jedi,” Ben says, and you can tell he’s closed off your connection a little bit. Talking about the Jedi temple always brings forth the strongest emotions. 

That makes you wary of what you might see on it. It could be something upsetting.

One side of the pyramid pops open with the Force and Ben places the blue crystal inside. The pyramid closes and you flinch back a little as a holographic video begins to play.

You lean closer to the blue projection as you see someone with a striking resemblance to Chewie.

"I- That's Burryaga Agaburry," Ben says, sounding as surprised as you feel. "He was a legendary Jedi during the High Republic Era."

Whisps of several similar memories flow into your mind. Often times, Uncle Chewie would read Ben to sleep. He'd tell little Ben about a very Force sensitive Wookie, Burryaga, who'd wielded a special lightsaber with a crossguard hilt. _Like Ben’s_. Ben would fall sleep in his very favorite Uncle’s arms, dreaming about fighting side by side with the famed Wookie one day.

You try not to cry, but you can't help it; you're not used to feeling this much sadness. To think that Ben constantly feels this way and can't show anyone, not even you, makes your heart ache.

He dutifully wipes your tears, not a trace of sadness on his face. Yet, deep in his mind, the pain is ever present.

"Do you think this was taken from the Jedi temple?" You ask, willing the rest of your tears away.

“Yes,” he says, pulling you close to him, so his arm is around you as you snuggle into his chest. “I've never seen it before. It must have been removed before I started my training."

You close your eyes, breathing him in. It calms you immediately. _What is it about Ben’s scent that’s so soothing? So comforting?_

“Why do you smell so good?” You wonder aloud, your hand moving up to rest on the side of Ben’s throat. His pulse is strong beneath your fingers and you feel the vibrations as he laughs.

“Why? What do I smell like?” He asks.

You pull his head down closer to yours as you tip your nose up into the space just below his ear. His hair tickles your cheek as you take in a breath. You press your lips to the soft skin there and Ben’s hand immediately comes up to grasp onto the base of your skull, clutching your hair.

You smile into his skin, “You smell like the forest.” His other arm wraps around your waist, tight, and pulls you close. ”You’re like a big, snuggly pine tree.”

He laughs, loudly, and the sound is so incredibly wonderful that you laugh, too. You feel a little twinge in your back from the odd angle and, not a second later, Ben gathers your legs and brings them across his lap.

You rest your cheek onto Ben’s chest again as a contented sigh leaves him. _"My sweet Supreme Leader,"_ you say, hand lightly grabbing the neck of Ben's sleep shirt.

The abandoned holo of Burryaga is still playing from the holocron, now resting atop the covers by your feet. After tuning back into the video, you catch a few interesting words.

"What's the World Between Worlds?" You ask. 

Ben picks up the holocron again and listens for a minute. Burryaga is talking about a portal at the Jedi Temple on Lothal.

"The World Between Worlds," Ben says, "is a place that exists beyond time and space. Palpatine wanted to enter the portal to gain power and control the universe."

Afraid, you whisper, "The universe?" 

You feel Ben nod and a shutter wracks your body.

You lean back to look at him, an inexplicable dread coming over you, "Is he... alive?" Ben's brow is furrowed, still looking at the projection. With a wave of his hand, it flickers off and he turns his attention to you.

He's worried. He tucks your hair behind your ear and rests his palm on your cheek. "I don't know," Ben says, "but I have this feeling. I can't shake it."

"Don't worry," you tell him, tickling your fingers over his hand, "I'll keep you safe."

+++

"You're almost as good as me now," Ben says, beaming, as you holster your blaster onto your new belt. He’d recently begun training you in his own gym on base. It’s massive (taking up an entire wing of F5), and each one of the eight rooms is designed for different types of exercise.

You can feel the Knights in another room- the sounds of their steel weapons clanging together rhythmic and pleasant. Your sense of hearing has heightened as your Force powers develop. And so has your agility and concentration.

You’ve just finished another round of shooting at moving holo targets from a pretty great distance.

“You’re a natural,” Ben says, eyeing the Heart of Fire at the center of your belt. 

As he walks closer, you grab two throwing knifes and fling them across the room. With a muted sound, both knives lodge into the eye sockets of two very lifelike practice dummies

"Now you're just showing off," he says, his voice full of pride.

You grin, “Do you think I’m good enough to be a Knight?”

He puts both of his hands on your waist and looks down, “Of course you are.” You let out a little laugh because you’re nowhere near good enough, but Ben actually believes it. It makes you feel all mushy inside.

“Would I get a cape, too?”

“Yes,” Ben says.

“But I’d want it to be short, like to here,” you put the edge of your hand on your upper thigh. You’d probably trip on it if it was as long as Ben’s.

He lowers his head so his nose grazes your forehead, “Anything you want.” His breath ghosts over your cheeks and it makes you giggle.

“Anything?” You tap your chin, pretending to think, and go cross-eyed trying to look at him. “Then I want the wind always blowing, so my cape looks really cool.”

“Okay.” Ben laughs, “I can make that happen.

Just then, you feel a presence at the door. It’s neither Beck or LK and you tense a little bit.

“It’s all right,” Ben says, “but there’s an issue Below.” His mind is pretty calm, so it must not be anything too alarming. “Beck will take you back to our room.”

You want to tell him that you can make it down one hallway by yourself, but then he gives you those shiny, puppy dog eyes and you have to look away so you don’t get swayed by them even more. Anxiety spikes within him, afraid you’ll reject the suggestion.

“Okay, Kylo,” you say. He nods and walks over to a bench that has his outfit draped over it. While he’s dressing, you also layer your uniform jacket and skirt on top of your training clothes.

He’s observing you, helmet in hand, when you approach him. 

"Is everything okay?" You ask, brushing his hair back from his forehead. It springs back perfectly, so you repeat the motion.

"Yes," he says, "I won't be long."

As Ben's hair slips through your fingers, you have a thought. You should totally braid his hair. Maybe two or three little French braids at the top of his head, so his hair doesn’t fall into his face underneath the helmet.

Ben chuckles, "Maybe next time, sweetheart." He gives your forehead a quick kiss and his cape tickles your legs as he rushes off. His helmet clicks in place just as the door opens and he's gone.

When you exit into the training room's common area, you can’t stifle your gasp. You'd felt Beck's presence, but you hadn’t been expecting him to be without his helmet. As you’d guessed, he’s about Ben's age, maybe a little older. And he has the most vibrant blue eyes and the straightest nose you've ever seen. _Do Ben and his Knights all wear masks, so people won’t be distracted by how hot they are?_ You snicker to yourself.

"'Bout time, Doll," he says, leaning over to fetch his helmet from the coffee table.

You roll your eyes, "Hey, Beck."

"D'you want to grab my Little Soldier?" He asks and you freeze mid-step.

"What."

Seeing the horrified look on your face, Beck throws his head back and guffaws, his long hair shaking with the force of it. He points behind you, at his scythe that's leaning against the wall. _Annoying little punk_.

"Is this you trying to get back at me for Tatooine?" You ask as Beck smirks. _Who actually names their weapon?_ You turn around to grab his scythe. It's so big, your hand can only close around the handle halfway and when you try to lift it, you _can't_. 

You turn back around and cross your arms over your chest, peeved now. "That is the heaviest thing ever."

"If it wasn't heavy," Beck says, as he stands up, "it wouldn’t be able to cut people in half."

You shrug, “True.” He takes the scythe in his hand like it weighs nothing, then puts his helmet on and follows you out into the corridor.

+++

Once you both get inside your room, Beck sits on a seat adjacent to the couch you're on and takes his helmet off. You eye him for a minute. You've never been alone in your room with anyone other than Ben. And you know these quarters are at the far end of an isolated wing. With that thought, you’re suddenly buzzing with nerves, with fear so heavy that bile rises in your throat.

Your mind supplies you with flashes of gruesome images: Beck with his scythe, slicing you in half at the waist. Beck shoving his boot into your sternum, your torso sliding onto the floor. Beck standing over the pieces of your body, boots soaking up your blood.

Then, a ghost of a whisper. _“You cannot trust him,”_ an unfamiliar voice hisses. A deep chill flows through you at the unnerving feeling it leaves behind. _What’s happening to you?_ You think you know who it could be and nothing scares you more. _Don’t let him in. Don’t let him in._

And when you try to reach Ben, it feels like your mind isn't stable enough to make the connection. _No, no, no-_

"Whoa, whoa," Beck says, leaning forward, but keeping a little space between you. "What's wrong?"

You shake your head as Beck's face blurs behind your tears. "Nothing," you whisper, dispelling those foreign intrusions. You take in a deep breath and try to clear your thoughts. _Ben trusts Beck enough to leave you alone with him, so you can trust him, too_. You exhale. _Beck is here to keep you safe. He won't hurt you._ But he can’t save you from _him_.

When you look back to Beck, his shoulders are tight and his eyes search yours. He's worried he's done something to upset you.

"Sometimes, I just," you pause for a second, "need a minute."

He slumps back into his chair as he nods to himself, “I get it.”

You study Beck for a few moments as you slowly regain your calm. _Palpatine can’t get to you. If he could, he’d be here. Beck is here. He’s safe._ Your Supreme Leader would never leave you with someone dangerous. After a few more meditative breaths, you relax and center yourself as you twist your kyber crystal between your fingers. You have to keep your thoughts away from Palpatine.

Instead, you focus on Beck, who's carefully watching you from the corner of his eye. Somehow, without his helmet, you’re more curious. You wonder where he’s from, if he has a family, if he likes dogs. And there’s so much you want to know about Ben’s relationship with his Knights. _But would he even tell you?_

You’ll chance it. “When did you meet Kylo?” 

He dramatically turns to face you, narrowing his blue eyes. “Eight years ago.”

“Where?”

Beck doesn’t move a single muscle as you feel him gently read you, heavy with suspicion, “Varnak.”

“Are you best friends?”

“Best? Friends?” Beck repeats, the words making his face wrinkle in bewilderment.

“Do you call him Kylo when you’re alone with him?”

His eyes squeeze shut as he lets out a boisterous laugh instead of answering. _Annoying Knight_. Maybe, like JD, he’s not supposed to talk about Ben in detail.

You roll your eyes, but decide to change the subject for his sake. If he’s supposed to keep details about Ben to himself, he damn well should. You’ve probably gotten him into enough trouble. Luckily, you’re full of other questions. “So, what's 'Below?'"

A little smile remains on Beck's lips. "Our playground," he says. "It's where we keep the prisoners."

You snort. He's so excited talking about it, he looks like a little kid. "Is Kayne... down there?"

"Yup," Beck says, "he's my favorite. Cries like a baby."

You bark out a laugh, then, a little shocked by your feeling of satisfaction. _You're not that kind of a person, are you?_ The thought of Kayne being tortured by the Knights Below should disgust you, yet...

“Can I ask you something?” Beck says, shifting forward, leaning his elbows onto his knees.

“Of course."

“Why aren’t you scared of us?”

_Us?_

“Yeah,” Beck says, “‘Us.’ My master, me, the Knights.”

“Well,” you’re not sure how to answer that. You suppose it’s similar to how you’d felt with Ben. Maybe it would have been different if you’d known (like everyone else in this universe) about their reputations before you’d met any of them. All Beck has done is protect you. “You’ve never done anything to scare me.”

It looks like he’s deep in thought. “And you and the Supreme Leader?”

“You’re very nosy,” you glare at him and he grins. You’re avoidance is probably all the answer he needs. You stand up, trying to avoid any more questions. This had been _your_ interrogation. _When did he flip it around on you?_ “Do you want something to eat? Drink?”

“You mean there’s actually _stuff_ in the cooler?” Beck asks, incredulous.

“Umm,” you stick your head into the fridge, “yeah. There’s muja jelly, ostrum, meiloorun juice, moof juice...” Beck is very quiet, so you turn around to look at him. He’s still sitting there, his blue eyes fixed on you.

“Where the fuck did you get meiloorun juice?” Beck asks. And you can’t help your internal panic. _Are you inadvertently letting Beck get closer to the truth, one fact at a time?_ But he just smirks, “Damn, you’re spoiled.”

You narrow your eyes, “Do you want some or not?”

Beck laughs, “Yes, please.”

+++

Beck is in the middle of telling you about that time Hux had been tricked into performing at a strip club on Coruscant when you sense Ben walking down the hall towards your room. By the way Beck quickly downs the rest of his juice and reaches for his helmet, he feels it, too. But you’re giddy. Because you're mind is clearer now and you can actually _feel_ him again.

“You _have_ to tell me the rest of that story.”

His helmet is already over his eyes, but he pauses to answer with a smile, “I will.”

Beck’s helmet vacuums closed just before the door whooshes open. Ben pauses, taking a moment to observe the two of you before coming in. You’re fighting the urge to jump into his arms. Butterflies take up residence in your stomach as your eyes trace every inch of Ben in full uniform. Even though you see him like this every morning, it always gives you that fizzy first crush feeling.

Beck stands up and nods to Ben. He retrieves his scythe and heads for the door.

“Goodnight, Beck,” you say and his slatted mask turns back to you.

“‘Night, Doll.” 

As soon as the doors close behind him, you get off the couch and leap onto Ben, hanging off his shoulders. He flinches, but catches you with one arm. _Weird_. You try to unlatch his helmet, but he doesn’t let you. Frowning, you study his covered face and a scintilla of pain flows through the bond.

You wiggle out of his hold and notice a little dark stain on the collar of his quilted tunic.

“Oh my god,” you whisper, touching it and seeing your fingertips come away red. “What happened?” You attempt to take his helmet off again and, this time, he lets you. Ben bows down a little to help you as you lift it off.

You gasp as your hand automatically comes up to soothe the big gash on his forehead. There’s a bruise forming on his temple and his lip is split. Your face gets hot; you see red. W _ho the fuck did this?_

“I’m fine,” he says with a smirk. Glowering, you take his hand and lead him to the bathroom.

You sit him down on the wide edge of the tub, next to his helmet, before you fetch the first aid kit. You splay it open beside him on the adjacent ledge. “Please tell me whoever did this to you is dead.”

“They are.”

You nod, picking up the bacta and some gauze. “Close your eyes,” you tell him. 

He doesn’t. He’s giving you an very intense look. 

“Ben,” you warn. And the most beautiful smile appears on his face, those fine baby lines radiating from the corners of his eyes. Your lip twitches, trying not to grin, as you trace those lines with your index finger. His eyes glow with adoration as they bore into yours.

After some more passionate staring, he finally closes his eyes so you can spray his forehead and use the gauze to dab bacta onto his lip. You run the laser pen carefully over the gash and find some relief watching it mend. But once you’re done closing up his lip, you don’t know what to do about the blooming bruise.

There’s only one thing that can be done about it. You lean down and press your lips to his temple. _Kissing it better is a real thing, right?_

Ben stands abruptly like he’s in a big hurry, his cape knocking his helmet into the tub. A breath escapes your body as he pulls you in and holds you close. Your kyber throbs with excitement between your bodies as if the crystal can sense who’d found it, who it belongs to. You squeeze Ben tight and he flinches again.

“What did they do to you?” You ask, leaning back. But he doesn’t look bothered by his injuries in the slightest. He actually looks _happy_.

He looks upon you with eyes so bright and lively. “You worry about me too much,” Ben says, amused.

“Says the person who got me a babysitter.” 

Ben laughs as you unfasten his belt and unzip his quilted jacket. There isn’t any more blood, but when you lift the hem of his undershirt, you see mottled red bruises coloring his abdomen and side. You hold your palm to the biggest one, all at once upset.

Ben’s stomach dances under your fingertips as he chuckles.

You look up and pout, “It’s not funny, Ben.”

His loving gaze melts your insides. But it makes you wonder if you’re the first one to actually care that he’d been hurt. You’ve seen his memories. He’s used to being alone, to letting his injuries fester so they can remind him of his failures. Because he feels like he deserves that pain.

Ben runs his thumb over your bottom lip, wanting your attention back.

“I don’t like seeing you hurt,” you tell him. “It makes me sad.”

He’s quiet as he tucks you under his chin and you slide your hand higher underneath his shirt. You hold your palm over his heart and his flesh is so hot, it makes you want to curl up impossibly closer. A frightening feeling comes over you, then. It’s unfamiliar, but your mind seems to know it well. An intense heat radiates from your numbing hands.

You jerk back from Ben, afraid you’ll hurt him. And when you look at your trembling hands, they glow with a familiar blue energy. 

The Force that draws you back to Ben is so resolute, you just let your mind take over. You place your hand atop those massive bruises on his stomach, then the blue light leaves you and spreads over his damaged flesh.

Keeping your hand steady, you look up at Ben, who’s staring attentively at where you’re connected. All the heat in your body leaves you at once as the blue energy dissipates, and with it, every single bruise. You gasp, shocked, your entire body shaking. 

After seeing that his skin is as pale and flawless as it always is, you hold up your hand, amazed. Ben carefully grasps it and places it back on top of his heart.

He whispers, “You healed me.”

A grin fights its way onto your face, even though you’re worn out and so, so cold. Your Supreme Leader brings his cape around to cocoon you and its scent and its warmth calms you immediately. You look up at him, but he’s looking straight ahead, avoiding your eyes.

 _Puzzlement_ fills the bond. Then _love_ , then _anxiety_ , then _hope_.

Ben lets out a controlled breath and says, “Promise you’ll never leave me.”

You place your palm on his cheek to nudge his face towards you, “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some quality time with Beck!!
> 
> 💖 Thank you (times a million) to everyone who reads, comments, and presses that kudos button. It gives me life!! 😘


	18. Awareness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An adorable secret, an ugly truth, and an unexpected gift.

You watch the snow fall, thick and heavy outside the window, and you've never felt more relaxed. 

"I'm going to be late," Ben says as he sits gracefully on the floor with his back to the couch. His long legs disappear underneath the coffee table and reappear on the other side.

You shush him, your legs open around his wide shoulders. He finally has some time this morning for you to braid his hair so he could be more comfortable in that helmet of his. But you've spent the last twenty minutes just playing with his soft curls and watching the snow.

Bending your body forward, you press your hands over Ben’s shoulders and down his chest. You press your cheek to his and hum contentedly. Though it’s been months, you still don’t understand how he makes you feel this way. You wrap your arms around Ben’s neck, probably choking him.

"Don't you have a meeting this morning?" He asks you.

“Mmhmm,” you say, wiggling your knees under his arms and placing your feet on his thighs, caging him in. “Do you think we would have still met if I was born in this universe?”

“Yes,” he says without hesitation, “I would have found you.”

His seriousness makes you giggle. “You wouldn’t even have known me.”

“I would always know you, no matter what," Ben tells you. “I can’t exist without you. Not anymore.”

Your Supreme Leader is so _intense_. “So, you’re saying we’re soulmates?”

He nods, his cheek rubbing against yours, “Yes. It is our destiny.”

“Would you be able to find me anywhere?”

“Yes.”

“If I was in trouble, you’d come to me?”

“Yes.”

“What if I just wanted to see you?”

"Sweetheart," Ben warns as he taps your calf, impatiently.

"Okay, okay," you say, releasing your death grip on him. "Open your hand."

He does as he's told and you place two small elastics onto his palm. But before you can begin on his hair, he grasps your ankle. “Yes,” he says, “I’d come to you, no matter what.”

With your lips clenched tightly between your teeth, suppressing a huge grin, you start on two mini French braids at the top of his head. As your fingers gather silky strands of his hair, a euphoria (that you now associate with Ben’s happiness) numbs you in the most pleasant way. His joy is so potent, like he hasn’t let himself feel it his entire life and it’s all been saved, put away, and bottled up inside. Even the tiniest amount just melts your heart.

When he stands up to get changed, you have to cover your mouth on a gasp. You've never, ever seen anything so adorable. You hop up from your seat and squeeze his face between your hands, smushing his cheeks together.

Smiling your biggest smile, you say, "My cute Supreme Leader."

Ben scoffs, but he's smiling, his eyes closed like he's savoring the moment.

+++

“Oh my god,” you breath out, in awe. Your mouth has been open for the last five minutes as you look around JD’s room. 

“You are collecting flies, Miss,” He teases and points at your slack jaw. But your open-mouthed admiration is completely genuine. JD has finally let you come over, so it’s the first time you’ve been able to see his goodies. His (very neatly organized) study is filled with spare parts on one side and finished products, lining an expansive shelf, on the other.

With your arms out to your sides, you tell him, “This is incredible, JD.”   
  
“Is it, really?” He asks, his eyes shining.

“Absolutely!” You exclaim. “Can you tell me what they do?”

“I would love to, Miss,” JD says, walking you over to the shelf, then tilts his head this way and that. He decides on a metal device that looks like a Zippo lighter and flicks the lid open. When he presses down on a little nozzle at the top, a fine mist sprays out, its stream thin and wide.

“It is bacta spray, concentrated so that one of these,” he shakes the small container, “can cover an entire body.”

“Amazing,” you breathe out. The particles feel weightless like a spiderweb when you run your finger through it.

He also shows you a (yet untested) super-charged laser pen that could mend wounds in half the time and a mini mouse droid that you kind of really want. Ben would be so annoyed if you let that thing zoom around your room all day.

“This one is my favorite.” He pinches a little golden sphere and places it onto your opened hand. 

It’s the size of a walnut, but very hefty. It looks like solid gold, softly glinting in the pale blue, late afternoon light coming though the window. You wonder if you could impress JD by guessing what it does.

Reaching out with your mind, you feel the Force, alive all around you. It’s something you haven’t yet grown accustomed to- how everything has it's own energy. You gather a little of it to levitate the ball and try to _feel_ what you’re holding.

JD blinks owlishly. Your genius best friend is watching you like you're doing something astounding. For some reason, it makes you bashful.

"Oh my, Miss," he says with wonder, poking the floating sphere with his index finger. It moves a little, then springs back. "You are one with the Force.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” you say, but can’t help grinning. “Ben’s been training me.”

“Very impressive,” JD says with glee. “I have seen many great Force users, many Jedi, in my time. Now I will have one more to add to my list.”

You grin so wide, your mouth hurts, “Yeah?”

“Indeed, Miss,” he says. “Just do not forget me when you are all-powerful.”

You chortle at his teasing. “I thought you were always going to be with me.”

JD blinks silently a few times, just studying you. “Yes, of course I will.”

“Wait,” you realize a few moments too late, “how do you know so many Jedi?” Ben had told you that the last one had been his uncle.

“Well, I suppose it is time I tell you,” he plucks the ball from your invisible hold and sets it back on the shelf. “That was an explosive, by the way,” he tells you, fully amused, “strong enough to destroy this entire wing.”

“Wh-“ you sputter, your hand frozen in front of you like you’re still playing with _the bomb_. “JD!” You exclaim, hands finding their way to your hips. _Trickster_.

But he just laughs and gestures for you to follow him to his dining table. There’s already tea set out for one and those triple fudge cookies you love so much. You're beaming as you pop one into your mouth before your butt even hits the seat. Beck’s totally right; you _are_ spoiled.

“Miss, you must understand,” JD says, sitting across from you, “no one knows about my past.”

You reach over and take his hand. “Only tell me if you want to. And know that if you do, I won’t tell anyone.”

His eyes close for a long moment as you sit in suspense. And when he opens them, he nods to himself. “My first Master was a renowned Jedi.” His hand twitches under yours as he notices your widened eyes. “I often accompanied him to his meetings with the Jedi High Council, in which he was leader.”

Your shock turns into fear. _Does he know of Ben’s lineage?_

But JD continues, “At the time, there was peace in the galaxy, _balance_. My Master, Mace Windu, did all he could to preserve that. But the Dark Side prevailed.”

“Did he- Is he still alive?”

You bestie’s eyelids droop, “No, Miss. He was killed by the Emperor’s apprentice.”

“Emperor Palpatine?” You nearly shriek as you get up from the table. _The ‘Emperor’s apprentice.’_ You frantically search your thoughts and your heart stops when it connects. _Darth Vader._

“Yes,” JD says a little distantly, distracted by your outburst. “Are you all right, Miss?”

In a daze, you sit back down. _JD knew Palpatine? And Ben’s grandpa?_ He lived in a time before the Jedi had been wiped out. A time of _peace_.

“How did you end up here?” You ask, a little scared of the answer. If he’d been on the other side, it couldn't have been good.

“After the Emperor executed Order 66 and all the Jedi were killed, I was collected to be incinerated.”

“No...”

“Yes, Miss. But the transport ship was intercepted by mercenaries.” JD looks away, “I was lost and bought and sold several times before settling on Jakku.”

The back of your mind tingles and one of Ben’s memories surfaces. _Ben walks down the ramp of his Command shuttle. It should be dark, but the night is lit up by scattered fires and bloody screams. It’s sweltering underneath all these layers, even more so when added to the pure wrath burning inside him. Hundreds of Stormtroopers disperse to raid the village, to kill everyone in sight. But Ben is impatient, too focused on that droid and the map to his uncle to see anything but red._

After you leave the memory behind, guilt bubbles up as you see JD. Not able to look at him anymore, you say, “And the First Order took you.” _And forced you to serve them._

“Yes, Miss.”

“I’m so sorry, JD.”

“Do not be,” he says, pushing the plate of cookies closer to you. He knows in your voice that you’re upset. “If I had not been taken that day, I never would have met you.”

That makes you look back at him, his eyes honest and open. Your lips tremble and, all at once, your throat is too tight. "You're the greatest friend I could have ever asked for."

JD blinks once, twice, "Likewise, Miss."

+++

Another correspondence mentioning Canto Bight has you checking your side notes. It’s number thirty-something this week alone. The sudden influx could mean that something‘s going down on Canto Bight soon... or it’s a false lead... or a trap. All of which are very far from ideal.

You’re about tell your team to look out for any more messages when Hux enters the Communications Center with a Lieutenant in tow. Beck soundlessly follows them in and stands just inside the door, his scythe glinting menacingly beside him.

You and your team stand to greet Hux. “General,” you say, before eyeing the Lieutenant. He smiles at you, gaze traveling from your face to your boots. There’s something off about his energy and his smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Morgan,” Hux says, not acknowledging the man beside him. “There seems to be an influx of officers wanting to join you and your-“ the General looks around the room, his lips downturned and pursed, “group.”

 _Huh?_

“I see.” You’re not sure what’s going on. _Since when did people want to work with you?_ You’d thought they all feared your association with Ben and likely hated you.

“Lieutenant Acker seemed like the best of the lot.” Hux eyes the few empty chairs, “And it seems you have some vacancies.”

Your nostrils flair, irritation growing within you. There’s something amiss, but Hux doesn't seem to see it. As usual, he's in the dark. 

Ben had made sure that the appropriate amount of work (which is very little) gets filtered to you and had hand-picked your crew himself, so there shouldn't be anyone _interested_ in joining.

Wanting answers, you gently access Acker’s mind and you shudder when you hear his thoughts.

 _“Easy slut,”_ he says in his head, eyes flickering to your chest and back up. _“Easy job, easy fuck. If she bends over for that psycho, Ren, she’ll let anyone fuck her.”_

Fury boils your insides and it takes a tremendous amount of effort to tamp it down. Your kyber crystal shifts, in tune with your anger. He doesn’t know a fucking thing about you. Or Ben. Plastering a sweet smile on your face, you stare directly into Acker’s cowardly eyes. “No, thank you, General.”

In your peripherals, you see a small smile appear on Hux’s face.

“I- Morgan,” Acker says, “I’d be a valuable asset to the team.”

“I’m sure you would,” you look down your nose at him. “But I don’t need someone who's just looking for something _easy_.”

The facade drops from Acker’s face, revealing a snarling mouth and beady eyes. _A predator_. “Listen here,” he says, grabbing your wrist. Behind him, the blade of Beck’s scythe reflects light, poised at the ready. In that brief moment, memories of Kayne flood your mind.

 _Rage_ cascades over you like an electric surge at his touch and your free hand shoots up, gripping Acker’s throat as tightly as you can. Your Force energy aids you in squeezing the life out of him as his hand falls away from your wrist, limp.

“No,” you grit your teeth, voice low, “you listen.” You focus your powers to keep his arms restrained near his sides. “You will not touch me.” He makes dry gurgling sounds, trying to take in a breath. “If I ever see you again, if I even hear about you, _Acker_ , I’ll have you sent Below. And I’ll visit you every day, myself. Do you understand me?”

You know he can’t answer you, but you shake him anyway, his head bobbling back and forth. A blue tinge bleeds into his skin and his eyes are hemorrhaging, his life slowly fading. 

“Answer me,” you demand. Acker’s mouth opens and closes uselessly, his arms convulsing in mid-air. “I said, ‘Do you understand me?’”

Seeing a barely perceptible nod, you toss him aside and he collapses to the floor by your feet like a marionette with snipped strings. As the anger slowly fades, you chance a look around the room. Every single one of your officers’ mouths are open, shock very clear on their faces. You’re suddenly doused in embarrassment at your inability to reign in your emotions. You can’t bear to look at any of them.

Hux angles his eyes down to Acker, who’s holding onto his throat, pathetically gasping in pained breaths. “Get up,” Hux spits, disgusted. “Incapable fool.” 

"General," you call for his attention, "I'd appreciate it if you'd not do this again in the future."

Hux takes in your form, then nods, an unplaceabe expression on his face. “My apologies, Morgan.” With his hands behind his back, he strolls out of the Communications Center alone.

As soon as the door shuts, it opens again to let LK in. He’s holding a shining, silver staff- beautiful with a glittering green gem encased at the pointed tip. Black robes whirl around the floor as LK walks over, his gridded helmet nodding first to Beck, then to you.

The Lieutenant squeals in pain as the Knight grabs his arm and drags him out of the room like a snared animal. When LK exits, so does Beck, leaving you with just your officers. _What could you possibly even say to them?_ Instead of addressing anything, you sit back onto your chair and close your eyes, shutting them out. After letting out a meditative breath through your nose, you try to get back to work.

You can’t. You’d thought everyone had seen you as they see Ben. But, no, of course they fucking hadn’t. They don’t fear you, they don’t envy you, they _ridicule_ you. They see you as a stupid whore, worthless in everything but pleasing their Supreme Leader. They see you as _easy_ \- some cheap woman who’s incapable of doing anything useful.

And, here, you’d thought they’d been scared, jealous. Every single person had known the truth, but you. _How fucking stupid could you be?_

+++

You’re still sitting in front of your panel’s screen, after everyone has long since gone, when Beck comes in. You’re still stewing. Not only had you completely _lost it_ in front of your very few friends, you’d probably just announced your mystery powers to the entire base. He leans his scythe on the wall close to you and leans back beside it.

After sliding your chair out, you move towards him, observing his helmet. “What?” You ask, lightly rolling your eyes, sensing that Beck has something to say.

His helmet cocks to one side, “Who _are_ you?”

You snort, crossing your arms over your chest. He asks that as if you’re something special, someone to be curious about. “Do you know why that loser wanted to work with me?”

Even though you can’t see Beck’s face, you’re able to read him a little; he shifts, ill at ease.

“Of course you do,” you sigh. He can read people’s minds with an expertise you don’t yet possess. _Of course he knows_. He’s probably known for a while now. You’re nothing but a whore to everyone in the First Order, even Beck.

“No,” he says, voice sounding angry through the vocoder. “You’re not.”

“It’s okay, Beck,” you lie. “I don’t care what people think about me.” But even as you say it, your nose tingles with looming, shameful tears. _Fuck_. And you’d actually thought you’d be able to fit in here. _You were so goddamned delusional._

“They’re not important,” Beck tells you. “Besides, it’s better to be underestimated.” He pushes off the wall and gestures with his hands, wanting you to stand up. “That’s how you win.”

It’s sounds so easy when he says it and that puts a shaky smile on your face. “Why are you always giving me such good advice?” 

He laughs, low and fuzzy, taking his weapon in hand. “Because I know you’ll take it.”

+++

The snow is silent beneath your boots as Beck follows you out into a heavily wooded area of the surrounding forest. You kind of wish you had a mask, too, because the skin on your face feels like it’s about to freeze off. _Isn't Beck ever cold? Does he have sparkly gold tights on under there, too?_

A snort leaves his helmet at that, “I do not wear _tights_.”

You turn around to look, but Beck is covered from head to toe and you can’t make anything out. He’s even wearing a loose coat over his usual robes. The sour mood Acker had put you in still lingers, but as you take in the calming scent of the forest, it starts to slowly leave you.

A few steps ahead, there’s a clearing. And it takes your breath from you. You stand in the center of a pristine path, a colonnade of snow-dusted pine trees on either side. Extra large snowflakes, the size of your face, begin falling from the white sky and you look up in wonder. You hold out your hand and one lands onto your palm, but it’s only there for a second before water drips through your fingers as it melts. 

There’s a little tingle as you feel Ben somewhere in the forest.

“See you later, Doll.”

You turn around and nod, “Thanks, Beck.”

A few hundred feet away, your sweet space Prince appears through the trees. As he walks to the center of the path, his cape flies up and away from him with a gust of chilling wind. He faces you, but you can barely make out his mask from this distance. Something he’s holding flutters in his hand as he begins the trek to you. 

It’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever witnessed- it’s a romantic scene from a movie, from your love story. Against the stark white of Scilla, your Supreme Leader’s black robes flap open and closed, thrashing around him like flames. Your hair is wet from the snowflakes, you’re shivering, and you’re frozen in place. Not from the cold, but from the mesmerizing vision before you.

As soon as he’s close enough and you _really_ see him, it’s like everything that’s happened drains from your thoughts. _What is it about Ben that makes you sightless to everything else?_ When you’re with him, there’s only him. _Is that how he feels about you, too?_

His boots come to a stop, one on either side of yours, trapping you. Without thought, you slide your hands underneath his cape, his body _scorching_ hot against your cold hands. As you rub your cheek onto Ben’s chest, comfortable and warm, you send him all your carefully gathered affection.

 _How could he be so hated?_ When JD had told you about those rumors, that Ben had _acquired_ you, it hadn’t occurred to you how many people would so easily accept it as truth. Ben would never do that- _buy_ you, force you, use you. There’s a soreness in your heart at how easily he’s villainized. 

Ben must sense the upset building within you because his gloved hand reaches up to caress your neck. His thumb massages into the front of your throat, reassuring you, making sure you know he’s with you. 

Beck’s right. None of those other people matter. Each and every one of them can go die, for all you care. Because you have Ben. And just as you see him, he sees you. Wholly, entirely, completely.

He suddenly drops his hand from you to bring something around your shoulders. A strange click draws your attention and, while you’re distracted, Ben brings a hood over your head. Like magic, it instantly cocoons your face in warmth. When you look down, there’s a cape attached to your uniform jacket- pleated, warm, and short (like you’d told him).

A pleased laugh leaves you and you feel giddy as you squint up into Ben’s visor.

“Kylo,” you say, a little breathlessly, steam leaving your mouth in a long train. 

His hands move to the underside of his helmet, a whisper of air escapes, then he removes it. With a little whoosh, he drops it into the snow so he can gather your hands between his gloved ones.

“Do you like it?” He asks, an adorably satisfied smile on his face.

Nodding, you tell him, “I love it. Thank you.”

A snowflake falls onto the little braids you’d done for him this morning, now a little messy, but still in place. They’re your cute, little secret. You watch as the beautiful ice crystals disappear into his hair.

“Oh,” Ben says, reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulls out a pair of black leather gloves _exactly_ like his, down to the intricate piping along the fingers and across the knuckles. “Since you’re so obsessed with mine.” 

“I-“ you sputter, caught out, but not wanting to admit he’s right. “I’m not _obsessed_ with them.”

He gives you this knowing look, eyes filled with mirth, as he holds one open for you. _Arrogant Prince._

“Come on, sweetheart,” he coaxes you with that low, melodic voice.

Worrying your lip between your teeth, you slip your hand in. Of course, it’s a perfect fit. It squeaks a little when you make a fist and you smile as you look up. “How do I look?”

“Beautiful,” Ben tells you, fastening the other glove, then smoothing his thumb across your cheek lovingly. After he studies you for a minute, he bends down for his helmet. Your stomach does a little flip when he secures your hand in his before guiding you down the clearing.

“Next time, we should come out here at night,” he says, giving your hand a little squeeze.

“Why? What happens at night?”

“You’ll have to just wait and see,” he teases. “It’ll be a surprise.”

The clearing blends back into the forest, the scent of pine strong and warm. It’s darker underneath the canopy of branches and needles and with the change in light, comes a change in Ben's emotions.

“He’s alive,” Ben says without preamble. Goosebumps spread across your entire body because you know exactly who he’s talking about.

_“Palpatine?”_

He slows to a stop so he can face you, slivers of light shining down between the trees and lighting up strands of his hair brown. _“He’s been calling me. Like Snoke had.”_

“Don’t go to him,” you plead. 

In the silence of the forest, the only thing you can hear is the rushing in your ears. You’d felt Palpatine in your head, just fleeting whispers, and it had scared you like nothing else. It's unimaginable, thinking what Ben must go through as he’s constantly _invaded_ by unwanted connections. 

Ben’s hands grip your waist, the guilt he feels, obvious. His forehead knocks into yours and he closes his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he tells you, “I have to.”

You fist his quilted jacket with both hands. “No. _Please_.”

“I’ve ignored him for too long. If it goes on any longer, he’ll seek out...” Ben lets out a quiet sigh, “other ways to get my attention.”

He means you. 

Little does he know... the former Emperor has already found his way into your mind.

+++

Your Supreme Leader stands just outside his study, a black duffle bag on one shoulder, looking in as you fetch his helmet and lightsaber. As you walk out to him, he shifts from one foot to the other. Maybe without your connection, he’s feeling uneasy, too. He’d blocked you off from him and had spent the night shielding all his memories of you. The last thing he wants is for Palpatine to exploit his weakness.

But you’re itching to tell him. While you don’t want him upset, you think he should know. 

Reaching into his cape, you attach the lightsaber to his belt and are left staring at the space your hand had just been. You hug Ben’s helmet to your chest, anxious, fingers drumming against its sides. There’s a cold emptiness in your mind without Ben. You’re missing his presence, his security, his strength.

A gloved hand enters your vision before Ben places his index finger underneath your chin to lift your gaze to him. “What’s wrong, my little Queen?”

“Palpatine,” you blurt out. “He’s already been in my head.”

You don’t need the connection to know how guilty that makes Ben feel, how mad he is at himself. He always thinks everything is his fault and it mars your heart. You’d endure the torture of having the Emperor in your head for a lifetime if you have to, if that’s what it takes to keep Ben.

For a minute, you’d forgotten that, even without the bond, your Supreme Leader can still read you. The anger fades from his eyes, turning soft. For you, they’re always soft.

“I’d sooner die than let him near you,” he says. “My life doesn’t mean anything to me, but yours does.”

Your breath gets caught in your throat. _How could he say such a thing?_ “But Ben,” your voice trembles and you clutch his helmet even tighter, keeping distance between you, “you mean everything to me. Don’t you know that?”

He rears his head back, like the thought had never occurred to him- that someone could ever care about him that much. He says he can’t exist without you. _Doesn’t he know it’s the same for you, too?_

“My life has never meant anything to anyone,” he grips your face between his hands, almost painfully, his thumbs pressing into your cheekbones. “I’d dedicate my life to you and need nothing in return. But you-“. He suddenly breaks away from you, mood fluctuating, as his warring emotions spill forth. His duffle bag falls with a thump onto the floor while his hands run frantically through his hair.

“You _give_ me things,” Ben turns to you, eyes wild and fingers curled up as they gesture towards you. “Things I never thought I’d have.” Then a little quieter, “Things I don’t deserve.” His arms drop to his sides, heavy and defeated. 

You set his helmet down before approaching him, sorrow burrowing into your chest. Ben always feels everything so deeply. He’s so full of loyalty and love, of all that sweetness. Of power and strength and ire. 

Standing on tip toes, you slide a hand over his cowl and further up to hold his cheek. In an instant, Ben’s hand covers yours as if he's afraid to lose the contact. 

“I hate whoever made you believe that,” you say, urging him to bend forward. “Do you even know how extraordinary you are?” 

Ben doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes and presses his forehead to yours.

You close your eyes, too. “You’re the Supreme Leader, the almighty ruler of the galaxy. And on top of that,” you pause to tilt your head a little before capturing his lips in a fierce kiss, “you’re _mine_.”

Ben’s harsh breaths ghost over your lips and it makes you want to kiss him again and again, makes you want to steal all his breath. It’s okay if he forgets how important he is, sometimes. Because you'll always be there to remind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is emotional, okay 🥺 the poor thing
> 
> ❤
> 
> Many hugs and kisses to everyone who's still here with me!!


	19. Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding yourself, finding your powers, and finding your strength.

Ben’s been gone for nearly three days now. It’s strange, this fear you have when he’s not here. You can’t sleep alone anymore and you can’t stop worrying about him. The bond is still blocked off and it makes you feel incorporeal, like your body has left you and is just floating out there in space. 

Ben’s stronger than anyone. _But is he stronger than Palpatine?_ You know the former Emperor isn’t at full power, but it’s only a matter of time before he gets there. He’s inside Ben’s mind. The hold Palpatine may have on your Supreme Leader frightens you like nothing else.

Your mind won’t turn off. It’s continuously trying to connect to something that’s not available. It’s been days without sleep, but with Ben’s sweater tucked under your cheek, you’d finally exhausted yourself into unconsciousness.

It feels like only an hour later, a little prickle in the back of your mind wakes you. When you lazily blink your eyes open, you see Ben standing close to the bed, gazing down at you.

“Sorry,” he says brushing hair away from your face, “didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You’re early,” you smile, untucking your arms from the comforter and reaching up with both hands. Your Supreme Leader, in full regalia (sans helmet), bends over the bed so you can wrap your arms around his neck. He pulls at the covers until there’s nothing between you, then lifts you up so you can hook your ankles at his back.

You tuck your nose beneath his cowl, satisfied, “You smell good.”

Ben chuckles, the sound melodic and soothing.

“I missed you,” you say.

“It’s only been three days.”

_Yeah, three days too long._

He snorts, “Is that my sweater?”

Your eyes shoot open, then, suddenly alert. You don’t want him to know about that- that you’d gone through the laundry basket for something that had still smelled like him. _When the fuck did you get so creepy?_ But you’d been desperate for sleep. There had been no other way... is what you’d told yourself.

“No,” you lean back, trying to block his view, “don’t look over there.”

Holding you up with one arm, he leans over the bed and picks it up, amusement very clear through the bond. He drapes it over your shoulder. “Didn’t I put this in the laundry pile before I left?” _Ugh_. Ben’s enjoying his favorite hobby: teasing you. 

You burrow your face very deep into his cowl and groan. You’re not awake enough to defend yourself.

“Hmm?” He asks, his hands giving your thighs a squeeze.

You mumble into his very warm skin.

“What was that, sweetheart?”

You roll your barely opened eyes and say, annoyed, “I can’t sleep when you’re gone.”

“Oh?”

“I get worried.”

Ben’s quiet for a second. “You do?”

“Yes.” You hesitate a little before asking, “Was he... there?”

“He was,” Ben tightens his grip on you like he’s reluctant to ever let you go. “I don’t know what his plans are yet. But they include me.”

_No, no, no._

Your Supreme Leader shushes you gently, “It’s okay, sweetheart. I won’t play his games.”

He sounds so sure, there’s not even a trace of worry in him... which worries _you._

A presence in the hallway alerts you. Your arms tighten around Ben’s neck, nervous because it’s the middle of the night. But as they get closer, you realize it’s Hux. And he’s headed straight to your room.

“What is Hux doing here?” You whisper in a panic.

“Oh,” Ben chuckles, “he’s the mole.”

You rear back as far as you can in his hold. “He’s _what_?!”

A set of invisible arms support your back, “I asked him to bring me some unnecessary surveillance report.”

You gasp, “Are you going to kill him?”

“No.”

“Oh... why not?”

A cat-like grin appears on his face. “Why? Did you want me to?”

You have to admit, Ben wielding his lightsaber is sinfully attractive. _That’s not wrong, is it?_ Finding that your heart skips a beat seeing your Supreme Leader annihilate his enemies. How he can just hold out a hand and twist someone’s insides, torture them, kill them. And how those same hands softly hold you and brush through your hair and make you feel safe.

“I’d kill anyone for you,” he says, looking straight into your eyes.

 _Fuck_ , if that’s not the single, most romantic thing anyone could ever say to you. You don’t care that it’s not right because Ben’s words make your heart swell with his devotion. 

Smiling very big, you ask, “You would?”

His gaze never wavers. “I’d level planets for you.”

 _Christ_. Without thought, you catch hold of his face and kiss him, hard. His hands clamp onto your thighs. You don’t know how else to express everything you’re feeling right now. _Enamored, coveted, protected._ You’re dizzy with it as you lose your breath. 

An impatient, but timid, knock on the door cuts the moment short. Ben’s teeth glow in the early morning light as he smiles broadly. 

“I’ll just be a minute,” he says, lowering you onto the bed and pulling the covers back up to your chin. You think he’s leaning down to pick up his helmet that’s on your nightstand, but instead he caresses your throat and softly presses his lips to yours.

When you open your eyes again and prop yourself up on your elbows, a helmeted Ben is already walking down the corridor. Light from the living room trickles in just before you hear the front door whoosh open, Hux’s presence growing closer. He’s covering up his nervousness with agitation from being kept waiting.

“Hux,” you hear Ben’s modulated voice say.

“Yes,” the General says, “the report you requested.”

Through the link, you can clearly feel Ben’s fascination. For years, he’d had a deep rivalry with Hux and, at one time (or many times), Ben had truly been close to killing him. But now, your Supreme Leader feels at peace with their once volatile relationship. He’s interested in this change in their dynamic.

Hux begins to summarize his findings and Ben’s mind wanders. You feel a little poke in your side and you hold your breath to stop yourself from making a sound. It’s Ben. He’s using his ghost fingers to tickle you. _That annoying little-_

You toss and turn, trying to get away from it, rolling yourself into the sheets.

_“Ben!”_

His carefree laugh fills your head as his invisible touches get softer and softer until they’re just caressing your sides. Lying still, your entire body loosens as you listen to Hux drone on. For no reason at all, you suddenly feel impish.

 _“Tell him there’s a spy,”_ you say and there’s a spike of amusement.

Ben’s tone is absolutely wicked when he says, _“Naughty girl.”_

He asks Hux, “Was there any sign of the Resistance?”

“No, none that I noticed.”

“There is another thing you can do for me,” Ben says and your pulse elevates because you feel like he’s actually going to do it.

Hux doesn’t answer, so Ben continues. “There is a spy on base.”

You shoot up in bed, heart thumping ferociously, as you hear the General say, “Are you sure?” There isn’t a hint of anxiety in his voice.

Your Supreme Leader doesn’t say anything, no doubt giving Hux a scary helmet glare. After quietly removing yourself from the covers, you tip toe out of the bedroom and down the hallway. But you stop halfway, in case Hux is able to see you in the reflection from the window.

“I need you to find them for me,” Ben says.

Hux hesitates very briefly, “Very well.”

When you hear the front door open, you hastily make your way to the end of the corridor, just in time to catch a glimpse of the General exiting. You rush over to Ben and smack him in the chest.

“I can’t believe you did that,” you say, shaking your head as you tuck your fingers underneath his helmet. It releases with a hiss and Ben shakes his hair out once you lift it off.

“You’re the one who told me to,” he leans down to nuzzle into the side of your throat as he takes his mask from you and blindly tosses it onto the couch.

You pet through his hair, “How come you’re not angry?” Because you sure as fuck would be.

A hot, breathy laugh spreads across your neck, making you shiver. “I don’t know,” Ben says. “I feel like I should be, but...” he drifts off, snuffling into your skin.

The sensation makes you giggle but it’s quickly replaced with a squeak when Ben seizes your waist and pulls you very, very close.

“Things don’t bother me as much anymore,” he says, then lightly grazes the space below your ear with his lips, making you hum happily.

“They don’t?”

His hair tickles you when he shakes his head. “If Hux wants to do that, then he should go ahead and do it.”

“That’s very open-minded of you,” you say, a little proud, “but if he ever actually _does_ anything that affects you, he’s done.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” you wiggle out of his hold a little bit and he loosens his grip on you, “I said I’d keep you safe, didn’t I?”

Ben takes in a pleased breath as your fingernails rake across his scalp. But you slip away from him, snatching his hand and tugging him with you as you head back to the bedroom.

“Back to bed now,” you demand, “and you’re going to hold me ‘til I fall asleep.”

“Yes, my Queen,” your Supreme Leader says. “Anything you say.”

+++

So far, you’d been pretty good at following the rules. Your hair and uniform have always been up to standard (aside from the nondescript blaster). But things have changed since you’d found out what everyone thinks of you. Before, you’d been careful not to stand out, but now... _Who the hell cares?_

Instead of your First Order issue belt, you wear the one Ben had given you- the one with the huge, fucking ruby on it. You’re standing in the locked room, your hand tucked under your chin in thought. You don’t find yourself needing to be in here often, but Ben had added your handprint to the biometric scanner _just in case._ You know he still feels bad about the butter knife incident. _Adorable Supreme Leader._

There’s an even more impressive arsenal here than there’d been on the Finalizer. He doesn’t know what you’re doing in here, but you don’t think he’d mind.

You pick the shiniest, silver blaster, two very expensive-looking blades, and a weird-looking gold pen with a hook at one end. Of course, you can’t forget JD’s mini pod. You top everything off with your cape and gloves and you snicker a little at your reflection in the mirror, hanging inside the empty closet. There’s no mistaking who you belong to now.

When you peek into the living room, Ben’s bent over his desk, reading something on a data pad as he slips on his gloves. _Well, well, Well._ Your eyes are drawn to where his cape hugs his shoulders, the dip of his lower back. But he turns around as you walk in, his eyes widening before turning dark.

“Hi, Supreme Leader.” You wonder if the coy smile you’re giving him is doing anything.

His throat works to visibly swallow, seemingly dry, then says, “Lieutenant.” And that one word is laced with such _intent_ , it makes your stomach swoop.

 _He’d better not be using that tone to address any other Lieutenants_.

“My sweetheart,” Ben says, his tone suddenly soaked in arrogance, “always so jealous.”

“I am- _not_.”

“Come to me.”

You glance at his outstretched hand, then back up to his face. He’s got this cocky smirk, knowing he has you. Feigning reluctance, you slowly take his hand, but when you touch, it’s like someone’s zapped you. Before you can snatch your hand back in surprise, Ben grabs onto you, leather squeaking together. He snickers, tugging on your hand to get you closer. 

“What was that?” You ask, breathless, still looking at where you’re joined. But your tease of a Supreme Leader suddenly lets go.

“Come to me and I’ll tell you,” he says playfully, holding his arms out to his sides.

You don’t need to be told twice. You practically fall into him, snuggling your face into his chest. It’s not often that Ben so openly asks for affection.

“So?” You ask, “What was it?”

Your cheek jostles as he laughs. “I have no idea,” he says, petting your hair, his glove catching and pulling the strands a little. “This is all new to me, too. Our bond.”

"What can you feel through the bond?" You ask, “Do I feel you like you feel me?”

Ben thinks about it for a second. “No, I- I have a lot of things blocked off from you,” he admits. “While you’re completely open to me. Why do you ask?"

“So, you can feel _everything_?”

Ben tries to lean back but you’re stuck to him like a little monkey. “Is there something you want to tell me, sweetheart?”

Scowling, you say nothing, not liking the mischievous lilt in his voice.

“Like, maybe,” he pauses dramatically, thoroughly amused, “that you choked a Lieutenant during work hours?” _Damned Beck!_

“That rat,” you mumble into your Supreme Leader’s jacket, trying to hide. “You’re not mad?”

“No,” he chuckles. “Well maybe a little, since Beck told me Hux almost pissed his pants and I missed it.”

At the time, you’d been too caught up in your anger to catch the General’s reaction. As you laugh, you lean your head back to peer up at Ben. His eyes are soft with pride as he traces your smile with his thumb.

Dipping your fingers into the top edge of Ben’s belt, you ask him, “Are you impressed?”

“Yes,” he says, “very.”

Your fingertips grow hot, trapped between Ben and that rigid piece of leather. _But what if the whole base knows about your Force powers?_

“They should,” he replies to your thoughts. “They should fear you, worship you. You should be revered."

You want to make a joke about how you're the furthest thing from _revered_ on base. But the way Ben says it, the way he sounds when he talks about you, just makes you forget about every single thing that isn’t him.

It’s so cheesy, but that makes you fall in love with him all over again.

+++

After sitting down with your Communications crew a few days ago, you’d first apologized for strangling Acker and interrupting everyone’s work (of which they’d been pretty understanding). Then, you’d told them that some beings on Terra I possess a little extra strength (which is true) and they’d inferred the rest. 

When you‘d gently accessed Levins’ thoughts, you’d found she’d been relieved. And, surprisingly, it had been because of her worry for you, that you could be in danger by associating yourself with the Supreme Leader. Especially if you couldn’t defend yourself. She actually _cares_ about you.

It had been easy to get back into work after that, after you’d alleviated your anxieties with your lovable little gang. 

But today, you’re glaring at your screen, arms crossed underneath your chest and willing it to tell you what you need to know.

You’ve read this correspondence from someone named Z eight times already. Though it doesn’t mention Canto Bight, there’s _something_ weird about it. The message uses a spice runner code that the First Order is familiar with and mentions Kijimi. And that’s it. It’s, overall, insignificant... yet it still calls to you.

You’re in the middle of wondering if Ben might know something about that planet, when you see something.

In all honesty, you don’t know how you’re even seeing it. It feels like you’re seeing beyond the carefully arranged Aurabesh, even beyond the control panel screen itself. The letters flicker in and out as everything else fades around it. 

After trying to blink the blur out of your eyes, several letters drop off the page, leaving you with one letter per line. They spell: Organa.

Stupefied, you just sit there. _Does someone know about Ben’s identity? Are they here on base? Trying to lure him to Kijimi to kill him? Expose him?_

You need to see him now, suddenly frazzled, afraid for his life. Your chair creaks and crunches as you sit up quickly. After taking in a deep breath, you try to find him, but you’re too distracted to concentrate. You let out a slow breath and wrap a hand around your kyber crystal for help. As you think of your sweet Prince, the crystal heats up. Your mind feels fuzzy. Your eyes slip shut. He’s close, but as your mind reaches for him and finally connects, you’re suddenly splashed with icy water.

You shoot up from your chair, goosebumps erupting all over your body. And when you open your eyes, you stumble back, a breath caught in your throat.

You’re standing by the window in Ben’s conference room, a meeting in full swing. Heart thundering in your chest, you hold your breath as you hear the ambassador from Alzoc III speak. Your Supreme Leader sits at the head of the table, silently tapping his gloved fingers on the dark steel, bored. No one’s seemed to notice you, even though half of them are looking your way.

As soon as you lift your foot to take a step back, Ben’s helmet sharply turns to look directly at you. 

_“How...”_ his voice whispers in your mind.

_“Ben?”_

Through the the bond, you feel Ben’s unease. He’s full of nerves, that he’ll lose you like he’d lost Rey. Briefly, you’d seen his memories with her, how he’d desperately wanted her to join him. Your eyes widen, remembering how Ben and Rey had been able to communicate across the galaxy. _Is this the same thing?_

He turns his attention back to the meeting and your heart stops, crestfallen. But then Ben asks, “ _Will you come to me, sweetheart?”_

The meeting is still in progress. _Is he the only one who can see you?_

_“Yes.”_

Even thought you know you’re hidden, your legs feel weak. They won’t move; you’re petrified.

Your Supreme Leader flips his hand over atop the table, so his palm is facing the heavens, _“Will you take my hand?”_ He sounds so desperate, as if he’s scared that you won’t, that you’ll leave him and not look back. It confuses you because, surely, he should know by now that you're with him.

Eyeing the others carefully, you approach and when you get close enough, you feel heat radiating off of Ben like hot asphalt. Your gloved fingers tremble as they reach down and slide across his smoothly worn leather, slightly faded grey compared yours. You can’t help your sharp intake of breath at the contact. It’s him; you’re touching _him_. He’s warm and soft and just like he always feels. You interlock your fingers together and just stare at the sight, utterly confused.

The shining, slate table is cool beneath your knuckles. It’s all so _real_. When you look to your Supreme Leader, he’s already gazing up at you and a smile creeps onto your face. His fear is quickly replacement with _wonderment, security._

But you yelp as you’re quickly sucked into darkness. Blue laser lights flash behind your closed eyes like you’re in hyperspace. A split second later, you find yourself standing in the middle of the Communications Center, hand outstretched, holding onto nothing.

“You okay, Lieutenant?” Levins asks, somewhere behind you.

“Umm, oh yeah-“ you turn around, quickly relaxing your arm, “I was just, uh, _visualizing_.”

A nervous chuckle leaves you as you give her a little smile and walk back to your computer. The tips of your ears are hot from embarrassment and you’re dizzy from being transported to _another fucking plane_.

Just as you sit back down, Ben’s voice slithers into your mind, cocky and satisfied, _“Well, aren’t you full of surprises.”_

You roll your eyes hard enough for him to feel it. _“Was that really you?”_

He laughs and it’s like a song right between your ears, _“You should come to all my meetings.”_

 _“And do what?”_ You snort, _“Sit on your lap the entire time?”_

Your Supreme Leader’s laugh is downright _sinful._

_Naughty Prince._

Before you can come up with a quip, the doors whoosh open and in walks Jake, Levins’ mild-mannered crush. He’s balancing two holodisks on top of a datapad as he walks over to your side of the room. Beck silently steps in and stands guard by the door, his presence as heavy as that scythe.

"Lieutenant Morgan," Jake greets, tufts of brown hair sticking out of his hat like he'd put it on in a hurry.

“Hey, Officer Lucas." You smirk as you see Levins' eyes track Jake for a few seconds. "What've you got for me?"

“Captain Elihu would like you to review these recorded messages,” Jake says, setting down the holodisks on your panel, “very urgently.”

“Sure thing. I’ll get on it right now.”

He nods several times before turning around and heading for Levin’s station. They share a cute, little look before he exits, with Beck following closely behind him. You’d like to think that you had something to do with how happy she looks right now and it makes you smile. You wonder if that’s how goofy you always look when you’re around Ben.

It probably is because, honestly, you’re lovestruck. Categorically besotted. You could daydream about your sweet, smushy Supreme Leader all day.

 _“‘Smushy?’”_ He repeats in your head. 

_“Mmhmm,”_ you pretend like you’re getting to work, fiddling with one of the holodisks, _“very.”_

What you can only classify as comically evil laughter, slithers through the bond, _“Come play with me.”_

 _“I am very busy, Supreme Leader,”_ you say, but you’re grinning. _“Elihu just gave me some urgent work.”_

_“I’ll have him transferred.”_

_“Ben,”_ you warn and he grows quiet, so you think you’ve gotten rid of him.

But then a soft, female voice suddenly crackles to life through the speakers, “There has been a security breach on Level 4, Sector Q. All personnel please report to your stations.” As the announcement repeats itself, amidst the panic of your gang, you stay seated in your chair, shaking your head. But a little smile sneaks onto your face.

_“Ben, what did you do?”_

He chuckles, slightly dark and very devilish, _“I’ve left you a trail, sweetheart. Find me.”_

You let out an exasperated breath, but you can’t help the excitement building within you. You want to chase him, want to _capture_ him and cuddle him and question him. _How were you able to do that? Can he travel to you inside his mind, too? How did he feel so real?_ No doubt, a blissful grin has spread across your face in anticipation.

After excusing the rest of your team for the day, you set out on the hunt for your Prince- with your trusted Knight by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playful Ben is also my favorite ☺️😊
> 
> THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH to everyone who's here reading and kudos-ing and commenting!! It fuels me!! 💖


	20. Unconditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snowy surprise, a smug Supreme Leader, and a sweet treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff for the (almost) weekend 💖

You’d spent your entire day off in the meditation room, building a neat little dome to shield your mind... and it’s all for this. Standing behind an oversized pine tree, you giddily add more ice to your big snowball. Ben had asked you to meet him exactly _here_ just before sunset. And as you’d followed the invisible trail to your meeting spot, you’d scooped up bits of snow to create the perfect weapon.

The horizon turns wonderfully eerie as the blue sun begins to set behind the foggy, white mountains. And Ben’s presence nears as you pack the snow tighter between your gloved hands. You hold your breath as very light boot steps suddenly sound a very short distance away.

“Sweetheart,” Ben sing-songs. He’s already taken his helmet off, which means you’re in trouble.

You sprint to the next tree and, in the periphery of your vision, you see a mass of black in the clearing next to you.

“I will catch you,” he says, voice closing in.

Giggling, you peak around the tree trunk before running as fast as you can, past a few more pines. Steam escapes your mouth as you catch your breath and visualize your Supreme Leader’s location in your mind. It’s like little blue neon arrows are pointing directly at him.

If you hadn’t been holding a huge snowball with both hands, you’d rub your palms together diabolically.

You know exactly where he is now.

When you lean to your right, you see him, several feet away with his back to you. You can’t help the huge grin spreading across your face, quiet laughter leaking through your teeth. Holding your snowball back, you throw with all your strength (plus some help from the Force) and the solid ice hits Ben square in the head.

He sharply turns around, a look of betrayal on his face. But as he prepares to chase after you, his boot gets caught in the hem of his cape and he falls onto his side with a muted thud. The soft snow is disrupted as it puffs up into the air, then sprinkles all over Ben. After gasping with delight, you howl with laughter, holding onto your stomach. He doesn’t even try to get up while you walk over to him, propped up on one elbow and scowling, speckled white from head to toe.

It's so _precious_. If you could only live in this moment forever... but etching it into your memory is the best you can do. Like a wet puppy, Ben rapidly shakes his head, trying to get the snow out.

Smiling at the adorable display, you concentrate on the shield in your mind and it disappears, opening yourself back up to Ben. But while you’re distracted, he hooks the Force around your ankles and you tumble to the snow with a yelp, flat on your back. You squeeze your eyes shut, anticipating a hit to your head, but your skull safely lands on one of Ben’s gloved palms.

You open your eyes and grin. Your handsome space Prince, still perched on an elbow, peers down at you with the silliest smile on his face. The hand cradling your head gently moves away, down your sides, across your stomach, to underneath your knees. Before you know it, Ben’s lifting you up, prompting you to sling an arm around his neck.

“I got you good,” you say, studying his profile as he carries you through the clearing and in between another row of trees.

Mini clouds of steam dissipate around Ben’s face as he chuckles, “Yes, you did.” He suddenly stops in his tracks, looking thoughtfully over into the distance. “But that was very naughty of you, sweetheart. Maybe I’ve changed my mind about the surprise.”

“No!” You try to escape from his clutches, but he’s holding you tight and his fake maniacal laugh fills the silence of the forest. He makes to turn back the way you’d come. “I won’t do it again,” you tell him. “I promise.” But you’re totally crossing your fingers in your mind.

“Hmm,” he pretends to consider, “I’m not sure I’m convinced.”

You grab onto his shoulder to steady yourself while you give him a quick peck on the cheek.

“I don’t know...” Ben says, leaning back a little to look at you, “maybe if you gave me another one.”

Leaning forward, you hover your lips over his for a second before shifting to kiss the corner of his mouth.

He narrows his eyes, “All right. But next time, I won’t go so easy on you.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

You’re stuck in a staring contest with him. There’s barely enough light left for the snow to reflect a beautifully cold glow onto his pale skin. One moment, you’re admiring his honeyed eyes and the next, Ben’s face falls into a harsh shadow, barely visible as the sun rapidly sets. In the span of a few seconds, you can’t see him at all in the pitch black of the forest. 

Your arms tighten around Ben’s neck and you tuck your face as deeply into his cowl as you can. You feel him reach his arm out and you wince when something flies into his hand with a little jolt. Though you can’t see, you know it’s his helmet. You move your face back as it comes over his head and seals with a hiss.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Ben says, resuming the trek. “Just close your eyes until I say.” He pushes your head back down so it rests on his collarbone.

“Okay,” you whisper, intimidated by the absolute darkness. It’s not like it is back home. There aren’t any street lamps to light your way, no silvery moon to help your eyes adjust. Yet, Ben’s footsteps are sure and steady, even with you in his arms, and it calms you little by little.

After some time, Ben stops and sets you onto your feet. Your eyes are still closed and you feel him readjusting your cape, so it properly falls back over your shoulders. The pressure from his helmet releases, then you hear it fall into the snow by your feet.

Ben’s hand find yours and you squeeze it tight in response. 

“Okay,” he says, “you can open your eyes.”

But you can’t see a single thing and you crowd into Ben on instinct.

He laughs quietly, almost soundlessly, “It’s okay. They’re just a little late.”

_They?_

In the distance, a tiny little speck of light appears. Then another, then another. You step back, still tethered to Ben, as they get closer. These tiny golden orbs seem to spill from the sky. As their numbers multiply, some zoom past you, making you squeak in surprise. They’re _fireflies_. There are suddenly thousands of them now, lighting the forest around you, bringing the trees surrounding the little clearing back to life.

When you hold your hand out, the little bugs tickle your fingers as they fly around and around. In awe, you look up at Ben, who’s attention is solely on you. He’s even more handsome in the soft yellow light, his big, brown eyes glittering with joy.

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper.

He looks a little shy, darting his eyes away from you, then back multiple times. You tilt your chin up and he smiles, knowing what you want. With a gloved hand, he smooths your cheek and leans down. The fireflies glint in his eyes as they swirl around the two of you. An energy surrounds you as you stare into Ben, and it builds up and up until it reaches a fever pitch. You’re vibrating with the excitement of just being here, of sharing something so amazing with someone you love.

His lips lightly graze yours, just feeling you, before pulling back. A whine is this close to leaving you as he does it again, taunting you with the heat of his flesh so close. The third time he does it, you yank your hand out of his grasp and tangle all ten fingers into his hair to keep him in place, determined to get what you want.

You sigh when your lips finally connect and that light, that beautiful blue light, sparks behind your closed eyes. His hands find their way inside your cape, insistently pressing against your lower back so you’re flush with him. And it’s like a dream. _No,_ it’s better than anything you’ve ever dreamed of.

Even after you part from him, out of breath and pulse pounding, you stay close, sharing breath and foreheads pressed together. An unfiltered chuckle comes out of your mouth, absolutely jubilant, as fireflies coil themselves in Ben’s curls.

You ask, “Can we stay like this forever?”

“Just you and me?”

Very quietly, you say, “Yes.”

He huffs a little laugh and holds your face between his hands, “You want to spend forever with me?”

You nod as you swallow around the lump in your throat.

“I do, too,” he whispers. “I really fucking do.”

+++

That night, as you and Ben sit against the headboard, hair wet from your shower, he asks you, “If I were to give this all up- this power, this galaxy...” He trails off, which makes you turn to look at him.

You give him a small smile and take his hand, “Yes.”

“Yes?” His brow is furrowed, dazed, but he doesn’t have to finish his question. You know what he’s asking.

You nod, “My feelings for you won’t ever change. Even if you’re not the ruler of the galaxy, you’ll still be my Supreme Leader.”

That makes him chuckle, “And you say _I’m_ cheesy.”

“Oh, I have more,” you tell him as you lean up really close. “I don’t care where we are or what we’re doing. As long as we're together, I’ll be happy.”

Ben flashes his teeth as he looks away, bashful. Something about him at this very moment makes him looks so innocent and young, the embodiment of Light. And if that shy smile is the last thing you ever see... well, that would be just fine with you.

+++

_"I don't know about this,"_ you tell Ben, who's in one of the other training rooms. He refuses to tell you which one, but he's very close.

" _I know you can do it, sweetheart, just try."_

Grunting and yelling can be heard closeby as the Knight's train in hand-to-hand and that's just distracting you even more. You'd tried to travel to Ben as you’d done earlier in the week, but it hasn't happened again, no matter how hard you try. 

He's told you to concentrate on every tiny thing you feel to _become one with the Force_. So you start with how cold the room is- these flimsy First Order issue gym shorts do nothing to warm you. You attempt to feel it... every goosebump that appears, every hair that stands on end, every- _oh, forget it._

You pace the length of the long room, frustrated, your feet bouncing a little off the mats lining the entire floor. There's more yelling coming from the Knights and it sounds like they're arguing over who'd won the last round.

Frustrated, you cross your arms under your chest and demand, _"Just let me see you."_

His beautiful laugh fills your mind, _"Come on, don't you want to find me?"_

_Insufferable Supreme Leader._

_"I heard that."_

_Ugh_. You roll your eyes and hope he can feel it. But you _do_ want to practice this, at the very least to see if it's something you're even capable of. So you take in some deep breaths and let the kyber crystal warm in your hand. 

You're not sure you can replicate that _urgency_ you'd had before.

_"Just picture me,"_ Ben says. _"Think about what I'm doing."_

_But what_ is _he doing?_ You gather your thoughts, trying to drown out the childish fighting from a few doors away. Your sweet Prince is probably meditating, his legs crossed and hands resting on his folded knees. His helmet is definitely off and he’s likely taken out the braids. He'd look like a little lion with his hair voluminous and wild. Maybe he’s in that very attractive tank top, _damn him_ , or maybe he's forgone the shirt altogether. All those scars and that pale skin-

You gasp and sputter as a chill moves through you like a wraith. You're suddenly standing right in front of Ben and, as you'd suspected (and hoped), he's sitting on the floor meditating with _no shirt_. His eyes pop open and he's never looked this smug in his entire life. One of his hands reach up for you.

Once you take it, he stands up, towering over you. _How can this feel so real_?

"It is real," he says, brushing flyaways from your face.

"How long can we stay like this?"

"I gather... the more we practice, the longer it'll last."

With your free hand, you softly trace the line of his collarbone, out to his arms. Down, down, feeling hard muscle beneath smooth skin until you trap his fingers in yours. Your cheek falls to his chest and you breathe him in. Even his scent is there, lit like a forest fire beneath his flesh. _But how?_

_“It has awoken within you,”_ Ben says. _“The Force.”_

_“Like how I saw that message that wasn’t really there?_ ”

He nods, _“I didn’t tell you that day, but... it’s not a common Force ability.”_

Ben brings your hands around his back before letting go. You run them across his very warm skin, smooth save for some old scars. There’s this big one that goes from his side and diagonally up to his shoulder that you chart out over and over again, though you already have it memorized because it’s one of your favorites.

He hadn’t really wanted to talk about your _vision_ when you’d told him. Kijimi, though, had caught Ben attention.

_“It’s not?”_ You ask as strong arms cocoon you, warming you.

_“No, it’s called ‘Force perception,’”_ he pauses to rub at the nape of your neck, _“and the Jedi believed it be an extension of Force visions.”_

_“You told me you don’t have it,”_ you say. _“How do I have it, then?”_

He’s quiet for a very long time, then says, _“My mom has it.”_

As you open your mouth to find out more, you get sucked back to the room you’d been in, hands wrapped around nothing. It feels so cold when Ben is suddenly taken away from you like that. But you clasp your hands together with enormous satisfaction. You’re sure that your Supreme Leader has a lot to do with the successful connection, but you’d still _done it_.

You burst out of the room to chirp excitedly about your success, but stop midway through the common area. Beck and two other Knights are lounging around, sprawled out on a couple of easy chairs and a plush sofa. 

“Hi,” you say, glancing at each one. Right away, you spot LK. You’d already seen his long black curls and pale skin, so it isn’t hard. But you can’t help your gawping- his face looks like it’s been sculpted by the gods, perfection brought to life. As a sly smile spreads upon his thin lips, you remember every single one of them can hear what you’re thinking.

Heat rises to your cheeks, but you try to compose yourself and divert attention away. “So, who won the fight?” You ask and, all at once, the three of them start talking over each other. 

Beck raises his arm, getting your attention. “All I know is,” he says, hitting the chest of the man sitting next to him, “Caylon lost first.”

The Knight huffs, his golden brown hair barely long enough to fall into his eyes, seemingly still disheveled from their earlier brawl.

“Oh,” you grin, “you’re the one who made Raka pee his pants.”

“Yes!” Caylon exclaims, puffing up his chest as he stands, then takes a big step towards you. “Did you like that, baby? I can do a lot worse for you.” He’s joking, you’re sure, but you don’t know him and he’s getting a little too close.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Beck steps forward to grab Caylon around the chest and drags him back into his seat, “let’s just calm down, big guy.”

Beck perches on the arm of Caylon's chair, making sure he stays put. He lazily gestures to his other side, "And you know LK."

Nodding, you give him a little wave, "Hi, LK."

"Hello, darling," he says, leaning forward on his elbows, his big, blue eyes swirling with mischief. 

A door up ahead to your left whooshes open and a covered-up Ben exits, kingly and magnificent. His cape snaps behind him as he comes to stand beside you and you nearly swoon. Something about his dominance, his supremacy as ruler of the galaxy, entrances you every time.

The three Knights straighten up and say, "Yes, Master," to a silent command before making to leave.

Your Supreme Leader walks towards the exit and, for a second, you think he's just going to leave you here.

"Come," he says, his modulated voice sounding harsh. You turn to see him, his hand outstretched.

You spare the Knights a brief glance, "Bye, guys." Then scurry, on tip toes, to take Ben's hand, still excited.

Once in the empty hallway, you yank on his arm, "Can you believe we actually did it?"

"I knew you'd be able to."

"Are you proud of me?"

A chuckle filters through his vocoder, "Always. You're my best student.”

The doors to your room open and, as soon as you’re both inside, you leap into his arms. A fuzzy, little “oof” escapes his helmet as he catches you. You kiss where his mouth would be on the mask and he sputters adorably.

“Naughty little Queen,” Ben says, and _is it wrong that it sounds even more inviting with his scary voice?_

He does a bad job of pretending like he hadn’t heard that last bit because you can _feel_ an egotistical little smile creeping onto his face. Instead of teasing you about it, though, your Supreme Leader hugs you tighter to him and says, “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re building your own powers now.”

“I am?”

“Yes, I only gave you the spark,” he says. “You built the fire. You stoked the flames.”

Everything he says is poetry- a beautiful verse spoken only for you. _Ugh_. You wrinkle your nose. Honestly, it’s gross how much you love him.

Ben laughs haughtily, like he owns this universe and all others, too. He interrupts your eye roll as he skillfully swings you to the side and catches the underside of your knees. He brings you to the kitchen and sets you down on the counter before bending down to rifle through the fridge, then the utensils drawer.

When he’s done, he turns around, presenting you with a bowl of muja jelly and a spoon. You don’t know why, but Ben looks hilarious holding that, while in full uniform, and you break out into a fit of giggles. His helmet cocks to one side, now at eye level, probably hiding a look of annoyance. Your sweet Prince presses into you, wedging his large frame between your dangling legs, and holding your jelly defensively.

“Do you know how many people have insulted me in such a way,” he says, overly dramatic, “and lived?”

You look up and pretend to think, your lips pursed, “Just one?”

“Yes,” Ben leans forward, “just one.”

You’re at the perfect height to wrap your arms around his neck comfortably, so you do it. His helmet digs into your shoulder and he is _so_ still, the bowl and spoon still in his hands. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” You ask him, snaring him tighter in the circle of your arms. “To have someone so sweet?”

Ben is silent and hasn’t moved a muscle. You’re starting to get a worried, but then his shoulders fall a little and you hear him set your treat down on the counter. Oh-so-slowly, he skates his covered hands around your waist, leather catching on the thin material of your gym shirt as he barely skims it. You feel a fire flash over inside you. It’s _life_ and love and everything Ben possesses. And it’s only for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader likes to be carried by Ben ☺️
> 
> Thank you so much to all my wonderful readers!! ❤❤


	21. Fealty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A home away from home, a good listener, and a magic moment

“You have all those clothes,” Ben says, his head in your lap, looking up at you, “and you’re always just wearing this.” He tugs on the front of his former sweater. 

You continue to softly brush his dark hair, fanned over your thighs and tickling you with every one of his movements. His eyes are full of playfulness, glittering as they watch you. “You know it’s my favorite, Ben.”

Your lovable Supreme Leader chuckles, quiet and deep, and you press your finger to his lips to silence him. But he catches your hand and places a little kiss to your fingerprint and those little butterflies tickle your insides again. 

“Why’d you give it me,” you ask, “that day?”

Ben captures your hand in both of his and he’s so, so hot like he always is. It’s like he’s constantly burning, his immense power fanning those flames inside of him. “You seemed cold,” he says, eyes closed and an almost imperceptible smile on his lips. Furrowing your brow, you rake your nails across his scalp and he sighs happily. He’s _lying_ , but you don’t know why.

You bend forward, giggling as your hair creates a curtain around both of your heads. “You’re not telling me the truth, Supreme Leader,” you say inside the shadow created by your locks. 

His mouth opens with a laugh, blowing strands of your hair away from your face. You attack then, your lips meeting his, and his laugh dies immediately. But before he can get into the sweet kiss, you pull back. A strangled sound leaves Ben’s throat as you smile, satisfied. He’s not the only one who can tease.

“When have I ever teased you?” He asks, rubbing your hand, still trapped between his. Mouth agape, you make an indignant sound, his sass rendering you speechless for a second.

“Always,” you tell him, full of attitude.

Ben flashes his teeth and you get all gooey inside. _Damn it_.

“You can’t just _do_ that,” you say.

He blinks his eyes, feigning innocence, “Do what?”

“Disarm me with that- that _smile_.”

His mouth opens wide as he barks out a laugh and presses your palm over his heart. “Why?” He asks, “Is that your weakness or something?”

You huff, “You know it is.” His heart throbs wildly under your hand and if you’d been standing, the sensation would’ve brought you to your knees.

Ben’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, tempting you to touch it, and he says, “You still confuse me, you know.”

As you resume combing through his curls, you ask, “How come?” There’s silence, though, and his eyes are closed again. It seems he’s lost in thought. _Thoughts of you?_

“Yes,” he says, his eyes shooting open. But he changes the subject, “I have to board the Finalizer tomorrow.”

“Where are you going?” If he’s journeying on the big ship, it’s because hundreds (if not thousands) of other people need to be there, too. 

“Will you come with me?”

“Yes.” A lot of thoughts are swimming around in Ben’s mind. They’re mostly of you, but also of Cantonica and Kijimi and the Resistance. “Are we going to find Rey?”

He nods. It’s been a few weeks since you’d found that coded message and the lead must have panned out. 

You bring your other hand to his face and rub your thumb gently across his cheekbone. “What will you do?” 

“She’s part of Palpatine’s plan,” Ben says and your heart stutters as he mentions that name. “This game he’s playing. It’s about me and Rey.” 

Several thoughts connect in your mind. Palpatine, through Snoke, had lured Ben even before birth. _Did he do the same to Rey?_ You know she’s extremely powerful, that she’d been trained by Ben’s uncle, and then by Ben’s mom. If Rey and your Supreme Leader come together, their power would be immeasurable.

But that makes you wonder. “How did he know how powerful Rey would be?” You can guess how Paltapine could come to the conclusion that the son of Leia (and grandson of Darth Vader) would wield the Force like no one else. _But what of Rey?_

“She’s his granddaughter,” Ben says and your mouth opens on a silent gasp, stunned. “He told me when I saw him. He wants us to rule to galaxy. Together.”

An image pops into your mind of Ben and Rey, side by side on that platform in the Throne Room. They’re perfectly matched, clad in black robes and fitting seamlessly as one. You’re not part of Palpatine’s plan so, of course, you’re not there. _But why does that make your heart ache in the worst way?_

Ben abruptly sits up then, righting his hair by running a hand through it several times. His gaze bores into you, “That won’t happen. I won’t allow it.”

“But-“ the Emperor possesses so much power. He’s even returned from the grave. Getting rid of you to solidify his plans would only take a snap of his fingers.

“No,” Ben tells you, stern. “It will be you by my side. You know this.”

Reluctantly, you nod. 

He continues, “I just need for Rey to understand where she comes from... for her to be on the same side.”

You slide your hand over his, still looking up into his eyes, “And which side is that?”

“I don’t know anymore,” Ben sighs. “I used to. I’d always wanted her to come to the Dark side- the side of the First Order, of the Sith, of my grandfather. But-“ he pauses to bring your fingers up to his lips, breath hot on your flesh. “I’m not sure now.”

“Do you still want to bring your dad back?”

“Yes,” he answers quickly, running your knuckles across his mouth, “but I also want to rule the galaxy. With you as my Empress. And I want to run, leave all of this behind, live without the fear of you getting hurt because of me.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

“That’s all I worry about,” Ben squeezes your hand, a rush of _adoration_ flooding the bond. “I- without you, I-“ He swallows audibly, not able to finish the sentence.

Your eyes flutter shut, intoxicated with a surge of emotion, of his unconditional love.

“Can we go back the one where I’m your Empress?” You ask, opening your eyes again to see a little smile on Ben’s face. “Would I get a crown?”

“First the cape and now a crown?” He jokingly tuts you, “So spoiled.”

“I want it to be really sparkly,” you say, sliding your hand out of his grasp and getting up to prepare for bed. “Maybe some black diamonds?”

“Oh, yeah?” Ben narrows his eyes at your retreating form as you walk backwards towards the bedroom. “You want it engraved, too, Princess?”

You stop at the opening to the corridor, “Come to think of it... yes, I do.” Tapping your chin, you add, “Make it say, ‘Property of Kylo Ren.’”

Your Supreme Leader’s eyes grow very large before he leaps over the back of the couch and stalks towards you like a beast. All you can do is stand there, stock-still, until he rushes you at a crouch and you squeal with delight as he throws you over his shoulder. You dissolve into laughter as he takes you the bedroom, your upper body bouncing with every step.

“Ben! Let me down!” You’re pounding your fists into his back but it’s doing nothing. 

He just cracks up, tightening his grip behind your knees. “Say you’ll be mine forever and I’ll let you down.”

“Ben!”

“Say it,” he demands, jumping up and down a few times to make you _really_ woozy.

“Okay!” You yell over the waterfall in your ears. “I’ll be yours forever!”

As soon as Ben sets you onto your feet, you fall back, dizzy from the blood that’s rushed to your head. But, of course, he lunges forward to catch you like the gallant Prince he is. You look up, mid dip, one of his hands at the small of your back.

“You can never take that back, you know,” he says, grinning, bent over you and touching your noses together.

You smile back, “Good.“

+++

It’s wonderfully strange being back on the Finalizer. As you’re unpacking clothes directly into the wooden dresser in the big bedroom, you reminisce about that first night you’d spent here. How sweet your Prince had been- giving you his comforter and his sweater and getting you breakfast in the morning. You’d been terrified, but Ben had made you feel safe. You smile like a fool while you send your Supreme Leader all the affection filling your heart right now.

After grabbing some pajamas for both you and Ben, you go to leave them on the bed when something catches your eye. There’s a scrap of paper placed carefully atop your pillow and your heart immediately goes into hyperdrive. 

He still leaves you little notes once in while- a sketch left on your vanity or beautiful, unfamiliar words hiding underneath your datapad. But something about seeing one again in the place you’d first fallen for Ben, makes your insides twist with excitement.

On his newest note is a drawing of what looks like a cat-faced horse with very big ears and sad, glistening eyes. There isn't any text underneath so you're left wondering. You don't search through Ben's memories, though, because you like it when he tells you himself. He _loves_ sharing his stories with you and there’s nothing else like watching his animated expressions and big gestures. 

You open the bedside drawer to keep your newest addition, when you find another note. This time, it's words ( _familiar_ words). Words that make your heart soar. In English, it says: I love you. Like a teenage girl with her first crush, you hold the piece of paper to your chest with both hands. You’re so overjoyed that your heart feels sore, overfull and rapidly fluttering.

You revel in the moment before going to move your unpacked bag into the closet, but it feels like something’s still in it. Tucked into one corner is a bundle of rolled brown suede. When you take it out, tacked on the outside is a note that reads, “For my little Jedi” in JD’s extremely neat handwriting. You hug that perfect square of paper to your chest, too. 

You’re the luckiest girl in the entire galaxy.

There’s a matching ribbon holding the suede together and your pulse speeds up with anticipation as you pull one end and it unrolls across the comforter. There are several slots and pockets, each one holding one of JD’s brilliant inventions. The concentrated bacta spray is there and so is the healing pen, but what does it for you is the fucking _bomb_ in one of the sewn in pouches. JD had told you that it can’t accidentally be set off, but _still_.

Now, your bestie has resorted to pranking you in the most JD way possible. You shake your head and laugh to yourself, wondering where he’d picked up this new, annoying habit. _That little-_

 _“Sweetheart?”_ Ben’s voice gently fills your mind.

_“Hi, Ben.”_

_“Can I see you?”_

Over the last few weeks, your Supreme Leader has gotten a little preoccupied with the Force travel. And you have absolutely zero complaints about it. 

_“Yes,”_ you tell him, grinning, as you take a seat on the edge of the mattress and hold your kyber crystal to connect. It comes a little easier now. You close your eyes and imagine Ben, who’s probably looking all handsome in his superhero cape and his-

“Hey, sweetheart,” Ben’s static-rough voice makes you gasp as your eyes pop back open.

After bouncing off the bed, you sidle over to him. “That was the fastest you’ve ever traveled,” you say, in awe, peering up into his helmet. A gloved hand takes your cheek and strokes it lovingly.

“I guess I just missed you,” he says and you’re sure your cheeks are flaming.

You look away. _Sweet Prince._

Ben turns your face back to him, blush still heating your face. There's a disturbance brewing in his mind and you gently reach through the bond to touch it, to ease it. He always has to deal with so much and all you can do is make sure he knows you're here.

He says, “I love you.” And you don’t even try to hold back your gleeful smile. It’s all in the way he says it, so you don’t need to see his face to know how deeply he means those words.

You place your hand gingerly on top of his, pressing the leather into your cheek, “I love you, too.”

+++

Nerves are making your hand tremble a little as you carry the extra bag Ben had asked you to take care of. It’s cradled in your arms as you place your palm on the biometric scanner and his secret lair opens up for you. Its contents have long since been emptied out and moved into your quarters on base, so the only important thing that’s to be housed in this room is in your hands.

You set it down carefully beside the shining, black pedestal and take a deep breath before crouching down to unzip the bag. With both hands, you take Darth Vader’s helmet and set it down soundlessly onto its place. It’s mangled and melted, its surface rough beneath your fingertips. 

You know how much it took for Ben to track this down, to take back the only family he has left. He believes his grandpa’s spirit still lives here within his helmet, so you’ll cherish it just as Ben does.

As the helmet settles onto the pedestal, it’s almost like a breath leaves him, relieved to be out of the bag.

“Sorry,” you say, “we didn’t want anyone to see you.”

He doesn’t say anything back, so you go on, “It’s a secret, you know.” You pause, then, “Of course you know.” Another pause, “You know he really loves you? He’s never met you, but he loves you. You’re all he’s got.”

You start to leave the room, but turn back again, “Did you struggle with it, too?” Nothing. “The Light and the Dark? Palpatine?” Silence. “Palpatine’s really bad, you know. He’s trying to take Ben.” 

You pretend like the mask is passionately objecting the notion. “I know, I know,” you say, waving your hands around. “Don’t worry. I won’t let it happen. If that wrinkly, evil son of a bitch thinks he’s got Ben, well, then he has another thing coming.”

“Having a heart to heart?” Ben’s sudden appearance has you spinning around to see him, standing self-righteously in the threshold. His arms are crossed and he’s leaning into the doorframe.

“Umm,” a nervous laugh tumbles out of your mouth. 

“My sweet creature,” he says, pushing off from the opening and coming to you. He plucks his gloves off on the way, tossing them on the floor before unlatching his cape. It flutters to the ground and, for some reason, his little display makes your pulse race. Out of habit, he shakes non-existent hair away from his forehead, even though his braids are still secure.

“I don’t have anything to do until tomorrow night,” he says, standing toe-to-toe with you and curling a strand of your hair around his finger. “Did you still want to see the observation deck?”

“Yes,” you grin, “but you have to cuddle me the entire time we look out into space.”

Ben laughs, “Okay, sweetheart. Anything you want.”

“It could be _hours_.”

“Well, then,” he says, lip quirking up at one corner, “we’d better leave now.”

+++

It’s been a while since you’d gotten back from walking Ben (and LK and Caylon) to the Command Shuttle. Your Supreme Leader had walked tightly beside you through the hangar, his emotions scattered. He’d been mostly irritated, wondering _why_ it has to be him, of all people, who has to do this. You’d done your best to comfort him through the bond as you’d seen him off.

But the way he’d felt as he’d stopped at the top of the ramp to glance at you over his shoulder... so much affection and concern and indecision. It had stuck with you the whole walk back to your room.

Beck had insisted on standing guard outside the door instead of coming in, so you’re sitting on the couch alone, worrying over the thousands of possible ways Ben might get hurt. At least he’d left the bond open this time, so you’d know if anything was going on. _Right?_

After taking a few minutes to meditate, you begin sending Ben calming thoughts through your connection. It’s all you can do for him and you don’t even know if it’s working because you’re nervous, jittery, sitting in silence and thinking about a confrontation between him and Rey.

So you get up and shake out your arms and legs to get rid of some of the tension, but the anxious buzzing persists. You pace the living room a few times before finding yourself in front of Ben’s lair. After debating for a moment, you press your palm to the scanner and the door whooshes open.

As you stand beside the only thing left of Ben’s grandpa, you start talking to him again.

“I’m scared she’s going to hurt him,” you say, frowning at his uneven surface. “Did you know she left him to die once?”

You brush a piece of dust off of the mouthpiece, “She thinks he’s evil. She wants him to be Ben.” You give him a chance to reply. “But he _is_ Ben. He’s not as simple as she wants him to be. He’s both Dark and Light. He won’t ever be just one. He never has been.”

You place your palm over your kyber crystal, “And I like him he way he is.”

A chill runs down your spine at an unfamiliar presence at the front door. Panic sets in as your eyes dart around the room. The front door whooshes open and you run into the closet, not even having a chance to close the door behind you as you hear footsteps slowly making their way into the room. You press yourself to the wall, close to the doorway, trying not to breathe too loud.

Suddenly, your thoughts go to Beck. _If someone got in, then what happened to him?_ On instinct, your hand quickly covers your mouth, trying to silence an impending panic attack.

Very light steps traverse around the room and you try your hardest to calm your breathing. When you peek out, your insides clench as you see Rey. < _How did she get in here?_ She picks up a blade that’s lying on one of the panels and inspects it. Sharply, she turns around and you duck away just in time.

“You’re hard to get rid of,” Rey says and you close your eyes in defeat. _Has she tried to kill you before? Will she kill you now?_ But instead of her approaching the closet, you hear a lightsaber ignite.

“Stop. Talking,” she grits out and you can distantly hear the whine of Ben’s weapon. You cautiously look out and see Rey, holding up her lightsaber (Ben’s grandpa’s) against something you can’t see. She swings the weapon skillfully, repeatedly connecting with a ghost. But it dawns on you, then- Ben is somehow on the other side of this.

You jump when, out of nowhere, thousands of red beans spill onto the floor. They _tick, tick, tick_ as they bounce across the glossy plastic, skidding away from half of the fight. The whine of the lasers colliding with such severe force echoes around the nearly empty room. Rey repeatedly strikes without even taking a breath, fighting with all her might to take Ben down.

Gathering some strength, you search your feelings for Ben. And you’ve never been more relieved when you find him. He’s tired, frustrated, but not angry. He’s only fighting to defend himself, but she’s attacking like she wants to kill him. He doesn’t understand why she won’t just _listen_.

You watch as Rey gets closer to Ben’s grandpa and your heart stutters in your chest. But before you can even _think_ of doing anything, she screams, “No!” Then her lightsaber cuts right though the pedestal and it crumbles into a million pieces, scattering around the room. 

But the helmet- the helmet is _gone_.

You gasp, loud and pained, as you step out into the room, eyes frantically searching the debris.

“You’re her,” Rey says, catching her breath.

But you can barely hear anything over your distress. You’re at a loss for words, still reeling.

“Come with me,” she says. “I can save you.”

You take a step back, perturbed, “From what?”

“ _Him_ ,” Rey clenches her jaw, but sharply turns to look through the doorway behind you, sensing something you can’t. When she returns her gaze to you, her eyes are pleading. “Please,” she says, holding out her hand, her fingers trembling in fear, “come with me.”

You shake your head vigorously, “No.”

“He’s coming back,” she sounds desperate now. “We have to go.”

“No, he’s-“ but you stop, feeling such an extreme pull, it makes you nauseated. It’s Ben, reaching out for you. Closing your eyes, you think of him and try to send a tendril of the Force to wherever he is. Faintly, you hear Rey leave, her footsteps hurried but uneven, like she’s hesitant to leave you. Your Force hold connects with Ben’s blinding blue light and your jaw grates together with the exertion as you try to pull him to you. 

There’s an incredible twinge in your gut, making you grunt in pain as you double over. It feels like a phantom blade has pierced through your center, making your stomach lurch.

When you right yourself, the strain on your abdomen suddenly vanishing, Ben is right in front of you. He’s holding his still-ignited lightsaber and his grandpa’s helmet. 

“You’re okay,” he roughly breathes out through the mask. “You’re okay.” 

Disoriented, you don’t know know what else to do but grab a hold of him, to squeeze him as tight as you can. He flinches when you knock into him.

“How bad is it?” You ask him, trying to lift layers of his outfit to see underneath. He twitches when you press onto his thigh. “Hurry back here so I can heal you.”

“I-“ he starts, but doesn’t continue, prompting you to look up. There’s something so odd about him in this moment. And you choke on your breath when you _get it_. With shaking hands, you reach up to unlatch his helmet. It lifts off and you just stand there with it in your hands, shocked.

“I think I’m _here_ ,” Ben says. Not only are you holding his mask, you can feel the blazing heat coming from his weapon, can hear it rumbling, alive and waiting to strike someone down.

He turns his lightsaber off and it clatters to the floor as he abandons it for your hand. His gloved fingers intertwine with yours before he leads you to the (now empty) pit that used to house ashes. Ben places Darth Vader’s helmet inside, but he looks lonely. You set Ben’s helmet down beside him.

The two of you just stare at them for a long moment, not believing a second of what had just happened. Ben squeezes your hand, drawing your attention to him. An incredulous laugh bubbles out of you, so utterly amazed.

“You just _teleported_ ,” you breathe out. 

Your Supreme Leader flashes his teeth, ever so adorable, and those little wrinkles appear around his eyes. His contentment, his relief, bleeds into you. 

“You brought me here,” he tucks your hair behind your ear, his eyes glazed, lost in you. “You’re incredible.”

But his mood quickly glooms over. “I thought...” he pauses to close his eyes and take in a deep breath. “When I realized Rey was _here_ , I just- I- _fuck_ -“ he opens his eyes, glassy with fear. “What if she had hurt you?”

“I'm okay,” you tell him, reaching up to take his face into your hands. “You came for me,” you whisper, stroking his cheek, following the line of his scar, “just like I knew you would.”

Ben is very quiet as you run your fingers through his matted hair, tangled from the fight.

"But Rey," you tell him, "she got away." You'd been so scared, you hadn't even thought of keeping her from leaving. _That was the whole point of this, wasn't it?_

"I don't care," he breathes out. "I don't fucking _care_." His hands come up and completely wrap around your neck, comforting and warm. "I only care that you're safe."

“Really?” You ask, but your lips tremble and you have to look away, hands sliding down to his chest to steady yourself. For him, the last few years have solely been about finding Rey, bringing her to the Dark side, and ridding the universe of every last Jedi. _How could you, some regular Earth girl, take precedence over that?_ The myriad of emotions roiling inside you make your innards twist with uncertainty.

“Yes,” he assures you, certitude flowing through the bond. “Rey can run back to the Resistance. She can tell them to destroy the First Order, to ruin me, and I won’t care. As long as I have you.”

You can’t help but look up, then, and you almost faint. The softness of his eyes, gleaming with such affection, and the adorably tight line of his lips make all the muscles in your body slacken. His loyalty to you, his commitment, is astonishing. Every time you’re reminded of your place in his life, to know that Ben thinks of you above all else... it absolutely destroys you.

You don’t think you’ve ever done anything to warrant such high placement. Yet, in his eyes, you supersede everything. 

It’s in moments like these that make you grateful for your life. In this galaxy, in this universe, you have so much: a soulmate who holds you in his heart, a best friend who’d do anything for you, and a protector-

Dread washes over you and your heart plummets into your stomach as you remember. _Beck_.

You sprint out of the room and to the front door. It opens and you see your Knight, crumpled on the floor right at the opening, his scythe abandoned on the other side of the hallway. It’s obvious in the way his body is draped in front of the threshold that he’d fought until he couldn’t- to keep you safe, to guard you with his life.

Crouching down, you stick your fingers beneath his cowl to feel for a pulse. It’s there, it’s still strong. _But why isn’t he awake?_

“Beck!” You yell, trying to grab his shoulders, but he’s too heavy and won’t even budge. “Beck, wake up, _please_.”

Ben appears and grabs Beck under the arms to drag him inside. You’re barely able to lift the scythe enough to slide it into your room. Beck’s propped up, his back to the couch, but his helmet is still lolling heavily to the side. It’s distressing to see your protector so helpless. 

Tears cloud your vision as you kneel beside him, “Is he... okay?” 

After running your fingers under his helmet and removing it, you angle his chin up so his head falls back onto the couch seats. There’s blood on his forehead, just a little gash that you can take care of later.

Ben hovers his hand over Beck’s torso for a minute, then nods. “He’s just unconscious.” 

Relieved, you grab the throw that’s draped over the arm of the couch and carefully spread it over his lap. But after you think on it, you pull it all the way up to his chin, instead, before placing a cushion under his head. Satisfied, you sit back on your haunches, making sure Beck’s chest rises and falls evenly. Your throat finally eases up knowing he’s all right.

“Okay,” you look up to see Ben studying you, “take your pants off.”

“Wh- _here_?”

You know this is a serious situation, but his voice had just gone up really high and it makes you crack up. Ben looks adorably affronted, then rolls his eyes. 

“To heal your leg, my naughty Prince,” you say, standing, your eyes widened and blinking innocently up at him. 

He snorts, “I don’t think the leg is bad enough for that.”

“I don’t care what you think,” you tell him sweetly. “I’m going to heal _all_ the places you’re hurt.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowed, “Is that so?”

“Follow me,” you walk past him and into the bedroom, knowing full well he’ll follow, “and strip down, Supreme Leader.”

He’s hot on your tail and you squawk when he grabs you from behind, his warm hands gliding across your stomach and crushing your sides when they wrap all the way around.

“You can’t tell me what to do,” he says, low, right into your ear. You’re having honest-to-god _palpitations_.

“Yes, I can.”

Ben chuckles, resting his chin on your shoulder, “Okay, you can.”

You lean your head to the side, smiling as you press your cheek into his nose. But the atmosphere around you grows cold as Ben’s mood shifts.

“I was so fucking scared,” he says, dyspathy clear in his mind. “I thought she was going to take you, but you-“ he sucks in a breath, “you’re _mine_.”

“Yes, I am,” you tell him. “Always, Kylo.”

A wave of bliss envelopes you before he says, “You wanted to know why I gave you my sweater that day.”

Perking up, you nod, “Mmhmm.” 

“You’re going to think it’s weird.”

You run your fingers across his arms that are securing you, “Tell me anyway.”

“I wanted you to smell like me, to be covered in me. Because you were already mine, even before I met you. I think...” Ben pauses to nuzzle his nose into your cheek, then whispers, “I dreamed you into life.“

At this rate, your heart is actually going to burst, filled to the brim with his adherence, his allegiance, his tenderness. He’s the only absolute you’ve ever had in your life. And the way he sees you is so far beyond your comprehension. 

“Yeah?” You can’t fight the smile that’s on your face, “So, I’m your dream girl?”

Your sweet Prince smiles into your skin before pressing a kiss to your cheek, “Yes, you’re my dream girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I HAD to use that Savage Garden line at the end. It’s a perfectly cheesy thing for our Supreme Leader to say 😭☺


	22. Assurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrapped up, choked up, and suited up.

You lie awake beside Ben, who’s wrapped his entire body around you. As you revel in his warmth, your face tucked into his throat, your thoughts (once again) drift to Rey. The hopeless look in her eyes when she’d asked you to go with her... how she’d wanted to _save_ you. _How horrible does she think Ben is?_

Extracting yourself a little, you move back so you have enough room to look up into his face. There’s enough starlight coming in from the window to discern light and shadows. His chin is pointed down, watching you and keeping you safe, even in his sleep. As lightly as you can, you touch your fingertips to his lips, smiling when he twitches a little.

“I love you,” you whisper. “Do you know that, Ben?” Your finger moves to the space between his eyebrows, smooth and free of worry as he slumbers. “‘Cause I don’t think you do.” You draw an invisible trail down the bridge of his nose. “It’s like you _know_ , but you also don’t believe it.” He lets out a soft, peaceful breath. “Why is that, my sweet Supreme Leader?” 

You nuzzle back into him, breathing him in, that scent of _home_ making you feel fuzzy inside. Automatically, his arms tighten back around you, bringing you to your rightful place.

Even quieter, you say, “I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone.”

You slowly draw the fallen covers back up to your chin and finally feel like you can drift off to join your Prince in dreamland. 

“I love you as Ben and I love you as Kylo,” you confess, eyes sliding shut. “And I love you as my Supreme Leader, my brave Knight. I love you as you are.”

That night you dream of Naboo again. It’s a place of harmony, of tranquility, of _promise_. You see two figures, standing on a big balcony, looking out over shimmering waters. There’s no shadow hanging over them, just peace and happiness and dreams fulfilled. You keep the vision with you, tuck it into the back of your mind, because you know it’s not just a fantasy. It’s your future.

+++

The ship is orbiting Cantonica now. Troops are about to be dispatched to scour the planet for a Resistance base, but Ben can sense that neither his mom or Rey are there. Though your Supreme Leader is about to send a small army to the surface, he knows it's a throwaway mission, that nothing will come of it. Suddenly, his heart just doesn't seem to be into the chase for Rey anymore, or even for the Resistance.

In his mind, you can feel that he’s truly unbothered with Rey’s escape. And dare you say... he’s a little happy. It’s not that you’ve never felt his contentment before, but it's never been a constant emotion. Even with you, he flits from happy to anxious to loving and back to anxious in a span of seconds.

But something’s changed recently. He’s _comfortable_. The thought that Ben may have found some well-earned peace makes your heart flutter dangerously with hope. The Light shines so brightly within him, beautifully framing his Dark side. There’s something so alluring about that- how all of his darkness is held together with goodness, tenderness, kindness.

Your Supreme Leader has already left for work, barely having enough time to kiss you goodbye, so you go on with your newly scheduled, early morning task. The last few days, ever since your encounter with Rey, you’ve woken up before most of the people aboard the Finalizer because this is your sworn duty now.

You press the ringer button next to the door on the opposite side of the hallway. Even though you can’t hear anything through the walls, you can imagine a groan coming from the other side.

Your hands go to your belt, making sure your new goodies are all there. Your ward is totally going to get a kick out of the little gold bomb sticking conspicuously out on your right side.

The door whooshes open and Beck’s hulking figure takes up the entire entryway. His helmet is on but you _know_ he’s annoyed, like he’s been every day you’ve done this.

“Come on,” you say, “let’s get breakfast.”

His mask gives you a look, “I’m supposed to be the one coming to you, remember, Doll?”

Honestly, you’ve been _freaked out_ since you’d seen him on the floor that night. “I woke up early,” you lie, “I have no one else to bother.”

He heaves an over-exaggerated sigh. “Okay,” Beck says, grabbing his scythe and stepping into the corridor.

“How are you feeling?” You ask as he walks beside you.

He laughs, “I’m fine. Just like I was yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that.”

“Only ‘fine?’”

“No,” he says quickly, “I meant good. Really good.”

Lucky for Beck, your attention is caught by Jake, who’s roaming the halls, looking lost without Levins by his side.

“Hey, Officer Lucas.”

“Lieutenant,” he says, nervously eyeing Beck, “Hi.”

Jake is fidgety as he avoids your Knight’s hidden stare.

“What are you up to?” You ask, taking a little delectation in his fear.

“You know Captain Elihu,” Jake says, his hands jerking about, “always making me do all the shit he doesn’t want to do himself.”

You shoot him a sympathetic smile, “Well, I’ll let you get to it.”

Officer Lucas nods and quietly excuses himself.

“He’s _weird_ ,” Beck tells you, his helmet following Jake's movements as he leaves.

"I think he's just shy."

" _No_ ," Beck says, "stay away from him."

Furrowing your brow, you search his mask, but it gives nothing away. 

He puts a heavy hand on your shoulder, "Promise me."

"Okay," you nod, trying to look through the slats covering his eyes, "I promise."

Seemingly satisfied with your answer, Beck taps your foot with his scythe, but you stay put and give him your dirtiest look.

“I’m not cattle,” you prop your hands on your waist. “You can’t tell me what to do with your little stick.”

“Little stick?” He asks, evidently offended. “I will have you know, little lady, that this _little stick_ can kill anything.” He raises it up a bit, “Anything.”

You roll your eyes, “You can use it to herd other people. Not me.”

He stares at you silently for a solid minute, waiting for your submission. But you’re not going to give it to him; you won’t lose this game. A little huff filters through his vocoder before he taps your foot again with his scythe. You’re about to smack him, but that large man is _fast_ and he’s already several feet in front of you.

“Beck!”

His modulated laughter echoes down the entire empty corridor.

+++

You’ve been taking advantage of the pretty isolated cafeteria on this floor. It’s like the one you used to frequent on F5 back on base. If the Majors and Captains are wondering why this place is always locked in the morning... well, they can take it up with the Supreme Leader.

Beck pops his helmet off, secure in knowing that no one else will be joining you. The way he’d looked that night, though... you can’t stop thinking about it. _What if he died trying to protect you?_ You’d never, ever get over that.

 _“You should not trust him, child,”_ a phantom whisper grazes the surface of your mind, trying to poke through and gain entrance. _“He will be the death of you.”_

 _Damn that stupid fucking zombie to hell_. Your jaw clenches, heat rising to the surface of your skin. Gathering some of your strength, you push a response to Palpatine, _"Fuck off."_

A frightening ghost of a laugh echoes around your skull. _“You are so much like him,”_ the Emperor says. “ _It could be you on that throne with him, you know. All you have to do is pledge yourself to the Dark side.”_

You shake your head, as if that’ll get rid of his voice. Of course it doesn’t and, as you’re trying to push Palpatine away, he continues, _“Give into the darkness. Kill him before he kills you.”_

 _“No,”_ you say, with as much conviction as possible, _“Beck is my protector.”_ With some concentration, the shield in your mind grows stronger, slowly driving out those haunting words.

You watch Beck, who’s adding various sauces and toppings to his breakfast plates, and he looks so happy that some of the tension leaves you. Putting more Force into your defense, another few layers of protection form around your mind. 

There’s peace again in your head- it’s only you and Ben, as it should always be.

Beck digs into his breakfast, dark hair falling over his cheeks, and you don’t realize you’ve been staring for so long until he puts his fork down to look at you.

“I’m really okay, Doll,” he says, but his unconscious body flashes in your mind again.

“I know,” you wave him away, your throat suddenly constricting. “Do you want more juice?” You put your napkin on the table, then get up, wanting to get away.

“Hey, hey,” Beck says, stopping you, “talk to me, will you?”

You stare at your boots. _Why did seeing Beck like that scare you so much?_ “Don’t _do_ that,” you tell him, blinking your tears away. “Don’t do that again.”

“I won’t- hey,” he waves a gloved hand in your line of sight to make you look at him. When you do, he has this peculiar expression as he says, “I promise.”

You just nod, diffident now that your feelings have been so exposed.

“Doll, will you sit?” He picks his fork up again, “Stuffing my face isn’t fun unless you’re there to be disgusted by it.”

You give him a little smile. _He does always eat like a starved animal._ “Okay,” you plop back into your seat, but you’ve already lost your appetite.

After pushing your food around for a few minutes, you give up and just sip on your meiloorun juice.

“Beck?”

“Yeah, Doll,” he says, wrapping a huge piece of space bacon around his fork before eating it. Elated, his bright, blue eyes light up even more as he savors the taste.

You scrunch your nose at him. “What’s Canto Bight like?”

“Well,” he says around his mouthful, “it’s sinful.”

_Sinful?_

“Yeah. Casinos, strip joints, brothels- that sort of thing.”

That reminds you of when Beck and LK had their “day off” in Mos Eisley and you snicker to yourself. You wonder if Ben’s Knights keep their helmets on while they’re fucki-

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Beck says, pink rising to his cheeks as he points at you with his fork. 

You laugh uproariously, slapping the table, delighting in Beck’s embarrassment. “Stop listening in,” you tell him. “These are private thoughts.”

Still pointing those prongs at you, he says, “You will _not_ have private thoughts about me.”

As you chortle, Beck takes in another big bite and mumbles something under his breath, glaring at you like a little kitten. He's like a five-year-old, making faces and talking out of the side of his mouth as he chews.

It’s then that you understand why you’d been so upset at the possibility of losing him. And you _know_ you both feel the same thing for each other. It’s something deeply familial. You wonder how long Beck has known about this.

“I never had a family,” he says, “so I didn’t realize what it was either.”

That renders you speechless.

“But when I woke up with that blanket on me,” Beck continues in your silence. “And you were sitting on the couch, waiting for me to wake up... I don’t know,” he looks away, swatting the air with his fork. “That’s what I imagine family does. And no one’s ever done that for me.”

He and Ben are both so bereft of affection. _Is that what Snoke wanted? For them to have only his word to hang on to and nothing else?_ He’d throw them tiny bits of attention, bait them with hard-won praise, to keep them hooked and hungry for more. _Vile monster_.

You catch his eyes, "I’ll always look out for you."

"You mean that?" Beck asks and your chest tightens at how hopeful, how young, he sounds.

But you just give him your best smile, "Absolutely."

+++

"So, when can I touch one?" You ask, walking as close to Ben as you can, your hand in his. The Canto Bight casino is like a little space station. It’s surrounded by luxury space cars and lit up like a national monument, precariously built very high above everything else so it can look down upon the city.

Inside, everyone's dressed like they're at the opera. Your floundering heart still can't get over the black tux Ben is wearing right now. You'd picked one with a high, structured collar that frames his jaw perfectly. He’s so fucking _dreamy_. Everything, down to the puff neck tie and silk gloves, is as black as outer space.

"Touch one?" He repeats, adjusting the black visor that's formed to his eyes and nose. "You can't touch the fathiers, sweetheart."

You’ve been obsessed since Ben had told you about the racing animals, easily twice the size of an average horse. His eyes had lit up a little as he’d opened his arms wide to show you just how big. And you’d had to bite your lip to keep all the joy from showing, in case he’d stop. You grin just thinking about it.

Chatty ladies walk by you, wrapped in yards of silk and oversized jewels. They openly eye Ben and you can't blame them. They’ve probably never been in the presence of someone so gracefully attractive... and how perfectly _close_ the suit fits is just asking for open-mouthed gawking.

You kind of wish you hadn't chosen to wear this _thing_ over eyes, so you can properly ogle him. Your mask looks like one of those white things pears are covered with and part of the netting is always in the periphery of your vision.

But it matches your white minidress and the sparkly white gems scattered over every inch of it, so at least you look good. Your exaggerated bell sleeves drape over your hand and his, tickling your fingers as Ben guides you down the steps.

The main floor of the casino is loud- people are screaming, laughing, and waving their drinks around. Gambling tables are placed tightly around the edges of the massive room, framing an elaborate, multi-tiered fountain. It’s like something you’d see in the gardens at Versailles, with gold creatures spewing water in majestic arcs around an intricate ivory statue.

"Why can't I touch them?" You ask, raising your voice a little to talk over the crowd.

In between two tables, Ben suddenly spins you towards him and presses his hand into the small of your back. Heat emanates from him as he lowers his head to your shoulder.

"They're trained to race," he says by your ear. "They're not pets." His voice makes your insides quiver. 

"You're just worried that I'll set them free or something."

He chuckles, "I wouldn't put it past you."

You hum happily as Ben slides his silk gloves up the side of your neck, his thumb rubbing your pulse.

"Would you like to place a bet, my little Queen?"

You shake your head, "I just want to watch." 

Someone clears their throat right beside you and your shoulders tense up. The culprit is a small man, holding up a gilded tray with two swirling rainbow drinks balanced on top of it.

"The Count would like to invite both of you to his room," he gestures behind him. Looking your way is a grey-haired man, donning a steampunk monocle. The white sash cutting across his long, black coat hangs off him as he leans an elbow on the edge of the table.

 _What in god’s name?_ You’re trying very hard to hold back your laughter as “the Count” waggles his eyebrows.

But Ben... his hand squeezes yours a few times as anger rises within him. Then he cranes over the man with the tray and snarls, ”Tell him to fuck off," before leading you away. You zoom through the rest of the tables, eyes widening as you see beings from all over the galaxy- some over ten feet tall and some with just mouths and nothing else on their faces. 

You’re about to say something about how many chips that one guy has, when you feel a gust of cool night air. Ben has brought you out onto the balcony, but before you even get a chance to enjoy the view, he hugs you so tight it hurts.

A dizzying feeling of _possession_ clouds your mind. 

The delicate material of his suit feels so soft against your skin after growing used to his quilted jacket, so you take your time wrapping your arms around him.

_“What’s wrong, Ben?”_

He tucks his face into your throat, _“Nothing,”_ he says, and you know it’s not the truth, _“I just needed some air.”_

You nod as you brush your hands through his curls. “Have I told you how handsome you look tonight?” 

At that, he relaxes a little and snorts, “Yes.”

Through your bond, Ben sends you a shy little ribbon of affection that tickles you. A quiet peep escapes your lips as you feel it gently wind around your heart. You can’t imagine your life without Ben being with you, in your mind. To know of all those little things your Prince feels for you, to have him protect you even in his absence.

“Promise you’ll never close our connection,” you whisper into his chest, pained from the mere possibility. “I can’t be without it.”

“Yeah?” He asks with a smile in his tone. And when you nod, he says, “I promise.” 

You smile at that, twisting a strand of his hair around your finger and tugging it softly. “Will you wear this outfit for me again?” 

Your Supreme Leader gives you a dark chuckle, “You just like it because it’s tight.”

“Excuse me,” you say, very defensive, “that is _not_ true.”

“Don’t forget, sweetheart,” he says and you know the cocky bastard is smiling. “I can hear all your thoughts.”

You _hmph_ but continue to play with Ben’s hair because his anger is starting to dissipate. He’d been so irritated, even though he must get hit on all the time. You can only imagine the amount of people interested in him. And as the Supreme Leader, he can have whoever he wants. But with such an infinite selection... _is it only natural that he moves onto someone else?_ Something inside your stomach contracts at the thought.

Ben straightens up and pulls the tie at the back of your puffy, netted mask. It falls weightlessly into his hand. Even though his eyes are covered, you can feel how intensely he’s observing you.

“Is that what you think?” He asks, his thumb gently touching your cheek.

 _F_ _uck_. Your throat feels funny. “I- I don’t know,” you look away. “I mean, if you did- if you do... you’d tell me, right?”

Ben takes in a breath, “There will _never_ be anyone else.”

“It’s okay if-“

“ _No_ ,” his voice is so severe, it sounds like he's wearing his helmet, “I swear to you.” 

Grinning very wide, you ask, “Really?”

“Yes.”

“You’d actually promise to love _only_ me?” A poke to his chest accompanies those last two words.

“Yes, sweetheart,” he smirks, “but only if you ask me to.” 

You narrow your eyes at him, “I’ll know if you’re lying, you know.”

“I know.”

_Adorable Supreme Leader._

“Okay, then,” you flatten both of your hands on his chest, “I swear to love you and only you.”

“That’s not wh-“

“Why?” You cut him off, “You don’t want that?”

“I do, but-“

“Okay,” you beam at him, “good.”

Ben opens his mouth, then closes it without saying anything. He’s so cute when he’s flustered.

“You don’t have to promise me anything,” you tell him. “I’ll still love you, no matter what.”

Your sweet Prince leans down, the nose of his visor bumping into your cheek a couple of times. You know what’s coming, but your heart still stutters as his mouth slots perfectly against yours- always tentative at first like you’re a skittish animal. 

He walks you backwards a few steps and crowds you into the low balcony wall, trailing his lips down the side of your throat. Your breath hitches, electricity zinging all the way through to your toes.

“Peculiar creature,” he mouths into your skin, “giving yourself to me so freely.”

The buzzing in your veins dies down and turns into a fever as Ben’s breath heats your skin. You feel like you could just melt into him, stay in his hold forever. 

A contented sigh leaves you as you smile. “I’ve never been so happy in my entire life,” you say and it makes your Supreme Leader pull away from you.

His brow is furrowed, “I never thought I’d ever make anyone happy.”

“Well, it’s my pleasure to prove you wrong,” you smooth out his forehead with your fingertips.

Ben chuckles, “You always have to be right, don’t you?”

You nod, laughing along with him, admiring those deep lines that appear around his mouth when he finds something particularly funny. Which, in most cases, is _you_. 

Of their own accord, your fingers fall to his cheek, tracing hose happy little lines. “You have the most beautiful smile,” you say, drunk off the pleasure Ben is feeling right now. “When you smile at me, when I make you laugh, I feel like the luckiest person alive.” But as you finish saying it, your face starts to burn, embarrassed. You tuck your nose inside the opening of Ben’s tux, wishing you still had your mask to help you hide.

“My little Queen,” he whispers into your hair, “my sweetheart, my love...” He slides his hands across your back and presses your body into him. In your mind, you see a tendril of shimmering, golden energy leave Ben and wrap around you. It’s pleasantly hot, soothing every inch of you. And the words he says next, ignite you: “My everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmmm... Ben in an all black, well-tailored tux? *slowly slides sunglasses down nose* 🤤
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone who's here with me! I am so grateful that y'all are still reading ☺ Every single kudos makes my day brighter and every time I get a comment, it puts THE biggest smile on my face. I love hearing from you guys- it's the highlight of my day!
> 
> Many hugs and many kisses!! 😘😚


	23. Possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A royal room, a first meeting, and a very important mission.

Waking up in Ben's very tight embrace never gets old. He holds you like you’ll slip away if he loosens his grip, like you’ll disappear because you’d never been there in the first place. But ever since you’d started talking to him while he sleeps, your mouth itches to say more- to tell him things you don’t have the guts to say otherwise.

“Kylo,” you whisper into his chest, "I love waking up like this.” Tickling your fingers across his naked shoulders, his muscles jerk a little as you follow his spine down to the dip of his lower back.

“I never thought I’d have anything like this, I-“ you suck in a breath when Ben’s hand hitches your thigh higher over his hip. After a minute, you’re relieved to hear that his breaths are still even. But now you’re a little nervous that he’ll wake up, so you just continue to pet his sleep-warm skin.

The artificial fire is still crackling at the other end of the bedroom and you sigh contentedly. 

This resort is better than any you've ever been to. Your suite seems to be modeled after a French Baroque palace- white walls with gold molding, diamond-encrusted chandeliers, massive fireplaces... you feel like newly minted royalty.

“I love you so much it scares me,” you tell him and you’re about to drift back to sleep when Ben’s datapad beeps. He stirs a little and his hand clutches your leg tighter. You lightly run your fingernails down his back to wake him and he groans, pulling you even closer to him.

“Morning, sweetheart,” your Prince says, his low morning voice nearly a purr. _Good lord_.

You rub your cheek into his very warm flesh, annoyed by how charming he always is, “Morning, Kylo.”

“If we’re going to make it on time, we have to get up now.”

That gets your attention. “Where are we going?”

Ben just chuckles and, in an instant, he’s sitting up with you draped across his lap. He moves so fast, sometimes, it makes you dizzy. You kind of just want to stay in bed all day. But your empty stomach disagrees and it rumbles, making Ben laugh.

He nudges your face so he can kiss you, slow and lazy, then says, “Breakfast.”

+++

The sun sits peacefully behind rock islands that look so perfect, they have to have been man-made. Bright yellow light reflects off the still water in a beeline to where you’re standing on the middle deck of a huge yacht. The all white resort wear you’re in is thin and light, billowing in the soft breeze that’s brushing against the water. It’s the first time you’ve worn sandals since you’d arrived in this universe and you keep wiggling your toes every time the air kisses your exposed skin.

The boat is sleek and slate grey, angular and sharp, but it’s a seamless extension of the casino on the inside- plush silk carpets, gold-framed furniture upholstered in pastel brocades, and tons of light coming through several arched windows.

You haven’t truly felt the sun since Tatooine, so simply standing out here has you a little giddy. Just then, there’s a big splash and you lean over the railing in time to see an enormous orca diving back into the water. Its tail slaps the surface and a rainbow appears in the mist it’s left behind.

Ben pops up by your side and you excitedly tell him, “I just saw a killer whale. You just missed him jumping into the water.”

“I did?” His big, puppy eyes are smiling as he tenderly holds your face, looking at you like you’re the most exquisite thing in the universe. The look in his eyes, and how the sun glitters gold in them, makes you grin. You’re so happy that you don’t completely understand how it’s possible to feel this way. And through the connection, you feel Ben mirror your sentiments. 

You nod, your lower lip between your teeth. 

"We're in the right place, then," he says, his thumbs smoothing the skin underneath your eyes. The wide sleeves of his flowy, white shirt hover by your cheeks.

"For what?"

"I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you." But his voice is full of joy and his anticipation is potent. _My, my. What’s your adorable Supreme Leader up to now?_

"Oh?"

Without a word, he turns you to face out onto the water again before holding you close with one arm around your waist. His free hand reaches up and out, his palms flexing open towards the sky. The water begins to ripple around the yacht, making your pulse race as you hang onto Ben. 

A glint in the corner of your eye nearly blinds you. It’s a glass cube that’s emerged from the ocean and it floats over, whipping past your face and into Ben’s hand. Water drips through his fingers and onto your toes as he holds it out to you.

You take it and your hand is barely big enough to grab it. It’s incredibly heavy and the clear glass is spotless, displaying a black crystal sitting inside.

“It’s a wayfinder,” Ben says as he dries his hand on his shirt before wrapping it over his other one, his chin perched on your shoulder. “We need it to get to one of the ancient strongholds that the Dugs used.”

A spike of excitement shoots through you, “To use the scripts?”

“Yes,” he runs the point of his nose behind your ear, “I have everything now.”

“How does the ritual work?”

“The rune cube will be placed on the altar,” Ben squeezes you a little, “then you and I will use the scripts to bring him back.”

You tuck your lips between your teeth for a moment. “What if I’m not able to?” If you ruin this for Ben you’d never forgive yourself.

But he just chuckles, easy and cool, “Just be with me like you always are.”

There’s that happiness again, trickling through the bond and it makes you sigh. You manage to turn around in his arms, trapping the wayfinder between your bodies. And you’re struck dumb by the look of pure jubilance on his face. 

His thoughts, unfiltered, race through your mind. Your Supreme Leader is even more confused than before about how he’s feeling. And he doesn’t want to tell you how relieved he’d been when you’d stayed and not gone with Rey. How happy he is that you’re with him now to rectify the situation Snoke had put him in... his biggest regret. How he’ll love you for the rest of your life. That he’d do anything for you.

_Jesus fucking christ._

Your eyes are unfocused, mind fogged with ecstasy, as your Prince touches his forehead to yours and sends you an irresistible morsel of his golden Light. Your Force energy latches onto it, almost desperately, and that little part of him absorbs into you. 

Fisting your hands in his thin shirt, you drunkenly whisper, “I would never, ever, ever leave you.”

“I know,” Ben says, his hand gliding through your hair. “I know now.”

For all that he’s confident as Supreme Leader, he’s so insecure when it comes to you, when it comes to being Ben. When you lean back, he’s chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. You tickle your fingers across his throat and rub the soft skin just under his Adam’s apple with your thumb. _Sweet Prince._

Ben beams at you and your pulse quickens. _Oh, how you love that smile._

“After we get him back,” you clutch the wayfinder tight between both your hands, “what will you do?”

Ben cups your hands with his own, then says, “I’m going to kill Palpatine.”

Hearing those words don’t surprise you because, somehow, the thought‘s been in the back of your mind for weeks. It’s just now coming closer to the surface, but the idea is still hazy.

Ben explains, “I’ve masked the thought from anyone outside of us.”

But your stomach spits up acid as you’re very suddenly doused with worry. JD had told you about the evisceration of the Jedi Order. Palpatine, alone, had turned Anakin Skywalker and had created a group so powerful, an entire organization had been wiped out. 

Ben’s hands begin to smooth up and down your back, calming you with his touch. “I’m going to get rid of him, get him out of your mind forever.”

You sag in his hold a little, wishing you could be powerful enough to help him. You’re positive Beck would be on his side, but Ben had told you that his Knights had only been truly loyal to Snoke, and in turn, Palpatine. Relying on them would not be wise, which means Ben would need an army... or an army of one who’s capable enough to dethrone the Emperor herself.

You catch a knowing look in Ben’s eyes before asking, “Do you think Rey could want the same thing?”

He brushes wisps of hair away from your cheeks. “I’ve tried,” he says. “I’ve tried connecting with her. But she doesn’t trust me. She won’t let me talk to her.”

You can only nod because you understand both sides. For all his life, Ben had been completely taken over by Snoke. And likewise, Rey has been molded and trained by the Resistance. The difference, though, is that Ben accepts their bond. He’s given some of his trust to Rey, even though you (childishly) think she doesn’t deserve something so special.

Ben, all smiles and annoyingly perceptive, just huffs a laugh. Rolling your eyes, you hug the wayfinder close to your chest and his hands fall away. But before you can escape Ben’s clutches, he cages you in, the railing pressing into your back. His hands grip the metal bars so tight to your waist, it pinches you on both sides.

In a flash, he’s bent over you, his nose so close to yours that you go cross-eyed. That warm pine forest scent swirls around you, cocooning you from the soft breeze. “How _possessive_ ,” your Supreme Leader breathes out, delight very obvious in his mind. “Do I belong to you, my little Queen?”

“Yes,” you almost hiss, clenching your jaw. _Of course he fucking does._ You’re actually kind of mad that he would even ask that and Ben just laughs and laughs as you scowl. But it’s like, for every second his shoulders shake, for every second that beautiful sound comes out of his mouth, years of pain and torture and captivity just disappear. It dissipates into the air to never return. And your irritation goes with it.

Ben knocks his nose into yours and says, “Don’t be mad, sweetheart.” After a pause, he adds, “Though you _are_ very enticing when you’re angry.”

“Stop that,” you try to swat his chest, but your hands are still full so you’re just bumping your fingers into him.

Your heart’s still aflutter as Ben looks upon you with loving eyes. “Are you hungry, sweetheart?”

When you nod, he leads you inside and to the floor below. You can’t help your little gasp at seeing what he’s set up. On this big marble table, is a royal spread. It’s packed full of foods, desserts, and fruits you’ve never seen before. There’s a sliced, black orange and you can’t help pointing at it with exhilaration. And fluffy, white things that look like tiny clouds. And powder blue strawberries with golden stems.

As you get closer, you see Ben’s handwriting peeking out on little scraps of paper, tucked underneath every plate. You look behind you, a little more in love (if that’s even possible) and ridiculously happy. Ben just gives you his tiny, little smile and rubs at the back of his neck. His eyes are downturned, open and expressive, giving everything away. It fulfills him, just seeing how overjoyed you are.

 _But doesn’t he know?_ Every second you spend with him is the best moment of your life.

+++

While your Supreme Leader is out fetching a discreet shuttle, you’re left with all six Knights. They’re training in a gym inside the resort and the half you've never before encountered have been sparring pretty violently (in full armor) since you’d arrived, twenty minutes ago. The other three watch, masks observing every step from the sidelines, as modulated grunting and unintelligible shouting continues to fill the room. 

You’re perched on a workout bench in the far corner, legs swinging and snacking on one of the containers of berries you’d brought. The trio of mystery Knights suddenly summon their weapons and three massive, long-handled axes fly across the room. They seamlessly resume their fight, now with the comforting clinking of metal to accompany their yelling.

They’re so in sync, it’s mesmerizing. Every hit is blocked, each step is mirrored, and even their voices sound the same.

Beck steps forward, his scythe upright beside him. “That’s enough, boys,” he says and silence immediately falls. The trio send their axes zipping through the room until they stick upright against the wall near your bench. You very nearly flinch. _Those little shits._

They all reach for their helmets. You hold your breath. Your legs still. You lean forward to get a better look.

All at once, their faces are revealed and you can’t hide your shock. Their faces, from their tall noses to the lone streak of blond hair near their left temples, are exactly the same. _Identical triplets._ Subconsciously, you know the one closest to you is Miles. He shakes his light brown hair away from his forehead and meets your wide-eyed gaze. Zaid looks over, too, followed by Sol.

They look barely out of their teens. And on seeing your gawking, three identical smirks decorate their faces. _Ugh._ You give them a very long eye roll. _Young people_.

“Hey, Lieutenant,” Miles says, playful green eyes tracing every inch of your face.

“Hi, guys,” you say, pausing on each brother’s face, and three sly smiles appear. But just behind them, Beck catches your attention. He’s still standing stoically beside LK and Caylon, his slatted mask not looking very happy.

Using the awkward silence (most likely a silent critique), you get up to make your way over to Beck, since your berry supply is getting low. You’d brought enough food to feed a small army, all piled up on the bench behind your favorite Knight. Beck’s mask follows your every movement until you arrive safely beside him.

“There’s food?” Miles asks, loudly, his boots stomping across the room towards you. His brothers fall into step behind him, looking almost as excited as Beck does whenever he catches sight of something edible. They're not as tall as Beck, but the three of them together create considerable bulk.

Beck steps directly in front of you, his back blocking almost your entire line of sight. “Yes,” he says to the triplets, “eat up.” Your Knight briefly glances back at you before he and Caylon make their way to the center of the room to begin their sparring match. As if saying to the triplets, “watch how it’s done,” Beck gives them a long look.

While Caylon grabs his sword, Beck puts his scythe down and removes his gloves. Your pulse kicks up, even though you know it’s just training, but that dreaded memory of an unconscious Beck lies heavy in your mind. 

As they start, though, it seems you have nothing to worry about. Beck is all might, raw strength and pure muscle, throwing jabs in painful spots with enough force to make Caylon stumble backwards several times.

But with a roar, Caylon fights back, swinging his sword with all he has. The blade swipes through the air, narrowly missing Beck’s abdomen a couple of times. The berries sit forgotten, their container crumpling in your hand as you stand on tip toes, like that’ll help you see better. Your heart stutters, watching the sword slice the space near Beck’s throat.

Breath hitching, you take a step forward when Beck trips up and lands, hard, on his knees. Caylon takes the opportunity to bring his sword down and you choke on nothing as Beck raises his left hand to block it. All you can hear is the ringing in your ears, the pounding of your poor, little heart. The blade comes down, right between Beck’s forefinger and thumb and the anguished sound that leaves you is virtually silent. It’s unadulterated panic.

Your berries fly into the air as you lunge forward, something powerful punching out of your gut. A potent energy surges forth, your fingertips numb from its intensity. Caylon hurdles back, slamming into the wall before falling mask first into the floor. He doesn't even stir. Beck is still kneeling, the blade still grasped in his hand and his attention entirely on you.

Turning away from his scrutiny, your eyes scan six green ones and LK’s mask. The triplets stand there, food halfway to their open mouths.

 _Oh my good and gracious lord._ Ben can never know about this.

“You guys _didn’t see that_ ,” you tell them.

Miles and his brothers go stock still, their eyes unblinking. “We didn’t see that,” they say in unison, without inflection.

Before you have a chance to question it, Beck starts cracking up behind you, the sound distorted and strange coming through his helmet. When you look, the sword has been abandoned on the floor and he’s ripping his helmet off as he crosses the room to you.

“I fucking knew it,” Beck says, pointing at you with his _very not bloody_ left hand.

“You- your-,” you whisper, running your finger over the junction of his pointer and thumb. You had just seen the idiot, _very clearly_ , catch Caylon’s blade.

“I'm okay, Doll,” a hint of a laugh still remains in his tone, “there’s metal underneath this synthskin.”

 _Synthskin? What in the world?_ But it feels real. For confirmation, you look to the triplets, but they’re still creepily staring at you with lifeless eyes. _What are they doing?_

"Go on," Beck says, "tell them to do something."

You’re aware that Ben is able to do this- control people with his words. But you’d never even given it a thought.

“You’ll finish eating,” you command.

They all nod and say, “We’ll finish eating,” before turning back to scarf down more food. You’re dumbfounded as you observe Zaid inhale an entire canister of juice in one sip.

Beck is, honest-to-god, _grinning_ at you when you ask, “What about Caylon?”

“He’s fine,” he shoos your question away, then turns to LK. “What’d I tell you?”

A little chortle filters through LK’s mouthpiece, “It seems you are right.”

You narrow your eyes, "About?"

"You and our Master, darling," LK says.

"Beck!"

Your Knight tuts you, "You've been keeping secrets from me."

"I don't have to tell you things."

"Oh," he chuckles, "you're about to tell me a lot of things. We're going to have a long talk." Beck steers you away by your shoulders and walks you to the exit.

+++

Beck has got to be the single, most annoying person in the galaxy. The whole way back to your suite, he'd pestered you about being Ben's "mate"- _When were you bound? Why didn’t you tell me? You’re aware it's for life, right?_

You'd never heard him jabber on for that long before and you’d threatened to activate your bomb if he wouldn’t stop- to which he’d quipped that it’d take you out, too. A fiery death would’ve been worth it just to get him to shut up.

But now you’re trying not to think about your “Jedi mind tricks” (as Beck had put it), settling into the co-pilot’s seat of a rusting shuttle. 

After Ben links the wayfinder to the control panel, the two of you are off, flying across Cantonica. Watching Ben pilot ships will never cease to allure you. And your cocky Prince knows you’re staring at him instead of the viewport because his lip ticks up. 

You won’t give him the satisfaction (even though you find his little smirk completely adorable), so you turn your attention to the view outside. There are endless ropes of cirrus stretched across the darkening sky. Reds and purples and yellows streak and blend into the horizon, so similar to sunsets back home.

Ben softly says your name. When you turn to face him, he has this dopey grin on his face. “You’re the most beautiful thing in the galaxy,” he says, reaching across the space between you to tuck the pads of his fingers beneath yours. His touch is electric, it’s animated movie magical.

You want to look away, face flushed, but Ben holds you with his longing gaze. You’re struggling to find the right words. Apparently, you only know what to say when he’s sleeping.

His smile grows ever so wide, “What?”

Your eyes get big, realizing he’d just heard that. Well, there goes your favorite new thing.

“Sit with me, sweetheart,” he pats his white pants and tenderly pulls your hand forward. You get up and settle into the opening of his legs, leaning your head back onto his chest. For a few minutes, you just watch the lines of clouds disappear below the ship and Ben rests one of his hands over the front of your throat. You melt into him, reveling in his newfound calm.

“You talk to me while I’m sleeping?” He asks, voice filled with mirth. “What do you say to me?”

You cross your arms underneath your chest and harrumph. _“I’ll not telling you.”_

“Oh, come on,” he’s nearly whining, “I’m just curious.”

You shake your head and point your nose up, so done with his never-ending teasing.

“What does my little Queen tell me in my sleep?”

Ben’s thumb caresses the line of your jaw. You turn your head and he sucks in a quiet breath as if he’s surprised you’d turned your face towards him instead of away. Tilting your head up, your breath fans over his neck as you say, “If you’re good, I’ll tell you someday.”

His throat jumps as he laughs. “Okay, sweetheart,” he whispers, “I’ll be good, then.”

+++

You wake slowly, comfortably, still secured in Ben’s hold. He’s piloting the shuttle with one hand while his other is still splayed across your middle. The sky outside is the darkest that blue could ever be and void of anything else- no clouds, no lights, no stars. It’s a hair away from being pitch black.

But when you look at the navigation computer, it’s blank. And the wayfinder’s crystal isn’t glowing anymore.

Sensing your impending panic, Ben says, “This is uncharted space, a dead zone.”

“You- you’re flying blind?” _Why does that fact make your pulse skip?_ Watching his deft fingers move over the controls is just too much for your little heart to handle.

“I am,” he says right as you’re reaching for his hand that’s now on the throttle. You trace the back of it with your fingertips and Ben shivers behind you. 

“Everyday, you amaze me,” you whisper. “It makes me wonder if you’re real- if this is all real.”

He clamps his hand tighter around your stomach, _“I feel the same about you.”_

You twist and swing your legs over one of the armrests so you can get a look at him. “You do?”

But your Supreme Leader doesn’t meet your eyes when he nods and readjusts his arm around you. There’s a torrent of anxiety roiling within him and you feel guilty for breaking the peace he’d felt earlier. You stretch your neck a little to get close enough before pressing your lips to his soft cheek. 

You rest your ear on his chest and listen to his heart thrumming against the low hum of the ship. It’s almost lulled you back to sleep when Ben says, “I feel something.”

He lifts his hands off the controls and reaches out towards the viewport. Your eyes go from the night sky, then to Ben’s closed eyes, and back. The shuttle moves as he commands it with his mind. 

A haze of wispy clouds appear, fogging up the window. The throttle rattles as you encounter some turbulence, making you sink into Ben’s lap even further.

“It’s all right,” he says and comforts you through the bond. But this isn’t like those little bumps that happen on an airplane. All at once, your dangling legs are jerking around like a rag doll and you would’ve fallen to the floor if Ben hadn’t been clutching you so tight.

His body is shaking now, almost convulsing, with the exertion. And it’s probably not helping that you’re clawing at his arm, just trying to keep contact with the seat. For a second, you’re airborne, the breath getting punched out of you on a particularly hard jolt, and Ben has to lift his knee to keep you on his lap.

There’s a quick and continuous warning beep coming from somewhere and you shut your eyes, your mind strangely blank. But abruptly, Ben presses you into his body with both hands, gently shushing you, and you realize the shuttle has steadied. Your fingers thread through his hair, damp with sweat, and the two of you just breathe each other in while your pulse continues to hammer in your chest.

You pull back from him and swipe away the hair that’s stuck to his forehead before inching closer and closer. Your pulse fires up, suddenly frantic, desperate to feel him. He surges forward, his lips hard against yours, your hands furiously pulling at his curls.

You’re delirious, on the edge of fear and pleasure, and your mind feels light and far, far away. Ben touches your jaw before he separates from you. If he hadn’t, you would have passed out. Your nostrils flair as you suck in shaky breaths. But seeing the brilliant smile on Ben’s face steals the breath right back from you.

“Look outside,” he whispers.

You do, and in the midst of darkness is a glowing white fortress with a beam of light shining through the center to guide your way. The stone building looks like it’s floating atop a moat of clouds, with pointed towers accenting each of seven corners. For something so ancient, it looks absolutely pristine.

When you turn back to Ben, what you'd been about to say is forgotten when you see how happy he looks.

“I only have the strength to do this,” he says, “because you’re with me.”

You trace his curved lower lip and tell him, “I’ll always be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Caylon! They just left him there 😭
> 
> ❤ I am soooo grateful to all my readers, kudos-givers, and commenters! I never thought I’d ever be able to write a story, so I am thankful for you each and every day!


	24. Revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bright lights, new starts, and settling dust.

After carefully landing on the narrow drawbridge, Ben takes your hand and leads you inside the stronghold. It’s nearly empty, save for seven intricately carved columns surrounding a lone pedestal. There’s a bone-deep chill in here, like there is in outer space, but Ben keeps you warm as his heat seeps into your flesh.

The two of you stand in the center, where the glow of the white light shines brightest in this sacred place. Each stone is so pale and smooth, the floor and walls look almost translucent. There’s magic in here and your Force energy seems to be attracted to it.

Your elbows are tucked in front of you, pressed into Ben. Like always, his arms are around you- protecting you, having you, keeping you. Every bit of calm, all the affection you can gather, is sent to him.

Swaying a little, your Supreme Leader clutches onto you tighter and whispers something you can’t hear into your hair. This is, yet again, the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. But this time it’s different. It’s his own will.

 _"And you're here,"_ he adds.

You reach up and hold his face in your hands. “I love you,” you tell him. “I love you so much.”

Ben takes one of your hands to place a kiss to your palm, “I love you, too.”

“Come on, my Prince,” you say, beaming. “Let’s do it.”

“Okay,” he says, reaching into his pocket and holding the silver rune cube between his fingers. It ratchets your pulse into overdrive when he places it in your hand.

A split second after you place the cube onto the pedestal, it floats up to settle a few inches in the air. Slowly, it draws that magical glow around itself and the entire space turns so blindingly white, you wince.

You’ve closed your eyes, so Ben guides you back to him, standing close and tangling your fingers together. Within the cage of your hands, Ben holds the scripts, crossing the two scrolls at their centers.

"Be with me," Ben whispers, his forehead touching yours. When Ben's blue light appears, you notice it's a little different. It's speckled with his golden energy, glittering like his eyes do in the sunlight.

As soon as you reach for it, you're sucked in, immersed into him. All you do is ride along with Ben as he recites a passage in an unfamiliar language. The scripts heat up, your kyber crystal vibrates with excitement. Warmth and familiarity envelops you as flickering blue figures appear. They're phantoms. You can’t make out any faces, but their love for you and Ben is absolutely clear.

Seconds pass and a pressure starts to build. With the Force, your senses sharpen and hone in on every single energy signature in the room. You whimper as the air grows heavy, pushing your shoulders down with steadily growing weight. It presses onto your chest, too, trapping you in place. 

The phantoms assemble around the two of you, sharing their strength and easing some of the strain.

You gasp when a hand lands on your shoulder, solid and warm. "I'm with you," a man says and when you open your eyes, the light has dimmed enough around you that it doesn't sting anymore. 

He's corporeal- tall and wearing black robes. His hair is wavy, long like Ben's but much lighter, and he has a scar near his right eye. There’s a startling familiarity. And the blue of his eyes match Ben's light perfectly.

He places a hand on Ben's shoulder, too, and your Supreme Leader jolts as his eyes shoot open. "Grandfather," he whispers. There’s an ache building in your heart. For years, this is what Ben had been wanting... the chance to talk with Darth Vader.

"Ben," Anakin says before saying your name as well, then turns back to his grandson. "You've asked me many times if you were on the right path. You are.”

"But your vision..."

Anakin shakes his head, "That wasn't my vision. It was Palpatine's.” He purses his lips, “But I was too blinded by rage to see it. I realized it too late, after I lost almost everything."

There's immense relief in Ben's mind. He'd thought, going this route, he'd have to abandon his grandfather after all these years together.

Anger arises with this revelation and he tries his best to tamp it down. The footsteps he'd been following hadn't been those of Darth Vader, they'd been the manipulative tracks of Sidious.

"How was he defeated?" Ben asks.

"I killed him."

Your Supreme Leader rears back, in shock. He'd always been under the impression that Luke had been the one. Another blatant lie. His uncle hadn’t wanted to illuminate Darth Vader, even in his death.

His grandpa continues, "But Palpatine killed me first. It just took longer for me to die."

Ben is stunned into silence.

“No matter what happens,” Anakin says, “don’t lose hope. Don’t let the darkness win, don’t let your anger destroy you like it destroyed me.” He turns to you, then, “You’re his ray of Light. Keep guiding him.”

The pressure around you begins to return as you feel Anakin’s presence wane.

“I’m proud of you,” he tells Ben, then moves his hand to your cheek and brushes it softly before disappearing. His smile is the last to fade. You know you’ll remember it forever.

As the phantoms vanish, the overwhelming pressure returns. You grit your teeth, barely able to hold on. But when you catch Ben’s eyes, you find tremendous power in them. They ground you, fuel you. They pull you through. And once you’re pushed out of the hold this place has on you, everything lifts, leaving you weightless and weak.

The white light fades out like a dying bulb and a few steps away, stands a man you’ve only seen briefly in Ben’s mind. Tremors wrack through your entire body like you’ve been caught barefoot in the snow. You clench your hands around Ben’s fingers, trying to calm the absolute terror coursing through you. There’s a flash of your Supreme Leader on a narrow bridge. You’ve seen this before, only for a second, and you’d give anything for Ben not to relive it.

But he is. And so are you.

His dad, so obviously _happy_ to see him, takes his cheek in hand. Tells him _it’s okay_ , that he just has to come home, come back to his mom. And _fuck_ does he want that. But _this is it_. If he does this, this one last thing, then he’ll kill his last weakness. There will be no more conflict within him. He’ll finally make Snoke proud as he fulfills his grandfather’s destiny.

So he holds his lightsaber out. 

Your throat shuts tight and your pulse is so quick, it’s impossible that your heart will be able take it. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t pull away. 

His dad reaches for the offered weapon, completely relieved to see the Light in him again. But it’s that Light that needs to be extinguished. So as his dad smiles, he ignites his lightsaber, burning through the heart of his first protector. Thus, burning through his own, too. But that Light, it flickers. And it should be going out, _leaving him alone_ , but it explodes into guilt, into hurt, embedding into every facet of his being.

 _“I’ve failed you,”_ is his dad’s last thought. 

But the life that leaves his dad manifests inside of himself as anger, as horror and disbelief... as excruciating pain. Instead of leaving him free of sentiment, roots of doubt cement themselves in his mind. There must be something wrong with him. This is supposed to alleviate the conflict, snuff out his Light. _But it’s still here._

He’ll never be good enough for anything. 

And now he’s killed someone who might have actually loved him.

 _No_. He banishes the thought because no one could ever love him- the embodiment of evil, a monster, a murderer.

Agony sears your heart, making every muscle in your body tense up. And part of it dies as you retreat out of the memory. It leaves your heart open and raw and vulnerable. 

Pain shoots through your fingers and, when you look down to where you’re still joined with Ben, he’s trying to pry your hand away from his.

He won’t look at you.

Coming to stand in front of Ben, still grasping his hand tight, you tuck yourself into him. You clutch onto the neck of his shirt, body still shaking, the manifestation of Ben’s anxiety still deep within you. His arm hovers at your back, terrified to touch you because he thinks you’ll disappear... that he’ll open his eyes and be alone like he deserves to be.

Bile rises in your throat. _“No,”_ you tell him, _“I’m here, Ben, I’m here.”_

 _“I’m sorry,”_ he whispers in your head, over and over. _“Don’t hate me. Please.”_

When you chance a look, he’s hanging his head, eyes pointed down at you, but closed. Your freshly scathed heart aches some more and your throat barely opens up enough for you to say, “You always seem to forget how much I love you.”

“I- uh-“ Ben’s dad clears his throat. “I don’t mean to interrupt,” he says, voice full of nervous laughter, “but what the fuck is going on?”

You’re reluctant to part from Ben, but this conversation (whether either of you like it or not) has to happen. Your sweet Supreme Leader finally opens his eyes. They’re full of suffering, but also full of Light.

 _“Go to him,”_ you say, giving Ben a nod.

His hand lingers before slipping away from yours and your fingers throb from how hard your grip had been. You stay close behind him, head pounding and every nerve on edge.

“Dad,” Ben breathes out. And just that one word, the years of misery in that one syllable, shatters you. 

Disbelief clear in his thoughts, the man who’d given life to your beloved takes a cautious step forward. “Ben?” There is no fear, only _shock, elation, confusion, solace._

Ben nods once.

And Han Solo crumbles. He falls forward, his hands on his knees, taking in staggered breaths. Gravity pulls his tears onto the immaculate, white floor as he struggles to regain his composure. After letting out a big breath, he swipes a hand over his face.

Han looks up and tries to pull himself back together, “You’re different. How?” With great effort, he straightens up and takes a few more steps to Ben, “We were just on that bridge. I- I saw you on that- that god forsaken base.” He runs a hand through his hair, brow furrowing as his gaze catches on something, “You have a scar.”

“That was two years ago,” your Supreme Leader says. “The day I killed you.”

Han, to his credit, tries his hardest to cover the flash of shock that passes over his features.

You want to jump in and make Ben’s case, defend him with your life and shout, _But he didn’t want to! He was tricked and lied to! It was Snoke trying to control him! He loves you! He’s trying to make it right!_

“It was-“ Ben pauses to audibly swallow, “my biggest regret.”

Through your connection, you sense Ben’s growing unease. He wants to shy away from all this _emotion_. It’s quickly exhausting him. But you know he has to do this for himself. This is his chance to truly rid himself of conflict.

Ben continues in his dad’s silence, “I don’t expect forgiveness.”

That sobers Han right up. A quiet breath leaves him as he comes to stand very close to his son. “‘Course I forgive you. I- _this_ ,” he takes his son’s face in both of his hands, “this is all your mother and I ever wanted.” 

Before Ben can take a step back like he’s thinking of doing, as bewilderment and disbelief war within him, Han grabs the back of his neck and pulls him in for a hug.

“I know we- we weren’t there for you back then... but I- we, I mean, we-“ Han clears his throat, nerves getting the best of him, “want to be here for you now.”

Ben acknowledges that with a single nod, his chin resting upon his dad’s shoulder. Yet, your Supreme Leader’s fists are clenched by his sides as doubt sprouts anew in his mind. He just _knows_ it can’t be this easy. He’d just admitted to killing his dad, and _what? He’s forgiven, just like that?_

As you take in a steady breath, you try your hardest to scrounge up some calming thoughts to send through the bond.

Han glances at you, connecting something in his mind, and gives you an amused smile. But in a moment where you should be overjoyed, your gut wrenches and you have to swallow repeatedly to keep the bile from rising too high in your throat. The sharp sting behind your nose is alleviated only a little when you let the tears fall. This grief, this sadness, is all Ben’s.

And even though his back is to you, you’re sure his face is dry and void of any emotion as they all filter through you. The way your Supreme Leader feels, though, shreds your tender heart. Mostly, it’s fear- fear of rejection, of facing his parents, of their love. It hadn’t ever been so freely given to him. He’d had to earn every small bit.

The trepidation, the wariness his mom had always had for him... still, now, it makes him feel like an abomination. A monster that no one, not even his own family, should trust. And knowing what he’s turned into... he can’t blame her.

“No,” you whisper, “no.” _When did you end up on the floor?_ “Not a monster,” you cry softly, knees buckled and hands flat on the stone floor. Your tears strangle you to the point where your breaths are merely wheezes.

“Shit,” Ben is crouching beside you, helping you sit up onto your knees. He takes your hands and brushes your palms with his fingers, dusting off non-existent dirt. He angles your face up and frowns as he wipes beneath your eyes. Through the bond, you feel Ben ease the tightness in your throat and cool the unbearable burning in your heart.

Drained, you fall into him, so very devastated by Ben’s anguish. There are no fleeting moments with him. Each second of his life is completely filled with sentiment- of anger, fear, longing. But with you... _“But with you,”_ Ben says. There’s love... _“There’s love.”_

Cotton fills your mind as your vision begins to fade around the edges, Ben’s voice and thoughts echoing like a lullaby between your ears.

You blink in and out of consciousness. The light of the stronghold slowly diminishes as you rest your cheek on Ben’s chest while he carries you.

The interior of the little shuttle comes into view. Then, the darkness of the sky outside the viewport. When the ship starts to shake, when it jerks your head from side to side, you try to wake up. But Ben holds you securely in his seat while piloting the ship with his mind. Even in your altered state, you’re aware of how undeniably _hot_ that is.

Ben’s gentle little laugh reverberates through your skull and you catch the words, “instinctive astrogation,” which also sound so, so hot.

He brushes the side of your throat to calm you back to sleep. You drop off in seconds.

+++

The ship is steady when you wake up, the sky outside lightening with the rising sun. Ben must have been soothing you as you’d slept because your insides don’t ache as much anymore. You’re still seated in front of Ben, his chest rising and falling at your back.

He’s burning up, shirt clinging to his arms where they’re tucked around you. 

“She awake yet?” Han asks from somewhere behind you.

Ben huffs a little breath, “No.”

 _“Ben,”_ you warn.

_“He’s been annoying me for half an hour.”_

You stifle a chuckle. There’s that adorably petulant Supreme Leader you love so much. Ben swivels his chair around and keeps you there as a barrier between him and his dad, who’s leaning in the doorway to the cockpit. His arms are crossed and one ankle rests over the other. _Oh my lord._ Exactly like Ben, when he watches you read from the threshold to the study.

Ben coughs uncomfortably.

“Hi,” you say, smiling tiredly and gesturing at the human seatbelt behind you, “this is not the great first impression I was going for.”

But Han just says your name reverently and laughs, “It’s all right, kid. But loverboy over here hasn’t said a word since we took off.” Your eyes roll to the heavens. _Of course he hasn’t._ Though you do understand. You can’t even imagine how awkward and scary this situation is. And Ben’s been such a brave boy so far.

“He’s just missed you,” you say and yelp as Ben’s fingers grab your very ticklish sides. But he won’t deter you because you feel so exceedingly triumphant, that you’re high off it.

“She’s cute,” Han says to Ben, “Where’d you find her?”

“She snuck into my room,” Ben has the audacity to say.

You elbow him, “I did not.”

Han’s face softens, contentment radiating from him, “Come home with me.”

“I can’t,” Ben says.

“Sure, you can. Listen,” a little smirk appears, “we can do it together... take out Snoke, the entire First Order.”

“Snoke is dead.”

Ben’s dad stands up straight and claps his hands together, pacing in the narrow doorway, “Okay, all right, that’s- that’s great, right?”

“I’m the Supreme Leader.”

“Okay,” Han’s eyes meet yours, “all right...”

“Palpatine is back.”

“Right, okay,” Han closes his eyes, “of course, yeah, of course he’s back.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

Han looks like he’s on the precipice of a full-blown breakdown. “We can all help you. We can formulate a plan-“

“No,“ Ben interrupts and you can sense his imminent panic. The conversation is escalating too quickly for him.

You’re unsure of what to say, though, because you don’t want Ben taking on Palpatine. It terrifies you- how powerful the Emperor is, how _alone_ your Supreme Leader would be... but mostly, you’re scared that he’ll sneak off to do it by himself. _What if something happens?_ You can’t lose him, you just _can’t_.

You tell Ben, _“I don’t want you to.”_

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments. _“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”_

The chair squeaks as you twist your body to look up at him, _“Please, Ben. Don’t. I can’t-“_

But the jerk just gives you this timid smile as his fingers comb through your hair. _“You care about me too much, you know that?”_ He’s deflecting.

You give him a death glare. You want to smack that cute little smile off his cute little face. _“Just promise me you’ll wait, that you won’t go it alone.”_

_“Okay, sweetheart. I promise.”_

Ben’s dad barks a laugh, “Are you two using those freaky Jedi powers to talk to each other?”

“Yes,” you say, turning around and settling back in. “Ben taught me.”

Han raises a brow, “Oh?”

“Mmhmm,” you look back to your Supreme Leader, “isn’t that right, Master?”

That’ll teach him not to avert attention away from serious matters. 

And it has the desired effect- Ben looks absolutely appalled. You snicker because you know how adorably flustered he gets when you tease him with that title. How his eyes would dart away from you as if you’d caught him doing something particularly naughty. He squeezes your sides again and you let out a squeak that turns into a laugh.

“This is almost sickening to watch,” Han says, waving his hand in your direction. But he’s smiling and his eyes shine at you before he turns his attention away for a second, blinking away sudden emotion.

“So,” Han takes a few steps forward, “I don’t suppose I can talk you out of killing Palpatine.”

“No.”

“Figured as much,” he says. “You are your mother’s son, after all. Speaking of... do you know where your mom is?”

“No,” Ben says, “but I have a shuttle for you. It has enough fuel and food for two trips around the entire galaxy.”

Han rightfully looks at Ben with suspicion, “And how will I be getting to this shuttle?”

Your Supreme Leader holds out his hand and a duffle bag comes flying into it. When he sets it onto your lap, you unzip it and show Ben’s dad its contents.

“Oh- oh, no,” Han says, coming closer to grab a white chest plate from the bag. 

“We’ll switch shuttles again before entering Canto Bight,” Ben tells him, voice coated with a little mischief. “You’ll change then.”

“And you’ll be wearing the-“ Han waves his hand over his face. Ben, clearly annoyed, ignores the question.

“I’ll give you coordinates to the system where I suspect the Resistance has set up their base,” Ben says, “but you’ll have to figure it out from there.”

“But, really? A Stormtrooper?” 

Ben actually chuckles, “It’s nothing you haven’t done before.”

+++

After making sure Ben’s dad had successfully gotten into his shuttle, you’d gone with your Prince back to the casino. A heaviness had begun to leave him, so tangible you’d felt his heart rising from where it had been sunken in all those years. With Han’s departure, venturing off to find his wife and his best friend, Ben had sensed something he’d never felt before: pride in himself.

“I’m proud of you, too,” you’d told him. “I’m always proud of you.” And if he hadn’t been wearing his helmet, you know there would have been the most enticing blush on his face.

After wearing loose, breezy clothing for the past couple of days, your First Order outfit feels stifling. But nothing can ruin this moment.

Sad, glossy eyes look down at you, befuddled. They blink a few times and you have to hold your breath to contain your excitement. The stable master had left you and Ben back here to see the fathiers, gesturing to the basket of shining red apples on his way out. When you look over your shoulder, your Supreme Leader, in full uniform, is observing you from the middle of the stables. 

He’d told you to choose one, so you’re standing on a tall box in front of a short door, holding up your hand as the fathier sniffs around it, tickling you with his breath. Slowly, you bring up your other hand and present him with an apple. The fathier looks at you, his wide ears lying flat, then at the offering. He must think you’re safe because he takes the apple into his mouth and crushes it into smaller pieces that fall back onto your palm.

“Oh,” you coo, watching him so sweetly chew the little bits of fruit.

Once he’s done, he tilts his head this way and that as he looks at you, full of curiosity.

“Can I pet you?” 

He blinks those big, shining eyes and sniffs at the air. Cautiously, you move your hand to touch his cheek lovingly, scratching your fingernails into the soft fur there. Your hand looks _tiny_ on his face and you squawk as he leans into your caress, but he’s so strong it almost knocks you off the box. 

Ben is suddenly behind you, steadying you with his hands on your waist until you regain your balance. He sticks to your side as you continue petting down the fathier’s neck and back up.

“Do you want to come home with me?” You ask, now stroking his cheeks with both hands. He opens his mouth and makes a variety of chirping sounds.

You turn to Ben, “That was a ‘yes,’ right?” 

Your Supreme Leader chuckles, “I don’t think he’d be too happy in the cold, sweetheart.”

You sigh dramatically as you run your fingers across those big, velvety ears. "I guess not.”

Beck’s heavy footsteps spook your new friend and his ears twitch as he debates whether to stay with you or retreat deeper into his stable.

“The ship is ready, Master,” Beck says, before promptly leaving.

“We’ll come back to see him,” Ben says, lifting you at the waist and gently setting you onto the ground.

You grin, tugging on his hand, “Really?”

“Yes,” he says, “he’s yours.”

“Wh-“ your mouth drops open.

“He’ll be moved to a farm in the country and will be well taken care of,” your Supreme Leader says as he leads you through the stables.

“What about the others?”

He squeezes your hand, “I’m working on it.”

Overjoyed, you can’t stop the bounce in your step as you pass all the cooped up fathiers. Someday soon, they’ll be free and they’ll be loved. And it’s all because of your sweet Supreme Leader.

+++

The ship yard is pretty busy and a few people knock into you before Beck comes to stand to your right. It must be the atmosphere on Canto Bight that’s giving you this headache and you’re slightly disoriented. There’s a feeling you can’t quite place, but with Ben on one side and your Knight on the other, you feel foolishly invincible. 

You peek into your bag, making sure all those Canto Bight holodrama disks are still there. Those and the little gadget you’d found in the fancy marketplace are for JD and you don’t want to lose them. Even looking down, then up again, has your head spinning.

There’s suddenly a buzzing in your ears that seems to grow loud, extremely quickly. And as you’re about to ask Ben about it, something rolls down the ramp to the Command shuttle and passes by your feet. Before you can even wonder what it is, your breath gets punched out of you as you’re hurled into the side of the ship. Metal bites at your back before you crash to the ground onto your elbows and knees. Crushing pain from the unforgiving concrete resonates all the way through your bones. 

Your vision is blurred and you can’t hear anything for a few seconds as you topple over onto your side. But you see a mob of people coming for you as you lie there, helpless. 

“Kylo,” you grimace, your voice barely working after getting all the air punched out of you.

They’re getting closer but, one by one, they get swept into the air and slammed back into the nearest solid surface. Either Ben or Beck must have been watching you. Relieved, you try to re-gain your footing and look for them. You cringe when your nails lift back and chip as you claw at the concrete so you can sit up on your knees, trying to keep your balance. 

Once you’re standing again, you have to hold onto the side of the shuttle as your vision fades in and out. But you retrieve your blaster, anyway, because you’re not just going to lie down and die.

_“Ben?”_

Your connection is dead silent. You’re pretty sure you’ve all been hit by Force dampeners and they feel much stronger than the last one. When you look up, you see Ben and Beck fighting off a horde of people and dodging a barrage of blaster bolts. Ben’s lightsaber slashes through the crowd as Beck’s scythe does the same. There’s so much movement, you’re not confident enough to shoot from here without access to the Force to help your aim.

So you holster your blaster and switch it out for two vibroblades while you unsteadily walk towards the brawl. Ben seems to notice because he swipes through the crowd and you see him, like a dream, striding towards you. You stumble a little, still affected by the dampener, hands shaking from holding your daggers so tight.

But Ben suddenly drops to his knees and you _scream_ when you see a man with a long blade standing over him. Without thought, you throw your knives in a rage and both of them lodge into the man’s skull. You weave in and out of your path to Ben, whose already back up and fighting. There’s blood drenching his cape at his back, a huge tear in the material there, and it’s like you can feel the sting of it in the exact same place on your body.

He’s trying to get out from the throng, trying to get to you, but there are too many of them.

You can’t breathe.

Stormtroopers, by the hundreds, march forward, joining the fight. Captains are shouting orders and you’re deafened further by the sound of blasters all going off at once. When you look up, at least half of the ‘Troopers are shooting up into the sky.

“Blast that enemy ship,” one of the Captains commands, voice muffled by your limited hearing. But the transport is huge and it’s absorbing every laser hit. While they’re trying to find a clearing to land, ropes fall from every opening and several people repel to the ground, joining the fight against you. They’re massive. They looks like warriors and are armed to the teeth.

Soon, there’ll be too many to hold off. Assistance will be too late if that ship (of probably thousands) lands. This had been a throwaway mission, a trip with a secret purpose. _How did these people coordinate an ambush this big?_

You just stand there, war raging around you. A breath in. A breath out. You reach into your uniform and hold your kyber crystal, hoping against everything that it can still help you. As you focus, it’s as if all the blaster hits are discharging in slow motion.

Ben is still fighting with all he has, locking his eyes with you every moment he’s able to look away. You take the little bomb off your belt and let it warm in your hand. Three taps of your finger and a little button pops up. Three taps of that and a little click. You have thirty seconds. Every last bit of the Force you have access to goes into this throw. You watch as the golden sphere hurtles through the sky and you hold your hand out to give it an extra push in the right direction. Impossibly, over all the chaos, you hear it stick to the hull of the enormous transport ship.

It steals every bit of energy you’d had left. Everything around you resumes, unfolding in real time as you sway back and forth, but can’t find your balance. Ben is nowhere in sight, lost in the sea of bodies.

In your moment of distraction, strong arms coil around your middle and you twist and thrash, but you’re no match for them, especially in this state. And as you’re struggling for your life, you hear the most heartrending cry of your name. Ben is roaring, but his voice, your name, grows distant as you’re taken away.

Several other people gather around you, creating a barrier, and one of them says, “It’s okay. You’re all right.” But you know that voice and they’re fucking lying because you are _not_ all right.

_“Ben!”_

A galaxy shattering rumble immobilizes you, no sound filtering through your ears now. Smoke fills the entire space as shrapnel and dust and blood hail from the sky. You wince, body going stiff in your captor’s unrelenting hold. The transport ship, in flames, plummets to the ground with a whine that pierces through the silence in your ears.

A little twinge in your neck is all the warning you get before your body drops like dead weight in the arms of the enemy. Distantly, you hear the ship crashing to the ground and it’s like the entire universe quakes around you. 

As you lose control of your muscles, you use the very last bits of your strength to turn your head, to try and find Ben... to just know, to be sure he’s okay. But you can’t find him or feel him and you just want to see him smile one more time, just want to touch him, have him in your mind. Swirls of color, of lights, of smoke, of dust suffocate you. Then, the world disappears into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🥺 Oh, no! Our poor Reader! Ben won't be very happy about this! 
> 
> Also, as I've said before... Reader loves being carried by Ben. It's her little obsession. ☺️
> 
> Thank you, as always, for all your support! ❤ It makes me incredibly happy to know that there are readers who are enjoying this story!


	25. Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spy, a new old friend, and a sweet memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings for: drugging, captivity

On a deep inhale of thick, warm air, you shock yourself awake. The atmosphere is so heavy and humid, sweat has beaded across your forehead while you’d been knocked out. Your attempt to sit up leaves you nauseated. You groan, feeling the twinge in your back, the scraped off skin at your fingertips... the very big absence in your mind.

You’re sitting on a narrow cot, white sheet neatly tucked around your lower half, as you look around. Leafy vines hang from the ceiling of an enormous cave. You’re far from the opening, but you can see very bright sunlight peaking through a jungle of palm trees and ferns.

It’s strange inside, though. Built directly on top of raw earth, are high tech control panels with transparent screens. Plant life has begun to wind around the base of the computers and crawl across the dirt, cozying up to anything it can reach. It’s silent, save for the quiet beeping of several machines that line the walls beside a handful of empty cots.

_“Ben?”_

Nothing. And when you reach for your kyber crystal, it isn’t there. Your belt and gloves, your weapons, your _cape_ are all gone, too. The dampeners seem to be very slowly wearing off because you hear distant footsteps long before a shadow catches your attention near one of the machines.

“Oh, Lieutenant. You’re awake.”

You narrow your eyes as Jake appears, in his sloppily untucked Officer’s uniform, holding a glass of green juice. Your hair stands on end, anger and shock battling it out inside you. “Officer Lucas,” you grit your teeth, blood boiling, “what is the meaning of this?”

“You’re safe now,” he dares to say as he walks closer to you. “We’re working to detain the Supreme Leader and it’ll finally be over.”

Your heart has, no doubt, completely stopped. You can barely whisper through the tightness in your throat, “What have you done?” Your chest heaves as the world closes in around you.

“We’re going to rid the galaxy of the First Order,” Jake says. “We saved you.”

“We...”

He gives you a strange look, “The Resistance.”

_Jesus fucking christ._

You’re reeling; you’d set your favorite Officer up with a goddamned spy. Beck had been right. He’d warned you. _Fuck. How long have you been out?_ You need to get out of here and check on Ben and Beck.

“ _That_ was the Resistance?” As far as your Supreme Leader knows, they’re small. 

“No,” he waves the glass around, green liquid sloshing, “we got lucky.” He smirks, “Who knew the The Imperium had been planning a coup? That distraction was better than what we had set up for your rescue. And we even bagged a few Captains.”

_Rescue?_ You try to maintain your calm when you say, “Take me back.”

“Lieutenant...” he looks away and shifts his feet, “you don’t have to pretend anymore.”

At your questioning look, he continues, “We’ve all heard about what goes on.” He pauses. “How Kylo Ren treats you.”

Swallowing hard, you close your eyes to take in a calming breath because your pulse is rapidly taking off. Irritation seeps into your very core.

Jake takes another step forward, “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

A blinding light flashes in front of you, your rage resurrected. Jake drops the juice, cup clattering onto the pebbled ground. You make a tight fist and crush his windpipe, channeling the limited Force you have access to. But it quickly drains you. As soon as you feel him surrender to unconsciousness, you sever your hold and leap off the cot, jumping over Jake’s body. You run through the cave, past more control panels, and squint as you enter the forest. 

Without full access to your powers, you can’t focus enough to sense anything through the haze of the dampener. You don’t know where you are or who else is here. To focus, you slow down to a stop underneath an umbrella of palm leaves. It’s muggy outside and the palm leaves rustle as a wet breeze blows through them. Ferns cover most of the forest floor, a little wilted from the blazing sun, directly overhead.

Your adrenaline had gotten you out of the cave, but now, you’re lost. Holding out your hands, you take in the atmosphere to try and clear your mind. Your feet start moving again, following an instinct. But you can’t stop your gut from wrenching. If you’re to believe what Jake had said... Ben may have been taken and, wherever he is, he won’t have it as good as you. 

You slow down as the jungle thins out and a clearing comes into view. It’s a landing strip with a multitude of parked ships, all lined up and ready to take off at a moment’s notice. In your desperation, you wonder if you could attempt flying one of these without killing yourself. 

_“Ben?”_ A tiny tingle stirs in your gut.

But distant shouting breaks your concentration and pricks of fear spread across your skin. If you’re found before your powers fully return, you have absolutely no chance of finding Ben. You sprint down the runway, but realize too late that you’re running towards a compound, cleverly disguised underneath a thick canopy of vines and netting.

A dozen Resistance Officers file out from behind the flat building, rifles trained on your head. Four of them box you in and it feels like your very last breath is taken from you as they inch closer.

Jake, panting and eyes wild, appears, shoving himself forward and holding a syringe.

“Don’t touch me,” you hiss.

He lunges forward, trying to get close enough to inject you again. But you use your energy to hold him in place, just a few steps away from you.

“Psycho bitch,” he spits out, trying to fight through your hold. “I’ll enjoy putting you down.”

In the midst of the standoff, you think about Jake's utter betrayal. He’d just been pretending to like Levins to spy on you. _What a fucking jerk._ Glaring at his suspended form, you send out a tendril of the Force. It nudges one of the rifles in Jake’s direction. Tremors wrack your body as your mind gently bumps the gun lower, squeezing out every last ounce of power you have left.

And when you let go, chaos erupts. Jake yelps as he falls to the ground- shot, but not dead. The four gunmen crowd tighter around you as Officer Lucas is swiftly dragged away. You sharply turn your head left, then right, completely surrounded as hands grope you, trying to subdue you. Breaths are harder to take in as your throat closes up, panic settling in deep.

“Stop!” You yell, spinning around and yanking your arms back from big hands, hugging them around your chest. “Don’t touch me!”

The earth rumbles beneath your burning feet and you stomp them, trying to dispel some of the discomfort building up there. But that just gathers more power. Your blue energy swirls around you, winding up your legs and pulsing out of your fingertips. With your palms out, you release what can’t be contained anymore. It’s wrenched out of you before the ground ripples, sending everyone flying away from you. They land several feet over and slide across the packed dirt as a coldness takes the place of your expelled energy.

You take off on a dead run, back through the parked ships and into the forest, not even sparing a millisecond to look behind you. The ground is hard and pebbled, catching on the tips of your boots every time you don’t lift your knees high enough. Ferns slap your legs as you trample them in your haste.

Your lungs begin to burn after a few more minutes, everything around you passing by in a blur of lush greens. But you squeak as your boots skid to a halt. There’s a valley, too wide for you to jump across. And when you peek over the ledge, it's completely black. You’re winded and panting and gasping for breath.

Your nostrils flair as you try to take in more air than you’re able to. Sagging against a palm tree, you’re wondering which way to continue when you hear a little trill from behind a cluster of ferns. You freeze at first, but strangely, the presence doesn’t alarm you.

You push off the tree trunk and walk towards the familiar sound. There's a series of quiet beeps as you get closer, then a rustling of leaves. You're not able to understand the sounds, but you can comprehend the emotions behind it. A curious chirp is followed by several more trills.

Suddenly, a little droid rolls out of one of the bushes, making your breath catch in your throat. He's round and white, with blue geometric panels all around him. His silver head swivels left and right as he coos excitedly.

"Hi," you say, crouching down. His black orb looks into you. “Do I know you?”

He beeps and rolls back and forth a few times, impatient.

"I need to hide for little while. Can you help me?"

He hums contemplatively. After producing a sequence of agreeable sounds, he rolls back into the ferns.

You only follow him for a short while before seeing cargo nets draped high between a cluster of palm trees. Underneath, there’s a clearing with several grey crates, stacked up and scattered around.

The droid rolls up to one of the boxes and nudges it with a clink, looking at you expectantly. When you pop the lid open, you gasp in delight. It’s filled with canisters of water. You turn to your new friend and smile, “Thanks, buddy.” He chirps merrily before zipping around the crates, carefree.

After chugging two canisters, you plop down onto a crate to begin calming your mind. The first thing you need to do is reach Ben before he completely freaks out... if he hasn’t already. Taking a breath in, you try to clear your thoughts and concentrate on that little tingle you’d felt earlier.

Tendrils of the Force leave you with your next breath and branch out in every direction, searching for your Supreme Leader. There's a glowing trail and you immediately latch onto it. But as you get closer to him, all you feel is intense pain and despair.

_“Ben?”_ Your mind prods his and a satisfied breath leaves you when your bond blooms. Once you reconnect with him, the floodgates open. You can feel him completely, can feel his very uneasy presence and so much misery, but there’s still no answer.

_“Ben?”_ Sweat drips down your throat as panic sets in. _“Ben, please tell me you’re okay.”_

The most devastating whisper of your name travels through the connection. And there’s so much anguish in it that you have to brace yourself with a hand on your knee. You’re barely holding onto the link as it is. Sensing such agony splits your heart open.

He sounds disheartened when he says, _“Tell me this is really you.”_

_“Ben!”_ You shout, as you praise the gods. _“It’s me. It’s me.”_

_“Are you okay?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”_ He sounds so _broken_. _“I’m sorry."_

_“What for? It’s not your fault.”_

The dampeners still have a hold on your powers and, through Ben’s troubled silence, you feel the connection slip a little like he’s pulling away. _“Of course it’s my fault,”_ he says. _“I- I had one fucking job... to keep you safe. I couldn’t even do that.”_

_“Ben...”_

_“No, I- fuck. I can’t do anything right.”_

_“Don’t ever say that.”_

_“I’ll only disappoint you.”_

Anger flairs inside you. _“Now, you listen here, Supreme Leader. You know very well that you’ve never disappointed me. And that I hate when you say stuff like that. And that you’re the sweetest, most wonderful person in the universe. And that I love you very much and I won’t listen to you talk like that.”_

You can feel the breath he lets out. And tiny, little sparks of _love_ come through the bond and zap your insides. A good chunk of Ben’s diminished energy travels to you, then. Even in his state, he wants to make sure you have enough energy to defend yourself. Even if that means he won’t have any left for himself. It melts your heart. _“Can you figure out where The Imperium is holding you?"_

_“I- Ben... the Resistance took me.”_

Relief and displeasure fills him. _“Tell them I forced you.”_

Those words douse you with cold water. _“What?_ ”

_“Say I took you. That you- you hate me.”_ He pauses, then says, _“Tell them you’re my prisoner. Renounce the First Order. The Resistance will keep you safe.”_

_“Absolutely not.”_

Ben says your name in warning. _“I need you to be safe until I can bring you to me. The planet I’m on is too dangerous.”_

_“Wait... planet?_ ” You cross your arms underneath your chest. _“You’d better be in a medbay right now.”_

His silence is enough of an answer. But something about that- the fact that he’s under so much strain, has been stabbed and beaten, and is still scouring the system for you makes your heart swell.

You ask, coyly, _“Have you been looking for me, Supreme Leader?”_

Ben huffs a tired laugh and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard. _“You know I have.”_

Your skin prickles as you picture Ben in a rage, burning through cities and cutting down anyone who gets in his way, instilling the fear of the Supreme Leader in anyone who dares to defy him. He’d swing his lightsaber, slicing through the air and rumbling in sync with his anger. He’d look like a King, beautiful and regal, swinging his weapon with those skillful hands as his cape dances behind him.

_“Naughty little Queen,”_ he says, definitely more relaxed now. _“You know I can see what you’re thinking, right?”_

You glare at a big palm tree. Even when your Prince is close to blacking out, he can’t pass up the chance to tease you. _“Where are you?”_

_“On Ithor.”_

_“And is Ithor still standing?”_

_“Barely,”_ Ben tells you. _“And I would’ve razed every city to the ground, on every single planet in the galaxy, to find you.”_

Your eyes flutter closed as a satisfied smile creeps onto your face.

_“Do as I say,”_ Ben says, using his scary voice. A very pleasant shiver runs through you. _“They won’t hurt you.”_

_“I- I kind of ran away.”_

You can imagine that Ben’s lips are pursed in frustration. 

_“And I kind of knocked out a whole bunch of Officers. But, to be fair,”_ you say, a little louder, _“they were trying to drug me again.”_

_“They_ what _?"_

_“I may have strangled Elihu’s lapdog who, by the way, was a spy.”_ You shrug, not feeling bad in the slightest. _“And I may have also shot him.”_

A put upon sigh passes through your connection, _“And where have you run off to?”_

_“The jungle... but I think I’m lost.”_

_“You can’t stay in the jungle. It won’t be safe.”_ Ben sounds like he’s out of breath, so he must be on the move. _“As soon as I get back to the Finalizer, I’m bringing you to me.”_

_“After a visit to the medbay?”_

He doesn’t answer. _Stubborn Supreme Leader._

_“Ben?”_

_“Yes, sweetheart.”_

_“Is Beck okay?”_

_“He’s fine,”_ Ben says and you feel him rolling his eyes. _“He’s right next to me.”_

_“Tell him I say, ‘Hi.’”_

_“I will do no such thing,”_ Ben says, but he goes quiet for a few seconds. _“He says to find somewhere safe. Higher ground."_

You grin. _“I think I am safe, though,”_ you look at the droid, who’s waving a little extension over a fern before water sprays out of it. _“I even made a friend.”_

_“A friend?!”_ It’s the closest to a shriek you’re probably ever going to hear from him.

_“He’s a little droid,”_ you tell him, and said droid rolls back over to you like he knows you’re talking about him. _“He’s helping me hide and even found me water.”_

_“Do not drink that water.”_

_“Oh...”_ you glance at the nearly empty second canister, lying on its side, next to you.

_“You drank it already, didn’t you?”_

You suppose you shouldn’t have, but you’d been running and- and it’s _hot, okay?_

_“You have zero survival instincts,”_ Ben says.

_“Why would I need survival instincts, when I have you? Besides, I think we know him.”_

He sighs, probably pinching the bridge of his nose through his helmet. _“What does he look like?”_

_“He’s round and white. Really cute,”_ you tell him and the droid chirps joyfully, even though he can’t hear you. _“He has three legs and a lot of blue compartments. And he’s very beep-y.”_

Ben’s relief is instantaneous. _“You’re with Artoo. Ask him to take you to my mom.”_

_“No.”_

_“Sweetheart,”_ he warns. _“You will do as I say.”_

_“No.”_

_“You’re not safe in the jungle.”_

_“I won’t lie,”_ you say, _“not about you. Not about us.”_

_“I love you, but you’re ridiculous,”_ he says, “ _and stubborn. You never listen to me.”_

You roll your eyes. He’s one to talk. His discomfort and exhaustion is extremely potent through the bond, now that he’s letting himself relax a little. And the residual pain is so intense that it makes you want to cave in on yourself. If he’s letting himself feel _this much_ , he’s near collapse.

You can’t help but smile, though, knowing they’d both gotten away.

You hop off the crate to inspect some of the others. One of them is filled with thick blankets and another has piles of clothes. You slip on a canvas poncho and lay down a few blankets in the middle of all the cargo boxes. Once you sit down in your little nest, you pat the space next to you for Artoo. He happily rolls over, cooing, his head swiveling back and forth.

_“Ben?”_

_“Yes, sweetheart.”_

_“Please go to the medbay as soon as you get back to the ship.”_

_“That’s not a priority.”_

You lean over and let out a breath, resting your head on Artoo’s arm. _“I felt it, you know,”_ you swallow around the lump in your throat. _“When you were stabbed. And I- when they took me, all I could think about was you. I wanted to take your pain away. I was terrified that you- that they’d get you. That I’d never see you again.”_

Your Supreme Leader doesn’t say anything, only leaving you with soreness in your heart.

_“But I thought... if I was going to die,”_ you continue, _“it’d be fine, as long as I knew you were okay._ ” Artoo beeps a sad series of sounds and shuffles his feet. _“I need you to be okay.”_

_“Sweetheart, I-,”_ he cuts himself off, fighting through an emotion that he tries to hide from you. But you still catch it. It feels like guilt.

_“Please, Ben,”_ Artoo jiggles from side to side, feeding off your unease. " _I don’t know how, but I know I’ll be safe here. And as soon as this dampener wears off and you’re healed, you can take me home.”_

_“Four hours,”_ he says, very reluctantly. And knowing him, that’s probably exactly how far he is from the Finalizer.

You grin, _“Yes, Supreme Leader. And you better not even have a single scratch when I see you.”_

You can feel him shaking his head, but he’s smiling, you just know it. _“Yes, my little Queen.”_

+++

As the sun begins to set, you’re glad you’d wrapped yourself (and Artoo) in all these blankets. It had been a tropical jungle during the day, but evening has transformed the atmosphere into a desert. The air has dried out with a significant drop in temperature as clouds roll in against a deep, pink sky.

“You don’t happen to know where Rey is, do you?” Your new friend wiggles left and right. “‘Cause I need to talk to her.” You gently pat Artoo’s face, “Do you think she’ll help Ben?”

The droid lets out a very long and very enthusiastic series of beeps when he hears that name. There’s longing in his tone.

“Do you miss Ben?”

His low whines sound a lot like little cries.

“Sorry, buddy,” you rest your head back onto him. “But I have a feeling you’ll see him again really soon.”

Artoo whoops loudly, making you laugh.

“I bet you know all kinds of embarrassing stories about him.” You gesture towards his eye, “You don’t happen to have any home movies in there, do you?”

Your new friend chirps like he’s recalling a very funny story and it makes you wish you could understand him. But the smile drops off your face when you faintly hear a twig snapping. Artoo quiets down as his head swivels and you think he tries to reassure you before he zooms away, the blankets falling off of him.

“Wait,” you whisper, “Artoo.” But he’s already disappeared behind some ferns. You sense two people in the distance, one with a very strong Force presence. There’s a small beam of light, then another one, before you jump up and look around, frantically. You can hear whispers now and Artoo’s beeps getting closer.

In a panic, you hide behind a stack of crates but you hear Artoo rolling over the rocky earth and towards you. _Oh, no._ The next moment, he’s bumping your thigh to get your attention and trills at the top of his lungs, announcing your location. “No,” you whisper, “Artoo, please.”

“Lieutenant?”

You freeze at first. But that voice coaxes you out of hiding. When you peak around the edge of the box, you see Chewie, his back to you and shining his flashlight behind a palm tree. A memory surfaces as you watch him. _Uncle Chewie looks for a very young Ben, who’s playing hide-and-seek in the gardens. Ben always hides in the same place, on the middle branch of his favorite greel tree. He sees Uncle Chewie, whose hand creates a visor over his eyes, on tip toes to glance over a wall of blue wildflowers._

_“I’m here!” Ben says and Chewie turns around, joy etched on his face as he holds his arms out._

_Ben leaps from the branch, giggling as his favorite uncle catches him and cuddles him close._

You step out into the open, heart flitting and still smiling from the sweet memory, “Uncle Chewie?”

He turns around and spots you, cocking his head and blinking a few times in confusion. “Come on out,” he says. “I will not let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

There’s a _need_ to go to him, like there had been on Tatooine. You run and leap into his arms, but when he squeezes you back, you yelp as your body bows in pain. 

“You are hurt,” he says, setting you down and smoothing your cheek as his fur tickles you. He sniffs the air. “We need to get you back to the med ward.”

“No, I- I want to stay here and wait.”

“For what?”

There’s probably less than an hour before Ben is planning on taking you back.

Your heart stutters as Ben’s mom appears from between two trees. “For someone who’ll never come,” she says and it’s like your insides are being ground up, raw and sensitive. 

Her hair, which had always been brown, is now grey, and there are lines set deep into her skin where there had been none. 

“So, it’s true, then,” she walks over to you and looks up into your eyes before placing a hand on your shoulder. She nudges your mind, “He’s bonded you to him.”

You nod, still fighting the urge to fall into her arms. Her eyes glimmer with sympathy.

“I didn’t believe it,” the General whispers, “until I saw you on Tatooine. I’m so sorry.”

Somehow, you know she’s not apologizing for kidnapping you. Your brow furrows, a little puzzled.

“You’re safe now,” Ben’s mom reassures you, her brown eyes (so much like Ben’s) brimming with sorrow. “You can finally be free from him. We’ll help you.”

You step back and her hand falls away. Something twists your insides, leaving behind a very deep ache. “No, you don’t understand.”

“I do, Lieutenant,” she closes the gap between you. “Believe me, I do.” After a pause, the General goes on, “Kylo Ren has imprisoned you, suppressed your mind.

“No,” you shake your head, “no, he hasn’t.”

“Lieutenant, it’s all right. He can't hurt you anymore."

"He would never hurt me."

"Can't you see he already has? You're just confused. You know as well as I do what kind of a man Kylo Ren is.”

You close your eyes for a second, trying to calm your rapidly growing irritation. “You’re wrong, General,” you say. “You don’t know him at all.”

“Oh?” She scoffs, “Then, why don’t you enlighten me.”

“He’s a good man. If you’d just-“

She shoos your words away, “It’s even worse than I thought.”

“He _is_.”

“You actually believe that,” she says, like you’re crazy. “And I suppose you think he cares about you, too.”

“He does.”

“He doesn’t feel anything for you. He doesn’t feel anything for anyone. He’s just using you,” the General says, her eyes hard, and it’s not malicious or taunting. She believes it to be true. “He’s altered your mind in some way. I can help you. I can make you forget-“

“No!” You yell, and it echoes through the jungle. “Please. Don’t do that. Anything but that.”

The General looks like you’ve slapped her across the face. “You’re... not right in the head, Lieutenant.”

You plead with her, “You know he’s good, don’t you? Inside your heart, can’t you feel it?”

“Kylo Ren is _evil_ ,” she says. “You’ve seen what he’s done.” The General turns to Chewie, then, gesturing towards his messenger bag. “Did he tell you where this came from?”

Chewie pulls something out and you have to stifle your gasp as Ben’s mom holds it up. Your belt, stripped of your weapons, is tossed onto the dirt by your feet like garbage. You scramble to pick it up, to dust it off and hold it close.

“Does he buy your silence with power? Status? Priceless gifts?” Every question from her is like a stab to the gut. “He must have killed the owner of that Heart of Fire to get it. Probably pried it out of their dead hands. Do you feel good about that?”

Your fist clenches by your side, trying to contain the fury that threatens to blind you.

Her anger grows amidst your silence and her voice escalates. "Is that how he keeps you in line? By controlling your mind? Did you know he’s put up shields so strong in your head, that even I can’t get through? You’re his _thrall_ , nothing more.”

No matter how hard you try, anger bubbles up, hot and persistent. “How could you think that?”

“Because he is _not_ good,” she spits out. “Maybe he never was.”

You gasp, clutching your belt close. “How dare you say that,” tears well up in your eyes and you press very close, until you're looming over her. “Ben is good. He’s always been good.”

That arrests her. “How do you know that name?” The General staggers back, her hand over her heart.

_Fuck_.

“He told me.”

“Why?” Ben's mom looks horrified, "Why would he tell you? You’re insignificant to him.” You can tell she’s wracking her brain, trying to make sense of it, of you. “You’re nothing.” She glares at you, then sneers, “You’re just one of his playthings. A _possession_.”

Distracted by her own ire, her thoughts spill out. She’s thinking of Ben, of _Kylo_ , someone who’d killed his own father and despises his mother. Someone who could never be capable of anything resembling love.

But Ben does love. He loves you. And he loves his mom. He thinks about her all the time, even though it rips his heart open over and over again. If she could only know of the regret, the _loss_ he feels. If she could only know how much of Ben's soul had gone into bringing his dad back.

Then again, she thinks Ben is a monster. You bristle at that. She doesn’t deserve to know.

“Then leave me out here,” you turn around and Artoo chirps at you, sad and worried. “If your son is so evil,” you say over your shoulder, “you’ll come back in a week and find my corpse.” 

Chewie approaches you as you take a seat on one of the crates. “We cannot leave you out here. You need medical help.” He takes your face in his hands, trying to calm you, like he’d always done for Ben. It’s like he feels Ben’s presence within you, with an instinct most don’t possess.

“I’ll be okay,” you tell him, patting his hand with your own. “He’ll get me soon.”

“You know he’s my son,” the General says, so quiet, that if you’d not been in tune with the Force, you wouldn’t have been able to hear it. Her light footsteps barely make a sound as she approaches the two of you. Chewie squeezes himself onto the crate beside you and pets your hair. A low rumble comes from him, followed by a deep purr that makes your limbs slacken.

She comes to stand right in front of you, now at eye level. “What else do you know?” 

_How do you answer that?_ You know that Ben is good. He _is_ , no matter what anyone says. He's also dark and primal. You know about all those parts of him that are eclipsed in shadow- his barely-controlled rage, his immense power, how he’s always tiptoeing that fine line between fear and fury. _And oh, how you love it._

You know how much he hurts and how hard he tries to hide it. And you know how much lighter his heart is now that he’s started on his new path. You know his grandpa’s words of encouragement still resonate in his mind, filling some of the empty space that had been left by his uncle.

You know what he looks like when he’s sleeping, and when he’s happy, and when he confesses his love for you.

Above all, you know he’s nothing, if not determined. His sights are on Palpatine and he’s set on saving the universe. But he can’t do it alone. You know he needs Rey.

So yes, you know a great many things. But you’re not sure if any of these things is what Ben’s mom is looking for. As you look into the General’s eyes, though, something clicks. 

“If I tell you what you want to know,” you ask, “will you help me with something?”

She narrows her eyes, “I’ll consider it.”

That gets a chuckle out of you because it sounds like a lie Ben would tell someone he has no trust in. You snuggle closer into Chewie’s fur as his purring continues to vibrate through his chest. The calming sound begins to soften the strained muscles in your back.

Seeing the conflicted look on her face, you ask, "Have you ever lost hope for him?"

And, though she doesn't answer, her mind is screaming _No._

“You’re so sure Kylo Ren is good,” the General says, but there’s such heavy emotion in her voice that it breaks a little. “Convince me.” The anticipation, the _promise_ in those two words, makes the entire forest buzz.

A calm passes through you. Somehow, you’re sure this moment will be what tips the scales. In which direction, though, you don’t know. But a familiar energy seems to encourage you. It gently pushes you forward. “You felt a disturbance in the Force. From Cantonica.”

The General’s eyes harden, “What do you know of that.”

“If you search your feelings, you’ll find you won’t need any convincing.”

“No-“ Ben’s mom chokes on an inhale. “No, it‘s not possible. It can’t be.”

“He’s on his way to you now.”

The General’s eyes turn glossy, “I- I need to see it.”

You rear back thinking back on her threat to help you _forget_. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe I don’t think you deserve to see it,” you say, “to see him like that when you think he’s such a monster.”

An incredulous laugh tumbles out of her. “It seems I’ve misjudged you, Lieutenant.”

“If I let you see it, you have to grant me a favor.”

Her eye roll is exactly like Ben’s. “Fine.”

“Uncle Chewie,” you tip your head back to look at him, “you heard that, right? You’re my witness.”

He nods in agreement, making comforting grumbling sounds as you tuck back into him. Nerves tingle through your scalp. No one other than Ben has ever been inside your head. And someone as powerful as the General could really fuck you up. Her hand cautiously moves towards your face.

You hold up a finger to stop her, “If you mess with a single memory, I’ll destroy every planet in this system when I get back to the Finalizer.”

The General looks stunned for a second before schooling her features, “Understood.”

Her palm comes into contact with your temple and, aptly, you watch her. Several different emotions flit across her worn features as she watches your memory. Her eyes are open, but shifting in every direction. They begin to grow shiny and tears stream down her face as her hand begins to quiver.

She staggers back, hand still frozen in place in front of her. 

“General,” you say, “Ben will finish what he’s started."

She takes unsteady steps back to your side. “He- you really brought Han back?” She swipes tears away, “I felt it, but I didn’t let myself believe it.”

“Yes, we brought him back,” you reassure her and beside you, Chewie makes a pained sound. A cry of torment and relief.

The General pins you with her stare, “You love my son.”

“Yes.”

“And he’s going to kill Palpatine?”

You nod, “Which is why I need your help." You hesitate for a moment before saying, ”I don't know how, but I know Ben and Rey have to do it together. They have to be on the same side."

“But Rey won’t trust him."

You nod. “So, you need to do anything you can to convince her. _Anything_. And when the time comes...” you take in a deep breath before letting it out again. What you’re about to say could change everything. “Find a way to send anyone, who’s willing, to Exegol. It’ll be a fight to save the universe.”

“I promise I’ll do everything I can,” the General says. “But what about the First Order?”

“I suspect Ben has already started dismantling it from the inside. It’s only a matter of time before it collapses.”

Suddenly, it looks like a bolt of lightning runs through her. She goes deathly still, her eyes wide and blank, looking right through you. She’s seeing something you can‘t.

You flinch when she suddenly grabs both of your hands, the ones still clutching your belt, and whispers your name. “You’re our last hope. Bring Ben back to us.”

Heart aching, you shake your head. “He will never be _just_ Ben. You have to love Kylo, too.”

She squeezes your hands. “I’ll-“ she pauses to swallow, “I’ll try.” 

“No, that’s not enough.”

The General looks away, “I don’t know if I can."

But you won't budge, “You have to. Or he’ll never return to you.”

She merely nods, eyeing you like something else, something bigger, is troubling her now. She quietly says your name again, “He’ll try to leave you somewhere safe before he sneaks off.”

You know exactly what she’s talking about and your chest constricts.

“But don’t let him. You have to be with him, in the end.”

“The end?” You ask, “The end of what?”

“The end of the Empire,” Ben’s mom says, “the final battle. You must be there.”

Your throat tightens up, “Okay, General.”

Chewie pats your cheek, “Will you come back to the med ward now? Your scans from earlier showed injuries that need to be healed.”

Artoo trills joyfully when you nod and get up to give him a pat on the head, “Thanks, buddy.”

He zooms away with a squeak, dashing through the ferns.

You fasten your belt over your poncho as the three of you trek through the jungle. It’s darker now, away from the clearing, but Chewie shines his flashlight in front of you.

“You said Ben will come get you,” the General says. “How?”

"Oh," you grin at her, "he can teleport."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this chapter last week, but it turned out to be almost 10,000 words of pure angst that was SUPER depressing and extremely sad. And that’s totally not what I was going for... it just happened 😫 So, there was a little delay because I wanted to rewrite it.  
> Sometimes, my mind just goes there without my permission 😅
> 
> Thank you soooooo much, as always, for sticking with me! I am truly grateful for all of you guys! I hold every kudos and comment very close to my heart 😘💖
> 
> A random thing before I go... I don’t know why, but one of my favorite movie/TV lines is: “What is the meaning of this?” I’ve never used it in real life (and probably won’t) but I love it 🤣


	26. Unconstrained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visit, a beautiful vision, and the gift of family.

You’re lying on another cot, this one with a big plastic dome over it. You swipe your finger through the white healing energy that swirls inside the encasement and it follows your hand around.

“I still don’t understand,” the General says. And when you turn your head, you see her standing beside you, turning your kyber crystal over in her palm. 

“I’m not sure how it works, either, but I’ve summoned Ben like that before.” 

She sets the crystal back down on a wooden tray near you. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.” 

“Ben was shocked, too,” you tell her. “But, he thinks it’s because I have a fragment of his Force energy."

“Is that how you were bonded?”

You hesitate before saying, “Yes,” unsure of how much you should tell her.

“What made you...” she drifts off, her voice getting quiet, “I mean to say... how did you... grow to love him?”

A smile appears on your face as you think of Ben, trying to pinpoint when, exactly, you’d fallen for him. “I think I loved him from the moment I met him.” _Oh, yes._ You reminisce, even though it’s been less than a year. _Your handsome, broody, space ship engineer._

The General snorts and says your name with a chuckle before cutting herself off. “You’re serious,” she crosses her arms beneath her chest. 

You grin, “He’s a big softy on the inside.” 

Ben’s mom shakes her head, but her lips curl up before flashes of other emotions flicker across her face. There’s a bit of shock and maybe a lot of remorse and the longer you watch her, the more you want to get up and fall into her arms for comfort. The sudden urge makes you close your eyes and turn away.

But once Ben’s feelings begin to bleed into you, they rush in all at once. Words, like bile, rise in your throat, your stomach trying desperately to expel everything. “You know he didn’t want to do any of those things, right?”

Ben’s mom doesn’t say anything.

“He just-“ your throat suddenly gets tight, “he wanted someone to be proud of him.” The General’s boots click as she paces away, but you can’t stop talking. “He tried. With you and his dad. But neither of you had time for him. Then, he tried with Uncle Luke and that almost got him killed.”

Her footsteps halt, then resume as they return to you, “What would you know of that?” You see the General click the top of the healing dome and you sit up as it retracts.

“I _s_ _aw_ it,” you whisper, gut clenching, fingers twisting into your poncho. “I felt Ben’s terror when he woke up, seeing his uncle standing behind him, _over him_ , as he slept.” You do your best not to relive the memory. “Uncle Luke was determined. He was- he was going to cut Ben’s head off. And the look in his eyes... like everything about Ben was wrong, _evil_.”

She’s still silent, but her hands tremble where they rest by her sides.

“Do you know what happens to someone when they’re constantly told how evil they are?” You ask her, barely hanging onto your calm. “They accept it as the truth. And when someone powerful tells them they finally might be worthy? They’ll do _anything_ to prove they’re good enough.”

Her tears fall freely now but, like Ben, the General’s face betrays nothing.

“I’m not saying Ben didn’t do bad things,” you tell her. “But he’s not evil, he’s _not_.”

“I-“ she swallows, “I know he’s not.”

Just hearing her say that relieves you, easing some tension and allowing you to get better control over your emotions. "I'm sorry," you say. "Seeing you makes me want to tell you things and I'm not strong enough to keep it in."

The General wipes away her tears, “What do you mean?”

“When I see you, I feel what Ben feels,” you tell her. “He loves you. He never stopped.”

You barely hear her when she admits, “I never stopped, either.”

+++

After Ben’s mom declares that you’re as good as new, she asks you about JD’s Zippo lighter bacta spray and super healing pen. “Where’d you get these?”

“Oh,” you come to stand beside her, “My best friend, JD, made them for me.” You point to the little rectangle, “That one can spray bacta wide enough to cover an entire body in one go. And this one,” you gesture to the pen, “can mend wounds in half the time.”

“Impressive,” she says. “Does he develop weapons for the First Order?”

“No, it’s just his hobby,” you tell her. “He’s a genius. He can make all kinds of things.”

The General snorts, “A hobby? They let you have those?”

“Well,” you grin, “Ben made an exception for him.”

Her mouth is slightly open like she isn’t sure if she wants to smile or laugh and it fills you with joy. “Can I bring these to the lab to take a closer look?”

You nod, “Of course.”

“Great,” she says, “I won’t be long. You should rest up.”

After you agree, the General disappears behind the row of machines behind you. Curiosity gets the best of you, prompting you to take a peak down the narrow corridor that leads into a long tunnel. But before you can get close enough, your eyes slip shut when a familiar presence beckons you.

It starts out as a little tingle, then grows into an icy cocoon. As the cold passes through your body, a small breath punches out of you when your eyes open. You’re standing in a very big room, sterile and shiny and metallic, and your Supreme Leader is swatting away a floating, spherical droid who’s prodding him with spindly fingers. Somehow, you know you aren’t physically here; you’re just drifting into Ben’s mind.

His face is split open in several places and there’s a particularly bad gash on his left cheek that’s still bleeding. He’s sitting on the edge of a bed, only in his black boxer briefs, and his pale chest is littered with bruises and cuts. Dried blood has crusted over his stomach. His ankles are both extremely swollen and you see red stains all over his right calf that have dripped down from his hip.

You hold both hands over your mouth as you gasp, throat tightening as tears blur your vision. There’s not a spot on him that isn’t damaged. _How much pain must he be in?_ And he’d gone on to scour an entire planet, dragging himself through hell to find you.

Having heard your sharp breath, his head snaps up to look at you. He must have summoned you without even knowing it. But instead of tired, gaunt eyes, his are bright and _happy_ ; he’s elated to see you. That just makes you feel worse. And you know he can feel how guilty you are, how seeing him like this tears your heart into tiny, bloody pieces.

“I thought you’d be happy to see me,” Ben teases, allowing the little droid to resume shining a laser on his cheek.

You have to swallow and take in a breath before you’re able to speak. “I am.”

He holds out his hand and flashes his teeth, so loving and adoring even as he’s on the verge of collapse. When you get close and see how mangled his hand is, you nearly choke. Those hands you love so much are scuffed up almost beyond recognition, his fingers purple and swollen.

“Kylo,” you whisper as you take it between both of yours and bring it to your lips. His hand is burning hot, the skin tight around his wounds. Blinking tears away, you gather up the energy you’d regenerated and focus on Ben- on his body, his heart, his mind, the bright Light of his soul.

Your hands become so hot that Ben’s flesh seems cool in comparison. Numbness envelopes your fingers as your blue light swirls around them and seeps into him, slowly taking all the heat from your body. The droid floats away, gears shifting as its thin fingers retract back into the sphere.

Ben’s eyes glow as they bore into you, gazing at you with wonderment. Still holding onto him, you lean forward to steal a kiss. Then another. And another and another.

When you part from him, he has that dopey smile on his face, grinning at you like you’re something out of a dream. A chill creeps into you, burrowing deep, but you ignore it to check your work. Ben’s hand is as pale and strong and perfect as it usually is. And so is his cheek, his abdomen, his chest. You know you haven’t healed everything, but it fills you with joyous relief to know you’ve at least taken away a little of his pain.

Small shivers begin to wrack your body, so you cling to Ben’s hand for warmth.

“Are you... wearing a poncho?” Ben asks, still beaming.

You let him go as you move your hands to your hips to glare, “I am.”

He immediately snatches up both of your hands and places them on his shoulders, pressing onto them, not liking one bit that you’d let go. "It's cute," he says, his smile lopsided like he's high. "You're fucking _adorable_."

You can’t help but laugh. _Ridiculous Supreme Leader_. But you’re quickly distracted by the cold that’s clawing deeper into you, so you crawl onto Ben’s lap, sighing as you absorb his warmth. “I love you, Kylo.”

He snuffles into your hair as his arms wrap around your back, rubbing up and down to give you more of his heat. “I love you, too.”

It’s still weird that you can scent him through your bond, through the galaxy, like you’re right there. You press your lips to the side of his throat as you breathe him in and your body goes limp with every pass of his hands. Like always, he smells like home, like a cold, sunny day in the forest.

You lean back slightly to peer up at him, tracing his scar with your index finger- down his brow and over his eyelid, over his cheek and past his jaw and neck, his collar bone. You splay your hand over his heart, feeling it throb beneath his heated skin. His pulse is strong and steady, drumming in time with yours, and it feels like it’s beating just for you.

Ben smiles, “It is.”

“Hmm?” You ask, drunk off his touch.

“My heart,” he says, “it beats just for you.”

A wide grin breaks out onto your face. There’s that cheesiness you love so much. “Yeah?”

Ben’s eyes twinkle as he nods.

Chuckling, you wind your fingers into his tangled curls, “Good. ‘Cause if it ever beats for anyone else, I’ll kill them.” Your eyes widen, a little surprised by that admission. _Where did that even come from?_

Apparently, Ben thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard because he throws his head back and guffaws, one hand leaving you to hold onto his side. “Well, well, well,” he says, eyes returning to you, a fire behind them that makes your face burn up, “my jealous little Queen.”

You narrow your eyes at him.

Invisible hands cradle your back as Ben goes to hold your cheeks. “And how would you kill them?”

“Slowly,” you say, and it’s like the truth is being unraveled from you easily, seamlessly. “And I’d make you watch.” You suck in a breath and he rubs his thumb over your lower lip.

A predatory smile appears on your Supreme Leader’s face. “My sweet little creature,” he says, leaning in close to nuzzle into your throat. He mouths at your skin there and it relaxes you as you pet through his hair. _Sweet?_ You’d just told him you’d make him watch as you slowly kill someone... _and he thinks it’s sweet?_

Quiet laughter bubbles up from your chest. There’s an odd rush of power in knowing that you could probably do anything, do the most horrendous and despicable things, and Ben would still think of you as _sweet_. You’d still be loved and adored and cherished by the most incredible being in the galaxy.

You shiver as Ben’s nose runs up the side of your neck to rest behind your ear. “I need you with me now.”

As much as you want to give in, you can’t. “You need the bacta tank, Supreme Leader.”

His breath tickles your neck as he says, “I don’t need the fucking bacta tank, I need you.”

“Kylo.”

“This is nothing,” he says, “I’ve had much worse than this.”

You drag your nails across his scalp, “I know.” You’ve seen it in his memories, seen him deliberately suffer and leave his wounds untended because he’d thought he’d deserved them. He’d used them as a reminder of his failures. And you’ll never, ever let him to do that again. “Please, Kylo,” you sniff and add a tiny whimper, “you said you’d do anything for me.”

Ben huffs a little laugh into your hair before leaning back, “You really know how to make a guy feel guilty, don’t you?”

When you nod, he squeezes your sides and you yelp before dissolving into giggles. You want nothing more than to be with Ben right now, but he really needs to heal. He’ll probably just run on fumes if you don’t make him stop to rest. So you’ll just have to wait it out a little longer... in this cave that’s probably teeming with Resistance Officers who are likely threatened by your mere existence.

Suddenly, you stiffen and Ben immediately reacts. “What is it?” He asks, smoothing your sides.

“I’m out in the open,” you whisper, “and any number of people could be watching me straddle a ghost.”

Ben laughs, “You stuck your tongue in that ghost’s mouth, too.”

“Oh my god,” you try to extricate yourself from his lap, imagining how ridiculous you must look. “The General is here somewhere. I can’t be-“ But your sweet Supreme Leader shuts you up with a kiss and winds his arms tighter around you. “Mmm, but- mmm,” you mumble into his lips before melting. _Fuck_. You’re completely helpless when it comes to Ben. He’s just too sweet and soft and cuddly.

Your chest is heaving when he pulls back to look lovingly into your eyes. “Okay, sweetheart,” he says, “you win. I’ll do it.”

You give him your most dazzling smile, “Can I stay and watch?”

Ben barks out a laugh, a sly grin on his face. “Naughty little Queen,” he teases. “As punishment for guilting me into it, you won’t be allowed to watch.” He runs his fingers across your pouting lips, “But I’ll come get you soon.”

You beam at him, “Okay.” Soft tingles start in your middle and radiate out as Ben concentrates on sending you back. You press your forehead to his and help him, making sure he’s left with all your affection and adoration before you completely let go.

When you get sucked back into your reality, you’re sitting back on your haunches, feet hanging off the edge of your cot. It’s easy to ignore the emptiness and cold of Ben’s absence, simply because you’re so happy that he’s actually taking care of himself for once.

You slide off the cot and turn around, only to gasp and clutch your poncho over your heart. Ben’s mom is standing pretty close, next to the tray that’s holding all your belongings. She looks thoroughly amused and you’re left wondering how much she’d seen. Or heard. _Oh my lord._

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” she says, doing a bad job of hiding her smirk and holding up JD’s creations. “I was just bringing these back.” 

You hope she can’t feel how hot your face is as you make your way over to her so you can put your things back on. You reach for your kyber crystal to clasp it around your neck first. It vibrates, excited to be with you again. Next is your belt. You fuss with it underneath the poncho, making sure the Heart of Fire is centered so the loop that holds your blaster lays flat against your hip. 

After attaching all your weapons and that weird gold pen with a hook (that you still haven’t figured out), you drape your cape over your shoulders and pocket your gloves.

“I was wondering if I could ask you something,” Ben’s mom says.

“Of course, General.” 

She reaches into her vest pocket and your breath catches in your throat when she shows you what’s in her hand: gold dice. Without thought, you reach out for them, your lip quivering at the sight. They’re like the ones you’d seen in the marketplace on Tatooine, but these are worn in the corners and smooth from being handled over the years.

Ben’s mom drops them into your palm and asks, “Will you give these to Ben?”

"Yes, of course I will.” It feels like you’re holding her heart in your hand. Even though you don’t know exactly what these dice mean, you know they mean a great deal to Ben and his parents. You’re compelled to keep them close to you. They’re grasped tightly in your fist. You don’t even trust your pockets to hold them.

The General smiles and gestures for you to follow her. You’re led to the back of the cave and down that tunnel you’d been wondering about. It's lit up with small sconces, placed very high up on the stone walls.

At the end of the long corridor, there’s a massive steel door. It whooshes open, cool air escaping, when the General waves her hand. There’s been a change in her, you realize. Ben’s mom seems unwound. She’d been coiled up so tight all these years, ready to strike at a second’s notice. But now, she’s starting to let hope into those spaces that had long been sealed off.

“So, did he agree to the bacta tank?” She asks and your eyes get big, embarrassment creeping in again. You walk through the door and into a building, likely the compound you’d seen earlier. There are several crates lining the walls and it’s dim with no signs of life.

After clearing your throat, you say, “He did.”

“I heard what happened on Ithor,” she says with no ire or hate, “I’m guessing that was my son.”

“Yes,” you bite down on your lower lip to stop yourself from smiling. 

“I suppose that’s on me,” she tells you, wistfully. “But I hope you know I was only trying to help.”

“I know, General.”

She snorts, “You’ll call me ‘Leia.’” She stops in front of another door and looks at you with eyes full of mischief, “Or ‘mom.’ Whichever you prefer.”

You’re still stunned when she opens the door and disappears. You don’t know why you’re surprised; Ben had to have inherited his love of teasing from someone. Rolling your eyes, you walk into the next room and, unlike the storage area, this room is brightly lit. There’s a large transparisteel skylight that lets the sun illuminate everything, from the multitude of loungers and mismatched couches to the game boards splayed out over several tables.

It’s the Resistance rec room, empty now, but you can imagine this place filled with laughter and idle chatter on victory days. An entire wall is transparisteel, allowing you to watch the humid breeze blow through the lush jungle. 

You can picture Ben sitting on one of the worn chairs, _moof juice in hand, quietly chuckling as he listens to you tell a story he’s heard a million times. You catch his eyes and grin because you’re still the center of his attention, even after all this time. The environment slowly morphs into a gilded atrium, an ocean breeze cooling your bare legs. Ben’s mouth opens up and you hear his beautiful laughter echo in your mind. He’s relaxed, leaning back into the cushions, the top buttons open on his black henley._

The scene changes back and your head spins a little as Ben disappears. These visions usually only come to you in your dreams, always happy, always foretelling.

“You saw something,” The General says.

You nod, grinning, “Ben.”

“He makes you happy.”

“Yes,” you tell her, “very.”

Just then, cheerful beeping echoes down an adjacent hallway before Artoo rolls in, Uncle Chewie in tow.

“Hey, buddy,” you say, patting Artoo on his head. He trills excitedly as he circles around you. A little projection pops out of his orb and you crouch down to take a look. It’s a holo still of Uncle Chewie holding up a rambunctious little boy. The child is pulling at Chewie’s fur as he tries to climb those big Wookiee shoulders. The boy’s adorable face is turned to whoever had captured this moment, his mouth open on a big laugh.

It’s Ben. He has the same wavy, dark hair and playful smile. You grin but tears gather in your eyes.

“He wanted to show you,” Uncle Chewie says with a chuckle.

“Thanks, Artoo,” you say, trying not to sniffle. “I wish I had a copy of that.”

He happily beeps and makes sounds like he’s printing something. Before long, there’s a soft _ding_ and one of his compartments swings open. A metal attachment whirs as it extends out and, when you open your free hand, a mini holodisk drops onto your palm. 

When you tap the top of it, a perfect duplicate of the image projects for you with a fuzzy halo of blue around it.

You turn it off and hold the holodisk close to your heart as Artoo zooms across the lounge room and titters joyfully. 

They all still love Ben. They always have. And it makes your heart feel tender and achy. It makes you more determined than ever to keep your word- you’ll do everything in your power to be with your Supreme Leader in the end. No matter what.

+++

You wake up when you feel Ben reaching for you through he bond. You’d fallen asleep, warm and very comfortably, against Uncle Chewie’s side. After asking him to tell you about Burryaga Agaburry, he’d told you about the brave warrior’s best adventures as you’d huddled together underneath a chunky blanket.

The General is sitting at one of the tables, hunched over a datapad, typing furiously. Artoo dutifully rests by her side, but makes a low sound when he notices that you’re awake. He rolls over to you and swivels his head, cooing sadly like he knows you’re about to leave.

“I’ll see you again,” you lean forward and gather him into your arms.

Uncle Chewie helps you up from the couch and the General comes over, keeping a hand on Artoo to comfort him. Even in your sleep, you hadn’t loosened your grip on the dice and you pat your pocket to make sure the mini holodisk is still there.

“Bye, Uncle Chewie,” your voice is muffled by his fur as you squeeze him tight. You don’t want to leave, but you know the only way to have this, for Ben to have _family_ , is if you fulfill your destiny... whatever that may be.

As you give the General a hug, you have a good feeling that this is the first one of many. The draw to her is so strong, you have to pull yourself away. And it’s just as well because Ben tugs on the bond, his last warning before taking you home.

“Bye, mom,” you grin and her laugh is the last thing you hear before you’re plucked out of this place and thrown into another. Cold pierces through you like an angry phantom, but it doesn’t hurt as much as it had the last time.

Across your living room, aboard the Finalizer, stands Ben, his hair wet and his shirt and pants clinging to him like he hadn’t bothered to dry himself off after his session in the bacta tank.

With a very pleased smile, you leap over the couch and use that as leverage to launch yourself into him. Ben laughs as he catches you and spins you around while you cling to him like a little monkey, droplets of water falling onto your cheeks from his hair. Through your connection you know he’s back to one hundred percent full power and the satisfaction that gives you is borderline obscene.

When he sits you both down on the couch, you lean back to admire him. Your fingers come away wet when you comb them through his waves.

“Did you miss me?” You ask before gently pressing your lips to his cheek, right on top of his scar.

“It was only a couple of days.”

You smack Ben in the chest and he chuckles as he catches your wrist. He reaches for your other one and peers curiously down at your closed fist.

“What’ve you got there, sweetheart?”

“It’s for you,” you tell him. When you slowly open your hand, revealing the gold dice, something in Ben’s mind crumbles. It breaks open completely, absolutely, and those memories that had been locked away, kept from you as to not burden you, rip through your mind.

Your head tips back, the barrage of memories pressing down on your chest, and Ben catches the back of your skull. His fingers tremble as he covers your hand with his. 

You gasp as you see the gold dice hanging off a lever in the cockpit of the Falcon. _Ben’s dad, young and excited, pulls one end and the chain makes a tinkling sound as it grates against steel before falling into his hand. He holds them out to a very young Ben, who joyfully snatches them up before running off to trail behind Uncle Chewie. Little Ben is scooped up in his favorite uncle's arms as they set off on another adventure._

When you come back to yourself, Ben is smoothing your cheeks, beaming at you with shining eyes. You grin, “Your mom wanted me to give them to you.”

And as you watch the unbridled happiness bloom onto Ben's face, you thank every fucking deity in this universe and all others for letting you exist in this moment with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My very favorite thing? Happy Ben ❤  
> Also, Ben with wet hair? 🤤🤤
> 
> 🥰💖 Thank you, as always, for still sticking with me! We're nearing the end (I think this story will be around 30 chapters). This will be the first time I'll actually finish a story and I'm very excited about that! It's all thanks to everyone's encouragement and kind words. I am forever grateful! ❤


	27. Illumine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, JD, and Beck.

Operations on base hadn’t been interrupted in your absence. The tens of thousands of Officers and staff go about their duties as usual, but you feel a stab of guilt as you watch them from a shadowy corner of the lobby. Most of these people won’t make it. They don’t know what’s coming. When the First Order falls, so will all of them. You’re sure there are a lot of innocents. Maybe they’d been coerced into working here. Or maybe it’s all they know.

“Thinking about that won’t do you any good,” Ben says, suddenly appearing by your side. You smile at his helmet and nod. You do know. And you’d promised him that there will be no meddling on your part. It’s all too sensitive and one wrong move from you could ruin Ben’s careful plans. It could end the universe.

You turn to him completely and press your palms to his chest, “What brings you here, Supreme Leader?”

“I wanted to have lunch with you,” he says and you have to hold back a snort. Ever since you’d gotten back a few days ago, he’s been _very obviously_ trying to spend every waking moment with you. The fear he’d felt when you’d been taken still weighs heavily on him and he hasn’t been able to shake it. 

“Oh?”

“Yes,” he says, voice static rough, “and I need... my braids need to-” He cuts himself off and you smile, picturing the lovely little blush that’s probably coloring his cheeks.

He’s so sweet, sometimes, you don’t know what to do with yourself. “Okay, Supreme Leader.”

Ben walks even tighter beside you through the lobby. Wide eyes ogle the two of you as the crowd parts to make way. It’ll probably always bother you, the way you’re looked at and the thoughts you know they have. But when Ben is this close, sharing space with you, sending you shy affection, it’s hard to think about anything else.

Hux is spotted a little ways away, quietly talking to an Officer, when he meets your eyes. You give him a nod, which he promptly returns. But there’s something in his expression, that makes you wonder (again) if he’d been the one to rat you out to the Resistance... if he’d been working with Jake to report back on you.

Either way, it shouldn’t matter. But it does. There’s something about Hux that pulls at your heart a little bit. Yes, he’d been vicious and vile, but sometimes you think of him as a victim. Ben had told you about Hux’s adolescence, filled with torture and abuse from his father, as well as what the General had to do while vying for Snoke’s attention.

He must have been very desperate to turn to the Resistance.

Once inside your quarters, Ben slips his helmet off and tosses it on the couch while you slip off your gloves. His braids lay perfectly atop his head when he turns to look at you, face blank and emotionless.

“What’s wrong, my sweet Supreme Leader?” You ask, smoothing your hands up and down his sides, fingers catching on the piped ridges.

“Nothing, sweetheart.”

You don’t want to press him, so you just nod and reach up on tip toes to distract him with a soft kiss.

Ben’s expression softens as emotion bleeds into your mind. “Did you really mean it when you- when you said that-“ he pauses to caress your cheek, “that you’d love me, no matter what?”

“Yes,” you lace your fingers behind his back, pressing very tight into him, “absolutely. Of course I meant it.”

He just nods and doesn’t say anything more. But you have a feeling that there’s a lot more. There’s an area of his mind that’s carefully shielded from you. It’s about Palpatine and you immediately think about what you’d promised Ben’s mom. _What will you have to do? What if you’re not strong enough to do it?_

You shake those anxious thoughts away. You’re here right now with Ben, both safe and happy. And he’s acting all cute, trying his hardest to spend time with you and it makes you a little giddy.

“You know,” you say, ”you don’t have to keep making up excuses to keep tabs on me.”

He doesn’t say anything, his face unreadable again, but his hands gently fall to your waist, barely skimming your uniform. His arms are stiff, hovering.

“I know you’re lying so you can watch me.”

“Ah,” he sounds calm, but there’s a little spike of fear in his mind, “you know about that.” You try to follow his unexpected reaction, but he very suddenly redirects your prodding somewhere else.

 _Was he even trying to be sneaky?_ “You’re not very subtle, Supreme Leader.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it anymore.”

Leaning back, you glare at him, thinking he’s giving you sass. But he’s actually serious. You let go of him to smack his chest. “Ben, believe it or not, I _like_ spending time with you.”

His face is still blank, but he’s staring into you with panicky brown eyes.

“You’re usually so busy,” you tell him, palms gliding up his abdomen. “It’s nice seeing you in the middle of the day.” 

He’s doesn’t even blink. 

“Don’t you want to snuggle with me while you’re working, too?” You poke him in the chest. His face gives nothing away, but you can clearly feel his anxiety. “I do. I think about you all the time.”

You’re not even sure if he’s breathing or not.

“All those boring meetings,” you continue, “sitting all alone in that big throne room.” Your hands drift up, over Ben’s cowl and lock around his neck. “You’ve never wished I was there with you?”

Slowly, you feel the tension around him crack and crumble as you twirl his soft hair around your fingers.

You grin and tell him, “I’d spend every second of every day with you, if I could.”

Still nothing, even after giving him your most charming smile.

You grunt, “Will you say something, please?”

Ben’s eyes dart away for a second before he says, “I thought you’d be mad.” 

_Silly Supreme Leader._ You sandwich his cheeks between your palms, “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

He presses his hands on top of yours, so hot, even through leather. He glides his fingers down to your wrists and he says, “Come with me.”

“Where?”

“I can’t tell you. Will you still come?”

You laugh, “Of course, I will. I’d go anywhere with you.”

His pupils quake when he quietly tells you, “If I were to die right now, I’d die happy.”

+++

The next morning, before the sun rises, you wake for a brief moment when Ben presses a kiss to your forehead and pulls the covers up to your chin before leaving. 

You fall back into sleep, dreaming of the Praetorian guards, their fluttering red robes a stark contrast against the grey wasteland they’re protecting. They advance on you, never having been loyal to Ben, but one by one, they drop dead as a golden blur zips through their helmets.

You gasp awake when your alarm goes off and you kick away the covers from your overheated body. For a few minutes, you stare at the shiny, white ceiling as you catch your breath. _Was that the future?_

JD’s presence is felt in the living room, here bright and early like he has been every day since your return. He’s nearly as bad as Ben- camping out in your room, insisting that he needs your help with one of his new inventions. But you can’t complain because you love his company and he feeds you ship gossip in almost real time now. 

It takes away some of the disquiet you’d been feeling about _the end_. There are so many things you need to get in order before it all goes down. It completely overwhelms you.

When you settle into the chair at your vanity, you notice a little square of paper propped up against the mirror. It’s a sketch of a beach- palm trees everywhere and nothing else for miles, just water and sand. It looks peaceful and quiet. You can just picture Ben reclining on a lounger, carefree, humid breeze blowing through his hair as he looks out into the ocean.

You’re still lost in that vision when you emerge from your bedroom, grinning when you see JD hunched over one end of the dining table, parts scattered everywhere.

“Morning, JD,” you say, glancing over his shoulder. Today, he’s working on a chrome cuff bracelet.

“Good morning, Miss,” he turns to you. “You are just in time for your fitting.”

“My fitting?”

After clicking a tiny, matching cylinder in place on top of the bracelet, he holds it up and you let him snap it closed around your wrist.

“It is a commlink,” he says, “I will never again lose you.”

You narrow your eyes at him. He may actually be worse than Ben. “Is there a tracker in here?” You lift your arm to check it out. It’s the exact same chrome as JD’s body and the cuff is thin and delicate, perfectly polished and strong. The commlink is a fraction of the size of Ben’s and has a red light blinking on the side of it.

“Not exactly, Miss.” He takes your hand and clinks his finger on the metal. “It holds a portion of my central wiring harness.”

“JD...” your words get stuck in your chest. He has literally given you a part of his life. 

“It connects us,” he explains, “I will be damned if I am, once again, left helpless while you are in danger.”

Your mind quickly supplies you with every possible way that JD might get hurt trying to rescue you.

“JD,” you plead, taking his hand, “you have to promise me that, no matter what, you won’t ever come after me. I can’t- if something were to happen to you, I’d never forgive myself.”

He looks affronted, “I will promise no such thing.”

“What? Why not?”

“The Supreme Leader informed me,” JD puts his free hand on his hip, filled with attitude, “that best friends are there for each other, no matter what.”

 _Did he, now?_ You’ll have to save that adorable little tidbit to review later.

“You have to promise me," you say. "I need you to be safe.”

He gestures to the other end of the dining table, “You have not shown interest in the cookies, Miss. Are you feeling unwell?” He blinks innocent eyes down at you.

“Don’t try to change the subject,” you say, frowning. “You have to-“

You’re interrupted by the front door whooshing open.

“Hey, Doll,” Beck’s modulated voice greets. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, no,” you roll your eyes, “not you, too.”

Beck cocks his head, “What did I do?”

You dramatically hold your arms out to your sides and spin around, “As you can see, I am well.” 

“You’re, uh, five minutes later than usual,” your Knight says and he sounds sheepish, even through his helmet.

A sigh leaves your lips. Unbelievably, you have a droid and a Knight fussing over you, practically volunteering to die with you. 

You can’t find it in you to be annoyed. 

“Thank you for checkin in, Beck,” you tell him, trying your hardest to leave all traces of sarcasm out of your tone. “I’ll be ready in a minute.”

Your Knight nods and goes back outside.

You turn to your best friend. “Thank you, JD,” you throw your arms around him and though still stiff, his arms wrap around you, too. “This means a lot to me. I honestly don’t think I deserve it.”

“You have given me a new life, Miss,” he says, “and I will make sure you are here to enjoy it with me.”

+++

“What if I can’t do it?” You ask, sitting in the plush chair that faces the podium where Ben’s grandpa rests. It’s not the first time you’ve spent your lunch break with him, but you haven’t been able to do it much with Ben always popping out of nowhere these days.

The helmet observes you with no answer. 

On the narrow table beside your seat, you find the mini holodisk of little Ben and Uncle Chewie you’d brought back. Your Supreme Leader had stared at the image for hours after you’d give it to him, his mind filled with longing and regret.

“I’m not powerful,” you tell Anakin. “I’m not a Jedi or anyone noteworthy. How can I be important in all of this?”

 _“Love,”_ he whispers into your mind, as cryptic as ever.

“What if it’s not enough?”

He doesn’t answer that, but you think you feel him smiling.

“Will you be there? In the end?”

After a pause, he says, _“You won’t ever be alone.”_

You flinch as Ben loudly clears his throat from the doorway. He smiles, his arms crossed over his chest, gentle brown eyes observing you like you’re the only thing he’ll ever need. “Hey, sweetheart.”

You stand up, giving the mangled helmet one last look before walking over to your Supreme Leader. Balancing on the tips of your toes, you whisper near his lips, “Hi, Ben.” 

He chases your lips as you pull away without kissing him. His playful glare makes you giggle. 

“I thought you had a big, important meeting,” you say, skimming your finger across his jawline. You pull down his cowl, revealing more pale skin for you to touch. 

“They can wait,” he says, flashing his teeth. His hands sneak to your belt, brushing his hands over the Heart of Fire. Laughter leaks through his teeth when his fingers touch the golden pen.

“Still haven’t figured out what it is?” he asks, cocky and annoying. He won’t tell you, no matter how many times you’ve asked him.

“Teach me how to use it,” you demand.

His smile widens, “You already know how.”

“So it _is_ just a pen?” 

Your annoying Supreme Leader throws his head back, laughing. “I’ll take pity on you, sweetheart,” he says. “It’s an arrow.” 

You give up. If he doesn’t want to tell you, that’s _fine_. You’re probably scowling.

Ben reaches one gloved hand into his cape, your attention caught as he produces an ethereal, white flower that glows like a bespelled opal. The oversized petals float weightlessly above a long crystal stem, held together by nothing.

“It’s an ice blossom,” he holds it out to you. _Damn it. Why does he always have to be so lovable?_ He never lets you stay annoyed for more than a minute.

When you take them stem, you gasp at how cold it is. It’s feather light and up close, you notice that the petals aren’t solid, but made up of tiny milky crystals.

“Legend has it,” your sweet Prince says, leaning down to rub the point of his nose across your cheek, his breath tickling your skin, “that if two people make the same wish on an ice blossom, it’ll come true.”

You surprise him by tilting your face and capturing his lips in a kiss. He growls, taking control, pinning you to the nearest wall, with his hand pressing gently onto your throat. He rubs his thumb into your heated skin, not letting you up for air and leaving you breathless.

Forever. You want this forever. 

When he finally steps back, there’s a wicked smile on his face and you can only stare, chest heaving.

A spark lights up your insides as he places his hand over yours and in the next moment, your eyes follow the petals as they float into the air and disperse. Thousands of little crystals scatter above your heads and you close your eyes, instinctively, just as they pop and transform into a fine, pearly powder. When your eyes return to Ben, you can’t help but grin. His dark hair looks like it’s dusted with diamonds and his forehead and cheeks now glow beautifully.

Ben laughs heartily, swiping your cheeks, “Well, aren’t you full of surprises.”

“But, wait-“ you gasp as the stem bursts into sparkling powder between your fingers. “I don’t even know what I wished for.” Ben brings your hand up to his chest, over his heart, micro glitter catching on the raised lines on his jacket.

He shuffles through your memories, then barks out a laugh like he can’t believe what he’s found, “I can’t tell you what you wished for or it won’t come true.”

Before you can protest, he herds you into the living room. In the center, where the couch and coffee table had been, there’s a thick, chestnut rug. Resting on top is a woven, metal basket in _gold_ with canisters and chocolates and fruits spilling out of the opening.

There are fluffy pillows and blankets strewn about, creating the coziest little nest for you.

“A _picnic_ ,” Ben says right behind you, his hands sliding around your waist. “Did I get it right?”

“Yes,” you breathe out, absolutely overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions. “Yes, it’s perfect.”

He smiles into your hair and says, “I’m so happy that I get to love you.” 

+++

“What’s wrong, Doll?,” Beck asks as he walks beside you through the forest. You’d taken a detour on the way to breakfast this morning- you need air- and your Knight’s mind grows uneasy as you trek further across the powdery snow. Wind howls between the trees and you sense a violent blizzard coming. 

You decide to stop at the nearest clearing, surrounded by a circle of snow-capped pine trees.

“Beck,” you say, looking between the slats in his helmet, “will you do something for me?”

“Of course,” he says without hesitation, “anything.”

“Will you pack a bag?”

“What for?”

“Put all your important things in there and have it ready,” you say, in a rush. “And tell LK and Caylon and the triplets, too.”

He unlatches his helmet and drops it into the snow, revealing his worried, blue eyes. “You’re scaring me.”

His concern makes you blurt out, “I might die.” Even though you’re the one who’d said it, your mouth hangs open in shock. You hadn’t yet let yourself worry about what could happen in the end.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he presses his hand onto your shoulder. “What’s this about?”

Very slowly, you press close to him, your cape whipping wildly around you. Beck’s brow furrows and his wide eyes look down into you. Your arms wind around him, his armored jacket icy cold and rigid beneath your gloves, your cheek. He sucks in a breath when you tighten your grip. 

His body language is clear. Like Ben, it’s evident that no one’s hugged him in _years_. 

“Emperor Palpatine,” you whisper.

Beck’s mind is suddenly very heavily shielded. After a beat, he says, “Palpatine’s dead.”

“No,” you lean back, eyes shifting between both of his. Your heart rate kicks up, frantic, “He’s alive. He wants to take over the universe.”

Beck’s pupils tremble as you feel something come together in his mind.

His eyes close, rapidly moving behind his eyelids before an incredible amount of energy swirls through the air. He’s creating a Force shield, an invisible encasement around the two of you.

His arms come up to hold your shoulder blades. “How do you know this?”

“Kylo told me.” You lower your voice, “And I felt Paplatine... in my mind.”

“Fuck,” he says, “I should’ve known.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know the Knights were initially chosen to serve Snoke,” he tells you, “but during his reign, the six of us decided to serve Kylo instead. When he and the girl killed Snoke, we thought it was over.”

Beck takes a breath and tries to shake the obviously painful memories away. “But it wasn’t. He was still tormenting us, commanding us from beyond the grave. Only, it felt like it always had... and we realized that it was never Snoke’s voice to begin with.”

You say, “It was Palpatine’s.”

“I didn’t make the connection until now.” He pauses, frigid wind flitting though his hair, “It must have been Palpatine’s plan all along. He’s- he’s going to pit us against our Master. We’re his last weapon.”

You suck in a breath.

Beck tries to soothe you with his mind. “What’s Kylo going to do?”

“Are we safe in here?”

Beck nods, “No one can hear you.”

“We’re going to kill him.”

“‘We?’” He looks at you with regret, then with fear, “I won’t let him touch you.”

“No, no,” you tell him, “don’t worry about me. Just have your things ready and when I say... you and the Knights go somewhere safe, okay?”

He recoils in horror. “If you think I’m going to be sipping cocktails on a beach somewhere while you’re sneaking off to fight Palpatine, well then-“ he’s so outraged, he can’t even finish the sentence and just makes a series of huffing noises.

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

He snorts, “I didn’t throw away my name and become a Knight so I could sit back and watch the universe die.”

You pause, a little smile pulling at your lips. It’s not often that he lets something about himself slip. “Beck’s not your real name?”

“Hey,” his eyes widen before narrowing, “I’m trying to be serious here.”

“What is it?”

“We’re gettin off topi-“

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

A look of alarm passes his face before he can cover it. “What?”

“Well, it’s just my last name,” you confess with a knowing smile. “You didn’t think I was _actually_ Lieutenant Morgan, did you?”

The betrayed look on his face tells you _he totally did_. “What the fuck, Doll.”

“I trust you, so I’m going to tell you. And I- I also need you to know that-“ your throat suddenly tightens up and you fight the urge to look away. “You mean a lot to me. I’m your family. You can count on me and I’ll always be there for you.” 

Beck lets out a little breath, steam spilling from his mouth as he blinks several times and looks up at the sky.

After taking in a deep breath, you tell him your full name. 

His bright eyes shine with contentment when he looks at you again. “You really mean all that, don’t you? About... being family?”

“Of course I do.” Then you laugh, “Do you accept?”

“'Course I fucking accept,” Beck says with a long eye roll.

“Does that mean I can get away with more stuff now?

He chokes on nothing, “ _More_ stuff?”

“I’ve been very well-behaved so far.”

“Well-behaved,” he echoes with a grimace. “Good god. So what’s going to happen, then? When the time comes?”

“I’m going to go with Kylo.”

Beck lets out a loud, “Ha!” 

“I will,” you insist.

“He’d never let you go with him,” he says. “Why don’t I tell you what’s going to happen: When it’s time, Kylo’s going to tell me to take you somewhere safe. You’re going to try and escape and fight me at every turn, probably going to end up sneaking onto our shuttle somehow, then run headfirst into battle because you’re a stubborn brat and never do what I say.”

You nod enthusiastically. “And if you leave me behind,” you inform him, “I’ll die trying to get to Kylo. And my death will be on your hands.”

“You-“ Beck makes an strangled noise, “what is this strange power you hold over me?”

You snicker, “It’s called ‘guilt.’”

“He’s going to kill me, you know.”

“But I have to be there,” you open your eyes as wide as they’ll go, batting them for good measure.

“There’s no talking you out of it, is there?”

“Absolutely not.”

He shakes his head, heaving a heavy sigh like all the world’s burdens are being set upon his shoulders. After another beat, he finally gives in, “Fine, but I’m going to be watching you like a fucking hawk.”

You don’t know if you should be happy about it or not. But either way, you’re one step closer to the end and your heart swoops into your stomach. The uncertainty scares you like nothing else.

“Thanks, Beck.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, then awkwardly clears his throat. “It’s James, by the way.” After a pause, he quietly adds, “Barnes.”

He’s trusting you with a part of his life.

“James Barnes,” you repeat, your lips trembling as you smile, “it suits you.”

+++

You place a small duffel bag beside the glossy black podium, empty save for a soft throw blanket. “Best to be prepared,” you tell Ben’s grandpa. “Right?”

Even though you don’t know when it might happen, you feel like you’re running out of time. You keep waking up in the middle of the night, afraid that Ben has already gone, leaving you so he can fight for the universe on his own.

You’d woken up an hour ago, room pitch black and blood running cold seeing the empty space beside you. But when your panicked mind had cleared a bit, you’d felt Ben somewhere on base. 

In the living room, the panoramic window is completely covered with a flurry of thick snow. You see nothing but white as you look out, nervously fiddling with the cuffs of your sweater. 

Warmth settles into your chest as Ben tugs at your connection. As soon as you think of him, he appears in front of you, blocking out the small amount of light that had reflected off the snow.

“Why are you up, sweetheart?” Your Supreme Leader asks, covered from head to toe.

Not sure how to answer him, you just step into his arms. But you jump back, barely able to suppress a squawk. He’s freezing cold.

“Are you _outside_?” 

There’s snow covering his cape, at his shoulders.

“Come back inside. Right now,” you demand, your hands finding their way to your hips. _Has he been out there the whole time?_ It’s probably deadly outside.

Static accompanies his chuckle through the vocoder. “Always so worried about me.” Ben crowds you into the dining table and traps you there so he can wrap you up in his arms.

You sigh into his chest, “You’re going to catch a cold.”

“I don’t get _colds_ ,” he says, ever-so-cocky, leather catching on your hair as he combs through it.

“What are you doing out there?”

“One of the shield generators is down. I’m almost finished.”

You nod, “Hurry back, okay?”

Instead of answering, he leans back and counters with his own question, a teasing lilt to his modulated voice. “Do you love me, my little Queen?”

Ben gets a hard smack to the chest. “You know I do.”

“I love you more than anything,” he tells you. “If you weren’t in it, I’d let this whole fucking universe burn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emo Ben 🥺🥺
> 
> Our little reader has three very serious bodyguards 😂 They mean well, they really do!
> 
> Also, I want that picnic!!
> 
> ❤ THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I am truly honored that y'all are here with me! Your wonderful words of encouragement really keep me going!
> 
> I actually started writing a Mando/Reader story, then started a Loki/Reader story right before this. Then I watched The Rise of Skywalker and, very suddenly, settled on a Kylo one ☺ Maybe I'll revisit the other two after I finish this one!


	28. Effulgent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new hope, a new place, and a new light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major fluff ahead, with a touch of emo 🖤
> 
> Also, this chapter was named for Spike from Buffy. If I'm remembering it correctly, he got made fun of for his poems (the poor thing) and that was the perfect word he'd been looking for to describe his love 🥺🥺

It’s been months since your last visit here, but nothing’s changed in the little cafeteria on 5F. You’re with your trusted Knight during lunchtime and the only one here is Hux, sitting at his usual table in front of the panoramic window. The blizzard continues raging outside and the haze of white is so thick, the trees still aren’t visible.

The General’s eyes widen as he sees you and Beck approach, steaming cup of tea frozen halfway to his lips. Instead of taking a sip, he sets it back down beside his bowl of greens.

“Hi, General,” you greet, ”may I join you?”

There’s a little hesitation on his part. You’re taken aback, though, because it’s not Hux’s usual demeanor. “Yes, Lieutenant, of course.”

You take a seat across from him as Beck stands intensely by your side. His scythe is tilted towards the General like he’s going to strike at any moment and Hux’s eyes dart over to him at least five times before his gaze settles on you.

“What can I do for you?” He asks, fiddling with the handle of his teacup.

You get straight to the point. “Was it you?”

The rush of fear that courses through him is so potent, you can feel it permeating the air.

You tell him, “I know you’re spying for the Resistance.”

His entire body, his soul, deflates like he’s wanted to let go for a long time and finally has the chance to do it. “I swear to you. I never reported back anything about you.”

He’s telling the truth. 

“Why not?”

Hux shrugs, “I guess there was a little part of me that hoped you’d escape.”

“Oh...”

His usually haughty facade falls as he slides back into his chair, “Are you going to kill me now?”

You scrunch up your face, “No.” That hadn’t even crossed your mind.

The General looks at you, his green eyes narrowing in disbelief. “Why not?”

“I have no idea,” you chuckle. It’s probably the same inexplicable reason Ben doesn’t want to kill him. 

He actually gives you a little smile. “I know you’d be merciful. It wouldn’t be an unwelcome way to go.”

You’re probably not doing a good job of trying to hide your surprise. “Don’t say that.”

“Lieutenant,” he says, “if you knew of the things I’ve done...” He waves his hand around, “I’m beyond saving.”

You shake your head, “No one’s beyond saving, Hux.”

He doesn’t say anything and you sit in somewhat comfortable silence as you watch the snowstorm silently roar outside.

“He- he treats you well, doesn’t he?” Hux asks, unexpectedly.

You give him a smile that you hope is reassuring, “Yes, General, of course he does.”

He just nods, seemingly satisfied with your answer. As you observe him, absentmindedly touching his teacup, a thought suddenly hits you. You wonder if he could be the one. A new hope.

You lock eyes with Hux, “Will you do something for me? No questions asked.”

“I will.”

“You will?”

He chuckles, finally at peace enough to take a sip of tea, “Well, after you defended my honor with Kayne, how could I say, ‘no?’”

+++

It’s only a few days later, just after lunch, when the alarm blares over the speakers. The lights inside the Communications Center dim, then blink red as a female voice repeats, “Code Yellow. There has been a security breach on Level 3, Sector B. All personnel please report to your stations.”

You shake your head. Your Supreme Leader had been suspiciously quiet all morning. Right on cue, his wondrous deep voice calls your name, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine.

_“Yes, my Prince?”_

His beautiful laughter fills your mind. _“Come play with me.”_

 _“I am very busy,”_ you tell him, pretending to adjust something on the control panel as your team shuffles over to you.

Levins leads the group over and you give them a smile, putting Ben on hold for a moment. “Why don’t you guys take the rest of the day off,” you tell her. “I can finish up here.”

“Are you sure, Lieutenant?” She asks and her newly timid voice makes you frown. She hasn’t been the same since Jake had “disappeared.” You hadn’t had the heart to tell her the truth. But seeing her like this, so lifeless, so uncertain, really breaks your heart.

“Of course,” you say, sliding out one of your access cylinders. “Why don’t you guys head to the bar on F5 and drink ‘til you’re sick.” Your crew stares at you, red lights flashing over their shocked faces. “Put it on my tab. And if anyone gives you shit for being there, tell them to call me.”

Levins accepts, a hint of a smile on her face, and gives you a quick hug before gathering the gang and leaving. 

_“Come on, sweetheart,”_ Ben nearly begs, impatience clear in his mind. You can almost hear his rapid pulse, see his fingers nervously drumming on the arm of his black throne.

Your kyber crystal flutters with excitement at the mere prospect of seeing him.

_“Come find me, my Little Queen.”_

_“And what do I get if I do?”_

Ben chuckles, the sound echoing between your ears. _“Anything you want.”_

You want to make him regret saying that.

After shutting down your station, you jump up from your seat and rush out the doors. You know Beck is chuckling underneath his helmet as he follows you down the long corridor. 

Ben has left you a little trail and it leads you to the empty lobby on the ground floor. As always, your Supreme Leader appears out of nowhere and without a word, he puts a hand between your shoulder blades and crouches down. He sweeps you off the floor with his other arm beneath your knees and stalks towards the hangar, leaving Beck laughing and shaking his head as he watches the two of you.

Very soon, you’re standing in the cage of Ben’s arms as he presses close behind you, his hands moving quickly across the controls of the command shuttle. He takes his helmet off as he flies the ship out of the hangar, one-handed, making you swoon just like the first time.

Once he’s done inputting the coordinates, he gently turns you around. The blue lights of hyperspace flit across his face as he leans down and touches his nose to yours. Your Supreme Leader sighs contentedly, joy very obvious in his touch, in his mind.

“You found me, sweetheart,” he says, voice full of wonder.

You bring your hand up to his throat and whisper, “I’ll always find you.”

+++

You’d fallen asleep in Ben’s lap after cuddling with him in the pilot’s seat, curling yourself into him like a happy cat. When the shuttle had touched down, you’d woken up to see your Supreme Leader with a huge grin on his face. And when you turn to look outside the viewport, you see why. 

There’s nothing but palm trees and blue skies, an endless ocean and fluffy clouds. Electricity crawls up your spine as Ben stands up and sets you on your feet. 

You giddily take Ben’s hand and drag him out of the ship as he reaches for a bag by the cargo bay. He barely has enough time to heft it over his shoulder before you’re leading him down the ramp and outside. It’s humid, but breezy, and smells just like the ocean should. There’s a flat stone path that leads to a long deck built on top of the glittering turquoise water. It’s like the sea floor is made up of diamonds. The sun reflects off of them, blinding you when the light hits just right.

On the other end of the dock sits an overwater bungalow and there isn’t another one in sight. This entire little island is all yours.

“How do you like it, my little Queen?” Ben asks, stopping in the middle of the dock and looking out across the water. In the great distance, you see the mainland and a few other small islands scattered around.

“It’s _incredible_ ,” you say, squeezing his hand and seeing the loving look in his eyes. They sparkle more than the ocean and are filled with so much glee that you want to stand here with him, under the blazing sun, for all eternity. 

“Yeah?”

You nod and a huge smile appears on his face.

“Would you like this planet?” He asks, his gloved fingers gliding down your cheek. “I can get it for you. Just say the word and it’s yours.”

Your head tips back, a big laugh tumbling out of your mouth. “Come on, silly Supreme Leader,” you say, turning around and taking big steps towards the bungalow.

He calls after you, a smile in his tone, “You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.” His booted footsteps quickly follow behind you as you walk through the open archway.

Inside, the walls are light gold and a warm breeze dances through white, gauzy curtains. Beyond the kitchen and sitting room, there’s an oversized bed that overlooks a wide porch with a palm leaf awning. You rush over, stepping outside and clap your hands together with delight. You could jump right off and into the water.

A strange sound draws your attention skyward and you gasp as a group of aqua green fish (the size of whales) fly through the clouds, flapping their pink-webbed wings and tails.

When you turn around to look at Ben, he’s already taken off his jacket and is sliding his suspenders off his shoulders. They hang over the sides of his thighs enticingly. He gives you this annoyingly cocky look, but you’re too happy to be bothered by it.

“This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been to,” you say, rushing back to him and looping your arms around his middle. He burns even hotter here. Heat radiates off him, soaking into you through his long sleeve shirt. “Did you see the flying fish?”

He chuckles, “I did, yes.” Ben pulls your hair loose and brushes it out with his fingers. He makes quick work of the buttons on your uniform jacket and pushes it off your shoulders. It’s tossed onto the bed before he herds you back out to the porch.

You stand with him on the edge, his arm around your waist and a pleasant wind blowing across your face. Something catches your eye and, when you look to the side, there are big golden orbs floating over a table set for two that’s packed with decadent-looking petit fours. 

Ben’s mind is utterly relaxed and you’re so tempted to ask him to forget about the universe and stay here forever. You can eat sweet things and swim and get a tan and never have to worry about anything else. But to do that would be selfish... _wouldn’t it?_

You turn to him and pull him down, closer to you, with a hand on the back of his head. Hunching forward, Ben kisses you, a big smile never leaving his lips. 

When you slowly part from him, you watch in awe as the breeze blows through his curls. He looks like something out of a dream- a vision so magnificent it can’t possibly be real.

Those little golden flecks in his eyes glow as he looks upon you. His pulse quickens and he says, “I’ll love you, even after I die.” Every corner of Ben’s mind is filled with _impatience, affection, wariness._

Your heart drops as you panic for a second, wondering if this is the moment he’s going to leave you for Exegol. _Did he pick this isolated place to make sure you couldn’t escape and follow him?_ But he must sense your unease because he just grins and shushes you.

“It’s just you and me for the next few days,” Ben says. “All alone on this little island.” He brushes your hair back and a wicked smile appears on his face, “How ever will we pass the time?”

+++

The lingering thought of those bite-sized desserts wakes you from a lazy nap. You’re tucked into Ben’s throat, his arms tight around you. The ocean breeze from the porch cools you a little, but your Supreme Leader is so _hot_. He makes a dissatisfied sound when you slip away from him, but doesn’t wake up. 

After throwing on his discarded shirt, you rub your hands together as you sit down at the table outside. The big, golden orbs above your head make everything on the table look magical. When you poke one, it buzzes, knocking into the others.

“Those are alive you know.”

Your shoulders jump at the sound of Ben’s voice. He’s standing there, leaning on the archway with his signature smirk, stark naked.

You narrow your eyes. _Naughty Supreme Leader._ But it makes your insides ache, seeing how relaxed he’s allowing himself to be.

He’s never been this free, this _comfortable_ , and you have to tamp down the sadness you have for him. You’d bet that he’s never had a vacation or even had time for himself. You want that for him. Your sweet Prince deserves to be free- of pain, of responsibility, of everything but love.

You pick the most decadent looking mini cake before you sidle up to Ben and hold it in front of his lips. It’s bright pink and every thin layer drips with silver frosting. He takes a big bite and you pop the rest in your mouth. Your eyes widen, awestruck. It’s the richest, most flavorful chocolate you’ve ever tasted.

Ben swipes his thumb over your lip, a small smile gracing his handsome face. “Having you...” he pauses to drop his hand to your waist, “having you makes it all worth it. Everything that’s happened. Everything that will happen.”

You’re so tempted to make him promise you that he’ll never leave you alone, that he won’t go off to confront Palpatine. But you can’t do that to him. There are so many things he feels he’s responsible for... you don’t want to add to his guilt, to the colossal weight he’s always carrying.

So you just smile and tell him what you feel. “You’re my favorite thing in this entire universe. Knowing you, loving you, is the greatest feeling I’ll ever have. Just being with you... every minute, every second, is the happiest I’ll ever be.”

And when he light-heartedly chuckles, mind open and at ease and maybe _actually_ believing you for once, you somehow know that everything’s going to be okay.

+++

Just as the sun is about to set, Ben dresses you in a gauzy white dress that matches his own tunic and pants. He settles you into the passenger seat of a waterspeeder and, with a tap to your knee and a sly smile, he takes off at full speed and laughs diabolically when you squeak in surprise.

Once you’re far from the shore of your little island, you see several other beautifully isolated parcels of land dotting the water. Your hair flies around wildly as you look further into distance to the mainland, tightly packed with high rise hotels leading out to marinas filled with yachts.

Your Supreme Leader zips through the water as you watch the sun rapidly setting beyond the horizon. The sky turns into art, painted blue and green and gold with a million little white stars that glitter like gemstones. 

He parks the speeder at a lone dock, surrounded only by the ocean, and helps you up. There’s nothing on it and it doesn’t lead to anything. Ben must see the question in your eyes, but he just walks you to one edge and stands behind you. As the sky darkens, the water seems to sparkle even more, their depths illuminated.

The ocean ripples when the all the light around you disappears. Blindly, you grope behind you, nervous in the darkness. 

“I’m here,” Ben says as he puts one hand on your abdomen and one around your throat.

Shimmering golden lights dance beneath the gentle waves as they get closer to the surface. One by one, those big, glowing orbs break out of the water and hover all around you. It’s like the fireflies on Scilla, out of this world and breathtaking.

When you spin around, breaths coming faster, Ben regards you with that look- of love and devotion, of eternal affection.

“My Queen,” he says, reverently, tangling his fingers with yours, “you own me. Do you know that? You hold my life, the entirety of my soul, in these pretty little hands.”

You can’t even answer him. You can barely breathe, can barely hear anything over the rushing in your ears. There’s a flurry of emotions that Ben can’t hide from you, rushing at you through the bond like lightning. It makes your pulse pound, it makes your legs buckle. You can barely stand upright.

And Ben... he looks unreal, godly, underneath the glow of the gold orbs. He’s like a bronze statue, crafted by the masters and created with Light. His eyes glimmer like precious stones as they bore into you.

“I’m only going off your memories, so I don’t know if this is right,” he says and your heart hammers in your chest as you watch him take a knee in front of you. After reaching into his pocket, he holds up a shiny beskar ring with a diamond, easily the width of your finger. But it’s more mesmerizing than any diamond you’ve ever seen. It looks _alive_. The inside holds the orbs’ illuminating light like a holograph is trapped in it.

“I love you,” your Supreme Leader says, catching your gaze and holding it. “I want to live in this moment, knowing I have you.” He grins, “Marry me?”

You nod, “Yes.” You’re disoriented, so very dizzy, and still trying to grasp what’s happening. You can only watch, dazed, as your sweet Prince takes your left hand and slides the beskar onto your ring finger, the stone shining incessantly.

He stands up, all jitters gone now and replaced with _calm_ , “You’re really mine now.” Ben presses his lips to yours over and over again and you grow weak and lightheaded, his happiness drugging you. You want to burrow into him and never come out. 

You giggle, and it comes out a little more menacing than you’d intended. “You’ve been mine from the very beginning.”

He laughs gorgeously, like he always does. But there’s something delicately woven into that laughter- a fleeting thought, a whisper of sadness.

He thinks he might not have another chance to do this and that crushes your heart. But what he doesn’t know is that you’ll be there. You’ll protect him and he’ll live. If it’s the last thing you do, he’ll live.

And though you know you have his heart, his love, you want more. You’re selfish and you want it all.

“So, are we mates now?” You ask.

A smile tugs at Ben’s lips as he narrows his eyes, “Now, where’d you hear about that?”

You shrug. “Around.”

“Mates are two beings whose souls are bound for eternity.” Your Prince’s hair lights up golden brown underneath the warm lights, tempting you to touch and touch and never stop.

“Are our souls bound?”

“No,” he shakes his head and gives you a cocky grin. “Why? Do you want them to be?”

“Yes.”

You don’t understand why he looks surprised. His arrogant teasing quickly fades into uncertainty. “You do? You can never undo it. Even after I die, you’ll-“

“You’d want to undo it?” You pout, blinking up at him.

“I- no, I mean- no, just that-“

He’s the cutest when he’s flustered. 

You cross you arms underneath your chest, “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I- I never said that.” His eyes darken significantly.

Grinning, you place you newly adorned hand onto Ben’s chest, your ring dazzling and distracting under those bright rays. “Well, what _are_ you saying?”

But the smile slides right off your face as the temperature drops around you with a tumultuous shift in his mood. The orbs shudder and buzz. It suddenly feels like you’re standing inside a hive of angry bees. Ben’s mind swarms with darkness, of emotion that’s unable to be contained. 

“I’m saying that I want it. I want all of you, no matter how brief,” Ben says, voice deep and commanding as he clutches onto your hand. _Brief?_ “Because you belong to me. I staked my claim on you the second you appeared in my quarters and no one will touch you or dare to love you, even after I’m gone. My ghost will haunt you. I’ll make sure you think of me, and only me, until your last breath.”

He rips himself away from you and runs both hands roughly through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he says, looking out at the water with his back to you. His shoulders swell with his every breath and he’s riddled with guilt at his outburst. 

But you can’t contain your grin as you close in on him. “My sweet Prince,” you say, walking over to him and tugging on his hand. Ben turns around, his honeyed eyes piercing your very soul. “You say that as if I don’t want to belong to you forever.”

“You don’t.”

“And why wouldn’t I?” You ask, feeling his muscles jump beneath your hand as you slide it up his stomach.

“Once I have you. I won’t ever let you go.”

“Good.”

As he feels the euphoria and anticipation about to burst within you, he cools down a little. “I- I might not be able to defeat him,” he says very quietly. “And don’t think I’m doing this now because I think I’m not going to- what I mean to say is... I bought this ring months ago.”

“You did?” You ask, vision blurring with sudden tears.

Ben nods, “But I wasn’t going to give it to you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I might not make it.”

“No, don’t-“ you choke, tears warming your cheeks. 

But he just smiles. “You knew that, though, didn’t you, sweetheart?”

You shake your head, whispering, “no,” over and over again.

“I just wanted to know what it felt like to hear you say, ‘yes,’ to me,” he says. 

“How-“ you pause to swallow around the tightness in your throat, “how did it feel?”

His eyes slip shut, “Nothing could ever feel better than this.”

“Be my mate, Kylo.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he whispers.

You stamp your foot on the deck, not caring how petulant you sound, “Why not?”

“Because,” he clears his throat, “you’ll be bound to me, even after I die. And I can’t do that to you. But, fuck, I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”

“You have me.”

“I want _more_ , I want your soul. I know it’s wrong, but I want to own it. I want to own you,” he says, desperately, jaw clenching and opening his eyes again. “Even if it’s only for a little while, even if I die right after and you’re still tethered to me. Even if it- it hurts you, _I want it._ ”

His tears shine like molten gold as they travel down his face. When you reach up to wipe them away, you say, “Then take it.”

The temptation, the indecision, is clear even without the bond. Ben bites the inside of his lower lip, fighting with all he has to decline.

You won’t let him. “If you want it, _take it_.”

When Ben leans down to touch his forehead to yours, it feels like everything he’s ever held onto just leaves him, disappears into the ocean and washes away. He grabs your hips, holding you in place as the link between you begins to shake and wobble. You clutch onto his forearms, eyes tightly shut, while your mind is wedged open. There’s a heavy pressure in your head as Ben pushes through, his golden light and his electric blue energy spilling into you, filling you completely.

It’s like sandbags are draped over your shoulders, pressing you down, but your Supreme Leader keeps you up. His arms tremble and you can feel the intense heat emanating from him. 

The moment his soul touches yours, all that weight, that monstrous pressure, leaves you in between one throb of your heart and the next.

Your bond had always been a link before, something flexible and dynamic, ever-changing. When you touch it now in your mind, it has solidified. It’s unbreakable and immovable. Permanent.

Laughter bubbles up from your chest and when you let it out, Ben laughs, too, like he can’t believe what he’s just done. But he’s _so happy_. You can feel him now with absolutely no barriers. His emotions are exposed and strong and you’ve never felt so whole. 

The entire world is right here, where you stand. There’s only you and Ben.

“Well, _wife_ ,” he says with the biggest grin on his face. Your insides twist with excitement, hearing him call you that. He grabs your hand and twiddles your ring between his fingers, “It was very foolish of you to tempt me.”

“I have no regrets.”

After a tender kiss, your Supreme Leader tells you, “I’d endure lifetimes of torture, relive my days with Snoke over and over, just to feel _this_ for one minute.”

+++

“Why do I feel like you’re tricking me?” Ben asks, as you yank his hand along behind you. You’d blindfolded him because you _can_ and you’d snickered while his mouth had turned down into a cute, little frown.

“I’m not,” you insist, leading him near the shore. “It’s an Earth custom.”

He digs a heel into the sand, making it impossible for you to drag him any further. Obviously, you’re lying (and he knows it), but he doesn’t say anything, just gives you a look through the baby blue sash from the tunic he's wearing.

“It’s our honeymoon, so you have to do whatever I say.”

Ben snorts, but lets you continue across the beach just outside your bungalow. While he’d been sleeping, you’d commed the mainland and dropped your Supreme Leader’s name to have this all set up.

There are three palm leaf parasols creating shade over a luxurious lounger, big enough for five people, and a long table that’s crowded with food and drinks.

You situate him on the cushioned seat and untie his blindfold. Quizzically, he glances over at you, his shirt billowing in the humid breeze. He’s wondering what he’s ever done in his life to deserve this, to deserve you.

His thoughts are so transparent now, unfiltered and raw, and he doesn’t try to actively shield them from you. You won’t go digging, but if you wish to, you could see everything. It’s easier to send him your emotions, too. As you tickle your fingers across his cheek, you let him feel the undying love you have for him.

“I want you to relax,” you tell him, pushing him down until he's reclining back, “and let me take care of you.”

His eyes follow you as you take your place next to him.

You turn to your husband, a little smile on your face, “If you’re thirsty, I’ll get you a drink. And if you’re hungry, I’ll feed you. And if you want to swim, I’ll take you into the water. Anything you want.”

Ben bursts out laughing and reaches out to bring you into his side. “Sweet little creature,” he says into your hair. “You’re the only thing I want.”

A contented sigh escapes your lips as you rub your cheek into his chest. Nothing in existence could be better than this. You’re sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally sprung it on you guys! The proposal and a surprise soul bond! Now our little Reader and her sweet Prince will be together for all eternity 🥰
> 
> Also, I'm sorry that I keep putting Ben in white/baby blue... it just does things to me...
> 
> Also (again), am I the only one who has a thing for undone suspenders... like when they're just hanging on the sides or is it just me 🥵
> 
> And! Thank you! Thank you! To everyone who's here with me right now. Ya'll don't know how much every hit, every kudo, and every comment mean to me 💖 This is probably going to sound cheesy, but you guys make me feel like I'm truly a part of something and it keeps me going. So, THANK YOU! 😘😘


	29. Redirection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A safe place, a happy place, and a dark place.

You see Ben in your dreams. He’s as handsome as ever, wearing a black henley and matching pants underneath a variety of (sinfully attractive) leather holsters. There’s a lovably dopey grin on his face as he holds out a lightsaber that looks like his, but without the crossguard hilt. Your fingers touch his as you take it, a warm tingle rushing through your entire body. 

But something about him is different. With your other hand, you caress his face and he beams. Then you see it- his scar... the one you love so much. It’s gone.

When you rouse from sleep and open your eyes, you’re on your side and Ben is cradling your skull, watching you intently with the barest trace of a smile. His chest is pressed to yours, skin sleep warm and tempting.

“Morning,” you say, tired eyes drooping.

He smooths his thumb across your eyelid, “Morning, sweetheart.”

Suddenly, your eyes shoot open, remembering your dream. You’re relieved to see that Ben’s scar still there.

He furrows his brow, “What’s wrong?”

“You were in my dream,” you tell him, tucking your nose into his throat and taking in a deep breath. Warmth envelopes you as his thick scent fills your nostrils. _Pine, snow, sun._

“Oh?”

“You had on all these,” you pause to swallow, throat suddenly dry, “ _holsters_.”

His chest rumbles with a chuckle, “Did you like me in these holsters?”

“Yes,” you whisper, conjuring up an image from memory. _A cool breeze makes Ben’s curls dance around his face. His fair skin lights up in the afternoon light and his big, brown eyes glimmer. His shirt fits tight to his body, outlining every dip and groove of his muscles. A shoulder holster, in shining black leather, is adorned with ammo and small explosives. Around his hips is another one- this one with two blasters and a series of vibroblades. And connected to that is a strip of leather circling his thigh with his lightsaber hanging off the side._

He has all the power, the most brilliant mind, and the whole of the universe at his feet, yet... he reaches his hand out for you first. He’s the Supreme Leader, this galaxy’s ultimate ruler, a man who can have anything. A man who’s loving and loyal and so, incredibly sweet.

And he’s chosen to belong to you.

“It still confuses me,” he admits, combing through your hair. “How you could see me like that...”

Ben’s inner hatred is yours now, too, and your gut clenches when you feel his guilt and regret and self-loathing. You wish you could take away all of his pain, make it disappear, kill it all. But you can only comfort him, so you soothe him with loving thoughts. 

“I see you as you are,” you tell him. “You’re _good_ , Ben. You’ve always been good.”

He continues to play with your hair.

“I’m sorry that the fate of the universe falls on you. I wish it didn’t,” you say. “But I know that no one else is strong enough. I know it has to be you and I hate it.”

You’re trying your hardest to hide your desperation, your tears, because he can’t know of your plans. You won’t let him.

“No one, in any universe, could even come close to your greatness. Did you know that, my sweet Supreme Leader?”

When you tip your head back, he’s looking at you with an almost pained expression. _Awe, bewilderment, reverence_ fills his mind.

“It’s an honor to love you, Kylo Ren,” you grin and trace his lower lip with your fingers. “No one compares to you.”

Ben mashes his lips together, chewing on the inside of his bottom one. Those ever-expressive brown eyes look upon you with such profound adherence, that tears fall, unbidden, across the bridge of your nose and onto your pillow.

But you smile. Because in this moment, in the early hours of the morning, having awoken in the arms of your husband... you feel so fucking happy. 

_Ugh._ He has certainly, without question, ruined you for anyone else.

“You’ll only ever love me,” Ben says, wiping your tears away with his knuckles, “isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

“Yes.”

He chuckles and quietly repeats your answer to himself, like he can’t quite believe it, even though he knows you’re telling the truth. Tucking you back into him, he squeezes you tight and noses through your hair. And you press your lips together, trying to keep approaching tears at bay, trying your hardest to stop yourself from thinking that you’d give anything to stay here, just like this, for all eternity.

+++

At the front door, you secure Ben’s cape onto his shoulders. He’s a little late today, but he’d wanted to cuddle with you in bed for a long while and you’d loved every second of it.

A wide smile appears on his face before he leans forward to place a kiss onto your awaiting lips.

Too soon, you’ve placed his helmet over his head and he gives you one last look as the door whooshes open. The worn leather of his glove holds your cheek and he says, “Bye, sweetheart,” before disappearing down the dark corridor. 

You stay by the door, trying to process the odd feeling that comes over you right then. You’re still trying to get used to the fortified bond. Everything feels so _clear_. As you direct your mind to Ben, your heart flutters. 

_“I miss you already,”_ you say and chuckle to yourself because he probably hasn’t even made it to the elevator yet. But it’s the honest-to-god truth.

_“Sweetheart,”_ he warns, but quickly softens. _“I miss you, too.”_ He adds, _“Be good for me, my little Queen.”_

You snicker, _“What do I get for being good?”_

Your Supreme Leader takes an unexpectedly long pause, then says, _“The universe.”_

_“I love you.”_

You can feel him smile when he says, _“I love you, too.”_

Reluctantly, you let him go because you’re almost late for work and you probably have two minutes before Beck barges in to see if you’re _well_. But as you go to put on a glove, you laugh to yourself... of course. It won’t fit over the ring. It sparkles even more under the artificial lights inside and you can’t help the breathy giggle that leaves you.

In any case, Ben had assured you that a ring on that particular finger doesn’t mean anything here, so you forego the gloves and tuck them into your belt. 

When you open the door, Beck is on the other side, giving you a questioning look through his mask. It gives you pause. _He can’t possibly suspect anything, can he?_

“Hi, Beck,” you give him an innocent smile. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” he says. “How was your trip? Did something happen? You seem different.” It comes out all at once, like he’d been holding it in.

“Do I?” You ask, walking briskly past him to get onto the elevator, hoping he can’t see the bigger smile you’re trying to hide from him. 

He’s hot on your heels and stands directly in front of you as the elevator doors shut behind him. You make a face when he whistles through the vocoder. It’s robotic and unnatural. 

He laughs at your expression before unlatching his helmet. Your Knight’s electric blue eyes track every movement of your left hand with a knowing smirk. His gloved hand lifts your wrist closer to his face.

_Oh, no._ Leave it to Beck to be annoying and notice absolutely everything. 

“Well, Doll,” he says with a little laugh in his tone, “what do we have here?” He turns your hand this way and that and watches the stone catch the light. His eyes widen as he smiles like a satisfied cat.

“I- nothing.”

“I wouldn’t say this is _nothing_ ,” he teases. “You could buy an entire fleet with this thing.”

You panic, “What?” 

“Oh, shit,” he chuckles. “You don’t even know what it is.”

You smack his sides with the back of your other hand. “What is it?”

“It’s a rainbow gem,” he tells you. “I’ve never seen one in person before.”

"You're joking about the fleet thing, right?" Because you'll have a coronary if you'd been wearing something that valuable.

Beck just looks at you, a very smug smirk on his face, "Afraid not.”

_Good god._

He slips his helmet back on before the elevator opens, “Don't worry, I'll keep you both safe."

+++

It’s the first time in a while that you sit with Levins and your gang in the cafeteria for lunch. Ben’s busy today, but he’s kept you company in your mind. With the soul bond, it’s like he’s sitting right beside you all the time. You don’t have to reach to connect anymore. It’s organic. Before you even think of him, he’s already there.

His cozy presence never leaves you. Even when he isn’t saying anything, you know he’s with you.

Your crew laughs and jokes at the table, mouths full of food, and you try not to think that any joyful moment could be the last. Even Levins joins in and you’re delighted to see her slowly getting back to her old self. She’ll be okay. You’ll make sure of it.

Out of nowhere, a surge of love, of endless devotion, blinds you for a moment and you wonder what your sneaky Supreme Leader is up to. It feels like he’s wringing out all of his emotions for you, like he wants you have them all. 

You soak it all up. He’s usually reserved, always a little afraid of revealing too much. He likes to hold some things close and cherish them. And you like to think that a lot of those stowed away thoughts are about you. Happiness surges up from your chest. You’d bet all the money in the galaxy that no one else has ever before felt this level of contentment.

You understand how Ben feels now. If you were to die right now, you’d die happy.

+++

You’re expecting Ben to be back when you return after your shift, but he’s nowhere to be found. 

“Ben?” You peek into the bedroom and his study, then his lair, without finding him. The soul bond is tricky. You can feel him so close, but can’t pinpoint where he is. He’s with you, but he also seems far away.

The gasp you let out then is nearly silent.

It all comes racing back to you, as if you’d been in a fog all day and it’s finally cleared. Ben hadn’t had lunch with you, even though he’d been stuck to your side for weeks. He hadn’t talked to you all day, when you know he loves bugging the hell out of you during work. 

He’d said _goodbye_ to you this morning.

Your throat closes up. Your vision darkens around the edges, swallowing you up.

“Beck!” You scream without thinking and the door opens, not a second later.

His scythe is raised up and his other hand is extended, prepared to attack. “What’s wrong?” He asks, taking in a huge breath as you run to him.

“Where is he?” You clutch onto your Knight’s jacket. “Tell me!”

“Hey, hey, it’s all right.”

“No!” You yell into his armor. “It’s not.” Pulling back, you dig your fingers underneath Beck’s helmet and take it off. “You didn’t tell me he left. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looks away from you but his free hand holds onto your upper arm. “He’s not the only one who doesn’t want you to be there.”

“Beck, you _promised_.”

“I know,” he whispers, “and I won’t break it, but... we need to wait until Palpatine summons the Knights. We need to give Kylo some time.”

“What if something happens to him?” Your voice gets quiet, “He could be hurt right now.”

“I’m sorry, Doll.”

Your lip quivers, entire body on the verge of a breakdown, “Did he leave to find Rey?”

“I think so.”

“Do you think she’ll help him?”

Beck doesn’t answer right away. “We have to have hope.”

+++

You’ve been pacing the halls, Beck by your side, for hours and you’re regretting that you’d agreed to wait for Palpatine’s call. Any number of things could happen before then. Yet, Beck may be right. Ben always has a plan, so you need to trust him. You need to wait. _But, god, why is it so hard?_

Hux has already been called and, knowing him, he’ll be ready. JD, too. Your bestie will be safe and that eases your mind.

As you near the elevators again, there’s a twinge in your gut so deep inside that you have to stop. You slap your palm onto the glossy, black wall so hard that Beck turns around just as you’re doubling over, clutching onto your stomach. The pain is beyond the physical. It’s inside your body as well as your mind and you can’t get away from it.

_Distress_. Ben is in trouble.

Beck grabs onto your arms, calling your name, voice sounding increasingly distorted the more it echoes in your head. But all you can focus on is the floor, numbly watch the black fade to grey, as your brain fills with cotton. The wall under your hand disappears. Your feet are wet.

A splash of freezing water makes you gasp and straighten your spine. You’re outside, surrounded by violent waves that punch the side of the uneven hunk of metal you’re standing on. Barely able to balance, you heart constricts as you look around. Everything’s gloomy and colorless, a wasteland of abandoned parts that have been hollowed out by the water.

But in the midst of this lifeless place, you sense him. Ben. 

He isn’t alone, though. 

Rey is here, too.

You spot them in the distance, underneath cascading water that's engulfing the enormous piece of steel they’re fighting on, showering over both of them. The red of Ben’s lightsaber stands out against the dreary backdrop. Ben and Rey appear to have been battling it out for some time before you’d arrived. And Ben doesn’t seem to know you’re here. He must have summoned you without even knowing it.

Your pulse kicks up as Rey repeatedly brings her weapon down- too close to his face, swiping near his sides, nearly catching his ankle on a low strike.

Ben blocks every hit, only pushing back a few times. He doesn’t want to hurt her, but he grows more and more frustrated by Rey’s reluctance and anger.

A shock of cold water dumps over your head and you sputter, drenched and freezing. The scene is barely visible from where you’re standing. But you’re _here_. All that’s around you are vicious waves and when you try to take a step, you lose your footing and tumble towards the jagged edge, nearly falling into the water. 

The wind slaps you hard across the face.

“Ben!” You scream over and over again, not caring who hears his name. Your heart stutters as you watch blue and red lasers fizzle as they repeatedly connect. Rey thrusts her lightsaber against Ben’s, pushing it closer and closer to his throat. The sound of the crashing waves eats up your screams and all you can do is watch. 

“Ben!”

Another massive spray from the waves envelopes you, making your feet slip across the uneven steel. All at once, a pang in your heart steals your attention. When you focus on Ben through the heavy mist, his lightsaber is raised, ready to strike Rey, who’s fallen. 

But he doesn’t move. He stares at her, lost and confused.

You scream with sheer desperation as he slowly turns around to look behind him. _No. No._ He’s leaving himself vulnerable as Rey gets up to a crouch. Ben’s mind follows something, then opens up. You hear his name whispered through the connection. His mom is calling for him. He’s yearned for this, the re-emergence of the connection he shares with his mom.

Something inside Ben just lets go, so overcome from hearing her voice after all this time.

His body goes lax, his legs weaken, and you _feel_ his lightsaber slip from his hand.

You cry out. It’s full of anguish. It’s straight from your heart.

He turns around when he hears you. 

Rey ignites his lightsaber, her face red.

She plunges it into his stomach and it sears you from the inside. Not a single sound leaves you, perfectly shocked. The burn of the lightsaber is pain like you’ve never felt. It brands your insides, a blistering heat that invades your body. You fall to your knees, water splashing everywhere, as you clutch onto your midsection. Breaths barely come. The excruciating agony takes over all your senses. Every short inhale feels like another stab to your gut. You put a hand out in front of you, trying to steady yourself as your mind wanders away.

Ben’s energy slowly begins to fade, taking parts of you with him. You need to get to him _now_. You can heal him. You have to.

Pieces of your heart, your mind, evaporate and leave you entirely empty.

After gathering the tiny bit of energy you have left, you stand, swaying, your hand still putting pressure on the phantom wound on your stomach. 

Rey is standing over Ben, who’s slouched on the floor. 

He’s _dying_. 

Your bond snaps and it may as well have been your neck because you _feel_ it. Something too unbearable to even classify as pain thunders through your entire body, leaving frailty in its wake. You shake violently, fighting your mind’s instinct to shut down.

_“Ben,”_ you say, _“I-"_ Something rises from your stomach, interrupting you, and you crumble from another twinge of your insides. You empty your stomach, but all that comes out is blood. 

_“Ben-“_ you start again, but everything blurs around you. Your eyes slide shut as you freefall over the edge. You think you hear your name, a beautiful whisper in your mind, just before you hit the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the sadness 🖤  
> But we’re almost there! One more chapter, then the Epilogue 😊
> 
> I can’t believe I’m almost done! I actually never knew about Reader fics until earlier this year. By chance, I saw a really short one on Instagram and was immediately hooked!
> 
> Anyways! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am sooooo grateful that I get to share this story with you guys! Over the past few months, every single one of you (along with this story) have given me something to look forward to. And I haven’t had something like that in a really long time. So I’m sending y’all many, many kisses! 👄👄


	30. Denouement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is it! The last chapter (before the Epilogue)! I apologize for the lengthy finale, but it kept getting longer 😅
> 
> I am so grateful for everyone who's still here with me! There are some of you who've been here since the very beginning, cheering me on with wonderful words of encouragement, and I can't tell you how honored I am. 
> 
> To every single reader and commenter and kudos-giver: THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! 🖤🖤

When you open your eyes, you feel like you're still falling. 

You're suspended in mid air, face down and blood rushing to your cheeks. It's pitch black. Your arms flail uselessly in fear, trying to swim away from the invisible force that holds you in place.

Something cold, a very strong energy, touches the back of your calves. And you think you should be screaming... but, instead, it comforts you. It pushes down and your body tilts back until you're upright. In the next moment, you're released and the sound of your boots touching the ground echoes endlessly around you.

A breath catches in your throat when you turn around. You still can't see anything, but you can _feel_. "Grandfather?"

Electric blue lights spark to life, making you squint, illuminating Anakin’s curled hair like a halo. One by one, different colored lights pop up all around you in liquified orbs of all sizes, like you're trapped in a psychedelic dream.

"Where are we?" You ask as glowing green leaves sprout from the ground. A tree appears in the distance, then several more, then fields of neon flowers. Little, blue bunnies appear, hopping around your feet.

"This is the World Between Worlds."

"Did I die?"

But before he can answer, your chest constricts in terror.

"Is Ben... dead?"

“He was.”

You stumble back, leaves cracking beneath your boots like glass. Anakin reaches out to steady you, his glowing blue hands gently holding your arms. A pulse of calming energy travels from him to you before you can properly freak out.

“‘Was,’ little one,” he says. “ _Was_.” 

“Was?”

Ben’s grandpa softens considerably as he feels the hope surge within you. “Yes,” he says, “search your feelings.”

Something sparks at the forefront of your mind. It’s Ben’s blue light and it’s beckoning you, urging you to follow, needing you to know that he still lives. Your hope blossoms as you latch on and you're carried through the darkness of your mind, into those places that had died when your bond had been severed. 

It eases the fissure in your heart, that cavernous space that’s been left empty by Ben’s very abrupt absence. 

“He’s still with you,” Ben’s grandpa says. “The bond may have been broken, but it can never be lost. It’s already growing again.”

The lights around you flicker and dim, all the colors swirling together. Some of Anakin’s Light manifests between the two of you in the form of a staticky, golden cloud. You suck in a breath as it collides into your chest and disappears. It soothes your insides, knitting closed your invisible wounds. Your pulse quickens considerably, mind and body suddenly overflowing with energy.

“What was that?” You ask, heart throbbing in double time.

“Something that will help you.”

You can’t help but smile. Of course, he’d be cryptic, even at the end of the universe. “Do you live here?”

“No,” he smiles, “I can open portals throughout the universe.”

“So you can be anywhere?”

He nods, but a frown forms on his face because he knows what you’re thinking. “I’m sorry. I had to let it happen.”

“Why?”

“Leia and I had the same vision. The one she had on Ajan Kloss when she met you. Only Ben’s death could kill the connection between him and Palpatine. It has tipped the balance between Dark and Light.”

“Wasn’t he already going that way?” You ask. “I felt it.”

“Yes,” Anakin says, “but without the Emperor holding him, he can let go of the Dark side completely. Ben will be able to keep Palpatine out of his mind. He’ll finally be at peace.”

 _Peace_. It’s something Ben has never had.

“Grandfather?”

“Yes, little one.”

“We need more people on Exegol,” you tell him. “We can’t beat Palpatine alone. He has an entire fleet and all these powerful people who are still loyal to him.”

“Leave it to me,” he smiles, his glowing blue hand hovering by your cheek. “There are many more who will choose to fight against the Empire.”

You search his eyes, looking for the truth in his words. And it’s there, very plain to see.

“You have to go now,” Ben’s grandpa says. “They need you.”

And with that, everything turns black and you fall.

The air punches out of you as you land onto your side, your shoulder and hip crunching under your weight. Hurried boot steps prompt you to open your eyes. Beck comes into view, yelling your name like he’s lost his mind. You’re back on base, in the hallway you’d been pacing earlier. You’re still completely drenched, your heavy cape creating a pool on the floor.

Beck takes your arms and helps you up, “Are you all right?” You sway, uneasy on your feet, and you groan. Though the mysterious Light from Ben’s grandpa had healed you, your stomach isn’t completely empty. You choke on the last dregs of blood as it expels from you and spatters onto the ground.

You wipe your mouth and the back of your hand stains red. Beck is stunned silent in front of you. His robes are clenched tightly in your fist. Tremors wrack your entire body.

“Fuck,” Beck says, low, “we have to get you to the medbay.”

“Mmm,” you mumble, shaking your head and making a face as you taste the blood that’s left in your mouth. “Can you help me to my room?”

He nods and guides you through the hallway, not saying a word.

As soon as he steps foot into your quarters, he unlatches his helmet. His eyes are red and the skin around them is puffy. He’s been crying.

“I thought-“ he purses his lips, “I thought you died.”

How he says it, how absolutely wrecked he looks, makes your jaw tremble.

“My connection with Kylo is gone, so I thought you also...” Beck lets the sentence hang. “Is he- no, he can’t-” He leans down, face so close to yours, his eyes zeroing in as a pressure builds in your mind. Your Knight is desperately trying to read you. “Let me in,” his voice shakes. “Let me see.”

“Beck, he’s alive. I promise you.”

You place your palm on his temple and concentrate on your bond with Ben, hoping Beck can feel it, too.

He nods once, reassured for now. You wipe away his lone tear that’s escaped and tell him, “It’s all going to be okay.

+++

While Beck silently alerts the other Knights that it’s time, you rush into Ben’s lair, full of the new energy that has been bestowed upon you. Carefully, you place Anakin’s helmet in the bag you’d left here, wrapping him in the blanket.

“It’s time,” you tell him. There’s no answer, but you know he’s here. So you zip up the bag and head to your bedroom to retrieve your duffle that’s been hidden in the closet. Half of the stuff in there is Ben’s and he’d probably scowl if he’d known about it. You’d thrown in what you know he holds close, like the mini holodisk, his favorite pair of well-worn pajamas, and his calligraphy set. You couldn't find his dad’s gold dice and can only assume that Ben has them with him.

You freeze on your way back into the bedroom, chilled sweat breaking out across your forehead, when you spot _your_ sweater lying on top of the comforter. Everyday after you’d worn it, you’d packed it into your bag, but had forgotten to do it this morning. 

You would have mourned for eternity if you’d left it behind.

After roughly folding it, you unzip the duffle and get a twinge in your gut when you see a rolled up piece of parchment sitting atop the little box you keep Ben’s notes in. Somehow, you know what it is and you’re fingers tremble, scared. Instead of a ribbon, the scroll is held together with the gold dice. 

When you unroll it, gripping the dice tight, it’s filled with Ben’s beautiful script:

_My little Queen,_

_You promised that you’d love me, no matter what. I’m counting on you to keep your word because I know you’re mad at me right now._

_But I have to do this alone. And I can only do this if I know you’re safe. I'll make sure the universe lives. It's what I need to do after everything I've done._

_You’ve given me the strength to fight. For the first time, not as a monster._

_Know that I love you. But also know that what I feel for you is so far beyond love that there isn’t even a word for it. My heart and my soul have always belonged to you. I hope you keep them._

_Be good and go with Beck. I know you’ve always wanted to see Naboo._

_And don’t be sad, sweetheart. I’ll be with you, always._

_One more thing- before you take off, implement Executive Order 77._

_Your loving husband,_   
_Ben_

Beck finds you on the floor, hunched over the letter, silently crying. Your insides hurt and you're struggling to take in breaths. You don’t have it in you to read it again, but you can’t look away from Ben’s words. 

He still thinks of himself as a monster and that pains you like nothing else. He’d planned this for a long time. He'd wanted to keep you safe so he'd snuck out, lied to you, enlisted Beck behind your back to force you to go with him to Naboo...

You glare at the letter. _Hmmm_.

Your tears slow as a new feeling bubbles up.

He’d been prepared to say goodbye, to _leave_ you. Suddenly you snort, startling your Knight who’s giving you a strange look as he crouches down beside you. _Ben can’t possibly be that dumb, can he?_ Rather than more despair or anger, you feel a little impish. _Did he really think you’d be vacationing right now?_

Absolutely ridiculous.

You laugh then, wiping drying tears from your cheeks.

“Oh, Doll,” Beck says, gathering you in his arms, "you’ve lost it."

“Kylo is so _stupid,_ ” you tell him, face tucked into his jacket. “How did I not know that?”

Your Knight leans back, tipping your chin up with his fingers. “Huh?”

“He actually thought I’d abandon him? And then what? _Move on?_ ” You scoff, “Who the fuck does he think I am?”

Beck is very openly contemplating what his next words should be.

“Come on,” you say, patting his shoulder. “We need to get to Exegol so I can yell at Kylo in person.”

+++

It turns out, while you'd been spending your lunch breaks watching all the people on base and moping about their futures, Ben had actually been doing something about it.

Executive Order Seventy-Seven, you're reading on Ben’s coded datapad, is an emergency evacuation.

All elite Officers, and those who have strong ties with the First Order, will board Class 1 shuttles and rendezvous at a luxury spaceport... where they'll later be detained.

The entire organization will crumble once Seventy-Seven is activated. Ben had been very carefully dismantling it from the inside for the last several months, leaving no room for any future resurrections. All sensitive documents and files will find their way to General Organa and known affiliates of the Resistance.

"You're going to hurt yourself," Beck says, his vocoder making his voice sound harsh. He steers your shoulders back to the center of the corridor.

"I can read while walking," you insist as he grabs you again to turn you away from a control panel.

He's carrying your big bag and his own while guiding you to JD's room. Anakin’s helmet, you keep close to you, his power humming beneath your skin.

"Oh, wait," you look up, stopping in your tracks. Your Knight takes the opportunity to pluck the datapad from you. He ignores your narrowed eyes as you tap the commlink on your wrist.

"JD?"

His voice crackles to life, "Yes, Miss." He already sounds wary, even though he hides it well. You have to take in a breath to pretend, too.

"I'm coming to you now," you say, "and Hux is on his way."

"I am prepared, Miss."

The connection fizzles out and you’re left feeling gutted. This may be the very last time you see him.

Hux catches your eye, approaching from an adjacent hallway, your Communications crew nervously trailing behind. But they light up when they see you.

"I know this is weird," you tell your gang, "but I need you to go with General Hux and JD." You look at Levins first, then to each one of your Officers, "I just want to say, 'thank you.' I couldn’t have asked for a better team.”

They’re all shocked, silent, looking grief stricken already because they know this is your goodbye.

+++

Uncharacteristically, JD’s front door is wide open. You catch a glimpse of several grey crates stacked up near the door that hadn’t been there a few days ago.

When you see your bestie in the living room, you barrel into him, squeezing him as tight as his chrome body allows. He pats your shoulder blades and makes a low, humming sound.

You pull back, “You have your bag ready, right?”

“I- yes, Miss, but-“ his head tilts, then looks at Hux and your gang over your shoulder, “you are not coming with me, are you?”

You shake your head, “I can’t. But you’ll be safe. Go with Hux.” You smile, even though your lips tremble and your vision blurs, “You’ll love Aeos Prime.”

“The ships are ready,” Hux calls from the doorway, “docking bay ninety-four and ninety-five.”

“Thank you,” you tell him, but he's distracted, several things going on in his head. _R_ _elief, guilt, determination_. After catching his eye, you smile, “Hux, I mean it. Thank you. For everything.”

He nods before leaving with your team.

“JD,” you say, lip quivering, “I need you to go, okay? To docking bay ninety-four. I can’t do this unless I know you’re safe.” 

He just blinks and you swear his eyes are shiny with unshed tears.

“Help the galaxy,” you tell him. “Keep making those incredible things. You’ll be doing good for this universe. You’ll be saving people.” He glances away, looking towards the door instead of you. “I love you, JD.”

“Miss, I...”

“Thank you for taking care of me,” you say. “I’ll never have a better friend than you.”

You force a smile as you watch unfamiliar emotions warring for dominance on your bestie’s face. It’ll only be harder to leave if you keep hesitating.

“Bye, JD.”

+++

You sense all six Knights in a pristine, white BC-714 shuttle and you bark out a laugh. You would have expected no less from Hux. There had likely only been two of these luxury transports in the First Order’s entire fleet. _Sneaky General._ Docking bay ninety-five is already empty and you feel relief in knowing your friends are on their way to safety. But when you walk up the spotless ramp of the remaining shuttle, your mouth opens on a gasp, your heart leaping out of your chest.

JD is there, looking very uncomfortable standing next to the Knights in the expansive and fully-stocked lounging area.

“You’re supposed to- supposed to be with Hux,” you stammer.

“I am sorry, Miss,” JD says. “But I realized something and had to tell you.”

“Nothing could be that important,” you say, dazed, mind running away, trying to think of ways to send JD to safety.

“I do believe it is,” your best friend sounds inappropriately smug. “I realized that there is a ninety-seven point six five percent chance that I love you, too.”

“You-“ tears fall from your eyes, but you’re grinning. A laugh punches out of you. Leave it JD to shock the ever-living hell out of you.

“And I know how much you enjoy explosives,” he points to the stack of crates in the corner, the same ones you’d seen earlier in his room, “so I brought plenty.” 

Your mouth opens and closes several times. “How did you even have time to make all this?"

”You have been acting strange for weeks," JD says. "I thought it best to prepare for war.”

“You’re the best. Have I told you that?”

“Indeed,” he tells you, “eighty four times.”

Beck walks over to you, then, holding out Ben’s datapad. The ramp retracts behind you and the transport’s engine roars to life. On the screen it says, “Confirm Order 77” in big red letters. Below it, a place to read a handprint.

After taking in a breath, and a reassuring nod from Beck, you place your hand on the screen. It turns green, then it fizzles and spits out sparks before blacking out, dead.

As your shuttle glides out of the hangar, red alarm lights flash and the muted sound of sirens blare throughout the base. You’re enjoying a moment of reprieve when you flinch at an overly loud popping sound.

Behind you, Zaid is holding up an enormous champagne bottle, its cork missing and its contents dribbling onto his leather glove. Miles hits him upside the head while Sol takes the bottle. The triplets all shrug in sync.

“I mean, we’re going to win, right?” Zaid asks, bending down to rummage through the cabinets underneath the mini bar. He stands back up, balancing about a dozen champagne flutes in one hand, “Let’s celebrate.”

You bark out an exasperated laugh. _Young people._

+++

Exegol is grey. It’s dark and shadowy and ancient. You’re with JD and the Knights just outside your transport, struck by the size of the Emperor’s expansive fleet and command center.

You sense a very familiar presence nearing. A ship pierces through the smoky clouds and hovers in the sky for a minute before diving down towards your shuttle. It’s the Falcon and your delight cannot be contained. Anakin's golden energy swirls and dances around your heart. The ramp touches the dusty ground and Uncle Chewie and Han look like they're bickering about something as they walk down.

They’re followed by several Resistance Officers, who immediately scatter around while the Knights bring JD’s crates out of your transport. All but Beck take off into the distance to find Ben, to fight for the end.

You leap into Uncle Chewie’s arms and he catches you with a relaxing purr.

“Hey, kid,” Han says when you’re set back down.

“Hi,” you grin. “How’s the General?”

“Very well,” he tells you, “on Ajan Kloss. Brilliantly orchestrating this whole thing.”

Your chuckle is eaten up by the sound of another ship. You’re not sure how many more surprises you can take today.

Your luxury transport’s twin gently touches down like a butterfly. Hux and your team, all heavily armed, walk out and join you.

“Excuse me,” you say, hands on your hips, "what are you doing here?”

“Don’t look at me,” Hux says. “It wasn’t my idea.” But he has this little smile on his face that gives away his lie.

Levins crosses her arms underneath her chest, “You didn’t think we’d leave you to fight on your own, did you?”

Every single person you know is _absolutely ridiculous_ and you love each one of them.

JD takes control as more ships arrive and the small group of Officers grows into hundreds. With one last hug, you reluctantly leave him when a growing panic through your bond calls out to you.

You and Beck peer down into an opening to Palpatine's cave. Inside, there’s a bunch of rusted steel parts like a junkyard for ships. The drop is probably two hundred feet and there’s no way you’re jumping. But your Knight’s helmet gives you a pointed look before he hops and gracefully slides down a massive steel pillar that’s angled to reach the ground.

When you try to do the same, you end up screeching like a trapped animal as you slide down with your eyes tightly shut. Beck catches you at the bottom and sets you right before the two of you run across the pale, grey dirt.

Feeling Ben very close through your inchoate bond, a face-splitting smile appears. He’s alive and fighting. The connection blossoms further from the proximity. You surpass Beck and into a clearing with high rock walls and nothing else.

The room is inundated with Praetorian guards, their red robes flowing like a bloody river. As if sensing you, specifically, every single one of them turn their heads in your direction for a split second before resuming their attack on Ben and his Knights.

Just like on Canto Bight, Ben rips through the crowd with his red lightsaber and makes his way to you. His eyes never once leave you, even as he slices guards in half all around him.

You spring into the sea of red and vault off one of the guards to jump into Ben’s arms. In the center of utter chaos, you only feel silence and calm. You’d thought he’d died. No, you’d _felt_ him leave you, felt the connection sever and leave you cold. But you’d not lost hope. 

And as the searing heat of his lightsaber sings by your thigh, you tell him, “I love you,” over and over again.

When he sets you down, he smirks, all cocky and full of Light. He gets a hard slap to his chest.

“How dare you leave me and then tell me to go to Naboo without you?” You ask, frowning at the bruises around his eye and the cuts across his cheek and lip. Your fingertips glow gold with your new energy and, when they touch his wounds, they heal instantly.

“Ah,” is all he says.

“And you-“ your throat closes up a little, “you left me that sad letter.”

The smile he gives you at that moment is so, incredibly beautiful that it steals your breath. But you gasp for another reason as you bring your trembling hand up to his left cheek. “Your- your scar.” As you’d foreseen it... “It’s gone.” 

He’s confused for a second, but then nods as he touches his face. “Rey, she... I mean- were you really there? Or was I dreaming?”

“I was there,” you worry your lip between your teeth. “I saw it, I felt you- I felt you dying.” You say very quietly, “I felt our bond break.”

“I know, I know,” Ben says softly, trying to soothe you. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“I was so scared. Then I saw your grandpa and he told me it had to happen, to kill your connection to Palpatine.”

“It did,” he nods and flashes his teeth brilliantly. “He’s not in my head anymore. No whispers, no doubts. Just you.”

You laugh, lost in those twinkling brown eyes, “As it should be.”

Your sweet space Prince pokes the golden pen that you’d kept on your belt, “You brought it.”

Given the situation, you throw him the dirtiest look you possibly can, while ducking out of the way when a glowing red lasso strikes near your head. Ben growls and lops the attacker’s head off. A red helmet rolls over and taps your boot.

“You wanted to use it, didn’t you?” Your sweet (and very annoying) Supreme Leader asks. This is _so_ not the time.

“Ben!” You warn, smacking his hand away from your belt.

“My little Queen,” his voice drips with honey, “did you think I was lying to you?”

Through your silence, he caresses your cheek, soft and so tender like it’s the first time.

“I wasn’t,” he grins. “It’s an arrow. And you need to use it now.” He seamlessly shuffles through your mind and lands on one of your dreams. The one with the Praetorian guards. “I had that one, too.”

Ben raises his hand and your golden pen is yanked out of your belt and floats in mid-air at eye level. The hook at the end begins to glow a bright yellow and you turn to look questioningly at your Prince.

“It follows your mind,” he says, but then suddenly grabs you and dips you very low as he swings his lightsaber behind himself in a graceful arc. Several bodies drop to the ground around you, kicking pale dust up from the ground.

After hefting you back up, he surprises you with a kiss. He spills all his emotions into it. As his lips insistently press to yours, you feel the heat, his love, his relief, his pleasure. He knows he can do this. He can do anything. And with your family and his, the universe will be saved.

He reverently says your name before saying, “I love you. I know you can do this, sweetheart.” Pressing your foreheads together, he goes on, “It’s you and me, remember? We’ll do this together like I’ve always known we would.”

With a last kiss, Ben runs through the brawl and disappears around the corner. At that moment, the sounds, the utter chaos jabs you in the gut. Your rapid breaths are drowned out by yelling and grunting, by the sound of steel colliding with armor.

Your golden arrow still floats in front of you. You close your eyes, searching for the Force that powers it. Blindly, you bring your finger up and touch its glowing hook. A shaky smile appears on your face as your mind connects. When you look again, the yellow light intensifies, nearly blinding you. You think of it moving left and right, and it follows you without even a tiny lag.

All around you, the Knights are struggling to fend off the rapidly multiplying guards. You focus on red and the arrow begins to vibrate, following your will. It shoots out like a bullet, zipping through each one of those red helmets at such a staggering speed that your mind can barely keep up.

One by one, they drop into little red heaps on the ground.

Stunned, the Knights turn their helmets to you just as the arrow flies back and dutifully floats by your face, ready to strike again. And on cue, heavy bootsteps sound from a dark corner. But you release your arrow once more, your brain moving so rapidly that your eyes strain.

Praetorian guards enter the vast arena in rows of five and in lines that go beyond where you can see. But the arrow can. It zig-zags through each row, straight through five helmets, then onto the next five. As the pile of bodies grow, the guards towards the back hesitate before turning around to flee.

But you can’t have that. The arrow follows them through winding, pitch black corridors, the light of your arrow a beacon of life and death, of good and bad... of Dark and Light.

It flies right back into your hand when it’s done, shining and clean, no trace of blood.

The hollow space is dead silent. All six Knights pop their helmets off at once, like they’re the same person. They discard them on the ground as they turn to look at you.

Your eyes widen under the scrutiny, “What?”

LK lets out a chuckle, not even out of breath, not even a single hair out of place, “My, my, darling. You are full of surprises, are you not?” Even from a distance, you can see his big, blue eyes swirling with mischief.

But your victory is short-lived. Your newly reforming bond bursts open as a scream wrenches out of you. Your spine snaps and your head spins like you’re being hurtled across the room. Grunting, you fall to your knees and have to brace yourself with your hands. The bones in your leg shatter and your jaw clenches so hard, it rattles through your skull.

When you squeeze your thigh, though, everything is in place. They’re phantom pains from Ben. He’s in trouble. He’s drained. He’s barely hanging onto his life, trapped in a place that’s so dark, so hopeless.

Beck is helping you up as you push your Light to Ben. Wherever he is, he feels lost and you can’t lose him like this. _"_ _I’m here,”_ you tell him. _“Don’t leave me.”_

The muscles in your side pinch when you stand up and your leg is numb now from shock. “We have to go,” you say to the Knights. Then you’re off on a dead run, zeroing in on Ben’s location, his blue light that’s fading and fading. Your body protests and it gets harder to ignore with every step, but you won’t let anything stop you.

When you reach Palpatine’s gloomy throne room, it’s empty. His chair, his life support, is detached, only chords and tubes left behind underneath a singed robe. Ben’s presence wanes dramatically, his energy quickly depleting.

But he did it.

_“Ben? Where are you?”_

He doesn’t answer. You heart stutters. You shiver from his silence.

 _“Please come back to me,”_ you plead. _“I need you.”_

As you get closer to a ledge, you see someone in white robes. They don’t move.

It’s Rey. You cover your mouth with one hand and bend down to pull her shoulder back with the other. Her body is still warm, but she settles with a heavy thud on her back.

Afraid to touch her again, you merely stare. You don’t know her, but your heart pinches and aches like you’ve been with her for a lifetime. Though Ben’s presence fills you, emptiness delves deep.

Her eyes are still open. You use your thumb to close them, but don’t know what else to do. You’re stupefied from panic. Then you feel a stirring in your gut, a tingling in your mind. Your fingertips burn like you’ve been clawing your way through something. Or up. 

“Beck,” you call and he rushes over to you. “Can you help her up?”

He kneels and holds Rey’s body, so she’s sitting, resting on his arm.

You close your eyes and hone in on Ben. Using only your feelings, you walk to the ledge and follow it, boots teetering over the edge. The ground fractures beneath your feet. You can hear parts of the broken rock skittering down the cliff.

 _Here_.

Dropping to your knees, you peer over and see your Supreme Leader, body beaten and bruised, hands digging into the narrow crevices of the rock wall. When you hold your hand out, he grabs it and you bask in his touch as he lifts himself up and over. 

You shove him behind you, further away from danger. Ben snatches your waist and noses desperately at your throat. His body shakes. His mind is filled with thoughts of you, but also of misery. He’d felt Rey’s life leave her.

+++

While you’re kneeling next to Rey, JD calls on your commlink.

“Miss?”

The chaos that’s probably going on outside had fled your mind. You’re guilty because you hadn’t once thought about JD or anyone else who’s fighting just as hard beyond this cave. “Yes, JD, yes. Are you okay?”

There are loud screeches in the background, “I am well. But we must detonate. You will need to evacuate the cave.”

You look to Rey’s limp form, still propped up by Beck, then at Ben, who’s grief and guilt is so powerful that it nearly smothers you.

“Okay,” you tell your bestie, “Give me ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes, Miss.”

Your sweet Supreme Leader looks at you, eyes glossy and lips trembling. He wants to do it, you know he does. The bond he’d shared with Rey had been building long before yours, so you understand the great void he feels. But Ben is too weak. If he tries to bring Rey back, he won’t survive.

He wouldn’t even let you heal him, so his hand hasn’t left his shattered ribs and he wheezes with every breath. He’s so _stubborn_. It won’t even take much from you. Anakin’s strength still sings in your veins. And then it hits you. You don't know how to resurrect the dead, _but Ben does._

You let out a laugh and it reverberates off the stone walls. “Oh my god,” you say, suddenly feeling delirious, “And I thought _you_ were the stupid one.”

“Hey,” Ben says, realizing it’s him you’re talking about.

“Lead me,” you say and his brows furrow, thoroughly confused. You place your palm onto Rey’s abdomen and place Ben’s hand on top of yours. “You do the work, but use my energy.” 

_"Your grandpa's sneaky."_

Ben just laughs, heart lifting, as he closes his eyes and starts pulling life from you. It swirls away, leaving you in huge amounts. But it had never been yours to begin with, you’d just been carrying it for this moment.

You're left with a bone-deep chill. But Rey jerks beneath your palm. Her hand comes up and lands atop Ben's before her eyes shoot open, glittering with renewed life.

She looks at you, then up at Beck, then sees Ben.

The smile that graces Rey's face brings color to the dead throne room. "Ben?"

He nods, grinning as the last decade of his life- all that pain, the longing, the torture - melts away.

Rey locks eyes with you, whispering your name, then says, “Thank you. You- you gave me life.” She glances at Ben, “I feel you both as one now.”

“Miss!” JD shouts through your commlink. “You must evacuate immediately.”

“Okay,” you look around, frantic, holding your wrist up to your mouth. There’s no way any of you can climb your way back up the opening you’d dropped in from. 

“Stay where you are,” he says. “Do not move.”

The call cuts off and, in the next second, the entire side of the cave is blown open with an incredible sound. You spit out the dust that’s flown into your mouth as you stand up. Ben helps Rey but she beams at you, already able to steady herself.

The ground rumbles furiously, announcing its impending destruction. After exchanging looks with each other, Ben pushes you forward and all of you sprint towards the opening.

Outside, it’s complete pandemonium. There are thousands of ships shooting from the hazy sky at the command center, that’s attacking every inch of airspace. Everyone is scrambling away and getting back into their ships. You spot JD standing beside your transport, his chrome body lit up by all the laser fire, looking frantically through the crowd.

Into the commlink, you say, “JD, I see you. We’re coming in.”

He lifts his wrist to his face, “Oh, thank the maker.” He catches your eye, then, and he raises his arm to wave you over.

“See you soon,” Rey says, splitting off from your group. You stop near the ramp of your shuttle, watching her as she approaches an old ship and hops in. Ben takes your hand, tugging you up the ramp.

“Your dad? Uncle Chewie?”

He smiles, “They’re okay.”

The ramp folds up and the doors close, cutting off all that darkness and leaving it behind. Your Knight’s sit back, exhausted and sprawled out over several white couches. They’ve divested themselves of their capes and jackets, finally comfortable, finally liberated from Palpatine.

Ben leaves for the cockpit and JD surprises you when he comes over and takes your hand in his. The two of you stand by the window and watch, beside thousands of others, as Exegol collapses in a mountain of flames and plumes of black smoke. In groups, your allies jump to hyperspace and soon, you do, too. 

The Knights don’t stir, not even once, as you journey to the Resistance base. Once autopilot is engaged, you kneel in front of the pilot's chair and hold Ben’s hands in between yours. Rapturous tears stream down your face as your blue energy seeps into your husband, mending each fractured rib, repairing every broken bone, closing up gashes, and soothing bruises.

It takes almost everything from you. And as your eyes slide shut, you feel Ben lifting you up and cradling you in the safe space of his arms.

"I have you, sweetheart," he whispers, just before you drop off.

+++

Still a little drowsy, you clutch the bag with Anakin's helmet to your chest as Ben leads you down the shuttle ramp after the Knights. JD sticks close to your other side. It's a familiar stretch of land, but filled with dozens of more ships parked haphazardly, including Rey's.

Amongst the hundreds of people hollering and hugging, gathered into little groups and celebrating, your eyes first find Hux and your entire crew, then land on Ben's mom. She's standing in the center of the short runway, Ben's dad and Uncle Chewie next to her.

You hug the helmet closer before glancing up at Ben, who's already looking at you.

You grin, "We did it, Supreme Leader."

He laughs, low and sweet, "Yes, we did." He's smiled for you hundreds of times, but the one he gives you now is worlds away from any you’ve ever seen. It's even more beautiful and even more dazzling. It's unfettered and carefree and it makes you giggle, makes your heart swell with adoration.

Judging by the pink tingeing Ben's cheeks, he feels you completely.

"Go on, Ben," you say, gesturing for him to walk ahead of you.

JD hangs back with you as Ben approaches his mom. His stomach flips and his throat constricts. He looks over his shoulder to give you a shy, little smile before he turns back around and says, "Hi, mom."

"Oh, Ben," she says, taking him into her arms, her hands barely able to connect around him. "I'm so sorry." 

You cry, you spill Ben's tears, as you feel the emotion in her words, her pure love for him. The moment he lets go of the sheer sorrow he's lived with for years, you sense it. His heart is now freed to be loved, to be filled with joy, to finally lead him where he wants to go.

You're so, terribly blissful as you watch Ben disappear into Uncle Chewie's embrace, then smile into his dad's shoulder. JD hooks his arm around your waist as you watch the scene before you. A family as it should be- happy, together, and _forgiven._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished a thing!! 😄
> 
> Also, the golden arrow! It’s a one hundred percent copy of Yondu’s arrow because that is, hands down, my favorite weapon.
> 
> Stay tuned for a fluffy conclusion! 😘


	31. Everlasting (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new addition, a favorite story, and a happy reunion.

**One year later:**

  
You let out a contented sigh as you wake up, so warm and so well-rested, with tufts of thick hair tangled between your fingers. You’re sitting upright, cheek pressed into Uncle Chewie’s fur. Your face heats up. It’s not the first (or second or even tenth) time you’ve woken up in his very comfortable lap.

“Sorry, Uncle Chewie,” you say, yawning, still exhausted after that long nap.

He chuckles and brushes hair away from your forehead, “It’s all right.”

“You’ve been asleep all day, kid,” Han says and, surprised, you look around to see that everyone’s lounging around you in the atrium. The usually warm tropical breeze is cool today as it blows through the gilded open archways. Across from you, Ben’s mouth merely ticks up at one corner, still not completely comfortable with showing emotion in public.

He doesn’t need to, though, because your thoughts are one with his. But it’s still strange to see yourself through his eyes. Like now, Ben looks upon you with wonder, with the greatest reverence and admiration someone could ever have for another person. You’re his Light, his heart, his entire life.

You tuck your face back into warm fur, trying to hide away from the sudden, heart-clenching surge of _love_ you feel.

“Leave her alone,” Uncle Chewie rumbles, placing one of his hands onto your very round stomach. You’re nearly nine months along and have begun falling asleep everywhere. You don’t know why you’re so incredibly tired all the time. But whenever your favorite Uncle finds you knocked out somewhere, he takes you in his arms and holds you while you nap.

The whole gang laughs at his protectiveness of you. And you hear Ben’s beautiful laugh above everyone else’s. That sound is still the single greatest thing in the universe.

Your little baby boy kicks when he senses Uncle Chewie's hand on your belly and feels the vibrations from his purring. Your eyelids droop, halfway to sleep again.

"I think it's time for our little mom-to-be to retire," you hear Leia say, somewhere very close to you.

Rey chuckles, "She still hasn't told us which name she picked."

"She hasn't even told me," Ben says by your head. You’re lifted up a little, so you can wrap your arms around his neck.

"Goodnight, Uncle Chewie," you say as your loving husband carries you away. You snuggle into his embrace, running your nose up and down his throat. He still smells of winter, of snow and pine.

"The kid's spoiled enough as it is," Han jokes, making Ben snorts. Han's not wrong, though. You're even more pampered here than you'd been on base.

Ajan Kloss has now become the center of the Modern Republic. The former Resistance base has transformed into an enormous hub of allies, dignitaries, students, Masters, and anyone else who‘s seeking peace.

In areas where the jungle had been rapidly deteriorating, an entire city had been built, reviving every dead zone. An honest-to-god _palace_ had been constructed for everyone who’d wanted to make a home here. Ben, his parents, and Uncle Chewie are in charge of everything now and you swear your husband is busier than he’d been as Supreme Leader. 

Ben and Rey’s Jedi Academy is slowly growing in numbers, too. Rey loves teaching the younglings while your Supreme Leader takes on the older kids. But that doesn’t stop the younglings from mobbing him any chance they get. 

You pick Ben up after his sessions to watch the little ones scramble around him as he walks out of the temple. They jump up and down excitedly as they tell him about what they’ve learned, begging him to watch as they show him, yelling, “Master Ben! Look!”

He always looks at you then, silently begging you to save him from the attention. And after a few more minutes, you take pity on him and whisk him away. But seeing him with those younglings never ceases to make your heart flutter.

Everything else seems to be coming together well, too. The burgeoning pilot program, headed by Finn and Poe, has very steadily garnered attention throughout the galaxy. How they find the time for that, in addition to their heavy involvement with the Modern Republic, is beyond you.

Of course, JD loves it here. He’s always in his huge lab, working on his genius creations and (reluctantly) getting into mischief with you. Your way of helping him test his inventions may or may not involve very harmless pranks on the Council. One member _may_ have lost an eyebrow during a meeting and another one possibly could have _accidentally_ been cryogenically frozen for two weeks. But it’s all in the name of science. 

And for the good of the people, too, because JD’s super healing pen and concentrated bacta spray are now used in nearly every corner of the galaxy.

Any second of free time your bestie has left, though, is spent fretting over you. He says it’s his sworn duty as godfather to make sure you’re well fed and very happy and very healthy. Every night before parting ways with you, JD taps his finger on your little commlink and tells you to call whenever you need him.

The Knights are, surprisingly, the most at home here. Beck had (very grudgingly) taken his position as Master of Forces- the one who’s in charge of the Modern Republic’s strongest defenders. Though he’s no longer required to guard you twenty four hours a day, he _still does it_ somehow. It makes you roll your eyes and huff sometimes, but you know he means well. And he’s only gotten exponentially worse after finding out about the baby.

You and LK spend your work days together, with your Communications crew, in the newly formed Galactic Bureau of Intelligence. It had taken LK several months before he’d grown to tolerate them, which amuses you to no end. LK is picky, to say the least, when it comes to making friends. His swirling blue eyes are icy most of the time when he’s with Levins and your gang, wary of letting anyone in. But you know, for a fact, that you’ve wiggled your way into his heart, into that small soft spot he has in there. 

During your lunch breaks, you sit with LK on your usual bench in the palace courtyard, giggling and watching people while sipping super-charged lattés.

Inevitably, Caylon and the triplets will show up and join the two of you, having just finished leading the morning training sessions. You’re incredibly proud of Miles, Zaid, and Sol (who you’ve learned are _seventeen_ ) for blossoming into very capable combat Masters under Caylon’s tutelage.

Once in a while, Hux will be there, too. He’d quickly become one of your closest confidants after Exegol. And you’re overjoyed because he’d recently confessed to you that he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Content to have no title, he serves as a consultant to the Modern Republic- specifically to Ben, of all people. The two of them like to pretend like they still hate each other. But you know better. You’ve seen their twin smirks as they bicker the whole way to their next council meeting.

You love everything about your big family. It’s something you’d never thought you’d have.

You must have dozed off again because when you open your eyes, Ben is crossing the threshold to your quarters. There’s a familiar pull coming from the study and your Supreme Leader sets you on your feet because he feels it, too. You barely give him enough time to help you out of your sandals before hurrying into the other room.

Anakin is standing in front of the mantle where his helmet rests beside Ben’s.

“Grandfather!” As quickly as your body allows, you cross the room to give him a big hug. His blue aura buzzes and shifts to make space for you.

“Look how big you are,” he says, voice laced with both wonder and deep sorrow. He rests his hand on your stomach and smiles. “He’s almost ready.”

You nod, feeling it, too. “Is he still healthy? Still strong?”

Anakin laughs, “Oh, more than strong. And very healthy.”

Ben appears by your side and hugs his grandpa from over your shoulder, squishing you between them.

On the couch, you lean your head on your husband’s shoulder, zoning in and out of his conversation with his grandpa.

The next thing you know, Ben's placing you carefully on your side atop your bed, draped canopy billowing softly with the pleasant breeze.

Ben tucks himself in behind you, his warm hand placed protectively over your belly. You feel like it's any day now. In the midst of all your new doubts and fears of parenthood, there’s so much hope. Because together, with your Supreme Leader, you can do anything.

+++

The next morning, you're preparing breakfast with JD and Beck in the kitchen when your water breaks. You're standing beside the long, wooden island, looking down at your soaked dress, not knowing what to do. JD's arms gesture wildly as he rushes over to you. He rests his mouth on your temple.

“Oh, Miss,” he says, nervously excited, “it seems it is time. You will do very well.”

“I- I’m scared, JD.”

“You are strong and very brave. I know you can do this.” He pulls back to look at you, big eyes shining, “I must be off to the medic wing now to make sure everything is in order.”

You nod, pulse kicking up, watching him quickly walk away. Beck wraps his arms around you, trying his best to calm your nerves. You clutch onto him, not sure if you want to cry or not.

Ben’s voice drifts into your mind, _“Is everything all right, sweetheart?_ ”

_“It’s time.”_

Of course, it happens during the one moment your husband's not glued to your side. 

_"Yes, yes, my little Queen,"_ Ben says, suddenly sounding like he’s out of breath. _"Going to the medbay."_

Before you can even speak through the link again, Beck scoops you up and runs out of your quarters, then bolts through the palace halls. You squeak and hold on tight as a contraction blinds you with pain.

"Hang on," Beck says, zipping in and out of archways.

You feel Ben closer now, heavy anxiety flowing from him to you. You can’t help but snort. _Why is he more nervous than you are?_

As Beck bursts through the automatic transparisteel doors to the prepped medbay room, you hear Ben saying your name, repeating it like a prayer.

Your Knight sets you down on the bed and brushes away the hairs that have matted to your forehead. "I'll see you soon, okay, Doll?"

You smile up at him and nod, "Thanks, Beck."

He joins JD outside just as the walls frost, turning them into vague silhouettes. Blindly, you reach for Ben's hand. Just as you find it, another contraction hits. You shut your eyes, waiting for the agony to pass.

Ben holds onto you with both hands and when you look at him, you can’t help but smile through the pain. He must have been in the middle of a Council meeting because he’s wearing that jacket that makes him look like Prince Charming. It’s closely fitted and black with a double row of gold buttons that curve from his shoulders down to his waist. Your eyes immediately go to the two lightsabers that hang from his thigh holster.

One is yours, black like Ben’s but without the crossguard hilt, as you’d seen in your vision. Shortly after Exegol, he’d helped you build a weapon using your kyber crystal. The blade is blue like his used to be, like the color of his pure energy, of his grandpa’s power.

He’s been carrying your lightsaber for you since you’d been too uncomfortable to wear your belt as of late. The fact that he’d wanted a part of you with him all the time makes your lips turn up into a self-satisfied smile.

Your Supreme Leader chuckles, still endlessly amused by you. He takes a seat right by the bed and closes his eyes in deep concentration. The immense pressure in your lower abdomen suddenly feels at peace, easing up almost completely. 

Your eyes begin to water; Ben is taking your pain from you. _Sweet space Prince._

 _"I love you,"_ Ben says.

 _"I love you, too,"_ you tell him, just as the medic walks in.

+++

Seven hours later, you're fighting sleep as you hold your tiny, little baby in your arms. He's swaddled in a blanket, the very one Ben had slept in after he'd been born.

The labor had been short and you don't know what you would have done if Ben hadn't transferred most of your pain to himself. He'd been absolutely drained afterwards and you'd cried because you'd loved him so much in that moment.

Ben is lying next to you on the hospital bed, softly stroking your cheek. You've never, ever felt anything like what you feel through the bond right now. Ben feels _pride, loyalty, adoration_ so incredibly deep that your heart constricts. You’re crying again.

"What's wrong, sweetheart," Ben says, wiping your tears.

You grin, "I'm so happy right now."

Ben laughs, low, "Me, too." 

He trails a finger over the baby's forehead and those tiny little lips curl up. 

"James," Ben calls him with wonder, tracing his finger down to one of those full cheeks. James has Ben's almost black hair and fair skin. And you bet when he opens his eyes, they'll be a honeyed brown just like his dad's. Your very own mini Supreme Leader.

You think about your parents, always relieved when their memory brings you nothing but joy. They’d have been so excited to have a grandchild. They would have spoiled him rotten, you’re sure of it.

Just then, James’ other grandparents knock on the transparisteel door.

You gesture for them to come in, their over-excited faces making you chuckle. Leia's braids look extra fancy today and they frame her bright face perfectly. Her mouth opens on a very happy gasp as she sees James for the first time.

Han is doing his best to look nonchalant, his arms crossed over his chest and hiding behind his wife.

"Mom," you say to Leia and she turns her attention to you.

"Yes, dear," her glossy eyes crinkle at the corners as she looks at you lovingly. Then glances at Ben with the same look. She looks so damned _proud_.

"Dad?" You peek around to get Han's attention, too. 

Han gestures to the baby with one hand, his face guarded, "Yeah, he's cute, I guess." He walks closer, fingers nervously tracing the sheets at the foot of the bed. You feel an intense amount of anxiety spilling off of him.

He's nervous, _scared_. He's thinking about what had happened with Ben as he'd grown up. Han is terrified that something like that might happen to James, too. Your throat tightens up and your tears start again.

"Oh, hey, kid," Han says softly, placing his hand on your ankle, "I didn't mean to upset you."

You shake your head and smile, "You didn't." Beside you, Ben dutifully wipes away your tears. You look at him and his wide eyes are glowing. You pass your husband the baby, the precious life you'd created together. And the way Ben looks at James melts your heart completely.

_"Let your parents hold him, Supreme Leader."_

Ben eyes you, a little smirk on his face, before he carefully stands up. He makes his way around the bed.

"Mom," he says, "do you want to hold him?"

Leia nods, eyes red-rimmed as she takes James. "Hello," she coos, tapping his nose and rubbing his cheeks. "I'm your gran," she continues, and tilts the baby towards Han, "and this is your grandaddy."

Han takes a cautious step towards Leia and his lips quiver a little. At that moment, James’ arm breaks free of the blanket and flails around. Han gently catches his hand, then chokes up when James grabs his thumb.

Ben watches his parents for a long moment before joining you again on the bed. He rests his head on your shoulder, exhaustion catching up to him. Within seconds, he’s asleep, heart light and mind blissfully calm.

+++

“So, there isn’t enough time to leave ‘cause the guards are already back,” Beck takes a sip of his meiloorun juice before continuing to gesture wildly, “and we all know there’s only one way we can get out of this one.” 

At that moment, Hux appears in the entryway to the atrium, a sneer on his face. His hair is relaxed, falling near his eyes, “Must you tell this story to everyone?” 

Beck glances at Hux before ignoring him to continue, “So, the strip club is absolutely packed and the people on Coruscant _love_ red hair...”

Your Knight has a very captive audience. The rest of the Knights, your crew, Rey, and her friends are spread out on all the couches and loungers, listening with rapt attention.

Ben is next to you, James sleeping in the crook of his arm, on a plush loveseat.

Your Supreme Leader lets out a little laugh as his free hand wanders up your arm, up the sleeve of his sweater. _No, no._

 _“It’s my sweater,”_ you tell him.

It’s been yours since the day he’d given it to you, but since your thoughts are now one, things get mixed up in your mind sometimes. He just hums, so content in this moment... and come to think of it, he’s been this way nearly every moment since Exegol. It’s like that tight knot of anxiety in his gut had unraveled that day.

Ben’s free hand ends up on your throat. He presses you closer to him so your cheek rests onto his chest, so you and James are as close to him as possible.

You tune back into Beck’s story. “And all the dignitaries are about to leave because the show is over, but I’m still hiding in the back office, trying to download the transaction records from their chip implants.” He looks at his attentive listeners, “And they have to stay in range.”

“So,” LK jumps in, his hands moving elegantly, “I find a lacy gown that had been left by one of the other performers. Completely sheer, all white, and adorned with little crystals.”

Hux rolls his eyes, his arms crossed and leaning onto the wall. But he isn’t angry or upset, just a little annoyed. And maybe even a tiny bit amused.

LK continues, “But we knew that our stuffy General would slip away if he knew what was needed of him. So we told him he would only have to distract them for merely a minute while we made our exit.”

Caylon holds his hand up, “And Hux kept insisting that he keep his underwear on.”

“Yeah, but we couldn’t have that. Too suspicious.” Beck laughs, “So we push him onto the stage, practically naked, and the audience goes fucking _wild_. Then the music starts.”

You grab onto Ben's forearm and whisper, "I love this part." He throws his head back on a silent laugh, reliving that night. 

“And one of the dignitaries got so excited watching Hux dance,” Beck eyes you for a second, knowing how hard you’d laughed the first time he’d told you, “that he started shaking before excreting this black stuff all over the entire strip club. It was so potent and _pungent_ , the building had to be _demolished_.”

Everyone laughs and the triplets whisper to each other, chortling.

Hux huffs, “It took weeks for me to completely rid myself of that _substance_.”

“You mean his cum?” Poe asks and everyone howls with laughter.

Hux grins as he shakes his head and walks across the atrium to sit beside Rey and Finn. They begin chatting and chuckling. Beautiful smiles grace every face in the room.

It’s once again, a time of peace. 

Beck announces that he needs more juice and gets up. But instead of heading for the kitchen, he comes over to you.

“Hey, Doll.”

"That’s my favorite story," you tell him with a big smile.

"Still good after the hundredth time?"

"Oh, yeah,” you say, “I won’t be satisfied until you tell everyone in the entire galaxy.”

Just then, James' brown eyes squint open and his little arms flap up and down.

"Hey, buddy," Beck says, soft and full of sugar. Once James hears that, a toothless smile graces his chubby face.

Ben hands James over and your Knight takes your baby into his arms, a look of pure delight on his face. 

Though it’s been months, you still vividly recall how Beck had teared up when you’d asked for permission to use his name. He’d thought that no one would ever find him important enough for something like that and you’d been more than happy to prove him wrong.

As you watch Beck and James, staring at each other so lovingly, your poor little heart turns to mush. 

At least once a day, you wonder if it’s even allowed to be this happy.

 _“I make you that happy, huh?”_ Ben asks, an annoyingly cute smile plastered onto his face.

You roll your eyes, but admit, _“Yes.”_

_“I never knew happiness before you.”_

Your lips curl up before you know it. _Cheesy Supreme Leader._

+++

“I think this is the dream I had the most,” you tell Ben as you both look onto the slow-moving water from the balcony. The water glitters, kissed by the sun.

“Yeah?”

He’s absolutely relaxed when you look up at him, "Yeah." Your husband looks very tempting in his black henley, his shoulder holster, the thigh holster that’s attached to his belt. You smooth your hands down his chest, your ring dazzling just as much as it had the first moment Ben had slipped it onto your finger.

You stifle a shiver when you can practically feel his skin through the thin shirt. The heat radiating off of him is dizzying, overwhelming you with want. But you won’t be able to do anything about it just yet.

Things have settled enough on Ajan Kloss to earn you and your Supreme Leader a little vacation. An entire week on Naboo with Ben all to yourself.

There's a ruckus coming from behind you, from the living room of the palatial suite you're staying in. You grin, "But in my visions, it was always just the two of us."

Beck's voice carries outside, "You put it on backwards, you idiot."

You and Ben turn around to see Beck, holding James up, his squishy legs kicking out with excitement.

"That's the right way," Caylon says. “It’s Naboo couture. What do _you_ know about that?”

James is wearing a baby blue onesie, covered in ruffles and pleats and tulle, with a coordinating bonnet. He looks like a little cupcake.

Ben snorts, watching his formidable Knights arguing over baby clothes.

“It’s not,” Beck insists, “and the hat is supposed to be tilted at an angle.”

Caylon grunts, rolling his eyes and mumbling something under his breath. Knowing it’s time to intervene, you walk into the room and pat him on the arm to calm him a little.

“Can you help me get on the transport, Cay?”

His face softens and he lets out a breath. “Of course,” he reaches down for your diaper bag and hooks it over his shoulder.

“Do you think he’ll remember me?” You ask as Caylon walks you down the steps of the balcony and onto a private docking bay. 

“Of course,” he says, ushering you into the same luxury shuttle you’d taken to Exegol a year ago. “He’ll be happy to see you.”

JD strolls out of the cockpit, “The coordinates are all set, Miss.”

“Thank you,” you hold out your hand and your bestie takes it.

Ben and the Knights walk up the ramp, James already asleep in his his pile of clothes on top of Beck’s chest. Your Knight gives you a big smile as he settles into a cushy lounger next to a window. You let out a pleased breath as you look at them: your two very special Jameses.

+++

You can’t even tell that this place is a wildlife sanctuary. It’s acres upon acres of wide open land, green and lush, filled with fruit trees and fragrant flowers in every color. Extra large apples in red, green, and yellow hang from the branches above you as well as the countless other trees that have been planted around you.

In the distance, you see big, brown blurs before hearing the stomping of hooves. You clutch James tight to your chest as you walk out of the shade of the tree, Ben right beside you.

At least a hundred fathiers appear before you, slowing their gallops as they get closer. They tap their feet on the grass a few times as one of them steps forward. It’s him- the one you’d chosen all that time ago on Canto Bight. You hadn’t even had the chance to name him, but you’d kept him in your heart because Ben had promised that you’d see him again someday.

He bows his head down when you approach, snuffling into your hair. James babbles excitedly, reaching his little hand out to grab at any fur he can reach. Your fathier welcomes his touch and yours as well. He’s just as soft as you remember and his eyes look bright and happy. 

You turn around to glance at your husband, a watery smile on your face. They run free because of Ben’s big ol’ heart.

Running your fingers through the fur on the fathier’s cheeks, you whisper, “I’m going to call you ‘Kylo.’”

“I beg your pardon,” Ben says, suddenly right next to you.

“You’re right,” you tell your husband, “it shouldn’t be Kylo. It should be Kylo junior.”

“Kylo junior,” he repeats with a glare.

“Yeah,” you grin. “He’s our first child, remember?” 

Unexpectedly, a sly smile spreads across Ben’s face. “Oh?” He asks, “You were that far gone for me already? Wanting my babies? Secretly naming our adopted child after me?”

Dissatisfied with the sudden turn in conversation, you give your attention back to Kylo junior.

“I bet you fell in love with me from the moment you saw me,” your Supreme Leader teases. “Come on, sweetheart, you can tell me.”

Your lips are pressed into a firm line as you scratch your fathier’s velvety ears.

Ben wraps his arm around your waist from behind, his other one supporting your hold on James. “I fell in love with you that day,” he confesses. “When you hugged me... it felt like being electrocuted, like you brought me back to life. Have I ever told you that?”

You look over your shoulder at him, “You haven’t.”

“No one had ever been so unafraid in my presence before. I’d only ever felt hate, terror. But you...” he laughs, and you can feel the brilliant smile on his face, “you found me attractive.”

You snort, “Well, I do have eyes.”

“And you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” He lowers his voice, “You still are.”

“Sweet talker.”

He nuzzles your temple and whispers, “Then you- you _thanked_ me, hugged me. And, fuck, if that wasn’t the best thing I’d ever felt. It woke me up. I’d forgotten that I was allowed to feel good.”

Your throat hurts and you clench your jaw, trying your hardest not to cry.

“Then you loved me, you married me, and now... you’ve given me a family.” He grazes his lips across your cheekbone, “And you brought my old one back, too. I have _everything_ now and sometimes, I just can’t believe it.”

When you sniffle, Ben leans back, his gaze tender as he brushes your fallen tears with his thumb. You swallow around the lump in your throat, then tell him, “And you’ve given me everything. So much more than I ever dreamed I’d have.”

“Sweet little creature,” he says. “My sweet little Queen.”

James babbles and giggles, making you both laugh. He squeals happily, a big gummy smile on his face, when he sees that he has all the attention. You tickle his cheek with your fingertip and he lets out a delighted little sound.

Ben takes your chin in his hand and turns your face back to him. “I love you,” he says, then swoops in for a breath-stealing kiss. 

“I love you more.”

He narrows his eyes, “No, I love you more.”

“ _I_ love you more.”

“Oh, god,” Miles says from somewhere behind you, “they’re at it again.”

“Leave them be,” you hear LK say, voice laced with amusement.

When you peek around Ben, JD and all the Knights are standing under the tree, each holding an apple. The triplets, with their matching smirks, are the first to walk over to the fathiers and offer them treats.

Your bestie, though, looks wary, even as you call him over.

“This is Kylo Junior,” you tell him.

JD cautiously lifts his apple up and your fathier takes it enthusiastically, juice and bits of fruit landing back onto JD’s hand.

As soon as Kylo Junior is finished eating, JD shakes his hand out. “Well, that is enough of that,” he says. “It seems I am more fond of humanoids.”

James squeaks, mouth open with glee, opening and closing his little fists towards his godfather.

“Yes, Yes, baby Jedi,” JD says sweetly, taking James into his arms.

The rest of the fathiers have now scattered around the open plains, grazing and picking apples, rubbing their sides against each other lovingly.

“Come on, Mrs. Solo,” Ben says, lacing your fingers together. “We can come back tomorrow.”

You give Kylo Junior one last scratch behind the ears and a kiss to his cheek. “See you tomorrow?”

Your fathier bumps his nose to your cheek before galloping off to his friends, leaving your heart tender and bursting with jubilation.

The Knights are raucously talking and roaring with laughter as you all walk back to the transport. Nowadays, it’s the sound you hear the most- _laughter_ \- and it‘s remarkable, marvelous, _wondrous_.

That life could be this way... it still astounds you.

In the evening, after you and Ben have placed your matching lightsabers side by side on a dresser and after you’ve all changed into your pajamas, you sit on a big lounger that looks out onto the balcony, at the beautifully setting sun. You run your fingers through your Supreme Leaders soft curls as he rests his head in your lap, James fast asleep on Ben’s stomach.

Your husband whispers your name. When you look down, his radiant expression makes your breath catch in your throat. “I love you,” he says.

He reaches up and traces your smile with his fingertips. You ask, “How much?”

Ben chuckles and you can feel his answer before he says, “More than anything in the universe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤ And they lived happily ever after! ❤
> 
> And finally! The Hux strip club story 🤣
> 
> That's all, folks! 😘😘
> 
> I can't believe it's over! I had sooooooo much fun writing "Salvage" and reading all your wonderful (and sweet and funny) comments! I couldn't have done it without everyone's encouragement and I am incredibly grateful!
> 
> I hope the ending I wrote for our little Reader and soft Supreme Leader Kylo was extra sweet and satisfying. This whole story was self indulgent fluff and I thank every single one of you for enjoying it with me!
> 
> For almost a year, this story was something that brought me so much happiness. And I'm honored that there were readers who also felt that way!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me all these months! I love you all so much! 🥰
> 
> Until my next fluff!

**Author's Note:**

> Soft Kylo is what I live for.
> 
> I will also make things up about Star Wars, so please forgive me.
> 
> Stay tuned for more handsome space prince, Kylo!


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